Water Bill Jokes
53 water bill jokes and hilarious water bill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about water bill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Water Bill Short Jokes
Short water bill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The water bill humour may include short electric bill jokes also.
- My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
- My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore... ...so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
- I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet. No wonder my water bill is so high.
- I always impress my landlord with my water bill Every month he messages me and says it's 'outstanding' and I always message him back, 'thanks!'
- Got my water bill today - £400. Then I saw an advert for Oxfam stating they can supply a whole village with water for £5 a month. Think I'll be changing my supplier.
- Wet Joke My Uncle Forgot to pay his water bill the other day.
I sent him a get *well* soon card - After once again being unable to pay my bill, the water company sent me a card this morning. Get Well Soon
- Does anyone have Oxfams number? I just got my water bill for £278 and then heard on TV that Oxfam can supply a family for just £2 a month. I am swapping..
- My wife asked if I had paid the Water and Electric bills. Of course, I had forgotten to, but not wanting to lie or admit fault, I just told her that they were both current.
- I never thought that my blood pressure goes up because of water... After I saw my monthly bill!!!
Share These Water Bill Jokes With Friends
Water Bill One Liners
Which water bill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with water bill? I can suggest the ones about gas bill and electricity bill.
- Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked
- My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill. I sent him a Get well soon card
- I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously... Needless to say, I was shocked.
- Yesterday I opened my electricity bill and water bill at the same time …. I was shocked
- The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.
- I opened my water and electricity bills at the same time. I was shocked.
- I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends. They can't pay their water bills.
- I heard that my friend cannot afford his water bill So i sent him a "get well soon" card
- What's the most expensive thing at Guantanamo Bay? The water bill.
- My friend fell sick because he couldn't pay his water bills.... I hope he gets Well soon!
- how do you fix a leaky faucet? ....don't pay your water bill.
- You know they say the same thing about Bill Cosby and Mexico? Don't drink the water.
- I got a huge bill from the water company
- How do you stop water from running? Don't pay the water bill.
- Why do honest ducks dip their heads under the water? To liquidate their bills.
Water Bill Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about water bill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bills jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make water bill pranks.
John and Bill decide to play some golf one morning...
...and they're not very good. So bad, that old ladies start passing them before they hit the back nine.
At the sixteenth hole, they're both playing from the rough after their first strokes.
Waiting at the tee box they see a skinny bearded man. "Mind if I play ahead?", the man asks.
"Sure thing, buddy! Lord knows how long we'll be here.", Bill yells back.
The man hits the ball over their heads and into the rough.
Laughing and amongst themselves, they meander through the woods to find his ball being held by a squirrel. The squirrel runs up a tree, but is then swooped up by an owl. The owl takes flight over a water hazard and drops the squirrel, still holding the ball. The bearded man joins them and they walk towards the edge of the water. As they approach the water's edge, an alligator leaps out thrashes his head towards the group, spitting out the squirrel holding the golf ball. The squirrel rolls down green and into the hole, only to emerge without the ball and scurry away back into the woods. The three men run over to find the golf ball resting at the bottom of the hole.
"Jesus Christ!", John yells out.
The man nods.
"Yup."
A man moves into a haunted house
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
Skinny Dippers
A farmer in Maine was just finishing up a tough day in the Summer Sun. He decided that after such a tough day the perfect thing he needed was a walk around his pond. The blueberries were in full bloom so he decided that it was worthwhile to pick some up for breakfast the next day, so he grabbed a bucket.
As he approached the lake he heard some girls laughing and giggling. Fortunately for the girls they saw him force and quickly retreated to the deeper waters. As he noticed them he smiled to himself. There were three gorgeous girls covering themselves - *skinny dippers* he thought to himself.
"We're not coming out until you leave!" One of the girls shouted at him.
He frowned and furrowed his brow. "Honestly, I didn't come down here to see some n**... girls or anything of the like. I don't care if you stay in there or leave." He lifted the bucket slightly. "I'm just here to feed my pet alligator, Bill."
What's the best way to keep water from running?
Don't pay the water bill.
What do you call a guy/girl with no arms and no legs jokes. (WDYCAGWNAANL)
Ok these are pretty common, so I'll start with a couple of standards and then add some I came up with.
WDYCAGWNAANL in a mailbox? Bill
WDYCAGWNAANL in front of a door? Matt
WDYCAGWNAANL in the water? Bob
WDYCAGWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russel.
In a hole? Doug.
On a pile of dirt? Phil
Now a few of my own ( although others have probably figured these out too):
WDYCAGWNAANL on fire? Bernie
Dead? Mort or Mortie
With one remaining functional appendage? r**....
Cheering for the red team? Fred
Buried in a mine cave-in? Cole
In a fire? It's Cole again!
Hanging from a tree? Bud
Hanging from a different tree? Leif
In a pile of hay? Rick
WDYCAGWNAANL who fell through the outhouse hole? Lou
What's the most expensive part about running a homeopathic practice?
The water bill.
Bill Clinton and his razorbacks...
Bill Clinton steps off a plane with two Arkansas razorbacks under each arm and then is greeted by a Marine who is saluting him. Bill tells the Marine "Son I would salute you but as you can see I got my hands full with these succulent hogs. I got one here for Hillary and one here for Chelsea." The Marine replies "A mighty fine trade, sir!"
edit - loving how the "alt-left" has come out of the woodworks on this one. Was just testing the waters. And the verdict...a lot(85%) of you have a quality sense of humor. You're alright.
Whats Bill Gates' favorite watering hole?
Foo Bar.
Worst f**... in golf history
1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton
Why? You ask
1. Stormy is a h**....
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..
Dalai Lama joke
The Dalai Lama gets a job in convenience store.
A customer buys 3 bottles of water and gives him a $100 bill.
Dalai Lama: Thank you come back again.
Customer: Wait, where's my change?
Dalai Lama: Son, change comes from within.
One day I'll have to cook for myself to save money.
I'm telling my mother that I'll have to get better at cooking to save money when I move away. My 13 y.o. sister interrupts by saying, "Your water bill from flushing so much will make up for that."