Wearing Condoms Jokes
102 wearing condoms jokes and hilarious wearing condoms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wearing condoms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wearing Condoms Short Jokes
Short wearing condoms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wearing condoms humour may include short wear a condom jokes also.
- "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived.." "Hey honey, my olympic condoms arrived, I think I'll wear gold."
"Maybe you should wear silver and come second for a change!" - My girlfriend said that once we get married I can stop wearing condoms!! Guess you don't need an umbrella if it's never gonna rain...
- I dumped my blonde girlfriend after she tried to poke holes in one of the condoms. She might have gotten away with it had I not been wearing it at the time.
- I have a friend who wears condoms while he masturbates... I told him I'm fairly certain that you can't get her pregnant from across the room in her closet.
- Condoms are supposed to provide protection But my friend was wearing one and he suffocated.
- My girlfriend tried to poke holes in one of my condoms with a needle. Which I wouldn't have been too angry about, had I not been wearing it at the time.
- Condoms aren't as safe as they make them out to be... My friend was wearing one when he got hit by a truck. He's not doing too well...
- Warning, Condoms aren't totally safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
- Women's dresses are like condoms No issue wearing them once to an event, but not to two events
- Irish Joke #76331 Why does an Irishman wear three condoms?
To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
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Wearing Condoms One Liners
Which wearing condoms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wearing condoms? I can suggest the ones about condoms and used condoms.
- I wear camouflage condoms So they can't see me coming
- What do masks and condoms have in common? It's safe to come inside if you're wearing one
- Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? So she wouldn't get hearing aids.
- Wear camouflage condoms Never let em see you coming
- Condoms aren't 100% safe. My buddy was wearing one when he got hit by a bus.
- I don't think condoms are 100% safe My friend was wearing one and he got hit by a bus!
- I'm so selfish.... I wear ribbed condoms inside out.
- Condoms cannot be considered safe A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a car.
- Why does mia Khalifa only make black men wear condoms? She wants a dad for her kids
- Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
- What do you call a guy who wears two condoms? Justin Case
- I don't wear condoms.... they irritate my sores.
- Why do the Irish wear 2 condoms at once? To be sure, to be sure
- I have a life pro tip I never wear condoms
- Why don't Brazilians wear condoms? Because they all pull out.
Wearing Condoms Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wearing condoms you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wearing protection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wearing condoms pranks.
Chuck Norris does not wear a c**....
Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a c**... during s**....
All the slide were just pictures of me.
When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a c**... if I ever had s**....
He said, Any person willing to have s**... with you will sleep with almost anyone else.
So a man walks in to a CVS..
and he goes to the female cashier and asks how he can know what size c**... he should wear. She tells him to step behind the counter, she unzips his pants, gives him a few tugs and says "Medium". He buys his condoms and tells his buddy "Hey, there's this girl at the CVS who can guess your c**... size just by looking!". His buddy, being a 'skeptic' goes and checks it out. She follows the same routine and says "large". He calls his friend when he gets home and is ecstatic. His 14 year old brother overheard the conversation and decided to 'try it out' for himself. So he goes to the CVS and asks the cashier what size c**... he is, she asks him behind the counter, gives him a few tugs and says "Clean up on register 5!".
**tl;dr - h**....**
olimpic condoms
The husband comes home and tells his wife : "honey, i got some olimpic condoms !" the wife asks: "olimpic? what do you mean by that?" "Yeah..olimpic. they come in 3 different colors: gold, silver and bronze. And guess what ? Tonight i think of wearing the gold ones !" to which the wife replies: "Honey..could you please wear the silver ones?! I'd love for you to finish second.."
How do you get a black man to wear a c**...?
You put a Nike logo on it.
Precious Father-Son Time
When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a c**......they were all just pictures of me.
Why doesn't the old man like to wear condoms when his wife blew him?
He likes gummies bare.
God wasn't trying to get Marry pregnant with Jesus.
Turns out he was wearing a holey c**....
I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.
Because I wasn't wearing a c**....
Why does Snoop Dogg wear a c**...?
Fo jizzle.
My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during s**....
The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
When does one plus one equal three?
When you forget to wear a c**....
I don't wear a c**... when I'm having s**... with my girlfriend.
Mostly because I'm afraid the plastic on plastic rubbing will cause a tear and make her deflate.
A c**... isn't completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
If a guy says he can't feel anything while wearing a c**......
Ask him if he can feel the money being s**... out of his paycheck for the next 18 years
Why did the police officer hate wearing condoms?
Because his dad was killed by armed rubbers.
What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a c**...?
Don't worry baby, I'm sterile.
My friend has recently decided to wear glow in the dark condoms to spice up s**... with his girlfriend...
I told him that it might finally help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.
A man walks into a store to buy condoms
He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"
Wife: What's so special about them.
Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.
Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?
Husband: The gold one of course!
Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.
Why is it prestigious to wear a c**...?
It's a members-only jacket.
Why should you wear a c**... when writing C++ code?
It's full of std vectors.
I have a feeling Gordon Ramsay likes to wear condoms when he has s**...
Because he doesn't like it raw.
Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... anymore....
My friend was wearing one and got shot by the woman's husband.
My girlfriend made me wear a camouflage c**...
... she never saw me coming.
There's nothing worse than looking down after s**... and seeing that limp, used c**... hanging off your p**...…
Especially when you weren't wearing one when you began.
My wife keeps complaining about me wearing sock while we have s**...…
I *suppose* a c**... would be better...
Amy Schumer had some great advice for her date.
You have to pretend like you want to use a c**.... I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I'll be like, 'You're going to want to wear this. I've had a busy month.'
Taste of Love
After 10 years of marriage John decides to spice up his s**... life.
He buys various flavored condoms and when he comes home he blindfolds his wife and leads her to the bedroom.
Mary, I want you to go down on me and tell me what flavor c**... I'm wearing!
Cheese&Onions!
Wait wait let me put one on first!
I'm a people person...
Your daddy is so bald when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a busted c**...
Condoms don't really guarantee full protection during s**....
A friend was wearing one and he got shot by the girl's boyfriend.
Her: I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**...
Him: Don't worry, I'm a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there's no chance I'll come inside.
A doctor tells a man "Your wife is pregnant."
Man: I was wearing a c**...!
Doctor: But I wasn't.
Why does Poseidon always wear a c**...?
So he doesn't get merm-AIDS
Olympic condoms (n**...)
A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"
Why does Gordon Ramsay always wear a c**...?
Because he never likes it raw
My girlfriend told me to wear a gold c**...
So I came first for once
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
I've been wearing one for months and still haven't gotten any s**...
My wife and I got into bed last night
I said "That box of different coloured condoms arrived, I think I'll wear the gold one today."
She replied: "Why don't you wear the silver and come second for once?"
Why did the woman wear c**... earnings?
So she wouldn't get hearing aids
When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a c**..., a man told his buddy.
Your dad showed you pictures of venereal diseases? the friend asked.
No, the first said, they were all pictures of me.
Winter is coming...
be sure to wear a c**....
My girlfriend tried to pop holes in my c**....
She might have gotten away with it had I not been wearing it at the time.
Condoms do not Guarantee safe s**...
Last week a friend of mine was wearing a c**..., when the women's husband came home and shot him dead
My wife keeps complaining about me wearing socks every time we have s**....
I said, Fine. I'll try a c**... from now on.
My dad showed me a 15 minute PowerPoint presentation on why people should wear a c**... during s**...
All the pictures were of me
What kind of condoms does Dave Grohl wear?
w**... Beenie
My father once gave me a Powerpoint presentation on the importance of wearing a c**...
Not only there were pictures of me, but also some pictures of 2 other kids...
A toad asks his wife if he should wear a normal c**..., or a ribbed one.
Her response: Rib it.
Why do h**... wear condoms on their ears?
So they don't get hearing aids
What's the difference between a woman and a vacuum cleaner?
Vacuum cleaners don't shout at you for not wearing a c**...
If you're going to have s**... with a frog, at least wear a c**....
If you want him to enjoy it, then rib it.
Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car
also wear c**... alone in bed.
Why do the Irish wear two condoms when having s**...?
To be sure, to be sure
What does wearing a mask and a c**... have in common?
It always feels better not wearing one!
Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch ...
Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.
Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"
Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.
Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
Clem: "Nah'really, and bu'now, she lon' gone, leff da county."
Bubba: "So, I'ma guess'n we'all can take off these here condoms now."
Clem: "Ye-up."
What do you call someone who wears a c**... on his toes?
Roberto
Wearing a mask below your nose...
is like wearing a c**... with the tip cut off.
A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
A husband says to his wife, My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear Gold tonight.
The wife replies, Why not wear silver and come second for a change?
Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... any more.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
My dad showed me a thirty minute PowerPoint on why one should always wear a c**...
It was just pictures of me
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The c**... looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?