Wear Dresses Jokes
111 wear dresses jokes and hilarious wear dresses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wear dresses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wear Dresses Short Jokes
Short wear dresses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wear dresses humour may include short wear skirts jokes also.
- How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."
- Why is Santa Claus always a man? Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.
- A man in a bra. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.
- My wife hates it when I show her old pictures of what she used to wear. She has post traumatic dress disorder.
- What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog? The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
- Why do women wear white wedding dresses? So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove
- Facing the consequences A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.
- What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
- A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.
- They said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" So now I'm sat in a disciplinary meeting, wearing a Batman costume.
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Wear Dresses One Liners
Which wear dresses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wear dresses? I can suggest the ones about wedding dresses and short dress.
- What does a programmer wear? Whatever is in the dress code.
- Why do midgets wear short dresses? So they can show off a little leg.
- Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!
- If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're ranch dressing?
- Why don't women wear dresses when parachuting? Because they'd whistle on the way down.
- I saw a nun wearing a concrete dress. That's a hard habit to break.
- What would a cross-dressing psychologist wear? A Freudian slip
- You know what they say about men who wear dress shoes... They have no soles.
- If you wear cowboy clothes... are you ranch dressing?
- What do houses wear? A dress.
- Why do baby boys wear blue and baby girls wear pink? They can't dress themselves…
- Why don't men wear dresses? Glass ceiling
- The princess was in distress... Because the Queen told her to wear dis dress.
- What is a Puerto Rican woman's favorite thing to wear? A dress-pacito
- ELI5: What's a Freudian slip? It's what your mother wears under her dress.
Comedy Wear Dresses Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about wear dresses you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wedding dress jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wear dresses pranks.
A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.
In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally n**.... Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're n**...!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're n**...!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing"...
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed
and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"
A little boy at a wedding...
A little boy at a wedding asks his Mom, "Mommy how come bride's wear white dresses at their wedding." The Mom responds "Well because it's the happiest day of her life." The kid responds "Then how come the groom wears black?"
Guy goes to a fancy dress party wearing dark-green Lycra and carrying a n**... woman on his back...
...
"What are you two supposed to be?" asks someone.
"Oh," he replies. "I'm a tortoise, and this is Michelle."
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
What does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress?
Q: what does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress?
A: a Freudian slip
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Sophie walks into the church wearing a very low cut blouse.
The parish priest went up to her " you must not enter the house of God unless properly dressed"
" Oh, but I have a divine right"
"You also have a divine left" sighed the clergyman,"but I still have to insist that you should cover up"
A Flat Chested Woman Is Getting Dressed...
When her husband of 20 years looks at her and says "Why do you even worry about wearing a bra?"
His wife quickly responds " I don't know, why do you wear underwear."
Mr. Salad asks Ms. Soup to go on a date.
Mr. Salad asks Ms. Soup to go on a date. Ms. Soup accepts.
"What should I wear?" Mr. Salad asks.
She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."
Years ago I bought a dress for my wife at a store that sells hard-to-find items.
I asked why I never see her wearing it. She said she can't find it.
Why are you two dressed the same?
A guy is walking down the street and sees two faggots wearing the exact same outfit. He wondered for a bit and decided to ask them.
"I can clearly see you're both faggots, but why are you dressed the same?"
Then they arrested him.
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
My wife asked me if she looked good in the white/gold dress she was wearing.
We're divorced now.
A Rich Woman And Her Butler
A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....
Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin
What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress?
A gender bender Bender fender bender.
Every time a test comes up, my friends and I joke about how we should become trophy wives.
But it seems like a lot of work to be a trophy wife; always dressing up, keeping in shape, keeping everything plucked. If I married a rich guy, I would probably wear sweatpants, watch Netflix everyday, and get fat on pizza and cookie dough. So instead of being a trophy wife, I'd be an atrophy wife.
An old woman wants to make love to her husband.
She shows up completely n**... while he is watching TV. The man says: 'What are you doing?'. She answers with: 'I am wearing the Dress Of Love, do you like it?'. He thinks a little while and replies: 'You know, it might have looked better if you ironed it first'.
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs
"give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"
In that case," replied the mugger,
"give me my money."
I once met Bruce Willis
I once met Bruce Willis at a fancy dress party. He was wearing a really shabby looking nun outfit. I was told that he'd worn the same costume to every fancy dress party he'd attended for years. I suppose old habits die hard.
Arthur tells his mother: "So, can you guess which one of the girls I introduced you to today is my girlfriend?"
Without missing a beat the mother replies "The one wearing a green dress."
Surprised Arthur then says "Woa mother...that's very good, she's the one. So...how did you know?"
Mother: "Because that was the only one I didn't like..."
Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this — I'm a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"
Southern man getting a Vasectomy, no not the cherry bomb joke.
A man from the southern US goes to the doctor to get a vasectomy. He wears his finest 3 piece suit with his best shoes. When the nurse is getting him ready she asks him why he's dressed so fancy. The man replies, "Well heck, if I'ma be impotent, I'ma look impo'tant too."
I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?"
I said "She's wearing a red dress."
My roommate dressed as a syringe for our Halloween house party.
He's upstairs with the s**... girl wearing the Courtney Love costume.
In the addict.
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and p**... and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.
When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."
A women tells her husband
"Isn't it nice that my wedding dress still fits me when none of my friends can wear theirs?"
To which the husband replies "Yeah, but you forget honey, you were 9 months pregnant then too"
Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear.
Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.
Women's dresses are like condoms
No issue wearing them once to an event, but not to two events
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"
He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark
Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark. But, I've done this for the last few years so the joke is wearing fin
On Halloween, a werewolf went out dressed as a Klingon, but got lost
He's a Wear-Worf Where-Wolf
If EA was a female p**..., she would charge you $80 to come over
Then show up wearing 50 dresses and charge you for each one that you take off
A woman is trying on a dress in a store and asks the sales girl if she thinks the neckline is too low.
The salesgirl asks her, "Have you got hair on your chest?"
"Of course not." says the woman wearing the dress.
"Then the neckline is too low." Replies the sales girl.
Joe and his friends went to the costume party...
Joe and his friends went to the costume party and were really enjoying themselves.
Then a woman came in. She was wearing nothing at all, but was body-painted in white from head to toes.
The guys struggled to guess what that meant but after few drinks Joe gathered courage and went to ask.
"Excuse me, madam, we were wondering what are you dressed up as? Can you please tell us?"
The woman spreads her legs and says:
"Tooth decay, silly!"
The man came home early from work to find his wife lying n**... on the bed, crying her eyes out.
What's wrong? he asked.
I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she
sobbed.
Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that
he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice
pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi
there Tom, the green silk gown…
I went for a romantic break with the wife
She came out of the bathroom and said "take off my dress"
As I peeled off her dress, she said "take off my bra"
My hands trembled as I unclasped the strap. Then came "take off my knickers"
I slowly pulled them down, and she shouted
"and I don't ever want to catch you wearing them again!"
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
My wife wears my shirts around the house and I never freak out...
Wear one of her dresses once and it's the end of our marriage.
A man walks into a costume party
Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.
A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"
"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.
"And who is this on your back?"
"Oh, that's just Michelle."
(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)
Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...
"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
I bought a see-through dress, and my husband must be embarassed...
everytime I wear it, he doesn't look me in the eye.
What dress does a t**... wear?
A ball gown
Lady Penelope returns to her mansion after a long weekend at Tracy Island
Upon seeing Parker in the main bedroom she commands him;
"Parker, take of my dress"
"Yes, M'lady" replies Parker
"Now Parker, take off my Bra"
"Yes M'lady"
"Now Parker take of my p**..."
"Yes M'lady"
"Now Parker if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again you're fired!"
3 wives want to decide what to wear
The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"
How do you make your girlfriend stop believing in the Earth being flat?
You make her wear a dress that shows a map of the Earth.
A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist's office wearing a dress.
What seems to be the problem today? The psychiatrist asks.
I don't know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?
I think you're just bi-polar.
If you wanted to stay completely anonymous, which item of clothing would be the worst to wear?
A dress.
Dress for the job you want, not the one you have, they said.
I'd like to be a CEO, but I'm afraid to wear a dark suit like my uncle did, in his coffin.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the m**... case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
The mugger
One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
Till this day, she is still laughing
A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.
A priest was invited to attend a house party
.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.
A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.
When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"
The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."
Two women were dressing in the locker room after their aerobics class when one noticed that the other was pulling on a pair of men's briefs. "So when did you start wearing men's underwear?" the first asked.
"Ever since my husband found a strange
pair under the bed."
During Sunday service, a pastor announces he is doing a children's sermon this week and invites all the kids to come to the front.
One little girl was wearing a lovely pink dress. As she sat down, the pastor complimented it and asked if it was her Easter Dress.
Leaning right into the pastor's clip-on microphone, she replied, "Yes, but my mama calls it her b**...-to-Iron dress.
Since other people liked the turkish joke I translated, here's another one
Nasreddin Hodja was on his deathbed. He called her wife and told her to dress up nicely and wear makeup. She was confused about why he wanted that, so she asked him why.
Well, when the reaper comes he might like you more and take you with him instead of me.
Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
A man comes home from a formal party with two black eyes
His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.
The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her b**....
"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want her to walk around like that. So I pulled it out of her crack and she punched me in the face for it!"
"Okay, that explains the first black eye." Responds the roommate. "But what about the second one?"
The man says, "well, I figured she liked it there so I tucked it back in!"