Weather Jokes
155 weather jokes and hilarious weather puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weather that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughing in the face of blustery weather with these hilarious weather jokes, from a weather-related pledge to a weather girl who's literally so hot! Enjoy puns about thunderstorms, cloudy days, and snowy weather. Whether it's your local meteorologist or your own outlook, laugh at the forecast with these funny weather jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Weather Jokes
- Weather One Liners
- Weather Man Jokes
- Cold Weather Jokes
- Bad Weather Jokes
- Weather Forecast Jokes
- Weather For Two Jokes
- More Weather Jokes
Funniest Weather Short Jokes
Short weather jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weather humour may include short winter jokes also.
- Did you hear about the chronic masturbator that was slightly under the weather? He's not feeling himself today.
- The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.
- I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
- What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
(I thought of this, hope it's original) - Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival? ...They're calling for a Lil Wayne
- In the UK most people complain about the bad weather... In the UK most people complain about the bad weather, but Queen Elizabeth managed to get through 70 years and 214 days of continuous reign.
- An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
On the other, they don't really help. - This hot weather... The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...
Although it does make me look a bit gay. - Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?' Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'
Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode - I've just been sacked as the weatherman at the local radio station Apparently I was too 'cheerful' when giving out the really bad weather reports!!!
That's it!! No more mist and ice guy.
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Weather One Liners
Which weather one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weather? I can suggest the ones about snow and daytime.
- I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday, I beat the raining champion.
- I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there" He spat on me and told me it's raining
- Vaginas are like the weather If its wet, its time to go inside.
- What do you call a fat doctor who can predict the weather? A meaty urologist.
- Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast? Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.
- When does it rain money? When there's change in the weather.
- What do women and the weather have in common? When it's wet, you should go inside.
- I made this one up today…. What is Santa's favorite weather? It's rain, dear!
- Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia? It's always Sunni!
- Why did they make economists? To make the weather guys look good.
- When does money fall from the sky? When there is a change in weather
Forgive me - What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common? It's either Sunni or Shiite.
- What was the weather like at the rap concert? There was a Lil Wayne.
- Why did the weather man's wife leave him? He promised nine inches but she only got three.
- Muslim weather is so unpredictable... It's either Sunni or Shiite.
Weather Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny weather man jokes and even better weather man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove? He said the weather man said it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it might be warm.
- What do the weather man and every other man have in common? They say it's going to be 10 inches, then end up only being 4 to 6.
- Weather man "it's impossible to have every season all in one week" Mother Nature: "Hold my beer"
- A father and son were out walking one humid summer evening Taking note of the weather, the son said, "Man, it sure is muggy out."
"Yeah," replied the father "I lost my wallet five minutes ago." - Tourist: what's the weather like on top of the mountain? Local: I don't know man, climate.
- In a tundra, a man was trying to shelter himself from the weather It was hurting like hail.
- Do you know what happened to the man who reported on dangerous weather, but his reports started to tell people to farm? His warnings went amish.
- Your local weather man is the same as every guy you meet at a bar. They tell you to expect 12" but you'll only get 3"
- What did the weather man get get he broke all his arms and legs? Four casts
- Did you hear about that new supervillain, The Weather Man? I hear he's taking the world by storm
Cold Weather Jokes
Here is a list of funny cold weather jokes and even better cold weather puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go. May weather won.
- Beggars are like mosquitos... You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.
- Ever hear about the Roman general who had a fit every time there was cold weather? Hail.. seizure
- As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold... I nodded knowingly. It's the early signs of typothermia.
- Whis is R. Kelly excited by all this cold weather? He kept hearing it was gonna be in the teens
- I don't get why everyone makes such a big deal about the cold weather. I'm out in it right now and I can't feel a thing!
- What do you call the Holy Father in cold weather? A popesicle.
- In Australia, there are only three types of weather: Too hot, too cold, too wet or a combination.
^(alternate: Total Fire Ban, Totally Flooded and Totally not gonna look outside; mate.) - #NotMyGroundhog Cold weather triggers me
- What do you call someone who hates cold weather? A southerner
Bad Weather Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad weather jokes and even better bad weather puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas? Eight bucks
Nine bucks if the weather is bad. - My granddad always used to say "there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing". I say "used to', he got hit by lightening.
- Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama. The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.
- How much does it cost Santa to ride his sleigh around the world? 8 bucks. Unless the weather is bad, then it's 9 bucks.
- The bad weather kept my friend Edward from going to work today He's Snowden
- The weather is so bad today, it's raining cats and dogs Maybe a PetSmart blimp wasn't such a good idea after all
- I think the ancestors of my family may have been British... ...I can spark up a conversation about bad weather faster than any other topic.
