Waves Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

Son : Mom, Dad... I'm gay.

Dad : *Raising his right hand*
Mom : No , don't you dare!
Dad : *Sweating profusely*
Mom : Don't do it!
Dad : *waves at son* Hi gay , Im Dad.
Son : No Dad, I'm serious!
Dad : You're serious? I thought you were gay!
Son : I'm not serious!
Dad and Mom : Good.

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand?

A microwave.

A man with a gun walks in to a bar...

He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"

A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

Yo mama fell down...

The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today

Why is the ocean so salty?

The land never waves back.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

When a midget waves at you, it's called a...

microwave.

So an atom walks into a bar...

He says, "Hey bartender, I think I lost an electron." The bartender asks him if he's sure, and he says , "Yeah, I'm positive."

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

A photon walks into a bar. He sees his friend on the other side of the room, so he waves.

A blonde woman waves a cab

She asks the cab driver
"How much do you charge to drive me to the nearest airport?"

The cab driver answers
"Around 20 bucks"

The woman then says "I'm carrying luggage, do these get charged?"

Driver: "No, i don't charge for luggage"

The woman smiles, leaves her luggage in the cab and then says
"see you at the airport then, ill take the bus"

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

A biker walks into a bar...

...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...

After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.

Out of soup. says the officer in charge and waves him aside.

The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.

The officer motions to the guards and they wrestle the ranting man away. As they shove him outside, one says to the man:

Back then we could've shot you in the snow, comrade.

The man goes back home to his wife. She sees him looking glum as he walks in and asks:

Ran out of soup again?

Even worse, he replied. They ran out of bullets.

Science Joke

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.


He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:


Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99


The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.


The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

Three Ducks are in Court

They are about to take to the stand against Judge Swan.

The first duck steps up.

What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan

My name is Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond

Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the next duck.

The second duck steps up.

What is your name and why are you here? , said Judge Swan

My name is Quack Quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the pond

Judge Swan waves her hand, signaling for the last duck.

The last duck steps up.

Lemme guess, is your name Quack Quack Quack? asked Judge Swan.

No, my name is Bubbles

Two vampires walk into a bar

Two vampires sit down at a bar. The first vampire orders a glass of blood but the second one just asks for a cup of hot water.

The first vampire is surprised by this and remarks "Just water? Are you feeling alright?"

The second vampire waves him off and pulls a dripping tampon from his coat pocket "Yes yes I'm just in the mood for some tea!"

A particle walks into a bar, but nobody is there.

So he waves.

Three generals are having a day off at the beach

The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"

The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"

The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.

Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil Hitler! We are out of fuel!"

What Do Sound Waves Say To Girls They Meet Online?

Send nodes.

I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip

The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He, too, never returned.

The chemist was fascinated by the properties of the water, and wrote in his log "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.

A taxi driver speeds through a red light without even looking

And the passenger says, "whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!"

The driver replies, "don't worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time."

The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, "what are you doing?! You'll get us killed!"

The driver waves him off, "nonsense. My cousin, he does it all the time."

Then they come to a green light and the driver slams on the brakes and creeps into the intersection before taking off again. Now the passenger is livid.

"What was that?! That light was green!"

The driver nods and then shrugs before replying.

"My cousin. He mighta been coming."

A guy is grocery shopping when he sees a beautiful blonde, who smiles and waves at him.

She stops to talk to him, and he can't remember who she is. Instead of faking it, he fesses up and says, "Hi - you look really familiar, but I don't remember how I know you."

She responds, "My name is Taylor, and I think you're the father of one of my children."

The guy's mind reels with shock, and he thinks back to the only time he was unfaithful to his wife. He asks, "Were you the dancer at my batchelor party, who my friends paid to tie me up and ride me, while I was drunk?"

The lady responds, "No - I'm your son's Math teacher."

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

A Scoli-ocean!

(Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...

The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"

The three great friends begin to think before answering the genie.

The American answers first "I want the chance to sing the great national anthem of America one last time in full, and please genie allow the storm to quieten so that my friends may hear this wonderful tune and enjoy it"

The genie replies that he can grant this wish

The Korean next asks "It would make my last moments on this earth perfect if I could one last time eat the traditional food of my country, some sour and spicy cabbage soup, along with salted blood sausage and ice noodles - but I want enough so that I can share the last meal with my friends.

"It will be done" answers the genie

Finally the British man speaks up.

"Please kill me before the song and the food:"

Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in naked with a bag over his head...

He waves his erection around and streaks out again.

"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.

"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.

"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.

Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today?
Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.

Susan answers, He's in my heart.

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, He's in our bathroom!

The teacher is surprised by this answer and asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'

A guy walks into a bar and orders 15 shots...

