Wate Jokes

What is water?

HIJKLMNO

Watermelon Farmer.

This is the best joke I know so I thought I would share, as far as I know it's original.
A successful watermelon farmer is having some trouble. Some kids keep stealing his crops at night while he sleeping.
To scare them away he makes a sign saying "Caution: One of these watermelons are poisoned".
The next morning, he wakes up to this sign: "Caution: Now two of these watermelons are poisoned".

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids...

I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle.

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing. It just waved.

Water p**...

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water p**.... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''
Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''

Water polo was invented

After a particularly heated game of ICE Hockey

Besides watermelon, there should be windmelon, firemelon and earthmelon.

The four elemelons.

My water stopped working for a bit today.

My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"

I tried water polo but....

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.

Why did the water cross the ocean?

Because it wanted to wave at the sand!
My 5 year old son asked the question and my wife answered it. Gotta love it.

Why did the water turn into steam?

It mistbehaved

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when he proposed to her

"Well we cantaloupe. My mother will never forgive us"

How do you keep water warn in the winter?

Have it wear an aqua-fur.

Go down a water slide when it isn't wet.

And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

If water is h20, what is ice

H2O^3

How do you get the water in a watermelon?

Plant it in the spring.

How does a water bear sleep?

It Hydronates

What's another name for a waterbender?

A firefighter.

What did water say when ice f**...?

Ice melt it.

What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?

Jesus in a submarine.

Water evaporates, condenses, precipitates, and evaporates again.

It's a viscous cycle.

What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?

Shhhhhhh.

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew?

"I'm sorry baby, we just cantaloupe."

Water is the most precious drink

Because without it we can't make coffee

You know what they say

If the water slide is broken, the log ride's still open!

The water bear got poor marks because he was always late for class.

I guess you could say he got tardi-grades.

Water is clear. Why is Snow White?

Because Disney didn't cast black characters

What happens to water when it gets all fired up?

It lets off steam.
^^...I'm ^^sorry

What Did H Say 2 O?

Water you doing?

How do you tell if water is true or false?

Bring it to a bool.

At the watering hole, an elephant suddenly picked up a tortoise and flung it as far away as he could.

A lion asked, "Why'd you do that?" The elephant said, "That's the same one that bit me on the trunk 17 years ago last week." The lion said, "Wow. Amazing memory." The elephant said, "Sure. Turtle recall."

Water.....I have news for you.

The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."

What should you do when your water breaks

Call a Plummer

What did the water vapor say when the cloud told it to make the grass wet?

"Don't tell me what to dew."

What does water do when its mad?

It gets STEAMED...

Watermelon cantaloupe

But apple pears

A watermelon committed s**...!!

Because, It couldn't handle all the MELONcholy in its life.

Water isn't Gay

It's genderfluid.

Do YOU appear as water droplets?

Are YOU found on grass, leaves, and window ledges in the morning?
If so, you may be dew condensation!

What do watersports and hummus have in common?

Chickpeas

Did you know that watermelon is only 50% water?

The other 50% is melon

If you like water

You already like 70% of me

we are mostly water

that's how come we're mist when we die

Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?

Drown them.

water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,

drown them

Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit...

Cause they're like, "Watermelons"
@caredee

What does a water bottle identify as?

Gender fluid.

I went on a water slide once and now I'm addicted

It's a slippery slope

Got my water bill today - £400. Then I saw an advert for Oxfam stating they can supply a whole village with water for £5 a month.

Think I'll be changing my supplier.

A water inspector got a lethal lead poisoning...

Before dying he said: "It tastes... Irony"

Watersports?

u**... for a good time!

I want to get into the water selling business

but the market seems a bit over saturated.

I got into a water fight with the kids in the street.

I Won
They completely underestimated me and my kettle.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay...

Sounds great to anyone who doesn't know what either of them are.

I think I have a water f**...

Just traces of it makes me feel moist and when I'm in contact with a lot of it I'm wet

I like water.

It really floats my boat!

If watermelons are %80 water

If I stand on one, does it mean I'm %80 Jesus?

What water does Alex Jones drink?

The same water the gay frogs drink

Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?

It had melonoma

Why is water infused with eucalyptus leaves so delicious?

It's koala-tea

What did the water say after the HCl attacked the NaOH?

That's assault.

The watermelon patch.

A farmer has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been stealing some regularly. He comes and up with an idea to stop the menace so he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later feeling pretty smug and discovers that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

Why don't water and kerosene mix?

Because the lighter fluid rises!

The water problem in Africa is like someone put a sponge block from Minecraft in the stream.

My water disappeared

It shall be mist

Why does water never laugh at jokes?

It isn't a fan of dry humor.

Water can solve all your problems..

Want to lose weight?
Drink water.
Clear Face?
Drink water.
Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..

Do you know why you can't water indoor plants in Russia?

Because it's bad for microphones

What happens when water trips over?

waterfall

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon

A watermelon proposes to a honeydew melon and says
honey, I love you and I just can't wait to get married. Let's just run off to the farmers market and get it done.
And the melon says, baby I love you too, but I just cantaloupe

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.

I just got a water cooler for my PC

not a fan.

If there is watermelon

why isn't there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the four elemelons

Why does water keep changing its state?

Because it's bipolar

If water with ice is iced water...

... milk with ice is iced milk, and tea with ice is iced tea, what's ink with ice in it?
>!(This one works better out loud. If you don't get it, maybe say the answer out loud to someone you know and they'll probably agree even though they haven't heard the lead in.)!<

Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...

They all follow the path of least resistance

Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married.

Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe

What did the watermelon say when the honeydew asked it to run away to Vegas and get married?

Sorry I cantaloupe
I made this up eating a green watermelon

Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it proposed?

Sorry, I cantaloupe

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay...

Sounds great if you don't know what both of those things are.