Comical Wed Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how g**... you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
A newly wed bride asks her husband
Why didn't you tell me you are broke before we got married? He replies: I always told you that you are my EVERYTHING!
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed
A newly wed couple on their honeymoon night are in the bedroom getting undressed when she says.
"Darling, now that we are married, I have a little confession to make, I was a h**... before we met, are you OK with that"
He replies "Of course I am darling, we hadn't met then and to be honest it turns me on,so tell me more
She says "Well, my name used to be Brian and I played for St. Helens"
The Princess of Potatoes has to marry
King Tater instructs his daughter to choose a noble potato to wed.
The princess says, "Father, I have chosen. I want to marry Rachel Maddow."
"I WON'T HAVE IT!" yells King Tater in a fury.
"But Father, I never knew you would be homophobic," said the princess.
"It's not that!" said the king. "It's that she's only a commentator."
Confessions of a newly wed.
On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn't sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she's been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, I have a confession.
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, Darling, so do I.
Recoiling, he says, Don't tell me - you've eaten my socks.
Ode to Hillary
Ode to Hillary
There was a crooked woman, and she wore a crooked smile
She found a crooked dollar and she dodged a crooked trial
She bought a crooked server, and wed a crooked spouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house
A newly wed couple...
Husband: Hun, I have a huge problem.
Wife: Stop saying it's yours, we are married it's OUR problem now.
Husband: I got your best friend pregnant, we are the parents!
Newly wed 70-year old
Marty is with his fellow septuagenarian friends. During a thoughtful pause between all the joking and grousing he reveals that he and his new bride are having some issues with s**.... The friends had previously warned Marty that his bride-to-be only wanted him for his money and now they rallied around him.
"You lied by saying that you're only 50 years old. And now she's disappointed that you have s**... infrequently," ventured a friend.
"Yes, I lied," Marty confessed. "I said that I was 90 years old. And now she's upset that it's in frequently."
> mandatory: this is not mine; not OC
Two lovers get romantic on the night of their wedding.
The newly wed lady blushes and asks, "Honey, where will you take us for our honeymoon?"
"I will take you to the farthest islands of the Caribbean!"
"Really? And what would you do on our 25th anniversary?", asks the wife, now blushing even more.
"I will bring you back."
The Wedding Night
In a party, the manager proudly said that he did it 7 times with his wife on his wedding night.
Supervisor next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep on his wedding night.
All turned towards a newly wed and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night?
"Only once sir"
They all laugh and ask him WHY??
He replies "cause my wife wasn't used to it sir!!!!"
I Hear People can wed Rollarcoasters...
I bet their relationship has its ups and downs.
You can explore wed remarry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wed cowboy wedding dad jokes. There are also wed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why couldn't the two melons wed?
Because they can't elope.
A man and his wife have been recently wed, but the man's work calls for him to leave the country for six months...
Now,
What's the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman's parents?
One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.
A couple just had a wedding.
He wed the bed that same night.
What's black and white and wed all over?
i**... Marriage
