Weaving Jokes
24 weaving jokes and hilarious weaving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weaving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how to weave funny jokes into your conversations! In this article, you'll get tips on how to use basket weaving, drivers and yarn to create jokes that will have everyone in stitches. Find out how to weave jokes cleverly and effectively to make everyone laugh!
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Funniest Weaving Short Jokes
Short weaving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weaving humour may include short knitting jokes also.
- I inherited a magic device that floats in the sky and weaves magic carpets. You might say it's a family air loom.
- I grew up in a family of potters. I told my dad "I don't want to make pots anymore, I want to make basket" and he was furious - he was going to kick me out.
He said "go. Weave." - I was weaving dangerously in the middle of the road this morning… I really should find a safer place to finish this wicker basket…
- Driving home earlier I saw a young couple weaving all over the street. I told them 'Go get a loom'
- I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much. I told the cop it's my first time knitting, so I'm pretty slow at it.
- A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people He had a real basket case on his hands
- If single life is hard don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to weave through all the plastic
- Did you hear about the Smiths' tradition of carving the names of the people next in line to the family fortune into their old weaving machine? It's a family heirloom.
- Dad, I don't want to make pots anymore. I want to make baskets. Weave this house immediately!
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Weaving One Liners
Which weaving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weaving? I can suggest the ones about juggling and spinning wheel.
- Why did the spider start playing the accordion? To weave beautiful melodies into its web.
- What did Gandalf say to Elrond as he watched him make a basket? There Hugo Weaving again.
- If you hear, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave" There's usually a looming problem.
- I saw a drunk couple weaving all over the place I shouted, "get a *loom*!"
- What's a boxing hair stylist's speciality? Bob and weaves
- What do you call Steve Harvey with hair? Weave Harvey
- Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice Arachnophilia.
- I can't morally support unnatural hair. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and weave.
- What should you do when your mother in law is weaving towards you? Shoot again.
Great Weaving Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about weaving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sailing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weaving pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Here's one my grampa told me when I was a small boy.
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. "Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Pulled Over
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew the breathalyzer and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She turned red, and replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"
Textile Mill Heist
Earlier today police apprehended a criminal who had loaded an industrial-sized loom and 10 cubic meters of wool onto a truck in an attempted robbery of a local textile factory.
Police became suspicious of the truck when they noticed the driver weaving all over the road.
A cop saw a car weaving all ov
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."
