Wars Jokes

178 wars jokes and hilarious wars puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wars that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Everyone loves a good laugh, and what better way to lighten the mood than with some funny wars jokes! From goofy Star Wars-themed puns to corny WWI quips, we've got a collection of jokes guaranteed to bring a smile to any battlefield – even in the midst of the fiercest territorial battles and intense Battlefront fights. Read on to get a rule over these funny wars jokes!

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Funniest Wars Short Jokes

Short wars jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wars humour may include short warfare jokes also.

  1. Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney world and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
  2. A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
    Credit to u/DrDerpberg
  3. Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
  4. My son, Luke, loves how I named our kids after star wars characters... My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
  5. Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
  6. Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
  7. So I heard that the hacker "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
  8. So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS ... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists
  9. The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
  10. How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs.
    2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.

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Wars One Liners

Which wars one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wars? I can suggest the ones about war and peace and civil war.

  1. Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8 In charge of planning Yoda was
  2. Two countries go to war... Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke.
  3. What would happen if two African countries get in a war? A 3rd World War.
  4. My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D... ... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.
  5. What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray? HDMI
  6. Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.
  7. Who swore the most in star wars? R2-D2, they beeped out every word he said
  8. How do you get Americans to join a world war? Tell them it's nearly finished.
  9. How do you turn lead into gold? Start a war.
  10. Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
  11. Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
  12. All this talk of trade wars... It's just Tariffying
  13. Who plays Han Solo in the Norwegian version of Star Wars? Harrison Fjord!
  14. How do you get Germans to start a war? Win the previous war.
  15. Why did the Cold War end? Global warming started.

Star Wars Jokes

Here is a list of funny star wars jokes and even better star wars puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie! They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.
  • Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
    Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes
    Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work
  • Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
  • JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car He becomes the ManDeLorean
  • What is the scariest planet in Star Wars? Na-BOO!
  • Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3 In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
  • Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun? .
  • My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.
  • My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D "Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."
  • Dad: Your a Star Wars droid. Son: Am not! Dad: Artoo!

Star Wars Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny star wars day jokes and even better star wars day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My brother's still single on star wars day. Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.
  • My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special. It's an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.
  • What to watch on TV tonight A few days ago, I was watching George Michael videos. A couple of days ago, it was a Star Wars marathon. Tonight? The Apprentice.
  • For my cake day this year I want to share the love I have of Star Wars and dad jokes so here is one of my favorites: Where did Luke get this cybernetic hand from? The second hand store.
  • Yesterday was Star Wars Day (May The Fourth be with you). Today is Cinco de Mayo. Combine the two and tomorrow is... Revenge of the Sixth
  • Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you!
  • Why was Han yelling at Chewbacca on their first day on the Millenium Falcon? Because Chewie was making too many wookie mistakes!
  • Now that Star Wars Day is over for most of the world... Can we talk about how the day is really just about making fun of Star Wars fans with lisps?
  • One day while filming the Star Wars original trilogy Mark Hamill got very thirsty, so he asked the director for some soda.
    George Lucas replied that Carrie had already taken all the coke.
  • What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey? Darth Mule!
    A joke, from third grade me...
    Happy Star Wars day!
Wars joke, What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey?

Star Wars Droid Jokes

Here is a list of funny star wars droid jokes and even better star wars droid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL the next Star Wars movie will debut a new droid with a comically-short attention span. Its name is 80-HD
  • What do you call an invisible Star Wars droid? C-thru-PO
  • What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around? R2 Detour.
  • Why did the droids take so long to complete the Death Star? Because they had bad motivators...
    Star Wars fans will get this one...
  • (Star Wars) Why was the Battle Droid not invited to the LGBTQ party? He was CISgendered
  • A good Star Wars joke... Why couldn't the battle droid go to work?
    Because he had STAP infection!

Bad Star Wars Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad star wars jokes and even better bad star wars puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics... ...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.
  • Why is the Galactic Empire (Star Wars) so bad for you? Because of its saturated Fett content!
  • Star Wars X-Wing pilot "my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"
  • Star Wars: Battlefront 2 Is Bad
  • Do people smell bad in Star Wars? I always hear them saying, "May the Farts be with you."
Wars joke, Do people smell bad in Star Wars?

Comedy Wars Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about wars you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean world war 2 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wars pranks.

I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

What's the difference between a Star Wars fan on a hunt for buried treasure and a black man?

One is a nerdy digger..


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars

Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

For Star Wars and Star Trek fans

A stormtrooper and a red shirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the red shirt, but misses every shot.
The red shirt dies anyway.

In honor of today's date (May the 4th be with you) I came up with a Star Wars joke

Did you hear about the new Jedi beer?
It's Force Ale.

I was watching Star Wars in English Class

And a classmate says "metaphors be with you"

I discovered a Star Wars themed s**... technique...

I call it the Hands Solo

Why do the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win one every now and again. (Thanks, John Cleese! This was too good not to share.)

I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet...

They use an e-wok.

I didn't study for my Star Wars test..

So I'm getting Alderaan answers

Wars would be obsolete if women ruled the world

There would just be a bunch of jealous countries who do not talk to eachother.

Who was the naughtiest character in Star Wars?

R2D2. All of his lines are bleeped out.

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever....

But only a fifth May deal in absolutes..

I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.

Maybe he can actually hit somebody.

I would not recommend eating at the new Star Wars themed restaurant...

The burgers are chewy

Why did the French have so many civil wars?

So they can win once in a while

My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.

Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?
Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.
Me: Divorce is strong with this one.

Star wars dad joke heard tonight

Dad "Chewbacca seems kinda big for an ewok..."
Me "he's a wookie. "
Dad "he can't be, he's been in lots of movies now."

Star Wars Joke...

If Finn hooks up with Rey...
He would be the first stormtrooper to hit something

Star Wars joke I made up for my son to tell his friends at school...

Q: What kind of animal does Yoda raise?
A: Sheep
Q: Why does Yoda raise sheep?
A: Because Dagobah

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

They were a little on the Chewy side.

What programming language do they use in Star Wars?


I am completely outraged by JJ Abrahms saying the next Star Wars will have an openly gay character in his science fiction franchise

Star wars is Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction

(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child

The child would definitely be on the dark side

What do star wars and the U.K. have in common?

They both abandoned the EU

What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?

The Cat in the AT-AT

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a t**... attack which kills 300'000 people.

My s**... life is just like star wars:

Its either Han Solo,
or i have to use the force.

The 2018 STAR WARS movie isn't part of a trilogy...'s a Solo film

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."
A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"
"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

What's a police officer's favorite Star Wars movie?

The Empire Strikes b**...

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god

Especially Star Wars fans
I find your lack of faith disturbing

If women ruled the world there would be no wars....

...just a lot of countries that are FINE.

What do you call m**... in the Star Wars universe?

A hand solo

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me three times, you probably promised me a good Star Wars game.

Why were the console wars started?

Because neither side could find a clear resolution

What's the most powerful Star Card in Star Wars Battlefront II?

Your credit card.

The Last Jedi was really good

Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies

Why is Legend of Zelda better than Star Wars?

It has triple the force.

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

My girlfriend said, "If women ruled the world, "there'd be no wars."

"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.

I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, because it was warm.

He turned to me and asked, how warm?
I looked at him excitedly and said, Luke warm.

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

I saw a Star Wars character s**... his lightsaber

Obi Wankernobi

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

Valve should have the rights to the world wars

That way they will never make a third

For all those who like to compare a situation with Star Wars to explain it better,

Metaphors be with you.

Imagine a world where nobody is starving

A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.
Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.

What's a Star Wars fan's favorite s**... position?

Hand Solo

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after s**......

They chew 'bacca

I'm a guy who's into Star Wars, Star Trek and Doctor Who. Can you guess what I'm not into right now?

A woman.

What do you call a Star Wars themed all you can eat restaurant?


Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside. I replied Lukewarm.

If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland...

Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?

I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out" ... so we snuck in through the rear entrance

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people"

First off all, you always miss.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

Who played Annakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Why is v**... so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

Wars joke, What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

jokes about wars