weather Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious weather puns

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?

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Why is the British weather like Islam?

Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite

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A guy dies and wakes up on a beach.

Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him. "Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he says. The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl. He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole. The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan. "Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented... WhatΒ΄s that about?" "Oh," Satan says, "thatΒ΄s for the Christians, they want it that way."

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A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Meanwhile, Saint Peter and God are watching the wayward priest, and as he tees off God waves his hand and the ball flies straight and true all the way to the green, bounces once, and goes straight into the hole.

St Pete is confused and asks, "Why didn't you punish him?"

God responds "I did! ....who is he going to tell?"

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Did you hear about the chronic masturbator that was slightly under the weather?

He's not feeling himself today.

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The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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I submit to you, the only joke I have ever heard my father tell.

There are two trees in the forest; one a birch, one a beech. They have grown up together from saplings to fully grown trees. They always had a healthy rivalry going, arguing about everything from the weather to the composition of the soil. In their older years a little sapling started to sprout between them and the birch said:

"Hey, I bet you that's the son of a birch."

"No sir, you are mistaken. That is the son of a beech."

This went on back and forth for years, son of a birch, son of a beech. Until one day a woodpecker flew up to the top of the beech tree and started pecking. The beech tree said:
"Hey woodpecker, could you do us a favor. Me and Mr. Birch have a bet about that sapling down there. Could you check it out and tell us if it is a son of a beech, or a son of a birch. The woodpecker replies:

"No problem. I can figure this out for you guys."

The woodpecker flies down to the sapling, pecks at it for a minute, and flies up to the beech tree. The beech asks:

"So, what's the verdict? Is it a son of a birch, or a son of a beech?"

The woodpecker replies:

"I don't know what all your fuss was about, but that was the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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Jehovah's Witness

Sunday morning the weather was too bad to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when i heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said, "I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?"

With nothing else going on I said, "Come in and sit down."

We sat down, I offered him a cup of coffee and asked, "What would you like to talk about?"

The young man replied, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten this far."

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I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.

I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

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There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.

Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.

Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.

"Got no clue", he said.

I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"

He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."

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I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday,

I beat the raining champion.

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A pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take-off...

"Thank you for flying with us this morning.

The weather is....."

Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the mic, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! IT'S BURNING!!!"

A ghostly silence reigned.

He gets back on the microphone and says, "I sincerely apologize for the incident, but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap.. you should see my pants!"

One passenger shouts back, "WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE AND SEE OURS!!!"

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A man comes home and calls out to his wife, "Honey, pack your things. I've just won the lottery!" Excited, she responds "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"

"I don't care - just get the fuck out!"

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Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original.

What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

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I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there"

He spat on me and told me it's raining

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A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Anyone else experiencing bad weather?

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern tip of Connecticut. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the North wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival?

...They're calling for a Lil Wayne

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What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system

as usual to greet the passengers. He tells them their altitude, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather. He advises them to relax and have a good flight.
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his copilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All of the passengers hear it.
As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says, "Don't forget the coffee!"

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Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"

"Hail, Hitler"

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English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

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Last day of the job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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The postman retires

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Morals from a Pile of Shit

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing until he finally fell to the earth in a small barnyard. Almost frozen, unaware of where he was, a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was surely the end.

But, the manure began to warm him. Soon, his wings were completely defrosted. Warm and happy, able to breathe and able to move again, he started to sing out loud in joy. Just then, a large cat came by to investigate where these familiar sounds were coming from. Soon enough, the cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him.

~The Morals to this story?

*Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

*Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.

*And the most important thing? Well, if you're warm and happy in your nice steaming pile of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut!!!

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Pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take off.......

"Thank you for flying with us this morning.

The weather is....."

Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the loud speakers:

"Oh my God. OMG! OMG! This is going to hurt....Its burning"


A ghostly Silence reigned!

He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers:

"I sincerely apologise for the incident but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap...you should see my pants."


One passenger replies -

"Why don't you come here and see Our PANTS"!

