Weapon Jokes

139 weapon jokes and hilarious weapon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weapon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Weapon jokes are for those who have a sense of humor about deadly items! Enjoy this collection of puns, riddles, and satirical jokes about lethal weapons, concealed weapons, armor, duels, and more. Read on for a good laugh about all things related to TF2 weapons, Kojima, and more!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Weapon Short Jokes

Short weapon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weapon humour may include short sword jokes also.

  1. Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
    Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
    United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons.
  2. A man arrived to a Duel with only a pen and a piece of paper He proceeded to draw his weapon
  3. I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday's joke was plotting.... ...weapons of math instruction.
  4. I covered all my weapons in glue. I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.
  5. Engineers What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons.
    Civil engineers build targets.
  6. I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons. He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.
  7. Before starting World War 3 The Russians should consider finishing World War 1 and upgrading their weapons
  8. The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael They didn't have his sai's.
  9. Kanye West, Donald Trump, justin bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins? Society.
  10. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Share These Weapon Jokes With Friends

Weapon One Liners

Which weapon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weapon? I can suggest the ones about shotgun and armed.

  1. My wife attacked me with a baguette She's been charged for assault with a breadly weapon
  2. What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon? The element of supplies
  3. They might deny pouring glue on my weapons... But I'm sticking to my guns.
  4. Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention And boy are my tires armed
  5. What do you call a weapon made of sodium chloride? A salt rifle.
  6. What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use? A salt rifle.
  7. Can a ninja throw projectile weapons? Shuriken!
  8. Why were kamikaze flyers a bad weapon? Because all the good ones died in practice.
  9. What do you call a grenade dropped in a church? A weapon of mass destruction
  10. What is a Catholic's favorite weapon? Nun-chucks.
  11. Ban weapons of mass dyslexia! Before they start an unclear war.
  12. My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles. I told them to make it snappy.
  13. What do you call an ionic compound carrying a gun A salt with a deadly weapon
  14. What is a chefs weapon of choice? A salt rifle
  15. What' the biggest threat to the Vatican? Weapons of Mass destruction

Concealed Weapon Jokes

Here is a list of funny concealed weapon jokes and even better concealed weapon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Bruce Lee Charged With Carrying A Concealed Weapon. He had his hands in his pockets.
  • Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets.
    He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
  • I found out I can't cross the border while wearing a long sleeve shirt... Apparently, you aren't allowed to carry concealed weapons across the border.
  • What do you call a n**...'s concealed weapon? Auschwitz blade!

Lethal Weapon Jokes

Here is a list of funny lethal weapon jokes and even better lethal weapon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does Tupak Shakur have in common with Lethal Weapon 4? Both were shot in Vegas
Weapon joke, What does Tupak Shakur have in common with Lethal Weapon 4?

Weapon joke, What does Tupak Shakur have in common with Lethal Weapon 4?

Cheeky Weapon Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about weapon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean instrument jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weapon pranks.

My rubberband gun was confiscated in Algebra class

It was a weapon of math disruption!

What's a nihilist's secret weapon?

His futility belt.

Doctor joke

Two doctors mortally offend each other and resolve to fight a duel. But they have no clue about the traditional dueling weapons -- swords, pistols, etc. After some thought, they decide to use the most deadly weapon of which each is an undoubted expert: They exchange prescriptions.

What kind of weapon is used by martial artists who specialize in wordplay?


A rubber band p**... was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Always been a family favourite.

Holmes is on the case...

Sherlock Holmes is investigating a m**... where the culprit had used a knife carved from Sandstone.
Dr. Watson finds the choice of m**... weapon odd.
"Holmes, who would kill another man with an Igneous rock?"
"Sedimentary, my dear Watson, Sedimentary..."

Black Santa reached into his bag of presents...

He may have been reaching for a weapon. An officer involved shooting occurred.

Did you hear about the sodium chloride with a gun?

They called it a salt with a deadly weapon.

I asked my dad what the deadliest weapon known to man is.

He said 'you came out of it'.

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.

Mike Tyson fires a nuke at his maths teacher.

It was a weapon of math destruction.
I'm so sorry.

As I looked at the liposuction tube I realized it could be used to strangle someone...

...making it a weapon of mass reduction.

My teacher confiscated my rubiks cube today...

He said it was a weapon of maths disruption.

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Arrived at crime scene
11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle
11.34: Found m**... weapon in drain
11.34: Realised watch was broken

Why did the female warrior prefer the armor smith over the weapon smith?

The weapon smith was a bit rapier

Several years ago, the military upgraded the AR-15 to an AR-18, but quickly abondoned the new weapon.

When asked about what happened to the new guns, a general replied,
" They Argon."

