Ways Jokes

Does your sense of humor ever leave you at a loss for words? Discover ways to describe jokes with this article! Learn about the nuances of different eras and endeavors, and how to bridge the gaps between them. Find out how to improve your joke telling with this comprehensive guide.

Charming Humor Ways Jokes with Loads of Fun

The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...

and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

Whales

A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!

A young bride and groom to be

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.

jokes about ways

Eat the watermelons

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.

So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...

Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.

Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time licking himself.

Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"

Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."

A Priest and a Prostitute

One night, a priest walked up to a prostitute he saw on the street corner.

Hoping to shame her into mending her ways he asked "Young lady, what would your mother do if she saw you here tonight?"

The prostitute went white and replied "Oh, she'd kill me! This is her corner!"

Ways joke, A Priest and a Prostitute

British clock in german hands

During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.

Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the clock " We haff ways to make you tock"

God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...

... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!

I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called "101 ways to improve your confidence".

I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......

a scallop fell in love with a clam...

and against everyone 's advice they got married. and six short months later sure enough they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. their problem was obvious to anyone who knew them. they were just two shellfish .

You can explore ways gaps reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ways means dad jokes. There are also ways puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Three ways to get something done

Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

Many times when I am troubled or confused...

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.

This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, SeΓ±or, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

There are three ways to spread news

telegram, television and tellawoman.

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"

A joke I heard at mass

A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"

The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"

Ways joke, A joke I heard at mass

After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, "When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"

She says, "Honey, you can't have it both ways."

10 Ways to cut down on clickbait!

Well, that wasn't one of them.

There are 70 ways to make a man happy...

One is booze and the other is 69.

A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...

He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"

She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."

The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"

She responds, "$20."

He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the sperm bank, they pay me $100."

She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.

The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"

She responds, "To the sperm bank." with her mouth full.

Trump was recently asked his opinion on Roe vs. Wade...

He thought it was two different ways to get across the Potomac.

10 ways to avoid clickbait!

Well, that wasn't one of them..

I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.

Number 3 will shock you.

10 Ways to cut down on clickbait!

Does anyone know?

A Russian goes to a watchmaker.

He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Ways joke, Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, so I have to ask...

Are there any other ways to satisfy my girlfriend?

Alabama college kid visiting Boston

So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"

My wife is a lot like Apple

Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.

Two ways of driving someone crazy;

One is stopping in mid-sentence and

Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation..

... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.

As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."

Out of all the ways to lose an arm,

losing it in a sausage machine has got to be the wurst.

My girlfriend was really hurt and upset when I told her I swung both ways.

She couldn't block both punches.

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

I hate how people can't tell the difference between etymology and entomology.

It just really bugs me in ways I can't seem to put into words.

I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom

I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways

It's interesting how different parts of the country have different ways of saying the same thing.

For instance, in most parts of the country, having an income of $100k or more is called "making six figures".

However, here in San Francisco, we call that same thing "living above the poverty line".

A rich couple lost all their money and was trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.

The husband says to the wife if you learn to cook, we could get rid of the housekeeper

She laughed and replied if you learned to please me in bed, we could get rid of the gardener

The Lord moves in mysterious ways. But you don't.

Use your turn signal.

There's a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.

It's really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

People that get entomology and etymology mixed up...

Bug me in ways I can't put in words.

I'm on the fence about bisexuality.

I could really go both ways on the matter.

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"

​

(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)

There's two ways to frustrate a person

The first is not finishing a sentence

The second is

I signed up for German language lessons recently. They replied, and I am kind of worried now.

They said, We have ways of making you talk.

I knew this guy once, I didn't know why but he just didn't look right

One day he got hit by a bus and was taken to hospital and died later that day and the doctor said this would never have happened if he just looked both ways

Two sperm are swimming along. One looks at the other and asks, "Are we there yet?"

The other replies, "We still got a ways to go. We barely just passed the tonsils"

I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.

Guess I'm starting again from scratch.

I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

Joe : Barack....

Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF

I hate people who can't distinguish etymology and entomolgy

They bug me in ways I can't put into words.

People who don't understand the difference between...

People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

There are 3 ways to get something done

1: Do it yourself

2: Hire someone to do it for you

3: Forbid your kids from doing it.

The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology...

...bugs me in ways I can't put into words.

My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room.

I said, "OK, there's the door"

I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.

I'm still out of shape, but I haven't touched a cigarette in months...

I hate optimists.

They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.

Almost immediately after making my first joke here, I got a brand new follower!

I was very excited, so I went to their profile. I think they're a new account, they only have one post, and when I clicked on the link in the post, it took me to a site that immediately asked if I was over 18

I guess my joke was a little immature, sure, but there's gotta be nicer ways of saying it

M. C. Escher had a very tough childhood

Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways.

My wife asked me if there are any ways to save our marriage

I said yes, there are threeways

Work likes to say we're like one big family...

...but then get upset with me when I call my boss Daddy. You can't have it both ways.

There are several ways to get to the second floor. Some prefer the stairs, others the elevator.

I prefer the ladder.

Russians are very flexible, and are world-class ballerinas, figure skaters, and gymnasts

They use their flexibility in other ways, too! It's the only country where there are regularly suicides with bullets to the *back* of the head.

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

One sperm said to the other sperm:

"Man, this is a long journey! How far to the uterus?"

"I don't know, but we've got a ways to go. So far we've only made it to the esophagus."

What do you call a monkey who swings both ways?

Bi-curious George

The Homophobics in my apartment building have been boycotting the elevators.

They found out elevators go both ways.

The president of my home owners association and my blind neighbor don't see eye to eye often…

But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it.

If you would like a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve our quality of life…

…please press 3.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ways religions puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ways ways to describe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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