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I'd like to say "Fuck this weather"

But I'm pretty sure it's under 18

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Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".

So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

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A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

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A man and woman have been married for fifty years

However, both find that they are struggling to remember things like the used to, so they decide to go to the doctor's. He sees them separately and tells them that they both have Alzheimer's. They are understandably upset by this news, but the husband turns to his wife and says "look, we are no different than yesterday! Tell you what, it is supposed to be lovely weather tomorrow, we will go to the beach like we used to."

She agrees and off they go the next day. They have a lovely time sunbathing, then the wife decides she wants an ice cream. The husband agrees and gets ready to get up when she says "wait, don't you want me to write it down for you so you don't forget?"

He replies "I'm not an idiot, I'm capable of remembering two ice creams!"

"Are you sure? I want nuts and sauces..."

"No," he said, "it is fine. I will see you soon." So he leaves.

The man is gone for hours and his wife is getting deeply concerned when he finally shows up again, two burgers in hand. She sees this, shakes her head and says "oh you idiot, you forgot the chips!"

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A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."
The class goes quiet and then little Billy stands up and asks "Teacher, do farts have lumps?"
The teacher confused says "no, why?"
Billy then says, "well then i definitely just shit my pants"

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An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves

On one hand, they are good for cold weather.

On the other, they don't really help.

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This hot weather...

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...

Although it does make me look a bit gay.

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A man wins the lottery..

And comes home and says to his wife, "Hey I won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

And his wife replies, "That's great! Should I pack for warm weather or cold weather?

The man replies, "I don't care, just get the hell out!"

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Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?'

Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'

Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode

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Vaginas are like the weather

If its wet, its time to go inside.

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The mailman's last day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Mailman's Last Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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[NSFW] What does a vagina and the weather have in common?

When its wet its time to go inside

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It was the Milkman's last day...

It was Greg the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!
When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All of this was just too wonderful for words."

He said, "But what's the dollar for"?

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said 'Screw him, give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

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Coast Clear

Ben in bed with his wife...


His wife's mobile phone rings at 3AM; Ben answers it, then angrily says, "Fuck off and call the weather office!"

Wife asks, "Who was that?"

He replies, "Some jerk askin if the coast was clear!"

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How national weather service predicts weather.

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied,
'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'

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A Russian Couple

A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!

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My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM...

Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?

Because of the Nye Quill.

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What's Hitler's favorite weather?

Heil

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So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....

The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.

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Joseph Stalin wakes up a beautiful sunrise...

The weather is perfect and he's feeling great.

*"Good morning, Comrade sun"*, Stalin says as he stares into the sky.

*"Good morning, Comrade Stalin, Glorious leader of the Revolution"*, the sun replies.

The hours pass and it's already afternoon.

*"Good afternoon, Comrade sun"*, Stalin says.

*"Good afternoon, Comrade Stalin. Father and protector of the World's workers"*, the sun replies.

Time flies and it's already evening.

Upon viewing a dramatic sunset, Stalin says, *"Good night, Comrade sun."*

*"Bugger off you cunt! I'm in the West now"*, the sun replies.

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SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.

"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".


Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."

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What is your most favorite vagina joke?

My contribution:

Q: Why is a vagina just like the weather?
A: When it's wet, it's time to go inside

Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a public restroom?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!

Vagina jokes are not funny. Period.

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There was this gentleman in Omaha

standing on the street corner.
A Young lady walks past and he says Tickle your ass with a feather
She goes What?
He calmly says Typical Nebraska weather
She agrees and walks on.
Another lady walks by and he states Tickle your ass with a feather
She says OK , so they walk on together.
Meanwhile there's a drunk waiting on a bus sees this and thinks , That's a pretty good way to pick up chicks. I think I'll give it a try
So he stands at the corner, a lady walks by and he says Stick a feather up your ass.
She says, What?
He wipes his brow and says Fuck it's hot out here

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The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now

So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.

She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.

