The Best 63 Wars Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wars jokes. There are some wars ruled jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wars bad star wars puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wars Jokes and Puns

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

Wars joke, Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on acti

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)


Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.

Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world

There would just be a bunch of jealous countries who do not talk to eachother.

Wars joke, Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world

I would not recommend eating at the new Star Wars themed restaurant...

The burgers are chewy

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win once in a while

My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.

Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?

Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.

Me: Divorce is strong with this one.

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D...

... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

You can explore wars opium reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wars economical dad jokes. There are also wars puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?

Star wars dad joke heard tonight

Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."

Me "he's a wookie. "

Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Star Wars Joke...

If Finn hooks up with Rey...

He would be the first stormtrooper to hit something

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

Wars joke, Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.

What programming language do they use in Star Wars?

JawaScript

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI


(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child

The child would definitely be on the dark side

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

My sex life is just like star wars:

Its either Han Solo,

or i have to use the force.

Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8

In charge of planning Yoda was

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."

A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

What's a police officer's favorite Star Wars movie?

The Empire Strikes Blacks

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god

Especially Star Wars fans

I find your lack of faith disturbing

If women ruled the world there would be no wars....

...just a lot of countries that are FINE.

My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.

What's the most powerful Star Card in Star Wars Battlefront II?

Your credit card.

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2

Save up to $2160 by not buying it

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

My girlfriend said, "If women ruled the world, "there'd be no wars."

"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, because it was warm.

He turned to me and asked, how warm?
I looked at him excitedly and said, Luke warm.

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Imagine a world where nobody is starving

A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.

Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.

What's a Star Wars fan's favorite sex position?

Hand Solo

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?

Bo-buffet

All this talk of trade wars...

It's just Tariffying

Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside. I replied Lukewarm.

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

My brother's still single on star wars day.

Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.

Who played Annakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars..

..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.

What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in..

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D

"Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."

Who swore the most in star wars?

R2-D2, they beeped out every word he said

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Luke-Warm

The biggest tragedy in Star Wars is their lack of information on one of their greatest unsung heroes.

I mean, he brought the Rebels the plans for the second Death Star before he died, but that is all we know about Manny Bothans.

TIL the next Star Wars movie will debut a new droid with a comically-short attention span.

Its name is 80-HD

Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?

Because of Germans rushing to the polls!

Yo Mama so fat

If she were in Star Wars she would be Admiral Snackbar

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?

It's about the chosen Juan.

You know Darth Maul from Star Wars?

He's only half the man he used to be.

What kind of car does a Star Wars memorabilia collector drive?

a Toy-Yoda

A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics...

...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wars star wars day jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wars star wars yo mama piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes