Weakness Jokes
83 weakness jokes and hilarious weakness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weakness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Weakness Short Jokes
Short weakness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weakness humour may include short very weak jokes also.
- I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy. I just handed in my too weak notice.
- Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
- Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could - As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.
- A man is in a job interview.. "So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"
"Absolutely."
"Could you give me an example of that?"
"An example of what?" - I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it.. So I've just handed in my too weak notice..
- The job interviewer asked... The job interviewer asked: "What's your biggest weakness?"
Me: "I don't know when to quit..."
Interviewer: "You're hired!"
Me: "I quit." - "What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer. I said, "Spiders."
He said, "Professional ones?"
I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before." - Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel You might be too weak to lift your middle finger
- Interviewer: What's your strength? Candidate: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: What's your weakness?
Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.
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Weakness One Liners
Which weakness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weakness? I can suggest the ones about strength and weakly.
- Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor? It was about a weak back.
- Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
- EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
- "Fortnite" is a terrible name for a game. It's too weak.
- Not knowing Greek mythology is my biggest weakness It's my achilles horse
- Why should honeymoons only last six days? Because seven days makes a hole weak.
- "So, what are your qualifications?" "I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills"
- I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly.
- I'm a comedian with muscular dystrophy I'll be here all weak
- It was a real pain canceling my gym membership. They made me hand in a too weak notice.
- Why is Uber so weak? Because they don't even Lyft.
- Why did Achilles go shoe shopping? Because heels are his only weakness
- I've stopped having naps on a Sunday afternoon. Naps are for the weak. Not the weekend.
- Seven days without food... Makes one weak!
- What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety.
Cheerful Fun Weakness Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about weakness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean downside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weakness pranks.
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day
Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Jake's final conversation
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to" his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
What does seven days without exercise make?
One weak!
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
Let's make it Aussie joke day.
A man on vacation in Queensland suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. On waking, he weakly asks the nurse, "Was I brought here to die?" The nurse replies, "No, they brought you in yesterday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Wife won't like it
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much s**... do couples have?
Newly weds: "Tri-weekly."
After 10 years: "Try weekly."
After 30 years, "Try, weakly."
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
I was in a job interview.
The guy said, "What's your biggest weakness?"
I said, "I'm a great listener."
A girl comes back home after many years to see her father before he dies...
She goes to his bedside and starts crying, "Dad, I'm sorry!"
He looks at her, smiles weakly, and says, "Goodbye, Sorry." He grins. "I'm *dead*."
I was with my mom today when some guy backed into our car.
I joked with my mom "That guy's pull out game is weak." My mom replied "Not as weak as your dad's."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You'll never be able to go back in time and kill h**... as a baby.
You'd be way too short and weak.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
I was on a first date last night.
We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.
It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.
Yet another job Interview joke
Interviewer: So what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Candidate: I never know when to quit.
Interviewer: Well that can always be turned to our advantage! Congratulations, you're hired.
Candidate: *I quit*
A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.
A police officer comes to his aid.
"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Male s**... Drive Through The Ages
Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly
Between 33 and 52: Try weekly
52 and up: Try weakly
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a weak ape?
A chimpansy
At the job interview
"What's your biggest strength?"
"I'm incapable of understanding criticism.
"That sounds more like a weakness.
"Aw, thank you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... life cycle of a human male
tri-weekly
try weekly
try weakly
At the interview for my new job I was asked
"What would your friends say are your weaknesses?"
"I don't have any!" Was my reply.
The interviewer seemed a little surprised and answered: "That can't be true. Everybody has some weak points."
Whereupon I said: "Oh no. You got that wrong. I meant I don't have any friends."
Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?
He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had s**... with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a s**... name for a computer game.
I think it is just too weak.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"
"Anything" replied his wife.
The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son?"
His wife replied sincerely "Yes, you don't have to worry, he is our son". And with his mind set at ease the man passed away.
His wife thought to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other two."
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is out buying bread in Soviet Russia
When he sees that the bakery is out of flour, he shouts:
"d**... this country, we are so poor, I haven't been able to get a loaf of bread in days"
A policeman hears that and approaches the man.
"Stop saying things like that or..." the policeman says as he uses his fingers to form a gun, points it toward the man and says "Bang!"
The man is stunned and walks home.
The wife sees that the man is shocked and asks:
"What happened? Did we run out of flour again?"
The man weakly replies:
"Not only that, it appears that we also ran out of bullets!"
Bad dream
A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.
Doctor : what seems to be the problem?
Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.
Doctor: for how long?
Guy: must be a weak or so.
Doctor: okay, we'll solve this problem, just take this pills twice a day for a week, starting now!
Guy: OK Doc thank you but can I start tomorrow cause tonight is the final?
A man is on his deathbed
He has 4 sons, the first 3 are strong and like him but the last one is weak and different from him.
He asks his wife "is our last son my son?", she replies "yes".
When the man has died his wife quietly whispers to herself "thank god he didn't ask about the other 3"
I went for a job interview and the asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words
'Not very good at maths' I replied
During an interview the potential employer asked the young man What you consider to be your greatest weakness"?
The job applicant replied Honesty.
The interviewer commented "Honesty? I don't think honesty is a weakness.
The young man replied I don't care what you think!
I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.
Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus is hanging on the cross.
There's a big loud crowd gathered when he's heard weakly calling for Matthew. Matthew rushes toward the cross but is brutally beaten back by the Roman soldiers guarding it. He runs around to the far side and tries again. Again he's beaten back. Finally after several more attempts a beaten and b**... Matthew makes it to the cross.
Yes lord what do you have to tell me
Jesus replies I can see your house from up here
Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.
The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."
The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."
The third said, "I lack situational awareness."
A man on a business trip went out for breakfast
When the waitress came to his booth, she asked "What can we get you?"
The man paused and said "I'll tell you what- I'd like the special, but I want my toast burned to a crisp, my bacon rubbery, my coffee weak and when you bring me the food I want you to yell at me."
Puzzled, the waitress said "What are you, crazy?!"
"No," said the man- "i'm homesick."
Have you heard about the old geography teacher who kept wetting his bed?
His only weakness was in continents.
Another Jewish mother...
A Jewish guy calls his mother in Florida.
"Hi, Mom. How have you been?"
"Not so good. I've been feeling weak."
"Weak? Why are you feeling weak?"
"I haven't eaten for 28 days!"
"Twenty-eight days?! Why? What's wrong?"
"I didn't want my mouth to be full of food in case you should call."
