The Best 46 Watermelon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Watermelon jokes. There are some watermelon onions jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these watermelon lon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Watermelon Jokes and Puns

Watermelon Farmer.

This is the best joke I know so I thought I would share, as far as I know it's original.

A successful watermelon farmer is having some trouble. Some kids keep stealing his crops at night while he sleeping.
To scare them away he makes a sign saying "Caution: One of these watermelons are poisoned".

The next morning, he wakes up to this sign: "Caution: Now two of these watermelons are poisoned".

So my friend told me...

So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him.

What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces?

A quartermelon!

Watermelon joke, What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces?

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"

The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".


Hygienic!

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any panties. So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any panties.

She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.

Eat the watermelons

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.

So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

Watermelon joke, Eat the watermelons

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

A watermelon doesn't cry when you hit it with a sledgehammer.

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

Farmers.

If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs.

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

You can explore watermelon melon reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean watermelon canteloupe dad jokes. There are also watermelon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

What do you call a disabled gay person?

A watermelon, because it's technically both a fruit and a vegetable.

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew?

"I'm sorry baby, we just cantaloupe."

What do you call a sad watermelon?

melancholy

What do you call a watermelon in California?

A melon

Watermelon joke, What do you call a watermelon in California?

How do you grow a melon?

Watermelon

A watermelon committed suicide!!

Because, It couldn't handle all the MELONcholy in its life.

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!


If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window.

I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.

Did you know that watermelon is only 50% water?

The other 50% is melon

John has 20 watermelons and tim has none. John threw one watermelon at tim, what does tim have now?

A concussion.

What's green on the outside, red on the inside, and has watermelon seeds?

A watermelon!
Now,
What's green on the outside, red on the inside, has watermelon seeds, and isn't a watermelon?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Half a watermelon.
That's my dad's favorite joke.

Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit...

Cause they're like, "Watermelons"

@caredee

When I was a boy...

"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.

No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -

And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain

I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?

Banned from the supermarket.

A farmer kept getting water melons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign

'now there are two'

What do you say to the fruit that tends to your front yard?

WATER-ME-LON!

Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.

Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?

Whats every Dad's favorite fruit?

Watermelon (water my lawn)

I pick my women like I pick my watermelon.

A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.

Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?

It had melonoma

The watermelon patch.

A farmer has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been stealing some regularly. He comes and up with an idea to stop the menace so he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later feeling pretty smug and discovers that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

What's the difference between a watermelon and a babys head?

One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one tastes good

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

It wanted to become a watermelon

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

Best Worst Joke Ever: How do you get water into a watermelon?

You plant it...in the spring!

Where does the Roman stop eating his watermelon?

At the Rhine.

If there is watermelon

why isn't there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the four elemelons

What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon?

Post Melone

Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married.

Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe

What did the watermelon say when the honeydew asked it to run away to Vegas and get married?

Sorry I cantaloupe

I made this up eating a green watermelon

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it proposed?

Sorry, I cantaloupe

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the watermelon fruit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working watermelon seeds piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes