Wear Jokes

What are some Wear jokes?

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.

All the slides were just pictures of me.

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a condom if I ever had sex.

He said, Any person willing to have sex with you will sleep with almost anyone else.

What Size Underwear Do Feminists Wear?

#Double Standard.

I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"

She said, "but I don't wear glasses."

I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

What does a slutty horse wear on its hooves?


When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...

...I only look at the covered parts.

The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses."

Girl: "I don't wear glasses."

Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.

" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"

" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."

" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"

" - Gold, obviously!"

" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."

The man came home early from work to find his wife lying naked on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…

My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did

Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again

When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....

Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time?

Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn't want to be spotted

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear?

Oakley Dokelys

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?


Getting married is great. But, before you do it, there are some things you have to consider.

On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

I think it's best to wear two different deodorants, one for each armpit

But that's just my two scents

Why does The Little Mermaid wear seashells?

She outgrew her B shells.

Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."

Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."

Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."

Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."

My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex.

The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."

"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"

"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."

What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White Vans.

I'll be here all week.

From grandma: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In memory of all the faces that were buried there.

I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses

She said "So are you"

What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore...

...I'm not really sure how I feel about it

Why does the little mermaid wear seashells?

Because she is too big for B-shells

Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because B were too small and D were too large

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head

It's capsized.

Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around?

It's made of hide

Why don't witches wear underwear?

... to get a better grip

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Chapped lips

Why doesn't Magneto wear his old costume anymore?

Because days of fuchsia passed

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?

It helps with division.

Why does waldo wear stripes?

So he isn't spotted.

I didn't know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day...

So I just came in my pants

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip the broom.

What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?


What does the sun and cleavage have in common?

You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?

Employee discounts

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

Why do java coders wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

Why do JavaScripters wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

What shoes does a rapist wear?

White vans.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She didn't wear a seatbelt.

Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt?

He didn't want to be spotted.

Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

A man walks into a store to buy condoms

He notices that there are Olympic condoms on sale. He returns home and tells his wife, "Honey I bought Olympic condoms for us tonight!"

Wife: What's so special about them.

Husband: Well, there's a gold one, a silver one and a bronze one.

Wife: Which one are you gonna wear tonight?

Husband: The gold one of course!

Wife: Why don't you wear the silver one, it would be nice if you came second for a change.

Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.

I once dated a twin

Years ago I dated a twin.

My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'

I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a dick'

"Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses."

"But I don't wear glasses.."
"I know, but I do."

Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs?


What does an indecisive person wear?

Flip Flops.

What does a house wear?


Why does Batman wear a mask?

Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

Olympic condoms (nsfw)

A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"

How to make Wear jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Wear to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Wear? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Wear pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes