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Watermelon Jokes

82 watermelon jokes and hilarious watermelon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about watermelon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a good chuckle? Check out this collection of amusing tangerines, tomatoes, and melon jokes! From one-liners to puns, this practical joke list is sure to provide plenty of summertime fun.

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Popular Watermelon Short Jokes

Short watermelon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The watermelon humour may include short melons jokes also.

  1. John has 20 watermelons and tim has none. John threw one watermelon at tim, what does tim have now? A concussion.
  2. A friend of mine said onions are the only food that can make him cry. So I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
  3. So my friend told me... So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him.
  4. Onions My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.
    I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.
  5. I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I? Banned from the supermarket.
  6. Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon
  7. Best Worst Joke Ever: How do you get water into a watermelon? You plant it...in the spring!
  8. If there is watermelon why isn't there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the four elemelons
  9. Farmers. If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs.
  10. I pick my women like I pick my watermelon. A little rough with a discolored bottom and heavier than the appear.

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Watermelon One Liners

Which watermelon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with watermelon? I can suggest the ones about honeydew melon and cantaloupe.

  1. When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!
  2. What do you get when you slice a watermelon in four pieces? A quartermelon!
  3. What do you call a sad watermelon? melancholy
  4. What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it proposed? Sorry, I cantaloupe
  5. How do you get the water in a watermelon? Plant it in the spring.
  6. Where did Harry Styles go to school? Watermelon Sugar High
  7. What did the watermelon say to the honeydew? "I'm sorry baby, we just cantaloupe."
  8. What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon? Post Melone
  9. Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool? It wanted to become a watermelon
  10. How do you grow a melon? Watermelon
  11. Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin? It had melonoma
  12. Whats every Dad's favorite fruit? Watermelon (water my lawn)
  13. Did you know that watermelon is only 50% water? The other 50% is melon
  14. What do you say to the fruit that tends to your front yard? WATER-ME-LON!
  15. If watermelons are %80 water If I stand on one, does it mean I'm %80 Jesus?

Watermelon Seed Jokes

Here is a list of funny watermelon seed jokes and even better watermelon seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
  • Scientists have developed watermelons that grow seeds on only one side... The inside!
Watermelon joke, Scientists have developed watermelons that grow seeds on only one side...

Watermelon joke, Scientists have developed watermelons that grow seeds on only one side...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about watermelon can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of watermelon puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Watermelon Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about watermelon you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean honeydew jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make watermelon prank.

Watermelon Farmer.

This is the best joke I know so I thought I would share, as far as I know it's original.
A successful watermelon farmer is having some trouble. Some kids keep stealing his crops at night while he sleeping.
To scare them away he makes a sign saying "Caution: One of these watermelons are poisoned".
The next morning, he wakes up to this sign: "Caution: Now two of these watermelons are poisoned".

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

Hygienic!

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any p**.... So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any p**....
She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.

Eat the watermelons

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

A watermelon doesn't cry when you hit it with a sledgehammer.

Two men are hiking in the woods.

Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

A traditional Iranian joke

A man has a very bad case of worms so he goes to very famous doctor. the doctor assesses his case and says go to the market buy the biggest juicy watermelon you can find, cut off one end drop your pants and sit on it. The worms will go into it and leave your body. So the guy does just that and when he sits down the king worm comes out tastes the watermelon and says " bring it in boys"!

Did you hear about the watermelon that fell inlove with the melon?

They wanted to get married but they cantaloupe.

Did you hear about Draymond Green's new comedy road show?

It's like Gallagher, but instead of watermelons he only smashes kiwis.

I am 72% Jesus

Jesus walked on water. Watermelons are 72% water. I can walk on watermelons.
Therefore, I'm 72% Jesus.

What do you call a disabled gay person?

A watermelon, because it's technically both a fruit and a vegetable.

What did the Jamaican watermelon say to the sprinkler?

Ayy brutha, water mi lawn

"I wish I had the money to buy a million watermelons..."

"What will you do with a million watermelons?"
"I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."

What do you call a watermelon in California?

A melon

A watermelon committed s**...!!

Because, It couldn't handle all the MELONcholy in its life.

If I had a nickel for every watermelon I've chucked at my neighbors window.

I still wouldn't have enough bail money for a vandalism lawsuit.

Just found out watermelons are 92% water......

In completely unrelated news, I'm never eating another k**....

How can you tell when you're in a math problem?

Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.

What's green on the outside, red on the inside, and has watermelon seeds?

A watermelon!
Now,
What's green on the outside, red on the inside, has watermelon seeds, and isn't a watermelon?
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Half a watermelon.
That's my dad's favorite joke.

Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit...

Cause they're like, "Watermelons"
@caredee

When I was a boy...

"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.
No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -
And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain

A farmer kept getting water melons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign

'now there are two'

Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.
Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?

What do you call a melon in the ocean?

Watermelon.

The watermelon patch.

A farmer has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been stealing some regularly. He comes and up with an idea to stop the menace so he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later feeling pretty smug and discovers that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

What's the difference between a watermelon and a babys head?

One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one tastes good

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

A n old farmer grows watermelons

However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married.

Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe

What did the watermelon say when the honeydew asked it to run away to Vegas and get married?

Sorry I cantaloupe
I made this up eating a green watermelon

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).

Both were denied.
This is actually true.

What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

A guy with worms up his b**... goes to see a doctor.

Guy: Doc, these worms be killing me, what can we do ??
Doc: Get a watermelon, sit on it, once the worm leader gets a taste, He'll call his buddies to join him out.
And sure enough our guy does as instructed, after hours of watermelon sitting, the worm leader crawls out for little taste.
The worm leader: Yo me hearties, on my three, and.. LIFT!

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew melon?

We're not right for each other, we can't elope (Cantaloupe)

Comedian Gallagher, Famous for Smashing Watermelons, dies at 76

He wasn't as good as Smashing Pumpkins, but he made a splash.

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun.
"Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer.
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your a**...."
The guy gets all 100 up his a**....
He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" asks the farmer.
the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!

Backfired!

My grandkids always say, "I LOVE (insert food, activity etc.) My dad answer is always, "So why don't you marry it?"
Today my granddaughter had a plate of watermelon and of course said "I LOVE watermelon." Before I could reply she said, "I think I'm gonna marry it!" She was so proud to beat me at my game, but I was even prouder.

Watermelon joke, Backfired!

jokes about watermelon

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these watermelon jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.