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How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas?

Eight bucks


Nine bucks if the weather is bad.

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if a fat doctor gives you a vasectomy, why should you ask him about the weather?

because he's a meaty urologist!

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What do you call a weather joke with a bad punchline?

Anti-climatic.

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What's Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather?

Paddy O'Furniture.

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Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

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One morning, Harry wakes up..

...and goes downstairs into the kitchen. It's his birthday. It's the third day of the third month and Harry is thirty three years old. He notices that the kitchen clock has broken and stopped at 3:30am. On the radio, the weather announces that the temperature is 33 degrees. Opening the sporting section of his newspaper, he turns to page three; he sees that a horse called 'Triple Treble' is running in the 3.30. He rings up a bookmaker and puts Β£333 on it to win.
It comes in third.

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And the peanuts...please...

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob. All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says Don't forget the coffee!

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A man walks into a bar and sees an old man sitting by himself

He sits next to the man, who obviously already had a few and starts a conversation. The old man tells him:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"
The old man then leans in closer:
"but you fuck one sheep..."

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Coffee and A blowjob

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.

He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, 'What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.'

All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says 'Don't forget the coffee!'

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The Native American Weatherman

A director is shooting a movie in a desert near an Indian reservation. One day, a native american comes up to him and says "Rain today."

The director doesn't pay much attention, but towards the middle of the day, it rains. The director is now impressed, and instantly hires the native american to predict weather for him.

The cycle continues until the director is about to shoot the most important scene of the film. He asks the native: "What's the weather like today?" He says "Don't know."

"What? What do you mean you don't know?"

"Radio broken."

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A man walks into a bar...

...and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old Scottish guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man: "You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!" The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says: "but you fuck one sheep..."

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When does it rain money?

When there's change in the weather.

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A vagina is like the weather.

Once it's wet, it's time to head in


That's all folks.

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My granddad always used to say "there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing".

I say "used to', he got hit by lightening.

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So I'm riding on a plane.....

.....and the captain is talking to us on the loudspeaker about the weather and all of that stuff. He then proceeds to say, "You know what I could use? A blowjob and some coffee." without realizing the intercom is still turned on. The stewardess begins walking towards the cockpit to inform him that he left the intercom on, and I hear someone say, "Don't forget the coffee!"

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Sex and coffee

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and some great sex." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don't forget the coffee!"

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Plane Tragedy....

Co-pilot was welcoming the passengersΒ on the plane shortly after take off.Β "Thank you for flying with us this morning.Β The weather is....." When suddenlyΒ he starts screaming while he is stillΒ on the loud speakers.Β "Oh my God!" "OMG" "OMG"Β This is going to hurt....Its burning"Β A ghostly Silence reigned,Β He gets back on the microphone talking to the passengers.Β "I sincerely apologise for the incident but the air hostessΒ just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap...Β you should see my pants from the front"Β A passenger replies,Β "Why don't you come hereΒ and see our PANTS FROMΒ BEHIND"!

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Two old men are sitting in a field.

One turns to the other one and says, "You see that barn over there? That's a nice, sturdy barn. It could weather any storm Mother Nature throws at it. I built that barn with my own two hands, you know. Do they call me John the Barn Builder? No. No they don't." Next, John points to the fence next to the barn and says, "And look at that fence over there. It stretches for miles in either direction. Nothing is getting in or over that fence. I made that fence with my own two hands as well. Do they call me John the Fence Maker? No. No they don't." Finally, John turns towards a nearby lake and says, "And look at that lake. I must have caught every kind of fish imaginable in that lake. Probably spent more time on that lake than I have on dry land. Do they call me John the Fisherman? No. No they don't." John pauses. "But you fuck ONE goat..."

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I live in upstate New York

You know, normally I'd say "Fuck the Weather", but these days, I'm pretty sure it's way under 18.

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The weather and a pussy are similar in one regards

When it starts to get wet, it is time get inside.

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How do weathermen get up a mountain?

