Ways Jokes
142 ways jokes and hilarious ways puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ways that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Does your sense of humor ever leave you at a loss for words? Discover ways to describe jokes with this article! Learn about the nuances of different eras and endeavors, and how to bridge the gaps between them. Find out how to improve your joke telling with this comprehensive guide.
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Funniest Ways Short Jokes
Short ways jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ways humour may include short methods jokes also.
- My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
- Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
- My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
- As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself... maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
- Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
- Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
- Malaysian Airlines and United should merge That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
- My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
- People who don't understand the difference between... People who don't understand the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I can't put into words.
- With the way I see asian people driving, it got me thinking... Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.
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Ways One Liners
Which ways one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ways? I can suggest the ones about tools and steps.
- One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
…
j/k…rolling. - I hope Death is a woman That way it will never come for me
- My wife asked me if "I was listening to her?!" Strange way to start a conversation....
- 10 Ways to cut down on clickbait! Well, that wasn't one of them.
- My girlfriend says I'm way too condescending… (That means I speak down to people)
- Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush. I also pull out way to late.
- You'll never believe who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor! Everybody.
- how do you starve a black person? the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
- After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective
- Gabe Newell should be president That way we'd never have WW3.
- I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day.
- Shoutout to my grandpa That's the only way he can hear
- Me and my recliner... We go way back.
- What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer? By selling your camera.
Easy Ways Jokes
Here is a list of funny easy ways jokes and even better easy ways puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light... There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
- There is really no easy way to say it, ma'am, but your son has just fallen into the Eyjafjallajökull.
- I like my women the same way I like my lightbulbs. Not too bright, easy to turn on, and suspended from the ceiling with electrical cable.
- There's a VERY easy way to leave every casino with a small fortune. Go there with a large one.
- There's no easy way to say this..... She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.
- The only way to learn... When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
- Here is an easy way to tell a Chinese girl from a Japanese girl The Japanese girl has pixels.
- What's a quick and easy way to turn a sofa into a bed? Forget your other halfs birthday
- Want to know an easy way to become a Millionaire? Be a Billionaire and start day-trading
- There's no easy way to say this… Worcestershire
Ways Earn Jokes
Here is a list of funny ways earn jokes and even better ways earn puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities? Riposte
- What's the most honest way to earn a living as a seamstress? The Ernest Hemingway
- They should offer a class on speaking the truth in high school It'd be a great way to earn a foreign language credit.
- I bet the way a young lady earns a "g**..." shirt is very similar to the way a young man earns a Penn State sweatshirt.
Ways Improve Jokes
Here is a list of funny ways improve jokes and even better ways improve puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called "101 ways to improve your confidence". I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......
- I wanted to improve my cooking skills, so I finally decided to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook I'm on page 122, but no matter how much butter I use, it still just tastes like paper.
- If you would like a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve our quality of life… …please press 3.
- I am looking for two Chinese people to help me improve legislation for animals in Asia. That way, two wongs can make a right.
- Why is Youtube Rewind called the way that it is? Because Youtube knows that the videos always improve from rewinding the years.
*Beware of Youtube Rewind 2019* - Just ten minutes in the treadmil per day can really improve your live You wil start enjoying way more any other ten minutes.
- I love smoking w**... in a home improvement store. Best way to take your highs with your Lowe's.
- Ladies! Scientists have found a sure way to improve your h**...... Use your mouth.
Ways To Describe Jokes
Here is a list of funny ways to describe jokes and even better ways to describe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics... ...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.
- My friend told me he bought a 4 foot snake I told him that's a weird way to describe a lizard.
- I was looking up some baseball history, *I mean, if you know - you know* ..
But the best way to describe the lineup of the 1935 New York Yankees in one word is, 'ruthless'. - What's the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman? Selfish.
- In the Middle East during the Crusades, what was the best way to describe someone? By taking all of their books, parchment and pencils and burning them in a bonfire
- What would be the best way to describe the winter landscape in Westeros? Stark.
- What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns? Non-habit forming
- What's the best way to describe getting curb stomped? sole-crushing
- What's another way to describe a contradicktion? A logical phallusy!
Charming Humor Ways Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about ways you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tips jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ways pranks.
The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...
and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
A man goes to Boston
A man goes on a business trip to Boston. He has never been there before and wants to try some of the local food. His friends all told him to try the sea food. Especially Boston Scrod.
So as he gets into the taxi at the airport he ask the driver "Do you know where I can get Scrod?"
The driver answers "Listen Mac. I've been asked that question many times and in many ways but never before in the past pluperfect subjunctive."
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
Eat the watermelons
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...
Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.
Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time l**... himself.
Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."
A Priest and a p**...
One night, a priest walked up to a p**... he saw on the street corner.
Hoping to shame her into mending her ways he asked "Young lady, what would your mother do if she saw you here tonight?"
The p**... went white and replied "Oh, she'd kill me! This is her corner!"
British clock in german hands
During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.
Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the clock " We haff ways to make you tock"
God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...
... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!
There are four sure fire ways to get through math class
Either you study hard, have a natural talent for it, or just skip it.
a scallop fell in love with a clam...
and against everyone 's advice they got married. and six short months later sure enough they filed for divorce and went their separate ways. their problem was obvious to anyone who knew them. they were just two shellfish .
Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road?
He was rushin'
Three ways to get something done
Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Many times when I am troubled or confused...
Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a v**... Martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"
And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."
And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."
