Wearing Glasses Jokes

98 wearing glasses jokes and hilarious wearing glasses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wearing glasses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Wearing Glasses Short Jokes

Short wearing glasses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wearing glasses humour may include short reading glasses jokes also.

  1. I told a girl, "you look great without glasses" She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
    I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."
  2. The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses." Girl: "I don't wear glasses."
    Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."
  3. "Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses." "But I don't wear glasses.."
    "I know, but I do."
  4. A cop looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.
  5. Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation.
  6. Have you been wearing your glasses while wearing a facemask? If so, you might be entitled to condensation.
  7. You may be entitled to... Has Covid19 forced you to wear glasses & a mask at the same time?
    You may be entitled to condensation!
  8. My grandma just walked into my room with a young barista wearing thick rimmed glasses. I said, Who is that?
    Grandma: That's my hip replacement.
  9. My girlfriend told me I look better when I'm not wearing glasses I told her she also looks better when I'm not wearing glasses.
    Pretty sure she's not my girlfriend anymore.
  10. *class action lawsuit* If COVID has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses… you may be entitled to condensation.

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Wearing Glasses One Liners

Which wearing glasses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wearing glasses? I can suggest the ones about eye glass and sunglasses.

  1. What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectator.
  2. I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses She said "So are you"
  3. Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
  4. Why do java coders wear glasses? Because they don't C#
  5. Why do JavaScripters wear glasses? Because they don't C#
  6. Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!
  7. Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!
  8. Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? Because they don't C#
  9. Respect people who wear glasses They paid money to see you.
  10. Why should you wear glasses when doing maths? Because they help with division.
  11. Why can't someone who wears glasses get a job? They don't have any contacts!
  12. Why don't football players wear glasses? It's a contact sport.
  13. Why doesn't Michael Flynn wear glasses? Because he has Russian contacts.
  14. I'm a programmer, wearing glasses They are made to C#.
  15. A nerd walked into bar He wasn't wearing his glasses

Ridiculous Wearing Glasses Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about wearing glasses you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contact lenses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wearing glasses pranks.

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
A: It improves di-vision.

Hey! How about that? I have good news for people wearing glasses!

Next year you'll be finally able to see 2020.

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Opthomologist.

At first, I thought she was just looking to please me, but after a while, the s**... got to be annoying. She was always saying, "So - do you like it better like this...... or like this?"
BTW - This joke isn't going to make sense to those of you who don't wear glasses or contacts... sorry!

My boyfriend (of an 11 year age difference) said this to me the other day...

True story: My boyfriend and I were taking a walk and he happened to be wearing his reading glasses (which I find adorable).
Me: Ooh, you look like a s**... teacher in those glasses. I think I need to stay after school...
Him: Yes, I'll show you how many times 38 goes into 27.

Someone asked me today where I'll be in 5 years...

Seriously? I'm wearing glasses, you know I don't have 2020 vision.

The future

Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years.
Come on man, I wear glasses.
I don't have 2020 vision.

What do you call a white person wearing glasses while playing Yu-Gi-Oh?

Four eyes white dragon.
^sorry if repost, thought of this myself.

Why don't NFL players wear glasses?

Because it's a contact sport.

If you are a woman and you like men that wear glasses...

I am full of specs appeal.

Why do smart people wear glasses?

Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.
This is a little bad but....

I wear glasses during math,

Because it improves division.

A man gets pulled over in Newfoundland

The cop looks at his licence, looks at the man, looks at the licence again and looks at the man once more.
Cop - sir, you need to be wearing glasses!
Man - I have contacts.
Cop - sir, I don't care who you know, you need to be wearing glasses!

What state wears glasses?

Mississippi, because it has four eyes.

Did you hear about the guy whose license said he needed to wear glasses while driving?

He was pulled over by a cop one day and the cop tells him that he's going to jail for driving without his glasses.
"But officer I have contacts!"
"I don't care who you know buddy you're still going to jail!"

