wash Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious wash puns

Handjobs



A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.

After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your fuckin' hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A boy comes home from school at 7pm

His dad says "where were you?
"I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely."
Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're fucking donuts."

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Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
Are you the one who gives the hand jobs? he asks.
Yes, she purrs. I am.
Well, wash your frickin' hands, says the man. I want a cheese sandwich!

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman"

Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."

~~

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

I first noticed I was going bald

When it took longer and longer to wash my face.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

went to a temporary tatoo parlor

it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

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My girlfriend once used Vaseline when she gave me a handjob . .

I came four or five times trying to wash it off.

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A man walks into a bar...

And sees a beautiful woman tending the bar. Above the bar there are 2 signs:

"Grilled Cheese Sandwhich: $1.50"

and

"Handjob: $10"

The man goes over to the bar, and asks the bartender: "Do *you* give the handjobs?"

The bartender nods and bites her lip seductively.

The man says: "Then wash your hands, bitch, cause I want a grilled cheese."

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Little Johnny

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. Handjob $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the handjob?"

She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."

He says, "Well, wash your fuckin' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Wife: "Why are the dishes still in the sink?"

Husband: "Because if I let them soak for long enough, getting them clean will be effortless.

 

\**Wife rolls eyes*\*

 

Wife: "Oh forget it. I'll do it myself."

 

\**Wife goes to wash the dishes*\*

 

Husband (under his breath): "See? Effortless."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A man walks into a bar...

He sees a sign that reads, "cheese sandwich: $1.50, chicken sandwich: $2.50, hand job: $10." The man beckons to the sexy waitress and says, "are you the one who does the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
"Well wash your freaking hands," the man says, "I want a cheese sandwich!"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Chicken for Supper

So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."

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Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A boy comes home from school at 7pm

His dad says "where were you? " "I was with Jessica." He replied. "What were you doing?" "We were revising." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely." Dad replies "Wash your hands Martin, they're fucking donuts."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A man walks into a bar...

and glances at the menu.

* **Sandwiches, $2**

* **Hand jobs, $5**

He calls over to the waitress, a gorgeous young blonde woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties.

"Hey, hi there. Are you the one doing the hand jobs?"

She smiles thinly, "Yes sir, I am."

"Well, wash your hands and put on some gloves. I'd like a sandwich."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

What's the difference between a whore and a drug dealer?

A whore can wash her crack and sell it again .

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A man walks into a bar and notices a sign [NSFW]

It reads

-Beer $2
-Cheese Sandwich $1
-Hand Jobs 50ยข

The man, sits down and has a few drinks.

Now quite drunk, he looks over at the aging bartender and slurs.

"Are you the woman who gives the Hand Jobs?"

"Yes I am sweetie." She replies with a wink.

"Well wash your fuckin' hands bitch, I want a Cheese Sandwich."

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Husband and his wife at night conversation

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."

He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

Shetext back, "OMG really?"

Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."

And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

Man walks into a bar

and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A man walks into a bar.....

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your fucking' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads.....

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A boy is in the shower with his mum.

The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

A blonde walks into a laundromat...

And says to a worker, "can you wash this shirt?"

The worker did not hear her and said "come again?"

The blonde than replies "no it is mustard this time"

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

The prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again.

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

What are the most funny Wash jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wash? Well, here are the best Wash dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wash pick up lines to share with friends.

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