He proceeds to drink them in 15 minutes and then leave. He returns the next night and repeats the procedure, 15 shots in 15 minutes. This goes on for 3 solid months. It gets to the point that the bartender starts setting up the 15 drinks before the guy even arrives.

One night, the guy walks in as the bartender is preparing his order and waves away the 15 shots. "What's the matter," asks the bartender, "You're one of the best drinkers I've ever seen"

The man replies, "It's just that I got a little too drunk last night I went home and blew chunks."

The bartender says, "So what, everyone gets sick now and again."

The guy says, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Biker walks into a bar...

A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.

The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

A barber is telling his customer about the stupidest kid he knows..

He tells him, "I tell everyone about this kid and what a moron he is. Every time he comes by I offer him two quarters OR a single dollar bill. He takes the quarters every time...never learns."

Right as they're talking the kid walks by the window. The barber knocks and waves him in. The kid walks up and the barber offers him two quarters or a dollar bill. The kid takes the quarters and leaves.

"You see that? Every single time! I feel sorry for our future." says the barber.

Curious, the customer chases the kid down and asks, "Why do you take the two quarters? You know one dollar is worth more, right?"

"Of course I do, but the day I take the dollar, he'll stop paying me"

Why is your mother like the universe?

They both create gravity waves when they bang.

Do you know the way little children run towards the waves of the ocean but back up the very last second?

That's the exact same way I flirt with girls

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II and she says

"Watch Francis! With a wave of my hand I can make every loyal subject go completly hysterical." So she waves her hand and every loyal subject goes completly apeshit.

Then Pope Francis tells her "Well Elizabeth with a wave of my hand, I can give every Irishman and Scotsman eternal joy." To which she replies "Pha, I would like to se you try!"

So he slaps her!

Men are greedy bastards.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.

The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.

Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember - fairies are female.

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.

The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"

The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Light...

Two physicists are in a dark room. The first physicist suggests they turn on a light. The second physicist says "does light really matter?" The first one replies "no, it waves".

I finally came up with a good punchline for the "An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar" joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a third of a pint, and the fourth one is about to order when the bartender waves him off and pours two full pints. Whoa whoa, hold on, says the mathematician, How do you know we're all here? The bartender replies, Well, when I saw that guy wearing the brace on his right side I figured you were all set.

An Olympic swimmer...

...is on a cruise ship, when it hits a reef and sinks. Bobbing in the waves, he spies an island in the distance, makes for it, and barely gets ashore. All he finds on the isle are fruit trees, a female sheep and a big dog. The fruit trees provide sustenance, but he starts to feel lonely. The sheep has luxurious fur, beautiful eyes and long lashes that she shyly bats at him. When he approaches her, the dog viciously attacks and repels him. This goes on for months, until he can hardly bear it.

One day he sees another ship sinking at sea. Swimming out, he sees a woman thrashing in the waves. He saves her as she's about to perish, and hauls her ashore. As luck would have it, she's absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm so grateful to you for saving my life...I'll do anything you ask, as a way to repay you."

The swimmer can't believe his luck. "Anything?"

The young woman smiles coyly. "Anything your heart desires."

"Can you take that big dog over there for a walk?"

What's it called when a short person waves?

Microwave

"I wish for gender equality!"

*the genie waves his wand.*

"Well, I'm not sure how you guys will repopulate, but that's on you."

Why is the sand so quiet?

Because the waves keep going "shhhhhh".

2 sound waves... (OC)

...were travelling to their destination when they suddenly crash into each other.

The first wave says "Hey, are you okay?"

The second wave says "Oh I'm fine

It just Hertz"

Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.

>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

>So what is it then?

You make me sick.

Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers

One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman and raises his eyebrows. Thinking for a minute, she reaches into her purse. She pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down the crack, grabs the $30 and goes home

Guy walks into a bar with a unholsteret gun

Entering he waves it in the air shouting
"This is a 8 round loaded 1911, now tell me who slept with my wife!"

Shortly after you hear a yelling from the background.

"YOU NEED MORE AMMO!"

Did you hear the news about the collision between two black holes?

It's really making waves.

Does the beach wave back when the ocean waves?

No, but it appreciates the sediment.

Another penguin joke

A police officer pulls over a car and notices the back seat is full of penguins. "You can't drive around town with penguins in your car. You've gotta take those penguins to the zoo," says the cop. "As a matter of fact officer, I'm driving to the zoo now," he replies. The cop waves him through. The next day the same police officer pulls him over. And again, the penguins are waddling around in the back seat. "I thought I told you to take them penguins to the zoo!" the cop says. "I did, today we're going to the beach!"

Waves passed through an average-sized psychic.

He's a medium medium-medium.

Scientists detected gravitational waves directly for the first time

Your mom's gonna get half the Nobel prize.

What are the funniest waves jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Waves? Well, here are the best Waves puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Waves pick up lines to share with friends.

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