Wedding Anniversary Jokes
66 wedding anniversary jokes and hilarious wedding anniversary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wedding anniversary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Wedding Anniversary Short Jokes
Short wedding anniversary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wedding anniversary humour may include short marriage anniversary jokes also.
- My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I'll never hear the end of it.
- It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"... I said "Its a scarf"...
- It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania... ..and clicked 'add to cart'
- My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
- Save money instantly by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
- Today is my parents 44th wedding anniversary! And all I can think it is… Why did they get married so many times?
- I set my alarm clock password to me and my wife's wedding anniversary Needless to say, I haven't slept in weeks.
- An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.
- My wife and I just celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary My wife says it's the best 10 years of her life...
- I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today... Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
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Wedding Anniversary One Liners
Which wedding anniversary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wedding anniversary? I can suggest the ones about anniversary and anniversary gift.
- How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
Entertaining Wedding Anniversary Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about wedding anniversary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anniversary present jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wedding anniversary pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man goes into Victoria's Secret and tells the sales-person behind the counter he needs a present for his wife. "See," explains the man, "It is my fiftieth wedding anniversary and I would like to get something pretty to surprise the little lady, if you know what I mean." When he gets home, his wife asks with a scowl on her face, "Where have you been?" "Surprise," says the old man and hands her a s**... tiny teddy. The wife rips it from his hand and takes it to the bathroom to try it on. She struggles to make it fit, but it is two sizes too small. She take a long time in the bathroom and hopes her husband will lose interest and fall asleep because it is getting late into the evening. Finally she emerges from the bathroom with all the lights out. She is completely n**... and pretends to model it in front of him. Her husband, still sitting up, squinting to try and see finally says, "For as much money I spent on it, they could of at least ironed out the wrinkles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration.
Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want s**..., and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I'm all for compromise, so we should have s**... outback of the church.
A man and a woman have just had their 50th wedding anniversary.
The husband turns to his wife and asks, "What do you want to do to celebrate our anniversary dear?" She replies, "Let's run upstairs and make love." He turns to her and says, "Well make up your mind, we can't do both!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?”
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
“Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"
The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was asked for his secret to a long lasting marriage...
**"Well, i took my wife to Italy on our honeymoon."** *"so what are you guys doing for your 20th wedding anniversary?"*
**"Im going back to get her."**
A very elderly couple...
A very elderly couple is having their 75th wedding anniversary. The man said to his wife "Dear there is something that i must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child has never looked quite like the rest. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer could not take all of that away. But, I must know did he have a different father?" The wife drops her head unable to look her husband in the eye and then confessed. "Yes he did." The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife had said had hit him harder than he expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?" Again the woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally she says to her husband, "You."
Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.......
they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."
Two lovers get romantic on the night of their wedding.
The newly wed lady blushes and asks, "Honey, where will you take us for our honeymoon?"
"I will take you to the farthest islands of the Caribbean!"
"Really? And what would you do on our 25th anniversary?", asks the wife, now blushing even more.
"I will bring you back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An older couple on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary
An older couple is sitting down to breakfast on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says "Honey, we were wild and crazy when we were newlyweds. What do you suppose we were doing on the morning after we were married 50 years ago?"
The husband says "We were probably sitting around n**... at the breakfast table."
"Why don't we do that now? You know...for old times sake?" says the wife. The husband agrees and they both s**... and sit back at the table.
The wife leans over and says "Honey, my n**... are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago."
The husband says "Of course they are. One's in your oatmeal and the other's in your coffee."
Wedding anniversary
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Choices and Consequences
A man and his wife are having dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. Suddenly the man bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the wife asks.
"I was just thinking," the man says, "about when I asked you to marry me. Your father came to me and said 'I know about all that money you embezzled from work. If you don't marry that ugly daughter of mine, I'm turning you in." The man cries harder as he says "And if I'd turned him down I'd be a free man now!"
A husband and wife, both 86 years old, get interviewed by the local paper
for the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary. The journalist asks the woman what she hopes their future might hold, and she says
"Oh, I'd like for us to live to 100 together."
The journalist asks the man, who says
"I hope to live to 101."
"Why's that?" asks the journalist.
"All I want is to have one year of peace and quiet."
30th Anniversary
A man decides to buy flowers for his wife for their 30th wedding anniversary. He walks in the door and finds rose petals leading to the bedroom. Curious he walks in and finds his wife spread eagle on the bed in a brand new negligee. "What's all this about?" he asks. In her sexiest voice she says, "Well, I knew you would bring home flowers like you always do. This is for the flowers."
"Don't be silly," he says, "I'm sure we have a vase for these somewhere."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a nice Italian couple . . .
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands'
marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was
approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to
treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka
her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'
The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary?
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go p**... her up."
It was Frank and Diane's 10th wedding anniversary...
...and Diane told Frank that if there wasn't something sitting in the driveway that goes from 0-60 in 3 seconds when she got home from work, she would file for divorce. When Diane arrived home from work, she saw a box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she got out of her car and opened it only to find a scale. Frank has been missing since Friday.
A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary....
A couple are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary when the husband asks his wife if she's ever been unfaithful.
"Three times," answer the wife. "Remember when you needed money to start up your business and no one would give you any? Well I slept with the bank manager to secure you a loan."
"You made that sacrifice for me?" asks the astonished husband. "That was wonderful of you. What was the second time?"
"Remember that operation you needed that no one would perform because it was too dangerous? Well, I slept with the surgeon so he'd do it."
"Oh my God," says the husband. "You saved my life. And what was the third time?"
"Well," says his wife, "Remember when you wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 52 votes short...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese anniversary
A Chinese couple is celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. The husband says, "Since this is such a special night for us, I'll make love to you however you'd like." The wife replies, "Oh, all my friends tell me they love 69! Let's do 69 tonight!" The husband says, "You want to make love with sweet & sour pork??"
A 70 year old man buys his wife a present
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to visit his elderly parents...
It's the day after their 63rd wedding anniversary. The guy says to his dad, "Hi Pops. Did you take mom somewhere nice for your anniversary yesterday?".
"Oh yeah," replies the dad, "it was great. The food was delicious, the service was great, and they brought us a bottle of champagne on the house when we mentioned it was our anniversary!"
"Wow, that does sound great," says the son, "what was the place called?"
"Oh jeez," replies the dad, hand to his forehead "d**... if I can remember. What's that flower? The one with lots of petals, pink or red? It has a lovely scent?"
"Rose?" the son says
"That's it!" the old man exclaims. He turns his head and shouts "ROSE? ROSE?! WHAT WAS THE PLACE WE ATE AT YESTERDAY CALLED?!"
Did you hear about the couple who went on a second honeymoon to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary?
This time it was his turn to sit on the edge of the bed and cry because it was too big.
Marriage jokes
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, 'Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?' Her husband replies, 'Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.'
Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary.
If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now.
For our 10th wedding anniversary, my wife wanted me to surprise her.
But when i introduced her to my mistress, she got very angry.
There really is no pleasing some people.
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
What did the Queen buy Camilla for her wedding anniversary?
A weekend in Paris and a chauffeur-driven Mercedes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary
So we threw them a g**....
My buddy said, "It's me and my wife's tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together."
I replied, "Sounds good to me! What're you going to tell your wife though!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old couple celebrates their 50th anniversary
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.
Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, n**... as jaybirds, 50 years ago."
Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get n**...?"
The two immediately s**... to the buff and sit back down at the table.
You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My n**... are still just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago."
I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
Ronald's wife wets the bed every day since their first wedding anniversary.
This information has been leaked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal.
My wife going to be so surprised to have a t**... with my mistress!
A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
"We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays."
Why does Chinese husband throw away his wedding ring?
Because his wife wants a dumpling for their anniversary dinner.
I asked my wife if she wanted to renew our wedding vows for our anniversary.
She said "two wrongs don't make a right."
Wife: It's our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?
Wife: It's our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate? -
Husband: With a minute of silence.
wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Wedding Anniversary
*Two old friends were talking*
"When I and my wife made 25 years of marriage I took her on a trip to Japan"
"Really? And what are you going to do to celebrate your 50 years wedding anniversary?"
"I'm bringing her back"
Italian Anniversary
At the church's husbands' marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th
wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to
stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I've-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 20th-a anniversary!
The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."
Bob was in trouble...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Old Couple Sat Down To Eat Breakfast
Wife: Honey, do you know what today is?
Husband: I believe it is our 50th wedding anniversary.
Wife: Thats right. Do you remember what we were doing right now 50 years ago?
Husband: We were sitting at this very table, eating breakfast n**....
Wife: Thats right. Want to do it again?
Husband: Sure.
*both remove clothes and sit back down*
Wife: Honey, my b**... are as hot as they were 50 years ago.
Husband: Yes they are, one is in your coffee and one is in your oatmeal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says
John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well continued Joe they next morning his wife woke up walked out side and saw a big box with a ribbon so she opened it and saw a new set of bathroom scales and John hasn't been seen since
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up on the morning of her wedding anniversary and her husband wasn't there.
It was 2.00am and she was concerned. She searched the house until finally she found him in the basement sobbing uncontrollably.
She tried to comfort him and asked, "honey, what's the matter? "
Between sobs he answers, "Do you remember when your dad the cop caught us, underage, making out in your room?
And he threatened that if I didnt marry you immediately he would make sure I got 20 years in jail?"
"Yeah, I remember," she answered.
He sobbed, "I would have gotten out of jail today...."
Bob was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob's anniversary
Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck's engine started sputtering and died on the road.
Bob was fairly mechanical, so he figured he could fix the problem. He couldn't. Just to top it off, his cell phone was dead. and he couldn't call for help.
He slowly began to realize that he was stuck between a dock and a card place.
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration...
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary
His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Key to a successful marriage
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband was asked what was the secret to their marriage. He replied, When we first got married, we agreed that I would make all the big decisions and she would make all the small decisions. So far it's been all small decisions.
Maurice and Sadie were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary by having a meal at a restaurant with their friends.
Maurice looked unhappy, so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, asked him what was wrong.
"Do you remember on our fifth anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?"
"Yes," answered Michael, "I said you would get twenty years in jail."
"Well," said Maurice, "I would have been a free man tonight."
