Warns Jokes
40 warns jokes and hilarious warns puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about warns that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Warns Short Jokes
Short warns jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The warns humour may include short warned jokes also.
- My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
- I tried to warn my son about the dangers of russian roulette... It went in one ear and out the other.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- Pearl jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen. Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female… If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female. - My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
- Watch out for that new "Peekaboo" variant the CDC has been warning about... It's been sending everyone to the ICU.
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Warns One Liners
Which warns one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with warns? I can suggest the ones about caution and warning signs.
- A horse walked into a bar
Bartender: Hey
horse: Yes please - My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
- WARNING! To whom ever took my glasses!!! I will find you, I have contacts!
- Someone asked me how dark my humour is Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
- What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into? Poetry!
- What do we want? Ominous warnings! When do we want 'em? Soon.
- Warning to the person who stole my glasses. I have contacts!
- Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart and stopped littering
- If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist) AIDS
- "Look Ma, no hands!" Saudi Mother: "I did warn you about stealing!"
- "Look Ma, no hands!" "Well, didn't I warn you about playing with the chainsaw?"
- Warning.... Dad Joke: What was Lloyd cited for? Lloydering.
- My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
- Why is Texas called The Lone Star State? To warn you about their Yelp rating….
- Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]
![Warns joke, Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]](/images/jokes/warns-jokes-my-parents-told-me-anyone-could-become-presidentn.jpg "Warns joke, Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]")
Humorous Warns Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about warns you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beware jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make warns pranks.
The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking m**...".
It's hard on your joints.
Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador."
His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
The CDC warns tomorrow could be one of the worst days ever for Covid.
Because after the inauguration people everywhere will simultaneously exhale.
In school, the teacher warns her students...
..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."
The stomach is smarter than the brain.
Because the stomach warns you when it is empty, the brain does not.
A man is sitting next to woman on a bus
The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to s**... on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start s**..., I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.
After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his t**... and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!
A wife is at home watching the news.
On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"
The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"
Japanese Ministry of Artistic Affairs Warns the Art of Origami is in Decline!
More on this as the story unfolds.
John is playing golf with the vicar
He misses a three foot putt, and says "d**..., missed the buggar."
The vicar warns him "keep talking like that and God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning."
John then misses a two foot putt, and repeats "d**..., missed the buggar."
Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead.
"d**..., missed the buggar." God says.
Foul mouthed parrot
An old woman has a pet parrot with a filthy vocabulary. She warns him again and again to clean up his language. He just replies, "S\*!#w You, you old B\*\^$h.
So she grabs him and sticks him in the fridge to teach him a lesson.
As the poor parrot is there in the fridge, getting colder and colder, he spots a chicken, plucked and ready for the oven. He exclaims, "Holy s**...! What did you say to her"!
A dentist warns his patient...
Dentist: Be advised: this will hurt a lot!
Patient: Nahh don't worry. I can deal with pain very well.
Dentist: I have an affair with your wife since 2009...
A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup
When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an e**..., warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.
Guy goes to the doctor for a prostate exam
Doctor warns him, "It is normal to get an e**... while I perform this procedure, so don't be alarmed".
After the doctor is all finished the guy says, "Doc, I never got an e**..., I didn't even feel like I was going to get one".
The doctor smiles and says, "Oh, not you silly".
Jack the ripper walks into a Bar...
and orders Isabella's Islay scotch. Bartender warns "It will cost you an arm and a leg".
Jack the ripper's reply:"its a deal"
A brunette and a blonde visit a motel
Before they go in, brunette warns her friend "Don't fill in your own address. Pick some European country. They won't know the difference.".
In the form brunette states her country of origin as "Hungary" while the blonde, trying to remain inconspicuous, writes "Thirsty".
Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."
He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."
Restaurant owner warns his employee: "one must open oysters carefully"...
The employee answers: "no shucking fit!"
What do you call a dog who warns you about danger at the yogurt drink factory?
Mango Lassi
Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...
Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."
What a Sagittarius thing to say...
Bill O'Reilly is holding a lecture about nuclear physics. When he starts taking about bosons he warns his audience:
"Caution: you're about to enter the no spin zone."
A Jewish guy starts to fight with his nose...
He warns his opponent, "Careful, I nose jew-jitsu!"
Little Johnnys neighbour
One day little Johnny comes home from school and his mom tells him that they are going over to the neighbors house to see their new baby. However the baby has a defect, he was born with no ears. Knowing that Johnny will say something rude his mom warns him and tells him to be polite. Johnny agrees.
Later that evening they are looking at the baby.
Johnny's mom: Wow your baby is so cute.
Johnny: Yeah he is adorable
Neighbor: Thanks we are so happy to have him. A special thing about him is that he was born with perfect 20 20 vision.
Johnny: Good because if he needed glasses he'd be f*cked
Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.
To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic t**... out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!
Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, smoking a cigarette and looking rather disheveled, but seemingly unharmed.
Where have you been!? yelled the fairy godmother.
I'm fine, relax! Had a lovely evening. I ended up meeting a man! I don't remember his name exactly, Peter Peter Pumpkin something.
A priest is playing golf with a sailor.
The sailor uses salty language each time he misses. "g**..., I missed!"
The priest warns him not to curse in God's name.
The sailor misses again. "g**... I missed!"
The priest cautions him again.
The sailor misses a third time. "g**... I missed!"
The skies open up and the hand of God casts down a bolt of furious vengeance which completely obliterates... the priest.
The sailor looks up into the sky.
A booming voice from heaven says "g**..., I missed!"