There are three ways to spread news
telegram, television and tellawoman.
A boy said to his father one day,
"Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician."
His father responded, "I'm sorry, son, you can't have it both ways."
3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad
The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing what the others did, frantically shouted "FIRE!"
A joke I heard at mass
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, "When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"
She says, "Honey, you can't have it both ways."
There are 70 ways to make a man happy...
One is booze and the other is 69.
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the s**... bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the s**... bank." with her mouth full.
Trump was recently asked his opinion on Roe vs. Wade...
He thought it was two different ways to get across the Potomac.
10 ways to avoid clickbait!
Well, that wasn't one of them..
I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.
Number 3 will shock you.
10 Ways to cut down on clickbait!
Does anyone know?
A Russian goes to a watchmaker.
He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."
Donald Trump said, "I declare April as s**... Assault Awareness month."
His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"
Trump replied, "Prevent it?"
I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, so I have to ask...
Are there any other ways to satisfy my girlfriend?
There are two ways of making people frustrated
The first way is to not complete what you were saying,
Alabama college kid visiting Boston
So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"
A drunk walks into a church.
Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
The pastor stops his sermon and just stares at him.
Drunk: "I'm Jesus Christ!!!"
Pastor: "Sir, you are not Jesus. Can you please leave?"
Drunk: "I am. And I can prove it. Follow me!"
The pastor and some church members follow him. He walks down the street a ways, crosses, and enters a bar. The pastor follows.
Drunk: "HEY EVERYBODY!!!"
Bartender: "Jesus Christ! Are you here again?!"
My wife is a lot like Apple
Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.
Two ways of driving someone crazy;
One is stopping in mid-sentence and
Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream?
He forgot to look both ways before crossing the street
Wife has strange ways of starting a conversation..
... out of nowhere she'll ask me: are you even listening at all?
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
Out of all the ways to lose an arm,
losing it in a sausage machine has got to be the wurst.
My girlfriend was really hurt and upset when I told her I swung both ways.
She couldn't block both punches.
A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.
But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.
The problem, she said, is that's a piece of prime real estate.
A lady took her clock to a clock repairman.
"What seems to be the problem?" he asked.
"This clock just goes tick, tick, tick." she replied.
"Ahh, don't worry lady, we have ways to make them tock".
Why did the monkey and Jane fight over Tarzan?
Because they heard that he swings both ways.
Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...
But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.
I hate how people can't tell the difference between etymology and entomology.
It just really bugs me in ways I can't seem to put into words.
I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
It's interesting how different parts of the country have different ways of saying the same thing.
For instance, in most parts of the country, having an income of $100k or more is called "making six figures".
However, here in San Francisco, we call that same thing "living above the poverty line".
We were incompatible in a lot of ways.
Like for example, I was a night person, and he didn't like me.
A rich couple lost all their money and was trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.
The husband says to the wife if you learn to cook, we could get rid of the housekeeper
She laughed and replied if you learned to please me in bed, we could get rid of the gardener
The lord moves in mysterious ways - but you don't have to.
Please use your blinker!
The Lord moves in mysterious ways. But you don't.
Use your turn signal.
There's a new machine at my gym. Used it for an hour and felt sick.
It's really good though, does everything! Kit Kats, Snickers, Milky Ways. The lot.
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
White people looking both ways before they start
People that get entomology and etymology mixed up...
Bug me in ways I can't put in words.
If robert frost was bisexual...
He would have gone both ways.
I'm on the fence about bisexuality.
I could really go both ways on the matter.
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
There's two ways to frustrate a person
The first is not finishing a sentence
The second is
I signed up for German language lessons recently. They replied, and I am kind of worried now.
They said, We have ways of making you talk.
People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology,
bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
I knew this guy once, I didn't know why but he just didn't look right
One day he got hit by a bus and was taken to hospital and died later that day and the doctor said this would never have happened if he just looked both ways
Two s**... are swimming along. One looks at the other and asks, "Are we there yet?"
The other replies, "We still got a ways to go. We barely just passed the tonsils"
I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.
Guess I'm starting again from scratch.
I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'
It looks like I'll have to start from scratch
Joe : Barack....
Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF
I hate people who can't distinguish etymology and entomolgy
They bug me in ways I can't put into words.
A man can f**... in 100 different ways.
Quite the a**...-enal.
There are 3 ways to get something done
1: Do it yourself
2: Hire someone to do it for you
3: Forbid your kids from doing it.
I'm not really a fan of steampunk
but I will say, it's one of the healthiest ways to prepare punk.
The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology...
...bugs me in ways I can't put into words.
My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop pointing out ways to exit a room.
I said, "OK, there's the door"
I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.
I'm still out of shape, but I haven't touched a cigarette in months...
I hate optimists.
They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.
Almost immediately after making my first joke here, I got a brand new follower!
I was very excited, so I went to their profile. I think they're a new account, they only have one post, and when I clicked on the link in the post, it took me to a site that immediately asked if I was over 18
I guess my joke was a little immature, sure, but there's gotta be nicer ways of saying it
If tomatoes are fruit, why is there a tomato in Veggietales?
The gourd works in mysterious ways.
Why don't chameleons get hit by cars?
They always look both ways.
What's a truckers favorite kind of house?
The ones with the long haul ways!
M. C. Escher had a very tough childhood
Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways.
My wife asked me if there are any ways to save our marriage
I said yes, there are threeways
Why did Jesus get in a serious car accident?
God works in miss steering ways
