Wear Jokes
192 wear jokes and hilarious wear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a comical new way to accessorize your party wardrobe, look no further! This article introduces unique, funny ideas for "wearing jokes" - mixing witty puns and slogans with camo, lace and other materials to create truly eye-catching, conversation-starting outfits. Don't forget to wear a mask – or, if you're feeling daring, why not try wearing a condom! Discover the possibilities with this hilarious fashion trend!
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Funniest Wear Short Jokes
Short wear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wear humour may include short suit jokes also.
- If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't. - Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
- Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot. - In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point." We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask? Ask them who won the election.
- What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas? The Taliban requires women to wear masks
- Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in the water.... .....you can safely wear it on your head....because it's capsized.
- I told a girl, "you look great without glasses" She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do." - I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
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Wear One Liners
Which wear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wear? I can suggest the ones about cloth and coat.
- What Size underwear Do Feminists Wear? #Double Standard.
- What does a programmer wear? Whatever is in the dress code.
- Why did the mermaid wear seashells? Because she grew out of b shells
- Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition.
- What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope
- Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts? He doesn't want to be spotted
- Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D shells
- What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear? Oakley Dokelys
- What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops
- What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectator.
- Why did princess Diana cross the road She wasn't wearing her seatbelt
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses She said "So are you"
- Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream? She was wearing mittens.
- Why do Russians wear white armbands so they have something to wave when they surrender
Wear Mask Jokes
Here is a list of funny wear mask jokes and even better wear mask puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic Like who wouldn't wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.
- Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter." - COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.
- PSA do not wear a washington wizards face mask. CDC studies have shown they provide no defense
- There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask It's called Natural Selection
- WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED! Apparently you have to wear clothes too.
- I noticed a barista working alone in a small shop was still wearing a mask. She said, "this is a coughy filter"
- I have 100% solid proof that masks don't work! My wife went on a business trip and on the plane they made her wear a mask -- and now she has chlamydia!
- I wear a mask. Not because I want to, but because it is considerate of others and helps stop the spread of particulates. I also wear underwear. Not because I want to, but...
- Why did the Capitol police decide to use teargas? They knew nobody was wearing a mask!
Wear Underwear Jokes
Here is a list of funny wear underwear jokes and even better wear underwear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing, I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then.
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Why don't witches wear underwear? ... to get a better grip
- Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear Because it keeps their ankles warm
- Having a big nose isn't a good enough excuse to not wear a mask. Take me for example. I still wear underwear.
- Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their faces.
- What do thermometers wear for underwear? Kelvin Klein
- The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..." Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow
- What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear? An algae bra.
- Why did the sorority girl wear underwear? To keep her ankles warm.
Wear Dresses Jokes
Here is a list of funny wear dresses jokes and even better wear dresses puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."
- A man in a bra. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.
- My wife hates it when I show her old pictures of what she used to wear. She has post traumatic dress disorder.
- What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog? The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
- Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!
- What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
- My wife wears my shirts around the house and I never freak out... Wear one of her dresses once and it's the end of our marriage.
- What does a house wear? Ad-dress
Or maybe it can put on a couple paint coats when it gets colder - Why don't women wear dresses when parachuting? Because they'd whistle on the way down.
- Why don't Canadian women wear sleevless dresses? Because they aren't allowed to bare arms.
Wear A Condom Jokes
Here is a list of funny wear a condom jokes and even better wear a condom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wear camouflage condoms So they can't see me coming
- What do masks and condoms have in common? It's safe to come inside if you're wearing one
- Wear camouflage condoms Never let em see you coming
- Condoms aren't 100% safe. My buddy was wearing one when he got hit by a bus.
- My girlfriend said that once we get married I can stop wearing condoms!! Guess you don't need an umbrella if it's never gonna rain...
- I'm so selfish.... I wear ribbed condoms inside out.
- I dumped my blonde girlfriend after she tried to poke holes in one of the condoms. She might have gotten away with it had I not been wearing it at the time.
- Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
- Condoms are supposed to provide protection But my friend was wearing one and he suffocated.
- My girlfriend tried to poke holes in one of my condoms with a needle. Which I wouldn't have been too angry about, had I not been wearing it at the time.
Party Wear Jokes
Here is a list of funny party wear jokes and even better party wear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got kicked out of the weirdest Gender Reveal party.. Apparently we had to wear pants...
- What did the house wear to the party? Address.
- My friend Ara and I agreed to meet up a mask party. When I got there she was wearing a mask completely made of Makeup.
I looked at her and said, That's some nice mask Ara. - I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark.... Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin
- I was enjoying myself at a party when I noticed a few flies wearing wrist watches Time flies when you're having fun
- I hate it when a whole heap of people wearing cargo pants unexpectedly gather around me and get all excited. It's like "Boo! Khaki party!"
- Why should you wear a burka to a party? You'll have a blast
- Dave was at a Halloween party with his wife last night.
His friend said to Dave , "That certainly is a frightening mask that your wife is wearing."
"She's not wearing a mask." replied Dave - Went to my Roman neighbour's 30th birthday party wearing practically nothing Won't be making THAT mistake again...
- What does an owl wear to a party? An owlfit

Laughable Wear Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about wear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean robe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wear pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a c**... during s**....
All the slides were just pictures of me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a c**... if I ever had s**....
He said, Any person willing to have s**... with you will sleep with almost anyone else.
What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?
Medium.
So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore...
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs?
Depends.
Why do Nuns always wear Black & White?
No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.
Why do java coders wear glasses?
Because they don't C#
Why doesn't Magneto wear his old costume anymore?
Because days of fuchsia passed
Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time?
Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.
A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do midgets wear short dresses?
So they can show off a little leg.
What does a lawyer wear to work?
A lawsuit!
I should get a hobby...
Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
It helps with division.
Why do the Minnesota vikings wear purple as a team color?
If you've been choking for 50 years, you'd be purple too!
A police officer stops a driver...
A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"
What does the sun and cleavage have in common?
You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.
What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?
Horcrocs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?
White vans
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From grandma: Why do women wear p**... with flowers on them?
In memory of all the faces that were buried there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My secretary doesn't wear any bra or p**... to work.
But he types really well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.
Why do electricians wear pants?
Because they hate shorts.
Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?
Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.
Why does a bride wear white?
So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits! 😂
Courtesy of the popsicle I just enjoyed. Had to share. Have a great day.
What does a house wear?
Address!
Why is women's soccer so rare?
It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
"Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses."
"But I don't wear glasses.."
"I know, but I do."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always wear a helmet during i**... cause I'm a firm believer in safe s**....
Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.
Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope.
That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."
"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"
"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you wear a c**... when writing C++ code?
It's full of std vectors.
What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt?
Lipstick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.
It's their free choice between wearing them or getting s**... to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When women wear a bikini, they expose 90% of their bodies.....
Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my girlfriend to wear her Starbucks uniform so we can roleplay during s**...
She got my name wrong.
My girlfriend asked me what she should wear...
"a reverse burka" I told her. "Whats that?" she asked. "it's when all you're wearing is a blindfold."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
Reasons are:
1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.
Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?
Because not all heroes wear caps.
Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?
Chapped lips
The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses."
Girl: "I don't wear glasses."
Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do JavaScripters wear glasses?
Because they don't C#
If your boat turns upside down you can wear it on your head
It's capsized.
Why do children in China all have iPhones and wear Nike?
Employee discounts
What kind of sweater do cops wear?
A pullover.
What does a lawyer wear to the courthouse?
A lawsuit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.
What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
sobbed.
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I didn't know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day...
So I just came in my pants
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...
...I only look at the covered parts.
What does an indecisive person wear?
Flip Flops.
What does a mermaid wear to a Maths class ?
An algaebra.
Note: Not my original. I had read this somewhere a few years ago. Kudos to the original creator.
If you love skydiving, don't wear a parachute on your next jump
Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once dated a twin
Years ago I dated a twin.
My friend asked me 'how do you tell them apart?'
I explained 'Well, Rebecca has agreed to wear green nail polish every 2nd day...and Stephen has a d**...'
I think it's best to wear two different deodorants, one for each armpit
But that's just my two scents
Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
What do women astronauts and my 14 year old daughter have in common?
"I have nothing to wear!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
If Mississippi gave Missouri her New Jersey to wear at the fair, what will Delaware?
I don't know but Alaska.
Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of clothing do Karens wear?
A lawsuit.

