The Best 32 Watching Football Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Watching Football jokes. There are some watching football lakers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these watching football footballs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Watching Football Jokes and Puns

An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.

I started watching football (soccer) because I could see it's very relevant to my life...

Little to no goals.

Joe went over to his buddy Bob's house to hang-out and watch football ...

As they were sitting in the living room, Bob's dog walked into the room, laid down on the floor, and began to lick its nuts. Joe looked down at the dog and said "Man, I wish I could do that." To which Bob replied, "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him first."

Watching Football joke, Joe went over to his buddy Bob's house to hang-out and watch football ...

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:

-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score

-You are on - Replies the second one.

The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:

-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.

-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...

and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.

She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"

I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."

Where do people in Ghana go to watch football?

The Ghanarena

Watching Football joke, Where do people in Ghana go to watch football?

Adam and Eve

When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.

Adam - I'm lonely.

God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing sex, will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch football?

Adam - That sounds awesome! What will it cost me?

God - An arm and a leg!

Adam - What can I get for a rib?

My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday...

Anyway, better be going. The football starts in... 1200 seconds.

As I was watching some commercials tonight....

A football game came on.

Did you hear what Michael Vick said about getting back into football?

He said that he feels a bit out of it from his years away, but he enjoys watching all of the players fight like dogs.

You can explore watching football touchdowns reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean watching football watch dad jokes. There are also watching football puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

"I was going to watch a German football team play today, but I couldn't leave the house because I don't know where I left the key."


"No, I checked the mantelpiece."

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

Do you like getting inebriated with yo' bruv's and watching groups of men in tights prancing around and occasionally slapping each others arses?

No, you say. Then why do you like American football?

Why did Jerry Sandusky become a football coach?

He liked watching tight ends

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

Watching Football joke, What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Watching this election has been like watching my fantasy football team on sundays...

Always projected number 1 in points
( owning bell, brown, rodgers) , and always losing games

Watching the NCAA Football Championship Game with Dad

Me: "Who's the favorite?"
Dad: "Your brother."

I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.

I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.

Football gave me traumatic brain injury

And I was only watching.

Watched a one-sided football match between sportsmen and religious people.

Golfers: Fore Catholics: Kneel

I don't watch the Croatian Football games..

I don't just feels very itchy.

I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad

that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

My girlfriend said she wants to break up with me because I watch too much football

So I asked her if she was going to leave on loan or full transfer

Two wind turbines are stood in a field.

One wind turbine turns to the other. "Have you been watching the football recently?" asks the turbine.

"No," says the other. "I'm not really a big fan."

The Grecian Gods vs the Greeks

Zeus and his human friend Spiro were watching a game of football, the gods versus the humans. Spiro looked around the pitch at all the players and then saw an absolute unit of a player, a half horse, half human professional. Spiro asked Zeus, Hey, who's that player over there? Zeus responded, That's our teams centaur-forward .

Why don't grasshoppers watch football?

They prefer cricket!

Asked my grandpa if he watched Austria Hungary football match

he asked me who played against

A man is sitting in his easy chair watching the football game when his wife comes in and slaps him in the face.

He says, What was that for!

She says, I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket with the name Dorothy written on it!

The man says, oh that's just the name of the horse I was going to bet on

A week passes and the man is back in his easy chair watching another football game.

Wife walks into the living room and slaps him in the face again.

The man yells, what was that for!

She says, your horse just called...

Steve and John are watching the football when Johns dog starts licking its nuts. Steve says "i wish I could do that"

To which John replies "probably best to pat him first or he might bite ya"

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match

Grandpa: who's playing?

Grandson: Czech and Slovakia

Grandpa: against who?

Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet

While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)

The other says: "Who's playing?"

"Austria-Hungary", says the first.

"Against whom?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the watching football television jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working watching football nfl piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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