They climate

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God decides it's time for a vacation...

...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan."
"That could be nice," says God, "but I'm not really in the mood for such warm weather."
Another angel chimes in with a suggestion. "Well if not Mercury, how about Pluto?" (Yes, I realize it's no longer considered a planet, but it works for the joke so calm down). "You could go skiing, maybe hang out at the lodge and pick up a snow bunny."
"Oh I don't know," replies God. "That's maybe a bit too cold for my tastes and honestly I don't really enjoy skiing all that much."
A third angel says, "You know, sir, there's always Earth. The climate is nice and temperate plus the people love you down there."
"That is true," says God, "but I really don't think I should. The last time I went there I hooked up with that Mary chick and they still won't stop talking about it."

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A penguin takes a road trip

A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being a penguin, he's used to cooler weather, so he stops and buys himself a huge ice cream cone. He's eating the ice cream as fast as he can as he's walking around, but it's hot out, and a lot of it melted all over his hands and face. 20 minutes go by, and he heads back to the mechanic. When he gets there, the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin says "Nah, man, that's just some ice cream"

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A couple were walking in St Petersburg...

when they felt a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," said the man.

"No, I definitely think it's snowing," said the woman.

After arguing for about 20 minutes, the man says, "why don't we ask this Communist officer over here? He is always right!"

So they go up to the officer and say, "Officer Rudolph, what would you say the weather is right now? Raining or snowing?" to which Officer Rudolph replies, "It is definitely raining."

The man turns to his wife with a smile and says, "see, I told you, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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Lottery

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

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Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

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Why did they make economists?

To make the weather guys look good.

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A sailor walks into a bar

He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg.

The pirate tells him, "We were in the midst of a raging storm, a wave crashed over the deck and swept me off inter the sea. Before I was rescued, a shark swam up and bit off me leg!"

"That's quite the story" the sailor responds. "What about the hook?"

"Arr, we were boarding a vessel, swords were flying, and in the fray, I got me hand chopped off!"

"Wow, that's another impressive story. What's the story behind the eye patch?"

"It twas a beautiful day, while I was gazing up at the clear blue sky, a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!"

"You lost your eye to bird poop?" the sailor asks incredulously.

"Well," responds the pirate, "It twas the first day with me hook..."

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How do weathermen get up a mountain?

They climate.

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A couple decides to go on vacation.

A couple from London decides to go on a vacation together to Spain.
Due to a sudden change in the wife's work schedule the husband decides to fly first and the wife will join him a couple of days later.
As the husband arrives weather is great and he feels kind of bad for his wife still working at home so he immediately decides to send her a letter.

Unfortunately the letter by mistake gets sent to the grieving widow next door.
Being old and still in shock after just having lost her husband she opens up the envelope without looking at the address.

The letter read as following:
"Hi Honey! Just got down here and boy is it freaking hot.
Looking forward to seeing you when you arrive in a few days"

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When does money fall from the sky?

When there is a change in weather







Forgive me

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Kinda of a shitty joke but......

Shortly after a British Airways flight had
reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:


'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.
Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto .
The weather ahead is good, so we should have
a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on
the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared
you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally
spille a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should
see the front of my pants!'

One Irish passenger yelled...'For gods sake ........ You should see the
back of mine!!!'

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As a child I was absolutely terrified of weather forecasters

..until I realised they weren't to scale.

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One clear morning, a man wakes up early to go fishing...

... he got out of bed quietly so that he didn't wake his wife, put on his fishing clothes, grabbed his gear, hopped into his truck, and headed out towards the lake.

About halfway to the lake, the weather completely changed. It started to rain very hard, and there was even some thunder and lightning. The man said,

"Gee, this is awful weather to go fishing in. I might as well just go back home."

So the man drove back to house, put away his fishing gear, took off his clothes and crawled back into bed with his wife.

As soon as he entered the bed, his wife said to him, "Can you believe my husband is out fishing in this weather?"

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What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common?

