The Best 80 Watched Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Watched jokes. There are some watched jesus is watching you jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these watched my watch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Watched Jokes and Puns

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

I watched pom.

You misread that, didn't you?

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, Stupid Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!

Watched joke, America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

β€Ž...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

I was told to bring a box of tissues with me when my friends and I watched Bambi.

You can imagine my disappointment.


My girlfriend finally watched Back To The Future.

It's about time.

Eat the watermelons

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.

So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "

Watched joke, Eat the watermelons

I farted in a room of hipsters

I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

Just watched a pirated movie

On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14

I started watched 12 years a slave today

...but I only made it 3/5ths the way through

Why was the young snowflake so upset?

Because he just watched his mom get plowed.

You can explore watched telly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean watched stupid watch dad jokes. There are also watched puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself,

Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.

I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic

I mean, a ginger with two friends?

I asked my French friend if he watched superbowl...

...he said bowling is not so big in Europe.

I watched a documentary on hallucinogenic drugs yesterday.

It's a good way to watch a documentary.

Watched joke, I watched a documentary on hallucinogenic drugs yesterday.

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Have you watched the movie about polynomials?

I heard the *f(x)* were great!

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son

Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!

The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.

The robot slaps the mom...ο»Ώ


My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

I recently watched my wedding video backwards.

I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

I have just watched a documentary on marijuana.

I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

I just watched a knot making documentary, it was really good!

Especially that ending, what a twist.

Today, I played God.

I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching...

Too bad Anne Frank never watched Home Alone.

It could have been a real game changer.

I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...

...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Finding Nemo is a real thriller!

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the television.

Yesterday I watched the movie Carrrs.

Well, it was just Cars, but I pirated it.

This evening I watched a Series of Unfortunate Events

Then I turned off the news and watched Netflix.

Do you ever get that feeling like your being watched?

'Cause if it's bothering you I'll stop.

*Edit*: It's supposed to be you're. I'm know I'm stupid. You can stop telling me.

I just watched an Imam trying to perform a tracheotomy on a Labrador while free-falling at 10,000 feet...

... I'm not sure extreme vetting for Muslims is such a good idea.

What did Gandalf say to Elrond as he watched him make a basket?

There Hugo Weaving again.

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

I just finished watching a documentary on weed

I think more documentaries should be watched this way

Last night I watched a documentary on how they put ships together...

It was riveting!

Yesterday I watched "Get Out" with my racist grandpa

He thought it was a documentatary.

One day when I was young......

I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

A girl gets home from school and is greetrd by her mother

Mom: "What'd you do in school today?"

Daughter: "We learned all about the male reproductive organs"

Mom: "Oh, and what else?"

Daughter: "Well then we watched as the police came and took Mr. Brown away"

I watched a great documentary on menstruation in Victorian times

It was a great period piece.

My girlfriend and I watched 3 movies back to back on Netflix

Good thing I was facing the TV.

I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.

I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial

I watched a documentary about stroke survivors last night.

It was a bit one sided.

i watched my classmate murder our professor with a calculator

it was graphic

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.

One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.

They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a naked girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...

No 1-1

I watched a documentary about how ships are kept together.

Riveting

I recently watched a pirated film.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 3.14.

I watched a documentary on how they make boats.

It was rivetting

I watched 3 movies back to back with my wife last night.

Luckily, I was the one facing the screen.

I just watched a tree sitcom

Overall it was ok, but the characters were a bit too sappy

Last night me and my wife watched 3 movies back to back.

Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV.

I watched hockey before it was cool.

They basically were swimming.

A drunk goes in a bar and asks for a shot of Jim Beam.

The bartender pours it and the drunk pushes it aside and asks for another shot of Jim Beam. The bartender pours it and the drunk drinks it. The bartender says, "I watched what you did and I don't understand why you pushed the first one away and drank the second one!" The drunk stated," I've been going to those AA Meetings, and they said WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!!!".

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn't my fault I was the one facing the tv

Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world.

Bellow the video it said comments are disabled.

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night

It was amazing. I'm going to start watching everything that way!

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother would say, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself, I sneaked in and watched him making those stupid little peach shoes.

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?

Friend 1: Finding Nemo

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood upβ€” the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

So they made a documentary on Netflix about Madeline McCann....

8 episodes, roughly 8 hours, and if you watched it you watched her more than her parents did.

Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time

Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

My friend just watched a documentary on Chernobyl

He actually grew up in Ukraine during the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

The Clintons at President Reagan's funeral

I don't know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might've noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.

Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together

A blonde was walking through the woods...

... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."

After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track, saying "38, 38, 38..."

They do this for a few more minutes until there is a train coming. The brunette jumps off the tracks, just in time for the blonde to get smeared.

After the train passes, the brunette hops back onto the tracks, saying, "39, 39, 39..."

I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.

Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.

I watched a documentary on how they built the hull of the Titanic last night....

It was riveting.

My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language

I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was all done or wanted more food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate. It's so amazing that, at just 13 months old, he can already get my wife to stop talking.

Just watched an interesting documentary on cocaine...

Going to watch all documentaries this way now!

I watched my friend die today...

Before she died she gave me her epi-pen, I think it's something she wanted me to remember her by

I watched a documentary about hydroelectricity last night.

Best dam movie I've seen in a while.

I watched a movie about fishing...

It had a great cast in it.

Just watched a movie where a mad scientist rigs a DeLorean to time travel and he paints everything purple, it's called...

"Back to the Fuschia"

I watched a documentary last night about how Levi's are made.

It was riveting.

Chernobyl

I know a man who just watched the series drama Chernobyl. He lives right outside of the place.
He says he counted 9 factual mistakes in the drama series on one hand

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the watched saw jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working watched movies piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes