Wars Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Wars puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Wars

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons.

If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8

In charge of planning Yoda was

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D...

... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers)

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

Why were the Star Wars movies made in the order 4,5,6,1,2,3?

In charge of production, Yoda was.

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2

Save up to $2160 by not buying it

Why did Star Wars episode 4,5,6 came before 1,2,3?

Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

All this talk of trade wars...

It's just Tariffying

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.

Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?


Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.


Me: Divorce is strong with this one.

Marriage Counseling

Therapist: So you're considering ending the marriage?

Wife: I am sick of all the Star Wars puns.

Husband: Divorce is strong with this one.

I took my Wife to a marriage counsellor

She said she was sick of my Star Wars jokes.
I told the counsellor
Divorce is strong with this one.

I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, because it was warm.

He turned to me and asked, how warm?
I looked at him excitedly and said, Luke warm.

Why were the Star Wars movies released 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win once in a while

Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3?

In charge of the release dates, Yoda was.

[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han....

Tell Leia after they separated?

-----


*May Divorce be with you.*

My sex life is just like star wars:

Its either Han Solo,

or i have to use the force.

Seasonal Star Wars joke

> **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.

> **Luke**: How?

> **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents.

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Therapist: So why doesn't the marriage work?

Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns

Husband: Divorce is strong in this one

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?

He played the force.

Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)

My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

What's the most powerful Star Card in Star Wars Battlefront II?

Your credit card.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars....

...just a lot of countries that are FINE.

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?

Bo-buffet

Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside. I replied Lukewarm.

Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

Star wars dad joke heard tonight

Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."

Me "he's a wookie. "

Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."

What's a police officer's favorite Star Wars movie?

The Empire Strikes Blacks

As it's May 4th, here are two Star Wars jokes.

What is the most popular music on Endor?

Ewok and Roll.

Why did Vader know what Luke had given him for Christmas?

He had felt his presents.

*I'll get my coat*

Imagine a world where nobody is starving

A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.

Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.

Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world

There would just be a bunch of jealous countries who do not talk to eachother.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

Why were the Star Wars movies released as 4, 5, 6, followed by 1, 2, 3 and then 7 and most recently Rogue One at 4.5?

In charge of release schedule, Yoda was.

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.

My girlfriend said, "If women ruled the world, "there'd be no wars."

"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

Why was Star Wars released in the order of episode 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3

In charge of order, Yoda was

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god

Especially Star Wars fans

I find your lack of faith disturbing

(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child

The child would definitely be on the dark side

I would not recommend eating at the new Star Wars themed restaurant...

The burgers are chewy

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."

A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

Who played Annakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes