wear Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious wear stories

What are the best Wear puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Wear? Well here is a complete list of Wear dad jokes:

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.

All the slides were just pictures of me.

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If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,

It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

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Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

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When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a condom if I ever had sex.

He said, Any person willing to have sex with you will sleep with almost anyone else.

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A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

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Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time?

Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.

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Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude...

It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are.

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Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

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I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
"Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
"Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.
I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.

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What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

Flop-Flops

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Why do Java Programmers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

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I wear headphones now when I masturbate.

Its mostly to drown out the voices on the bus; people saying things like, "You should be more responsible, you're the driver." I'm like, "You know what lady, I get your kids to school on time, Monday through Friday."

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White Vans.

I'll be here all week.

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Why do the Scots wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted.

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So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore...

...I'm not really sure how I feel about it

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Upskirt Shop Assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, was provided with an excellent view, just as he had thought he would get.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves. As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

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A Sailor walks in the bathroom to go piss

As he walks in, he sees a kid standing there.
The kid looks up and asks, "Mister, are you a sailor?"
The sailor says that he is and asks the kid if he wants to wear his hat.
The kids nods his head and puts it on.
A minute later, a Marine walks in and goes over to the urinal.
The kid looks up and asks, "Mister, are you a Marine?"
The Marine says, "Yea, why? You wanna hold my dick or something?"
The kid says, "Oh no, I'm not a sailor, I'm just wearing his hat."

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Why doesn't Magneto wear his old costume anymore?

Because days of fuchsia passed

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When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex.

The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.ο»Ώ

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy...

Feels good until you look down and realize you're gay.

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What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?

Medium.

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Why do java coders wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

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What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?

White vans.

*rimshot*

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What kind of shoes to pedophiles wear?

White Vans.

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Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt?

He didn't want to be spotted.

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Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its quiet and has a nice view.

For their 70th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because its wheelchair accessible.

For their 80th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because they've never been there before.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted!

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude

It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay

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A farmer walked into an attorneys office...



A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, May I help you?

The farmer said, Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.

The attorney asked, Well, do you have any grounds?

The farmer replied, Yeah. I got about 140 acres.

The attorney said, No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?

The farmer said, No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.

The attorney said, No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?

The farmer said, Yeah, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere.

The attorney said, No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?

The farmer said, Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.

The exasperated attorney said, Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?

The farmer said, No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.

Finally, the attorney asked, Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

And the farmer replied, Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her!

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Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs?

Depends.

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Why does Batman wear a mask?

Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis

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I didn't know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support meeting...

So I just came in my pants.

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Mermaids and their boobs

This one has always been a hit for me out in the field, in a goofy way.


Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because their boobs are too big for B-shells!

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

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Why do Scots wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted!

~~I'm sorry~~

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Why did Waldo only wear stripes?

Because he didn't want to be spotted.

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Why do witches not wear panties?

You get better grip on the brooms.

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Only men who wear the pants go to heaven.

I am translating this joke from Spanish so pardon any errors.

There is a terrible accident and 100 couples were killed. They find themselves in front of St. Peter and the Pearly Gates. St. Peter decides to divide the group into two and declares: "Every man who wore the pants in the relationship stand on the left line, and all the men who let their women boss you around stand on the right." Much to his surprise, 99 men stand on the right. St. Peter is very stunned and curious about the sole man standing on the left. He goes up to him and asks, "okay son, why are you in this line?" The man looks very frightened and he caves in, "I'm sorry, my wife told me to stand here."

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Why do mermaids wear seashells for bras?

Because a and b shells are too small.

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Why do Nuns always wear Black & White?

No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.

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Did you guys see the new line of Tony Romo's cologne?

Every time you wear it, you fuck up and the other guy scores.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted

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Why does The Little Mermaid wear seashells?

Cuz she grew out of her B shell

*im so sorry*

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Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear zippers.

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Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted.

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Climbing the jungle gym.

One day Mindy's mother notices that Mindy has a dollar when coming home.

"Mindy, where did you get that dollar?"

"A boy on the playground gave it to me for climbing the jungle gym"

"Honey you can't do that! He's doing that so he can see your underwear when you climb up."

The next day Mindy comes home particularly smug with another dollar.

"Honey what did I tell you about climbing the jungle gym."

"Mom it's ok,"
says Mindy smugly,

"Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

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Why do cows wear bells?

because their horns don't work.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best wear jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about wear. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty wear gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these wear jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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