- How do you get over bad weather? Climate.
- The weather forecast is looking pretty bad over in Germany. There's a high chance of heil.
- Bad weather? FEMA representative: During the last storm did you receive any damage to your property?
Homeowner: Hail, yes.
Weather Forecast Jokes
Here is a list of funny weather forecast jokes and even better weather forecast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Todays weather forecast… S
O
e
S
H
W R
Scattered showers - As a child I was absolutely terrified of weather forecasters ..until I realised they weren't to scale.
- Snow in the forecast... ...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"
- Why are most weather forecasters men? Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.
- Meaty Urologist joke By the way, why are all the weather forecasts on television given by meaty urologists?
- The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog. I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".
- Have you heard that the weather forecast in Alabama now favors Roy Moore? It's expected to dip into the teens
- What's the hottest and coolest news program? The weather forecast
- This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers... and 80% bathtubs.
- Weather forecast for today: Partly sunny... ... partly moony.
Thanks mom for the corny joke to share on the internet.
Weather For Two Jokes
Here is a list of funny weather for two jokes and even better weather for two puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I get very annoyed when people mix up there, their, and they're. From now on I'm going two point it out weather they like it or not
- Two Muslim vampires are discussing the weather... Vampire 1: It's really Sunni outside.
Vampire 2: Shiite!
Courtesy of my 8-year-old. - What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries? It's either Sunni or s**...'ite
Fun-Filled Weather Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about weather you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meteorologist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weather pranks.
A weather report for you
I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"
His mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"
Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...
Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.
"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."
"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it s**...'ite?"
Northeast Weather
I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-s**... at 3AM...
Why does bill nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?
Because of the Nye Quill.
So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....
The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.
Air force weatherman
So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our b**... runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain."
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, "I'm in sales, not in management."
Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria?
Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite.
What's h**...'s favorite weather?
Heil
English Weather
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.
Did you know the weather is just like a Muslim?
It's either Sunni or it's Shiite.
A bucket goes to the doctor
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.
The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather forecaster says that you have -35!" "Ah, it's probably outside", friend replies.
Did you see the headline about Mayweather being afraid to go outside in the heat?
"Mayweather May Weather May Weather"
Why is the British weather like Islam?
Because it's either Sunni or s**...'ite
if a fat doctor gives you a vasectomy, why should you ask him about the weather?
because he's a meaty urologist!
Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original.
What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?
He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"
Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.
How do weathermen get up a mountain?
They climate
A Russian Couple
A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!
Lottery
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"
"Hail, h**..."
There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper
He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"
I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb...
...their weather machine seems to be working just fine
Irma has been blowing all over the city for a few weeks now.
But enough about your mom, let me tell you about the weather.
The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today.
It is expected to dip into the teens.
Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...
He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"
The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".
Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"
...
...
"It's horrible."
"Agree."
The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now
So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.
She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.
How are your parents? shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied: They're very well, thank you. Isn't the weather nice for this time of year?
It was civil war.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!
I just won the Lottery!'
Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'
My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?
I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"
And now we wait.
(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)
What's Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather?
p**... O'Furniture.
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...
"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."
I'm really worried about my wife and this weather
Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.
If this keeps up I might need to let her inside.
What do you call a fat weather man that studies p**...?
A meaty-urologist
Why did the weatherman blush?
He saw the climate change
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
What did Mrs. Claus said when Santa Claus asked how is the weather?
"It looks like rain dear!"
It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.
Iceberg
A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.
One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns to Antarctica. His best friend immediately takes notice of the amount of weight his friend lost while on vacation.
He says "you look amazing my friend, you really slimmed down! Was vacation everything you thawed it would be?"
A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18
The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.
What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?
A meaty-urologist
A man called the wrong number...
"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.
He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?
Cousin:- It's around -20C I would say.
Guy:- I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C.
Cousin:- Oh, well it might be outside.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife, "They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth."
He calls the guy and asks, "What's the weather like where you are?"
"It's around -20C I would say."
"I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C."
"Oh, well it might be outside."
I once entered a weather pun competition
I beat the raining champion.
What's your dogs name?
An elderly couple were outside one day enjoying the fine weather. The wife was sitting on the porch. The old man was in the yard playing with their dog. A little girl walked by and was delighted to see the dog and said, hello mister, I like your dog, what's its name.? The old man paused for second and said, uh what's the name of that pretty flower, it's red. The little girl says , you mean a rose? The old man says yeah that's it! And he looks towards the porch and yells, HEY ROSE, WHAT DID WE NAME THE DOG?