What's a bear's preferred weapon of choice?

A Grrrrrrrrrrrnade!

You know how they say your smile is your strongest weapon?

Tell that to my friend who stood still smiling when a thief asked him for all his money

What should you use to make a boat explode?

A weapon of mast destruction.

What's are pirates favorite kind of weapon?


Scientists recently developed a weapon that directly targets the Higgs Boson

It's classified as a weapon of mass destruction.

A new version of clue is coming out this year

It's called Flint River Clue. The only weapon is a lead pipe.

What weapons did the Romans use to fight the Carthaginians

As-salt rifles

What is a Polish person's favorite weapon?

A Warsaw...

What do you call a crazy weapon?

A Cruz Missile.

What do you call an organization that does demographic surveys of energy weapon owners?

The Pew Pew Research Center

What do you call a gun inside a church?

A weapon of mass disruption!

An 80 year old man r**... his bed nurse.

He was charged with assault with a dead weapon.

The morgue needed someone to identify the exact weapon used to kill Native Americans...

Apparently Jack Daniels still does.

A man with a gun walks in to a bar...

He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"

what do you get when you cross epsom with a gun

a salt with a deadly weapon

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight

The Galaxy Note 7

After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US has recently unleashed its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…

The American tourist!

"Knowledge is a weapon" said Terry Goodkind

which is why the cops can shoot you for holding a book

I dunno if a gun would be my m**... weapon of choice

but it's worth a shot.

What is the best weapon to combat cyber terrorism?

Galaxy Nuke 7

What's the difference between Zorro's weapon and Donald Trump?

One is a light bladed thrusting weapon, and the other is a bit rapier...

How did the pepper end up getting killed?

A salt with deadly weapon

What weapons do pengiuns have?


Why was the Trebuchet so rude?

It was an offensive siege weapon!

A man fighting a war finds an ancient lance capable of healing wounds rather than creating them.

He names the weapon "Ambu-lance"

Which weapon has the least amount of drawbacks?

A bow.

Daddy, how much does a nuclear weapon cost?

Daddy: Well, honey, I guessed they might cost at least a million dollar.
Daughter: Then, if it drops right on top of our roof, we'd be rich!

Why did pyramid head always drag his weapon around?

Because its i**... to carry!

I tried to rob a bank using jello cast in the shape of a gun

The police charged me with carrying a congealed weapon

What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?

A canon canon cannon

What do you call sodium chloride beating someone up with Bruce Lee's corpse?

A salt with a dead Lee weapon

Indecision can be a weapon. Sometimes, the best offense is a good on-fence.

That's it. That was the whole joke.

What weapon does a ninja use when he just really don't care..


French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...

France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.

I stole a p**... made from gelatin the other day...

I was arrested for having a congealed weapon.

Got hit by a loaf of bread today.

The cops arrested the guy for assault with a breadly weapon

Whats Jesus's favourite weapon?

A Crossbow.

I just discovered that I can play as Jon Snow on This War of Mine...

So far my weapon of choice has been the "crowbar."

What Fighting Style Uses Bread As A Weapon?


What is Jesus' first choice of weapon?

A crossbow

What's a keyboard warrior's favourite weapon of choice?

A salt rifle.

A Weapon Of Mass Destruction...

A cabbage and beer f**..., with a couple of boiled eggs thrown in, in the second pew at the 10:00 service at St. Agnes of the Holy Water Church...

Harvey Weinsteins weapon of choice?

The Rapier.

As things have escalated between North Korea and America. The Americans have revealed their secret weapon.

British troops

How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?

He doesn't use a lance a lot.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite fish, stretch and 17th century infantry weapon?


The best m**... weapon would be

a Tupperware lid because nobody would ever find it.

I bought a Jell-O mold in the shape of a handgun

The first time I used it the Jell-O came out and it looked perfect. Immediately the cops busted down my door and arrested me. I was charged with possession of a congealed weapon.

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the m**... weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
The proof is in the pudding!

Why is a red pen considered a weapon?

Because it can draw blood.

What's a chef's favorite weapon?

A salt rifle.

What's Snoop Dogg's favourite weapon?

A blunt weapon.

I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.

I call it "Book Club"

How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon?

He used his bear hands.

What's a bank robbing dogs favorite weapon?

A pawed-off shotgun.

09:51 Arrive at the crime scene.

09:51 Find m**... victim.
09:51 Cordon off the area.
09:51 Start searching for m**... weapon.
09:51 Realise watch has stopped.

I beat up some people with an algebra textbook and was arrested

I was charged with using a Weapon of Math Instruction
(Hoping this is somewhat original)

What weapon do gay archers use?

A rain-bow.

Weapon joke, What weapon do gay archers use?

jokes about weapon