It's either Sunni or Shiite.

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!

I just won the Lottery!'

Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'

The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'

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A farmer fixes his fence

A farmer comes home after having to repair a fence in the middle of a North Dakota winter.

"It's as cold as a gravedigger's ass out there!" he tells his wife.

A bit grumpy due to the poor weather, his wife replies: "How the fuck would you know how cold a gravedigger's ass is? You turning gay on me?"

The man considers her remark for a long moment.

"You're right honey, I should only talk about things I actually know about."

"It's as cold as a witch's tit out there."

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An Irish travel agent gives advice

So there is this Irish Travel Agent and he always tries to get people to go to and visit Ireland, this old woman asks him where she should go visit..so he starts talking about how great Ireland is and the lady says back, well " I don't like cold weather, the constant rain, and all the Catholics there. So the travel agent says back to her " Well ma'am then you should go to hell, its hot, it never rains and there are no catholics...

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How stock markets work!

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied,
'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'

This is how stock markets work!

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What was the weather like at the rap concert?

There was a Lil Wayne.

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Did you see the headline about Mayweather being afraid to go outside in the heat?

"Mayweather May Weather May Weather"

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Snow in the forecast...

...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"

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Why are most weather forecasters men?

Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.

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Northeast Weather

I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Just a good son taking care of his old dad

Late in the night, a mother hears noises in the lobby. she goes to check it out, and sees her son preparing to leave the house: "Where are you going so late and on this weather?"
"Well, i'm going to the whore-house"
"How dare you?! You are only 15 ! Get back to bed immediately !"
Aproximately an hour later, she hears noises in the lobby again. Goes to check it out, her son was there again: "Where the hell do you think you're going ?" "To the whore-house, mom !" "You just drop that umbrella and get in bed immediately !" "Well, i can't wait to see how dad's gonna get home in this rain !"

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Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

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Why did the weather man's wife leave him?

He promised nine inches but she only got three.

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Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain?

Because it's either Sunni or Shiite

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A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather forecaster says that you have -35!" "Ah, it's probably outside", friend replies.

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The thing I love most about this summer weather is the short shorts and tube tops..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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So there's this pig that's feeling under the weather.

So there's this pig that's feeling under the weather. He goes to the doctor and is like "Doc, I've been sick all week, you gotta help me." The doctor pauses for a moment, considering options, and finally says "Okay, this is an age old remedy. Here's what I need you to do. Before you go in your mud pile, I want you to fill it with salt and sugar. Then, lay in there like you usually would. Call me in a week and let me know how you feel."

So a week goes by and the pig calls the doctor. "Oh, so how are you feeling," asks the doctor. "Better?"

"Better?" exclaims the pig. "I'm cured!"

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My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)

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One morning, a man was feeling under the weather at work

so he told his boss that he's going home, since he's not feeling well.

His boss mentions that whenever he's not feeling well, he goes home and makes love to his wife, and that always makes him feel better. He recommends the employee try that and let him know.

The employee agrees and leaves work. Later that day, his boss sees him come back to work, so he asks him if his advice helped.

The employee responds that it did help, and that he's feeling a lot better, and by the way "You have a lovely house!"

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A bucket goes to the doctor

The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.

The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."

"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."

The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."

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Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...

He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"

The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".

Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"

...

...

"It's horrible."

"Agree."

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I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb...

...their weather machine seems to be working just fine

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Did you know the weather is just like a Muslim?

It's either Sunni or it's Shiite.

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How are your parents? shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied: They're very well, thank you. Isn't the weather nice for this time of year?

It was civil war.

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The freakin' weather

Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally.

One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the window and said, "Look, it's snowing."

Rudolph looked out and said very quickly, "No, I think it is just rain."

"I'm sure it is snow," insisted Gerald.

"And I am just as sure that it is rain," said Rudolph.

At this point Gerald turned to Peg to settle the argument. Peg looked out the window for a moment, then said, "What can I say? Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear."

