weather Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious weather stories

What are the best weather puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Weather? Well here is a complete list of the top weather jokes:

The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Anyone else experiencing bad weather?

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern tip of Connecticut. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the North wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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What is your most favorite vagina joke?

My contribution:

Q: Why is a vagina just like the weather?
A: When it's wet, it's time to go inside

Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a public restroom?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!

Vagina jokes are not funny. Period.

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A vagina is like the weather.

Once it's wet, it's time to head in


That's all folks.

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So I'm riding on a plane.....

.....and the captain is talking to us on the loudspeaker about the weather and all of that stuff. He then proceeds to say, "You know what I could use? A blowjob and some coffee." without realizing the intercom is still turned on. The stewardess begins walking towards the cockpit to inform him that he left the intercom on, and I hear someone say, "Don't forget the coffee!"

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An Irish travel agent gives advice

So there is this Irish Travel Agent and he always tries to get people to go to and visit Ireland, this old woman asks him where she should go visit..so he starts talking about how great Ireland is and the lady says back, well " I don't like cold weather, the constant rain, and all the Catholics there. So the travel agent says back to her " Well ma'am then you should go to hell, its hot, it never rains and there are no catholics...

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What was the weather like at the rap concert?

There was a Lil Wayne.

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Snow in the forecast...

...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"

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The thing I love most about this summer weather is the short shorts and tube tops..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.

"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."

"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it Shi'ite?"

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What is Hitler's favorite kind of weather?

Hail

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A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"

His mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"

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The difference between weather and climate.

Weather is the atmospheric conditions in a location at a given time, example, rain in Seattle.

Climate is weather over a period of time in a location, example, rain in Seattle.

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Vaginas are like weather.
When it's wet, it's time to go inside.

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Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.

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Two Jews emigrate from Russia.

One goes to Israel and the other goes to Germany. One year passes and they get together at a restaurant to catch up.

"Moshe, I'm very lucky" says his friend, "I live in Haifa now where I own a supermarket. The weather is wonderful, and everyone is so kind. I truly have it made."

"Izya, I am lucky as well. I live in Munich and work at a local crematorium, and you won't believe it, BUT I'M BURNING GERMANS!"

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Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather?
A. Drizzle

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In a tundra, a man was trying to shelter himself from the weather

It was hurting like hail.

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As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system:
"

If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."

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I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

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That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet.

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I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.


How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

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What is the similarities between a black girl, and a tornado?
They both suck, blow, and leave you homeless!

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Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"

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Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.

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Why do peasants watch the Weather Channel?

To get the serf report

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What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.

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Climate change is just Chuck Norris playing with the thermostat.

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There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor.


A white family lives on the top floor.
A mexican family lives on the second floor.
A nigger family lives on the botom floor.
At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it.
Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.

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Every time Chuck Norris farts a hurricane forms.

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Yo mama's so fat that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.

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What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.

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If you don't like the weather...

in Chicago, wait 10 minutes.

in San Francisco, walk 2 blocks.

in New York, go on vacation.

in Phoenix, move.

in San Diego, you're wrong.

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Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.

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Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!

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What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
A Avalanche.

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All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel.


If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

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The weather forecast for Mexico this week...

Chili Today, Hot Tamale

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Lies, damned lies, statistics

benchmarks and weather report.

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Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall.


This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.

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Hurricane Katrina wasn't the weather.

.. it was the wind of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick from Texas to Louisiana.

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Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "

Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."

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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

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There was a tornado in my area the other day.
The sky was so black; it took my bike.

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Global warming is the result of Chuck Norris getting mad.

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In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.

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Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why?
A: The Scorpions.

Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.

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The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.

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Ive recently been under the weather but now im in a stable conditon

My rooms filthy and there is shit everywhere

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best weather jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about weather. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty weather gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these weather jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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