Washing Car Jokes
84 washing car jokes and hilarious washing car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about washing car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Washing Car Short Jokes
Short washing car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The washing car humour may include short car wash jokes also.
- A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
- I washed the car with my 5 year old son today. When we finished, he said, Next time dad, can you use a sponge?
- I was washing the car with my son yesterday He kept shouting, 'Mum, stop! Why can't you use a sponge!' 😀
- A man is washing his car with his son. His son looks at him and says,
Dad...Why can't you use a sponge? - One day a dad was washing the car with his son. The son said, "dad, can't You just use a sponge?"
The dad said "no son this builds character." - A man is washing his car with his son Says the son: Dad, wouldn't it be better if you use a sponge next time?
- A dad was washing his car with his son. "Why can't you use a towel or sponge like other people?" asked the son.
- How many dubstep fans does it take to wash a car? One hundred and one. Two to wash it, one to dry it, and ninety eight to talk about how dirty it was.
- A man is washing his car with his son, when the boy says... "Dad, can't you use the sponge?"
- In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah.... But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!
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Washing Car One Liners
Which washing car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with washing car? I can suggest the ones about washing clothes and washing dishes.
- A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
- A Dad is washing the car with his son The son asked "why can't you use a sponge?"
- A man is washing his car with his son. Son: Dad, can't you use a sponge?
- Me: *washing car with son* Son: Dad, can't you just use the sponge?
- A father was washing his car with his son And the son says, dad, can't you use a sponge?
- I was washing my car with my friend. He asked if I could use a sponge instead.
- My dalmatian got away from me and ran through a car wash. Now he's spotless.
- A dad washes his car with his son. Son-dad why can't you use a sponge
- I'm turning my washing machine into a car. Can't wait to take it for a spin.
- Girl said that she would do anything for 5$ guess who just got their car washed.
- Just got my free yearly car wash Thanks California!
- [LPT] When you're being chased by the cops, make a clean getaway by Driving through a car wash.
- *washing car with son* Son: can't you just use a sponge
- What type of car does a washed up celebrity drive? A Mercedes Has-Benz
- I was washing a car with my friend Until they said can't you just use a sponge
Washing Car Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about washing car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wash clothes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make washing car pranks.
Chuck Norris bought out the Walt Disney Company with a car-wash token.
Me and the rain are waiting...
I'm waiting for rain to come so that I can wash my car. On the other hand the rain is waiting for me to wash my car.
Why are girls at the car wash the easiest?
Because they're already wet.
Blessed car
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf...
It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
There are 3 nuns two that are crying and one who is laughing...
a priest goes up to the first crying nun and asks, "What is wrong sister?" The nun says, "I broke into somebody's house." The priest says, "Go drink from the holy water it will wash away your sins." The next nun says, "Father I stole someone's car." The priest says, "Go drink from the holy water it will wash away your sins." The priest goes up to the laughing nun and asks, "Why are you laughing so hard?" The nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession...
When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, "So... what did you confess to?"
"I told Father Murphy I gave my boyfriend a h**... in the back seat of the car. He told me to say ten Hail Marys and wash my hands in the font of holy water."
The first girl winces and says, "Well, you might want to wait. When I'm finished confessing, I'm probably going to have to gargle in it."
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
I washed my car today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally, I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women believe that giving birth must be way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash.
I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details.
Do they have any car wash in Albania?
Yes. They call it "rain"
Why you should wash your car?
WASH YOUR CAR BECAUSE IT IS DIRTIER THAN MILEY CYRUS!
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
A father says to his blonde, teenage daughter one day "honey I thought I asked you to wash the car like 10 times today"...
She replies "I swear I was going to, but I called a hundred different places and nobody has this Elbow Grease that you told me to use !!"
Happy ending massages don't count as cheating...
Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet.
Why did the man steal a car from a car wash after robbing a bank?
He needed a clean getaway.
New trick thief racket
Im just here to warn you, about this gang.
They appear on parking areas in front of supermarkets.
Seems like at the moment often at walmart.
2 very cute 18 - 20 year old girls will start to wash your car while you put your groceries in. They have barely clothes on, so you could see their underwear and even more.
If you offer money, they will say no and ask you if you instead can give them a ride to another supermarket. If you agree they get on your backseat and will start having s**... with each other while you drive. After a while they try to involve you. While one kisses you, the 2nd will steal your wallet.
Just wanted to tell you: Take care!
I got robbed this way on monday, tuesday, wednesday, twice on thursday and on saturday.
