Watering Plants Jokes
59 watering plants jokes and hilarious watering plants puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about watering plants that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Watering Plants Short Jokes
Short watering plants jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The watering plants humour may include short growing plants jokes also.
- Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
- Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin agreed to take care of each other's garden. This means Roger Waters Robert's Plants.
- Best Worst Joke Ever: How do you get water into a watermelon? You plant it...in the spring!
- What did the plant say to the sprinkler? Stop spraying water everywhere, you're really starting to irrigate me!!
- My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg Best joke that's ever been told.
- What's the name of a common garden plant, that if sat under for more than 5 minutes, would cause almost guaranteed death? A Water Lilly.
- Mr. Trump told his servant to water the plant outside the house The servant said, "But sir, it's raining outside"
Mr. Trump replied, "Can't you use the umbrella?" - YSK - The number one reason house plants die is OVER watering. The number two reason is under watering.
- Why did the plant say after being watered? "I'm not hungry exactly, but I could still use a light snack".
- Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants. Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
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Watering Plants One Liners
Which watering plants one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with watering plants? I can suggest the ones about planting flowers and house plants.
- What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it Water lily
- How do you get the water in a watermelon? Plant it in the spring.
- What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood? A phlebotanist
- Why was the beach next to the power plant closed? Because it is spark infested waters.
- Do you know why you can't water indoor plants in Russia? Because it's bad for microphones
- What do you call a gay water plant? AlgaeBT.
- My fake plant died Because I didn't pretend to water it.
- Where does Russia get its water from? De-stalinization plants
- What do plant companies do with their underperforming employees? Water them
- If you think that there's nothing that can make your plants stay alive... Watering can
- How do you ask a Gardner out? Water your plants?
- What do you call someone who takes water out of plants? A phlebotanist.
- If Humans Get Fired... Then plants get watered?
- Today, in your honor, a tree was planted in Israel. Thursday is your day to water it.
- What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with v**...? A sorority.
Watering Plants Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about watering plants you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean planting seeds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make watering plants pranks.
Jesus and Moses decide to go fishing
Both sitting in a little boat, in the middle of the most beautiful lake in heaven, they start reminiscing about their days on earth. Back on earth, I once stood on the shore, raised my arms and the sea opened up so I could walk across
You think you can still do that? Asked Jesus.
Moses thought a bit, pulled in their lines and started rowing back to shore where jumped out, stood at the shoreline, raised his arms and sure enough the waters parted, as he lowered his arms the lake returned to normal. Both were impressed and they got back in their boat and headed back to the middle of the lake when Jesus remembered, You know, when I was on earth I could actually walk ON the water.
Moses grinned and said, You should try it here!
So Jesus swings his feet over the side of the boat, plants his feet, stands up aaaand immediately slips under the water. Quickly, Moses drags him back into to the boat and through tears of laughter announces, I knew you couldn't do it! Look at those holes on your feet!
Mothers Day Prank Suggestion
I played this simple and harmless joke on my mum a few years back and the family still laughs about it. Here you go:
Go to the local greenhouse or place that sells plants. Buy a really nice flower p**... (empty) and a bag of potting soil. This is the key, while you are there snag one of the tags from a nice looking flower that has its name, picture and whatnot on it. Make sure its something exotic so she is excited about it. Then fill the empty p**... with potting soil, stick the tag into the empty p**... and put a nice bow on it. When you give it to her say something like "the lady at the greenhouse said this is a really beautiful plant when the bulb grows but be sure to water it daily, it should grow in like 3-5 weeks". Done. Mom thinks she go a nice gift and you get to watch her water a p**... of dirt for at least a month until she decides to dig up the bulb thinking maybe she killed it... At this point I suggest you have an actual gift ready to give to her because I had to make an emergency trip to the greenhouse after being told: DONTCOMEHOMEWITHOUTAGODDAMFLOWERFORME!!!!! or something like that. Dad was still laughing when I got home, and afterwords mom even said it was a pretty good joke.
Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.
They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.
When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crystal clear and it is surrounded with lush foliage. And in the center is one specific tree. It is a majestic plant and from it's branches hang the most unexpected of things.
Bacon. Delicious, crispy bacon. Enough to feed a man for days. Without even thinking, one of the men bolts for the oasis, desperate for food and water. As he reaches the half way point, from behind the tree springs forth a man wielding a machine gun. The poor immigrant is gunned down and lays in the sand, dieing. His friend runs to him and says
> Miguel, are you alright? What happened to you?
To which the man responds, looking up at his friend with his dieing breath
> Pedro, it is not a bacon tree...it is a hambush.
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
Man Find Potato Latvia
Man is finally find little potato. Man think can eat and be hungry less but if plant in ground have many more potato soon. Many big potato. Hungry never! So he bury and water for weeks but no grow nothing. Then man realize was not potato that buried. Was just hopes and dreams.
The Martian had a genius marketing strategy
Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.
The gardener asked me what I wanted him to do, I told him to water the plants...
He points and asks "water these?",
I said "nah man, *pointing* WATER THOSE".
A man went to water his garden...
He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.
Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"
"Look at this!" I said to my roommate
"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"
My neighbor asked me to water his plants while he was on vacation...
But I'm pretty sure they all died in that fire.
Did you hear about Harvey Weinsteins new job?
He'll water your plants for direct eye contact.
What did the empty watering can say to his plant friends at the s**... club?
Where dem hose at
I have 2 plants, one named Drew, and one named Lew
I only have enough water for one plant though, so I usually water Lew.
My mom wanted me to water the plants and my friends wanted me to get on Fortnite...
I got on Forntite because bros before hose.
I poured some b**... water out on a plant, turns out they don't like w**...
Bushes prefer c**...
You ever heard of the gardener who never learned how to water plants properly?
He'd just do whatever ewer dewing!
I bought some plastic plants for my aquarium. I was going to get the real ones...
but I knew I would forget to water them.
Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.
They're explaining how him smoking w**... led to his condition worsening.
But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?
Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!
The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?
A water lily.
One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.
I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, it's raining!
He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants.