Wearing Tight Jokes
59 wearing tight jokes and hilarious wearing tight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wearing tight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wearing Tight Short Jokes
Short wearing tight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wearing tight humour may include short tight pants jokes also.
- Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing, I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then.
- I told my wife her new underwear was too tight and much too revealing. She said to me Wear your own, then .
- Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing. I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then, you idiot.
- A husband says to his wife: "I hate to tell you this but your swimming costume is very tight and revealing."
"Wear your own one then!" - Why can't a man waltz in a closet while wearing a tight Speedo? Because there's no *ballroom*.
- The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves So they wouldn't Bangkok.
- I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty. They're my last reshorts.
- I get this rash whenever I wear tight t-shirts. I did some research and apparently it is called derma-tight-tees.
- Why do bass players enjoy seeing people wear skinny jeans? Cause they're fans of a tight bottom end
- Was in line at the supermarket yesterday... And this fat chick was wearing these tight jeans that said "Guess?"
I thought, I don't know, 450 pounds?
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Wearing Tight One Liners
Which wearing tight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wearing tight? I can suggest the ones about so tight and wearing.
- What does Mrs Claus get when she wears tight pants? A mistletoe.
- Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts? Cause otherwise, they'd be boxers!!!
- My Gf tried wearing tight jeans once. She just couldn't pull it off
- What kind of pants does a cave explorer wear? Stalac-tights
- What do you see when a woman in the Army wears her pants too tight? Camo toe.
- Why do deaf women wear tight jeans? So you can read their lips.
- Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because the B shells are too tight
- Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips.
- Why does superman wear tight shirt? Because it's sized "S"
- Why does Helen Keller wear skin tight pants? So you can read her lips.
- Why does a blond wear a tight skirt? To keep here legs closed.
- Why does Peter Pan wear tights? He isn't Peter Pants.
- Why does the blind man like his girlfriends to wear tight jeans? So he can lip read.
- What's it called when Mrs Claus wears pants way too tight? Mistletoe
- Why do girls always get camel toes when they wear tight pants? They got beef
Cheerful Wearing Tight Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about wearing tight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wearing shorts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wearing tight pranks.
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!"
The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends."
Why does Batman call his teenage, tights wearing sidekick Robin?
cause s**... was too obvious.
Bus Stop Blonde
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,
and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body?!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped
my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."
College Engineer
So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle.
"Hey!" says the college student, "Where'd you get the motorcycle."
His colleague replied "You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl in a black skin tight jumpsuit drives up on this motorcycle. She takes one look at me, tore off her leather jumpsuit (which was the only thing she was wearing) points to the motorcycle and says 'take whatever you want'. So I thought about it and I took the motorcycle."
"Good choice" says the college student, "I don't think that jumpsuit was going to fit you anyways".
In a crowded city…
at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"
The Sleeping Scotsman
A Scotsman decides one day he'd pass the time by walking the countryside. After a couple of hours, he comes to the top of a hill and sees a road down below him.
"I don't remember there being a road here. I must be more lost than I thought!"
Before trying to trek his way back home, however, he decides to take a rest under a nearby tree.
Meanwhile, a woman driving on the road below sees the sleeping Scotsman and asked herself life's biggest question: "*Do* the Scottish wear anything under their kilts?" Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulls her car over to the side of the road and sneaks her way up to the sleeping Scotsman. She carefully picks up the front of the Scotsman's kilt and sees, in fact, they do not wear anything underneath. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, the woman sees some nearby stakes in the ground with red and blue ribbons tied to the tops of them, being used as markers for a nearby construction site. The woman takes one of these ribbons and ties it snuggly to the Scotsman's wiener to signify that someone was there.
Later, the Scotsman awakes and feels a tug under his kilt. He lifts it up and sees a blue ribbon tied tight around his piece. Upon seeing this, the Scotsman shouts:
"I don't know where ye been or what ye did, but you won first prize!"
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
A man takes his dog to a vet...
A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. The vet suggests using nair hair removal cream to remove the large portion of hair from its ears.
So the man goes to a pharmacy and asks for some nair hair removal cream. Then at the counter, the pharmacist says, "ok if this is for your legs, don't wear any tight pants for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my legs".
The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my underarms". The pharmacist then asks, "what is it for then?"
"It's for my schnauzer. "
Then don't ride your bike for a few days.
I recall my first time with a c**..., I must have been 16.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
"Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the c**... on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
"Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that c**... on?" she asked.
I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.
Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together
For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.
For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.
For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.
For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.
For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.
Clueless husband
A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".
Zipper joke.
(Heard this today from a nice women, so not mine obviously. Thought itd be good here. )
In New york the new buses have a pretty steep first ledge to get on them. A woman wearing a tight skirt tries to get on. She reaches her leg up but it is no good. So she reaches behind her to unzip her skirt down just a little. She tries again and still can't. So she unzips it even more down, but still isn't enough and unzips it down more again.
Finally the man behind her picks her up by her waist and puts her on the bus.
The woman gasps "thats rude how dare you touch me."
The man responds, "well after you unzipped my pants three times i figured we were friends."
How do you know a woman is wearing tights?
- Her knees swell up when she farts.
A man takes his daughter to the toy shop to buy a Barbie doll.
There are three Barbie dolls in the shop window. Sports Barbie wearing tight shorts and a halter top lifting weights. Business Barbie wearing an expensive business suit and carrying a briefcase on her way to an important meeting. Divorced Barbie wearing designer clothing and a pearl necklace. Sports Barbie and business Barbie each costs 25 dollars. Divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars. The man and his daughter enter the toy shop. The man asks a shop assistant 'Why does divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars, while the other Barbies each costs 25 dollars?' 'Well,' says the shop assistant, 'if you buy divorced Barbie you also get Ken's house, Ken's car and all of Ken's possessions.'
All the best actors have jumped to Netflix and HBO.
And the actors who just do Hollywood movies do fantasy adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes, and really tight costumes. Their job isn’t acting anymore. It’s going to the gym twice a day and taking steroids. Have we got an award for most ripped j**...?
Bartering with Beer
Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"
Why do women love to wear tight pants?
Because walking in the street with no pants is i**....
Everybody wearing masks at Walmart like it's no big deal,
but suddenly I'm the w**... for adding tights and a cape.
A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts
She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'