Saw a sign at a gas station earlier that said "car wash out of order."
So I waxed my car, sprayed it with water and then applied soap.
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
A p**... said she would do anything for 10 dollars.
Look who just got his car washed. THIS GUY!
A man goes to a mental hospital to visit his elderly mother...
when upon entering, he sees a man making beeping noises and waving his arms around. "what are you doing?", he asks.
"I'm driving a car. Can't you see?"
"Actually, you're in a mental hospital and your car doesn't exi-"
Then suddenly someone shouted out "Don't tell him! I get $20 by washing his car!"
Driving Down The Street
I was driving down the street when i saw a black man with a tv, i thought to myself hmm that looks just like mine but when i got home mine was still there washing my car like i told him to.
A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all untill he returns!
Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport.
After they get in a car the wife asks:
"Whats wrong? You haven't spoken a word since you came"
and the husband replies:
"I'm waiting for you to f**... so I can catch some air"
It was pretty funny when I was s kid!
What does a poor man call rain?
A free car wash.
My wife said she wouldn't have s**... with me until I did everything on the "To-Do list"
So I scratched out **#1** "*Wash the car*" and replaced it with "*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"
The rabbi moves next to the priest.
The rabbi moves next to the priest. On the first day, the priest sees how dirty is the car of the rabbi, and he washes the vehicle, as an act of courtesy. When he wakes up on the next morning he hears the sound of a hack saw. He looks through the window, and sees that the rabbi just cut down the end of his car's exhaust pipe. The priest is very upset and runs from the house, while he is cring. He asks: Why did you do that?
The rabbi replys: You just batized my car, so I circumsise your car.
I took my car to the wash and got the dirt off.
Now I have to get the rust off..
I just got fired from the Car Wash yesterday
They caught me smelling the seats
What did the parrot say at the car wash?
I'd like to get macaw washed
How many blondes does it take to wash a car?
Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.
How to change the blinker fluid in your car or truck:
STEP ONE: wear safety glasses! If you get any fluid in your eye, it will cause uncontrollable blinking until you wash it out.
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
Got approached by a p**... today who said she would do anything for $10
Guess who just got their car washed?
Washing your own car is like w**....
I'd rather do it myself than have a guy do it in the car park of a mall.
I was washing my car with my friend...
when my dad came outside and asked "Why don't you just use a sponge?"
So this guy is washing his car with his son one day
They work for a couple hours in silence, then the son says, "Dad, can't you just use a rag?"
Dad washing a car with his son...
Both of of them using a sponge because that is what you're supposed to wash with and having a good time.
I went to my car one day to find a spear sticking out of the windshield!
That's the last time I ask Joss Whedon to wash it for me.
I'm buying my wife golf shoes for Christmas. She doesn't golf...
But she does wash my car and the driveway gets a little icy in the winter.
a father and Son were spending some quality time washing a car,
the son looked up to the father and asks;
"why can't you just use a sponge?"
A father is washing the car with his son
After a moment the son asks his father: "do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
A man wants to get it on with his wife in the morning but his 6 year old son is home.
He tells his son to go watch out of the window and start yelling out whatever he sees to get him distracted.
The son goes to the window and starts shouting loudly all the activities he is seeing.
"The milkman is delivering milk" he says.
"Two birds are chasing each other" he continues.
"Louder" the dad says. (Maybe to the son maybe to the wife)
"Mr. ANDREW IS WASHING HIS CAR" he says.
"JOHNNY'S PARENTS ARE HAVING s**..." he yells.
The dad stops and turns in surprise.
"How do you know" the dad asks.
"Because Johnny is at the window yelling out whatever he sees on the street"
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: 'dad, can't you just use a sponge?'
You've got 10 minutes...
My wife (38F) caught the dreaded virus, so it fell to me (39M) to take all the kids to get tested.
I gave them a 10 minute warning while I got my wife a coffee. After 10 minutes (okay it was probably at least 15), I called out to the kids "if you haven't already, can you please grab your shoes and get ready to head to the car..."
I grabbed my own shoes, finished my own coffee, took it to the kitchen, and as I washed it called out "is anyone not ready yet?"
_(no response)_
(louder) **"Okay, how about this then - who _IS_ ready?"**
_my eldest son (13M):_ "um, no one's ready"
#"what!? I gave you all at least 20 minutes!! What is happening!?"
_my eldest son:_ "Well, I'm David, he's John, she's Chloe"
...
and I don't know if I've been so proud to be a dad before
I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive.
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.