Wedding Day Jokes
100 wedding day jokes and hilarious wedding day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wedding day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wedding Day Short Jokes
Short wedding day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wedding day humour may include short wedding jokes also.
- My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a french alliance.
- Cake joke for my cake day! Was at a wedding today and it was so beautiful everyone started crying.
Even the cake was in tiers. - I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
- I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
- I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
- It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"... I said "Its a scarf"...
- I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..
- It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania... ..and clicked 'add to cart'
- I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
- Girlfriend: "Honey, would you give me a ring on our wedding day?" Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
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Wedding Day One Liners
Which wedding day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wedding day? I can suggest the ones about wedding ceremony and wedding anniversary.
- What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding? Eye dew.
- What do you call Leonardo DiCaprio and his fiance on their wedding day? Bride and Groomer
- How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him
- Why was Linda so mad on her wedding day? Her soon to be husband forgot how to groom.
- Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already.
- Its like rain on your wedding day. Standing at a bus stop explaining irony to your wife
- What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring. - I was really craving rice the other day but I didn't have any So I went to a wedding
- What did the mittens say on their wedding day? I glove you.
- What did Mr. Cena's fiancée say on their wedding day? No, John! *You* can't see *me!*
Wedding Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wedding day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean groom wedding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wedding day pranks.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approaches the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor, and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passes the minister a $100 bill and walks away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulps, looks around, and says in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leans toward the pastor and hisses, "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor puts a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispers, "She made me a better offer."
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
simple
it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
There was this man who had a dog.
Every Sunday morning at 4:30 AM the man and the dog would go fishing.
One day, the man fell in love and got married.
After the wedding, when the man and the woman got in bed together, the man turned to the woman.
"Tomorrow is Sunday and every Sunday morning, me and my dog go fishing at 4:30 AM. We'd like you to come along."
"And what if I don't want to come along?" the woman asked impatiently.
"Well then, sweetie, we'll just have to have buttsex."
With that, the man rolled over and fell asleep, and left the woman pondering.
"God, I hate having the buttsex, but I also hate getting up so early. I'll have to think about this more."
In the morning, the woman could hear the man going downstairs to get the dog.
It was much too early for the woman to get up so she decided to wait for the inevitable buttsex.
She waited for about half an hour and fell back asleep, thinking her husband had left already.
She awoke to the man, pulling on her arm.
"Have you made your decision?" he asked
"Yes," she replied. "I do not want to go fishing."
True to his word, the man pulled down his pants.
"By the way, what took you so long to come upstairs? It usually doesn't take that long to get Sparky up."
"I know," the man said. "He didn't want to go either."
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”
One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.
The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks:
Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn."
I also in payoff on f**... days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.
They say her wedding day is the happiest day of a woman's life, and she wears white...
So why does the man wear black on his wedding day?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tiger Wood's wedding day.
On Tiger's wedding day he approaches his wife and asks a favour of her. He says to her 'as long as we are married you cannot look in this cardboard box'. Being her wedding day she agrees to the strange request without hesitation.
5 years later his wife is cleaning the house when she stumbles across the box and curiosity gets the better of her and she peeks inside. She finds 3 crushed beer cans and $1000 in cash.
At dinner that night she asks Tiger about the box. he replies 'well I suppose you deserve to know every time I cheated on you I put a can in the box' she replies 'well considering your s**... addiction I guess I can forgive you for 3 times but why the money?'
'Well' he replied 'every time the box got full I cashed it in'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So an engaged couple die in a car c**......
A very tragic occasion merely a week before their wedding, they were sorely missed by their family. Shortly after their deaths, they meed St. Peter, guarding the pearly entrance to heaven. They were both good people, led fulfilling lives, and so he has no problem letting them in to heaven, and even states that they are free to live together in heaven, encouraging them to get married. After a few days of life there, free of their earthly problems, they decide they want to take up the offer and seal the bond. They have several days of happiness, have great s**..., and love each-others company. However after a few days, they get kinda bored, and decide to ask St. Peter for a new TV. Peter grants them their wish, telling them:
"This is Heaven, you can have whatever you want!"
So they watch their new TV happily together for several days, until they find that they, once again are bored. They decide on sports, and return to St. Peter. They tell him they want to get basketball lessons. He agrees, and after searching for several days, finds a basketball player to teach them to play. They have tons of fun playing basketball together for a while, until they get bored and realize that they just arent for each other. They return to St. Peter with the request to get divorced. He says
"Gee, thats kinda tough. It was hard enough finding a basketball player, I doubt theres 1 lawyer up here!"
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
4 MBA students went out on a night before their exam and were boozing hard.
They did not study for the test and thought of a plan to escape. So they went to their dean looking weary and worn out, their dresses covered in grease and dirt.
They told their dean that they had all gone to a wedding the previous day and while coming back their car tire had blown up. So they had to push the car all way back to the hostel as there was no help available on the way. So they said that they were not in a position to write the test that day and asked him to conduct a retest later.
The dean being a kind man he was asked them to come to a retest 3 days later.
The boys were very happy and went to prepare in full swing.
After 3 days the dean asked them to come for the test.
The dean said that the test had 2 questions for 100 marks.
He said that they had to write the test in separate rooms.
As the boys had prepared well they agreed. The test went as follows.
TEST
Q.1 Write your name
Q.2 Which tire burst?
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a wedding and a f**... have in common?
At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
All good kitchen appliances come in white. (Don't hurt me)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
She Knows Why
**boy whispering to mum during wedding**
Boy: "Mummy?"
Mum: "What?
Boy: "Why is the lady dressed in white?"
Mum: "Because this is her happiest day in her life"
Boy: "... So Why is the man dressed in black?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my wedding ring the other day
Had a quick check under the sofa but wasn't really that bothered until the missus came home and told me to look harder.
So I got a tattoo and s**... my head but I still couldn't find it.
A 70 year old man buys his wife a present
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?
Because Wednesday is h**... day.
I was driving through a woodland area the other day and accidentally hit a stag
It really spoiled the wedding
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
Free Tickets to the US Open
My buddy gave me two tickets to the US Open but I realized I am getting married that day. If anyone wants to take my place, the wedding is at St. Paul's Church and her name is Emily
Boy and Mom funny conversation
Boy whispers to his mom during a wedding
Boy: Mommy?
Mom: What?
Boy: Why is the girl dressed in white?
Mom: Because this is the happiest day of her life.
Boy: so why is the boy dressed in black?
Guys, if anyone is interested, a friend of mine got an invitation to the 2017 Berlin Marathon for Christmas. But it's the same day of his wedding. So if anyone wants (and is able) to go, everything is paid.
St. Mary's church @ 6pm. Bride's name is Lisa.
Just go there, get married and you're done.
On her wedding day...
Your soon-to-be wife is focused on three things: the aisle, the altar, and you. That then becomes her lifelong mantra.
Aisle altar you.
Super bowl tickets
A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5' 6", about 120 lbs., good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress."
*this was forwarded to me by my dad just now, never heard before, thought was worthwhile for a chuckle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her student a question...
"if there's two birds on a power line and somebody shoots one of them, how many birds are left?"
" Zero" the boy said "the others would have flown away"
"Actually the correct answer is two" said the teacher "but I like where your heads at."
The boy came back to school next day and asked the teacher a question. "If there's three women sitting on a bench eating ice cream and one is l**... their ice cream, one is chomping on theirs and the other is s**... on theirs, which one is married?"
The teacher answered "the woman s**... her ice cream."
The boy replied "actually it's the one with the wedding ring but I like where your heads at."
A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.
My parents decided to have a Nirvana-Themed wedding
Then again, shotgun weddings were all the rage back then.
Disclaimer: 8371 days is long enough.
What does a Hopi give to his wife on their wedding day that's long and hard?
His last name. (very ethnocentric joke)
On my wedding day, I walked down the aisle with my back to the altar
I really wasn't looking forward to getting married.
Wonder Woman marries Optimus Prime and gets pregnant on their wedding night.
So I guess there's gonna be a guaranteed free delivery in 2 business days.
Dad texts his son before his wedding
A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies:
"I know."
Tom is attending his best friend's wedding
So, he started preparing for the wedding.
He bought the perfect gifts, the perfect shoes and all, went to the best barber, got everything right except for his suit.
He went to many stores, yet he couldn't find what he was looking for.
2 days before the wedding, Tom travels to Europe, goes to France, Italy, Germany, you name it, but he can't find the perfect suit.
2 more hours to the wedding, Tom is going around at his hometown, but no luck.
He finally goes home, looking disappointed and broken.
His mother felt sorry for him, but his dad wasn't.
Mother: why don't you help your son find what he's looking for?
Father: nah, don't worry about Tommy, he'll figure.
I was at a wedding and told the groom this is a BIG day, a once in a lifetime thing... He replies, I hope so...
A teenage boy and his grandfather were fishing one day.
While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The boy acknowledges this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around today. The teen says, "Gramps, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with too many kids when you were young did they?" The grandfather replies, "Nope." The teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for birth control?" The old guy replies, "A wedding ring."
A husband's new wife really wants...
A husband's new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.
So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
At the checkout counter, the cashier looks at his condoms and dramamine and asks, If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?
So I bought my nation's world cup match tickets
But cause i'm unlucky the match will be held on the same day as my wedding, so if anyone is interested go to Hilton hotel, Her name is Elizabeth.
Can you help out my friend?
A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.
Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.