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What does a Muslim and the English weather have in common?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

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What do the weather man and every other man have in common?

They say it's going to be 10 inches, then end up only being 4 to 6.

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The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today.

It is expected to dip into the teens.

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Inoffensive Muslim joke

What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common?



It's either Sunni or shiite

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Did you hear about the fat kidney doctor who could predict the weather?

She was a meaty urologist.

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When does it rain money?

When there is "change" in the weather

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Air force weatherman

So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our bombing runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain."
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, "I'm in sales, not in management."

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Today's weather is like Iran: sometimes Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.

I might be going to hell for this, but I thought it was kinda funny.

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Said to my wife Pack your suitcases I've won the lottery!

She said pack for hot weather or cold weather?

I replied I don't give a fuck just get out!

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Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.

"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."

"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it Shi'ite?"

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Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria?

Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite.

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Irma has been blowing all over the city for a few weeks now.

But enough about your mom, let me tell you about the weather.

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Vaginas are like weather

If it's wet, it's time to go in

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An older man is feeling a bit under the weather and goes to see the doctor.

His wife comes along, and after a full physical and a battery of tests, the doctor meets the two of them in his office. He makes small talk, tells the man he is fine, and then asks to speak with the wife privately. After the man leaves, the doctor turns to the wife and says, "Your husband is gravely ill. He may make it, but in order to get there, you've got to treat him well, spoil him, give him whatever he wants to eat, let him play golf whenever he wants, let him watch all the football he wants, make sure he doesn't have any stress at all, and most importantly, give him sex whenever he wants it."

The couple leaves, and as they are driving away, the man turns to his wife and says eagerly "Well, *what did he say?*"

After a long pause the wife looks at him and says, "You're gonna die."

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Typical Country Weather

This indian on the side of the road looks across the street where he sees this white guy. Every time the white guy sees a hot girl walking by he goes up to her and whispers something in her ear, and she either walks away smiling or she goes into the bushes with him for 20 minutes or so. After a couple of times, the indian has just got to know what is going on so he goes across and asks the white guy what's up.
Whitey replies "Whenever I see a good-looking girl, I lean in and whisper in her ear 'Tickle your cunt with a feather'. If she likes it, off we go. If she gets offended, and demands an explanation, I reply 'Typical Country Weather' and she walks away smiling".
"Fuck that's easy I can do that," said the indian.
So off he went until he saw a hot girl, he walked up to her and said, "Scratch Your Cunt with a stick?"
"WHAT?!?" she yelled.
He replied, "Looks like rain..."

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A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the hood.

Leave it with me, says the mechanic. Come back in 20 minutes.
So, off goes the penguin. It's a pretty hot day and he's a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an
ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren't very good at eating ice creamsβ€”
the lack of opposable thumbs makes it tricky. So by the time the penguin has finished his 99, he is
completely covered in ice cream. It is all over his beak and all over his flippers. Feeling a little
sticky, he goes back to the garage.
Oh, hello, says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.
Hello, replies the penguin. Was it anything serious?
Not really, but it looks like you've blown a seal.
Oh no, no, no! says the penguin, wiping his mouth. It's just ice cream.

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(NSFW) It was a beautiful day on the beach...

It was a beautiful day on the beach and a gay man was enjoying the weather and sights. Suddenly, he sees a man with the most perfect chest hair that he has ever seen in his life. He works up the courage and asks "Excuse me sir, but how did you get such perfect chest hair?". The gorgeous man responds, "It's quite simple really, each night before bed I apply a thin layer of Vaseline all over my chest and abs. Give it a few weeks and boom you'll have full coverage." The gay man thanks the beautiful hairy fella and rushes home. That evening the gay man is standing in front of the mirror smearing Vaseline on his chest and stomach when his boyfriend comes home. The boyfriend says "Keith! What the hell are you doing?!?" To which Keith replies and tells him the story of the man with the perfect chest hair. The boyfriend then exclaims, "You've got to be the dumbest faggot I know, because if that were true, you'd have a ponytail two-foot long coming out of your ass!"

