Warship Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia...

Oops...wrong sub

The Captain of a warship is awoken by one of his officers

The Officer yells,
"Sir there is an enemy ship on the horizon!"
The Captain is quiet for a moment and then says,
"Bring me my red shirt."

The Officer is surprised by this,
"Your red shirt sir?"

The Captain nods,
"yes, so if I am wounded in battle the men shall not notice!"

They win the day and sink the enemy, but the next morning the Officer awakens the Captain again,
"Sir the entire enemy fleet is on the horizon!"

The Captain is quiet for a moment then in a soft voice he says,
"bring me my brown pants."

Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church?

It's a house of warship

A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it sees another light....

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!


CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine.

Oops, wrong sub!

Why wouldn't you ever see a pachyderm on a civil warship?

Because an elephant never frigates.


TIL That there was a German warship during WW2 that accidentally sunk 34 friendly submarines.

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!

Sorry, wrong sub :(

A U.S. warship is conducting war exercises off the coast of N. Korea

The captain accidentally launches a live cruise missile at N. Korea. The missile strikes Pyongyang and kills Kim Jong Un. The captain goes on trial and is found guilty. President Trump attends the sentencing hearing due to its importance. The captain begs Trump for a pardon explaining that he killed one of out countries greatest adversaries and it was by accident.

Trump walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "No pardon. He was my friend."

What do you call a navy church

A place of warship

How do you pray the god of war in a naval battle?

You warship it

My friend asked me what I thought about worship.

I told him I prefer a battleship over a warship.

Did you hear about the Vatican's new navy?

It's the latest in Christian warship.

What are the funniest warship jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Warship? Well, here are the best Warship puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Warship pick up lines to share with friends.


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