A cop stoped a guy for speeding

"license and registration," he asked. After handing them over, the cop reviews his license, looks at his face, and says, "it says here you need glasses". The guy politely protested, "officer, I have contacts". The cop shot back, "I don't care whom you know; you still have to wear your glasses".

Why do programmers wear glasses?

Without them they can't C#

Why was the albino, glasses-wearing man okay with a wizard turning him into a cool looking bug?

He was a pretty fly, four eyed, white guy.

How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

How to change the blinker fluid in your car or truck:

STEP ONE: wear safety glasses! If you get any fluid in your eye, it will cause uncontrollable blinking until you wash it out.

I just saw a picture of Kim Jong-un wearing glasses

He looks like a supreme reader.

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."

People don't typically wear glasses while boxing....

It's more of a contacts sport

What do you call a potato that wears glasses?

Spuddy Holly

My wife just visited an optical surgeon, so now she doesn't need to wear glasses.

She called it an eye-opening experience.

Before and after glasses

Finally, after procrastinating for yrs, a husband got his prescription glass.
Wife: Honey, you looked handsome before wearing glasses.
Husband: Sweetheart, You too looked beautiful before I got my glasses.

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she's gone?

He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.

Why does Java programmers always wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

The Job Interview

Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.
He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.
Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the other.
Well done!
Applicant 2: Are your ears uneven?
Yes, well done!
Applicant 3: Are you wearing contact lenses?
How'd you know that?
Well, you'd never wear glasses with ears like that.

Has covid-19 forced you to wear a mask with glasses ?

If so you maybe entitled to condensation

This is an important message from Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe:

Having to wear a face mask along with your glasses?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Call us today!

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

Have you been forced to wear a mask? Do you wear glasses?

You could be due condensation!

In these strange times, the doctors forced me to wear glasses while I was giving birth to my son.

They insisted on contactless delivery.

If Covid 19 has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses,

You may be entitled to condensation.

I've decided to quit wearing my glasses for the rest of the year,

frankly I've seen enough.

You should wear glasses while you're doing math

It improves division

Police stops a man and says, "You're supposed to be wearing glasses"

Man: I have contacts.
Policeman: I don't give a d**... who you know.

An old man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"

Yes of course, said the doctor, why not!
"Oh How nice it would be, I have been illiterate for so long" replied the old man with joy.

People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle?

It only fogs up half as much.

Glasses just for looks

I wear my glasses just for looks. I can't look at anything without them.

Why do all math teachers wear glasses ?

Cuz it improves division

Why do Python developers wear glasses?

Because they can't "C".

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses

A man walks into an eye doctor…..

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he'd like to hear a joke. The man says yes. Why does the phone wears glasses? The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, because he doesn't have any contacts . The man frustratedly said could you not have thought of a cornea joke?

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

You know, I've been wearing glasses for so long…

It's hard to see myself without them

I have found a solution my glasses fogging up from wearing a mask

I wear a monocle, they only fog up half as much.

Why is it called ADHD...

When I still have to wear glasses?

I'm not wearing glasses anymore.

I've seen enough already.

Has Covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?

You might be entitled to condensation

When does a phone wear glasses?

When it loses its contacts.

PSA: If you or a loved one has been forced to wear glasses and a face mask at the same time

They may be entitled to condensation

I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.

Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!

Respect people who wear glasses.

They paid money to see you and some have contacts.

After almost hitting 2 cars, a man gets pulled over by a police car

The officer asked,"can I see your license, please". After rummaging through his stuff, he passes his license to the officer. "Sir, your license indicates that you must wear glasses to drive".
"Oh," the man said,
"I didn't see that".

Did you know that people wearing glasses aren't allowed to play american football?

That's because it's a contact sport.

To the young people on Reddit, have some respect for old people wearing glasses.

They..paid money to see you.

jokes about wearing glasses