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What's a zombie's favorite weather?

Brainstorms.

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I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go.

May weather won.

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What was the weather forcast in poland on the day before the german invasion?

86% chance of heil

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A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino

He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,

"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"

The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."

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I'm no weatherman

But you can expect a few inches tonight

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What is Hitler's favorite kind of weather?

Hail

πŸ‘πŸΌ


A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"

His mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"

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How do you get to the top of a weather beacon?

Climate

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A long way to go for a bad pun

In Russia in the early 1800's, there was a weather man named Rudolph. He was very good at his job, but he was particularly famous for predicting rain. One morning, it was bright and sunny outside, without a cloud in the sky. However, Rudolph predicted that there would be a huge rain storm, bigger than anyone had ever seen. People laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but sure enough, that night it rained more than anyone in Russia had ever seen. In only 3 hours, it rained over 10 inches! That morning, Rudolph's wife was astounded. "I can't believe you were right about this, honey!" she said, surprised. Rudolph just laughed and said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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Safety in Snowplows

A blond gets into her car while an incredibly powerful winter storm surrounds her. She starts the car and puts it in drive when suddenly her anxiety sets in. The horrible weather begins to worry her; she fears that she won't ever get home in it.

It's at this time (and through a stroke of luck) she notices a snowplow in the distance up ahead. After a huge sigh of relief she keeps pace with the plow feeling it's safety as it clears the snow in front of her.

Multiple hours pass by when eventually the plow truck pulls over. The driver gets out and approaches her car window. When she rolls it down, he asks: "Why have you been following me for so long? Are you okay?" She replies: "My dad had always told me to follow a snowplow in a blizzard when the roads feel unsafe."
The snowplow driver shrugs his shoulders and replies: "Okay... well I'm finished with this parking lot, I'm heading over to doΒ the one across the street next."

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Why is the Vagina like the weather?

Once it's wet, it's time to go inside!

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Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

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Glad everyone is done talking about the fight.

Now how about that May weather?

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Bad weather

There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked
One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn't golf that day and went back home.
His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes and snuggled up to his wife and said "Terrible weather out there."

She replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing."

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Why does Manny Pacquiao hate Spring so much?

Because of May weather.

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A scientist from Texas A&M

A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.


After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and kicked the bejesus crap out of him.

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The weather has been really unpredictable lately...

I'm really starting to think the earth is bi-polar

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Why is a vagina similar to the weather?

Because when it's wet, it's time to go insiiiiide!

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The weather in Saudi Arabia is pretty simple

It's either sunni or shiite

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How to pick up women

There was a guy who had terrible luck with women, but his best friend was a real Cassanova. He asks his friend the secret to picking up random women, and he says "When a woman walks by you on the sidewalk, say 'Tickle your ass with a feather?'"

If the woman agrees to this she's yours, but if she gets offended and asks what you said, just say "Particularly nice weather?"

So the guy sets out to try this new method and sees a pretty lady right away. But as she walks by, he gets flustered and forgets his line, and just blurts out "I'll use a feather to tickle your ass!" The woman says "Excuse me?" and the guy says "Hot ain't it?"

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Back in WWII, the Marine Corps used Navajo speakers as "code talkers"...

The other Marines were always impressed with the enigmatic skills the Navajos had in predicting weather, where to find water, and tracking ability.

One day on a patrol, a Navajo Marine on point came across a footprint ostensibly left by the enemy.

"The man who left this footprint is an Imperial soldier. He stands five-foot-six tall and weighs 120 pounds..."

The Navajo proceeded to recite a litany of information on the man who left the tracks.

Amazed, one of the others remarked: "You got all that from a footprint??"

"No. We got his license."

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I love riding airplanes

It's the only time I don't feel under the weather.

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What are the best Weather puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Weather? Well, here are the best jokes about Weather to have fun with.

Joko Jokes