Following is our collection of Water jokes which are very funny. There are some water noice jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these water water polo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
My boss asked what companies?
Gas, water and electricity.
If it floats it's boy ant.
I know he means well...
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The firstο»Ώ chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.
A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"
Unless it's dissolved in water.
So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly stupid.
"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."
He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.
She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"
He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."
"Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
You can explore water thirsty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean water bottled water dad jokes. There are also water puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You will be mist.
It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.
"Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
Pb & J.
that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
"Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."
"I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
-Because the other fish were crying.
Jesus can make them both wine.
1. Get a glass full of water
2. Throw the ant into the glass
3. If it sinks, it's girl ant
4. If it floats, it's boy ant
This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.
A religious movement.
"No," she said, taking a sip of her water.
I said, "Well, you have now."
I know he means well...
It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries
...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...
Water follows the path of least resistance.
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Water takes the path of least resistance
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. I can't serve underage weasels."
The weasel says, "That's fine. I don't need something alcoholic. What else do you have?"
The bartender says "Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
No.1
No.2
Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I"ll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
Drinking.
Drown them.
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well.
But now it's just water under the fridge.
Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.
I know he means well...
Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.
Add spring water
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
The prefer the term "tactical baptism"
so please if you are drowning children, don't waste water.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
From a well, actually
Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:
1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water
The next day, the teacher shows the results:
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.
Got halfway to work, realized I forgot my car.
People will eventually get over it.
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that one guy to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the one guy
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
Why?
Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.
Note: My first attempt. Thanks.
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud β French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks a Bloody Mary?
The vampire shakes his head. Hot water for me
Hot water?
I found a tampon out back and want to make tea
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
βI think there's water in the carburetor.
βHow do you know? said the husband scornfully. βYou do not even know what the carburetor si.
βI am tlling you, repeated the wife, βI 'm sure there's water in the carburetor.
βWe'll see, mocked the husband. βLet me check it out. Where's the car?
βIn the swimming pool.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
It will be mist.
Marine Corps
Now I'm in hot water with the japanese mafia.
The downside is that I'm not allowed in Samsung stores anymore.
If they fall forward they will fall on the boat floor
steamed beef
geographer: shore
Sounds great if you don't know what both of those things are.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the water downstream jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working water river piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.