My mate has two tickets for the England vs Croatia game on Wednesday
He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah
Wedding day and birthday
This married couple have a wedding day that is on the same day as the wife's birthday. When asked about it, the wife said:
"It's because he convinced me to. He said it's to make the most important day of my life twice as important as any other normal wedding day. I'm happy that he's the one I'm married to."
The husband, when asked the same question:
"It's easier to remember the date that way."
A joke I came up with the other day
Two hedgehogs were at a wedding. One of the hedgehogs asked if the other would like to dance with him.
The other hedgehog responded, Sure, but I might poke ya,
Ronald's wife wets the bed every day since their first wedding anniversary.
This information has been leaked.
On the day I got married, at the ceremony, I stood up and tapped my glass for everyone to be silent.
I held up a fruit and said nothing, scanning the crowd for any sign of pleasure.
All I got was a series of blank expressions, and I could feel my animosity growing as I searched each person, then the next.
"What's wrong with you all?" I finally shouted. "I thought you guys would love my wedding's peach!"
What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?
A. I'm so happy you managed to get the day off school today
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day at work some friends were talking about the s**... they had on their wedding night.
First friend said 'oh we enjoyed it a lot, we did it 6 times and tried different positions each time.'
Second said 'that's nothing, we did it almost 13 times till I was completely dry and exhausted'
They asked the third guy about his wedding night, he replied that they did it only once and slept.
Both friends started laughing hysterically and asked why.
He calmly replied 'she wasn't used to it'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are three different stages of marriage, said Dad to his son on the boy's wedding day.
When you're newlyweds, you have s**... wherever and whenever you want it. Then comes stage 2. After you've been married for some time, s**... is usually confined to the bedroom. And then comes stage 3. The most s**... you get is when you pass each other on the stairs and say 'Fuck off!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A truck driver sees a n**... man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
It's ironic that rain on your wedding day is a poor example of irony.
And a free ride when you've already paid isn't any better.
Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.
Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.
The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.
Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.
[Better when spoken aloud:] A young man is nervous about his wedding night.
On the day of the wedding, he asks his dad what he should do. "It's easy, son. Just kiss her on the navel and tell her you love her."
So, that night, the newlyweds remove their clothes and get on the bed. The young man leans down, gently kisses his bride on the navel and says "I love you!"
"Lower!" she says.
\[In a bass voice:\] "I love you, I love you!"
Dad: Son, congratulations. Im sure you will remeber today as the happiest day of your life.
Son: Thanks dad! But wedding is tomorrow.
Dad: I know.
I was disappointed when it didn't snow on my wedding day...
But I did get 8 inches on my honeymoon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke of the day
Teacher: "Billy if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?"
Billy: "none the others flew away"
Teacher: "the awanser is 4 but I like the way you think"
Billy: "i have a question for you miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 l**..., 1 biting and 1 s**.... Which one is married?"
Teacher nervously awansers: the one s**...
Billy: the awanser is the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think
Thereʻs nothing ironic about rain on your wedding day.
It's normal for a couple to have a bridal shower.
Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm
One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.
If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!
It is at Manchester registry office at 2pm. The brides name is Nicola, she is 28, 5f 6 tall, a bit of a looker and a good cook.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Straight to controversial, I know.
What did the millennial get on his wedding day?
A participation trophy wife.
Tom lost a foot in a traffic accident.
Years later, he fell in love with Mary. Tom didn't tell Mary his disability, worrying that she might leave him.
Tom loved Mary so much that he proposed to her and she said yes.
The next day after the wedding, Mary called her mother angrily : " My husband has only one foot "
Her mother calmly replied :" Your father has only 6 inches ."
Honey, am I fat?
"No darling! You are not fat. You're skinnier than on the day of our wedding."
"Honey I'm hungry, can you carry me to the fridge?"
"Just a second darling. I'll bring the fridge to you."
Old Man Jack married an old maid
Life had been hard on old Ethel. But they were truly in love, and their families agreed it was best for them to live out their final days in joy.
On their wedding night, Jack lay on the bed and watched his new bride undress.
She took out her glass eye and placed it in a velvet case.
Next, she removed her false teeth and put them in a glass of water.
Taking off her wig, she placed it on a small bust on the dresser.
She removed her prosthetic leg, and stood it beside the chair.
Jack finally spoke: "When you get to the part I'm waiting for, just toss it over."
Buddy bought Superbowl tickets
A good buddy of mine has 2 Super Bowl tickets, 40 yard line box seats 20 rows up. He paid $4,500 each but he didn't realize when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. Probably because of the extra game this year.
If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place...It's at Calvary church in San Clemente at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, very flexible and a decent cook too.
She'll be in the white dress.
Super Bowl tickets!
Last minute I realize but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Inglewood, CA at SOFI stadium Tomorrow.
They are box seats that he spent $8,500 a piece for which includes a ride from the airport, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's church at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about a 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.