Warning Jokes
143 warning jokes and hilarious warning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about warning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn the funniest and most confusing Warning Label jokes that will have you laughing in no time. From weather warnings to pedestrian advise, this article will provide you with a list of caution jokes that will leave you in stitches. Read on to kick off a fun-filled day with a smile on your face.
Quick Jump To
- Short Warning Jokes
- Warning One Liners
- Warning Signs Jokes
- Warning Shots Jokes
- Warning Label Jokes
- Weather Warning Jokes
- More Warning Jokes
Funniest Warning Short Jokes
Short warning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The warning humour may include short warns jokes also.
- My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
- I tried to warn my son about the dangers of russian roulette... It went in one ear and out the other.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
- My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- Pearl jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen. Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female… If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female. - My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
- Watch out for that new "Peekaboo" variant the CDC has been warning about... It's been sending everyone to the ICU.
Share These Warning Jokes With Friends
Warning One Liners
Which warning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with warning? I can suggest the ones about caution and alert.
- A horse walked into a bar
Bartender: Hey
horse: Yes please - My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
- WARNING! To whom ever took my glasses!!! I will find you, I have contacts!
- Someone asked me how dark my humour is Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
- What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into? Poetry!
- What do we want? Ominous warnings! When do we want 'em? Soon.
- Warning to the person who stole my glasses. I have contacts!
- Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart and stopped littering
- If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist) AIDS
- "Look Ma, no hands!" Saudi Mother: "I did warn you about stealing!"
- "Look Ma, no hands!" "Well, didn't I warn you about playing with the chainsaw?"
- Warning.... Dad Joke: What was Lloyd cited for? Lloydering.
- My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
- Why is Texas called The Lone Star State? To warn you about their Yelp rating….
- Who was the 45th Vice President of the United States? [Warning: Gore]
Warning Signs Jokes
Here is a list of funny warning signs jokes and even better warning signs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..." "THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"
"April Fools....sign here." - Someone asked me to sign their cast. So I wrote, "Last warning. You have a week to get the rest of the money together. Next time we won't be so nice."
- warning sign on children's alphabet blocks Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
- I like my women like I like my trucks With warning signs.
- Warning, Do not join any of the new super market dating services, I signed up. And ended up with a bag for life.
- Girls follow the tide warning signs when I ask them out "When in doubt, don't go out"
- Whenever I see a sign saying Fine Jewelry I think to myself, it's probably had enough warnings, why not just arrest it.
- So they have warning signs for drivers to look out for pedestrians on their cell phone now. Put up warning signs for pedestrians that the driver might be looking at their cellphone. Problem solved
- The police almost arrested a man for w**... to a caution sign. But he got off with a warning.
- A man is busted by his boss while having s**... with a "Wet Floor" sign... He got off with a warning.
Warning Shots Jokes
Here is a list of funny warning shots jokes and even better warning shots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People often ask me how dark my humor is Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
- What do you call a black man being killed by the police? A warning shot.
- What's a warning shot that the girl you like is a killer? When you dodge the bullet
- Fun drinking game: Every time your kid whines you have to take a shot Warning: If you play this game, you will die
- A warning shot into the head.
- Warning! No trespassing violators will be shot Survivors will be shot again.
- Did you hear about the SJW that shot up that mall? The news put out a trigger warning.
Warning Label Jokes
Here is a list of funny warning label jokes and even better warning label puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The best way to tell if you're in California Is to look up at the sun, and see if there is a may cause cancer warning label on it.
- My girlfriend asked me what tattoo I think she should get... A warning label.
- Caitlyn Jenner comes with a warning label... It says:
Warning - May contain traces of nuts. - Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives. And yet women are allowed to just roam around.
- I'm not saying let's go kill all the s**... people I'm just
saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out. - I bought a new mattress and reached for the s**... label to tear it off. But I saw the federal warning, and couldn't decide if I should leave it or get rid of it. I decided to sleep on it.
- Warning labels are s**.... I bought some deodorant and it said on the can, "Avoid contact with eyes" TOO LATE, I'd already seen it
Weather Warning Jokes
Here is a list of funny weather warning jokes and even better weather warning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Met Office severe weather warning: Be careful who you take home tonight, you could be stuck with them for the whole weekend.
- Do you know what happened to the man who reported on dangerous weather, but his reports started to tell people to farm? His warnings went amish.
- How did the Christian support group warn Chris Tucker about the hazardous weather conditions as he drove to the 'Die Hard' costume party? 'Slippy Highway, Brother Tucker'
- Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming.
- has anyone seen the weather forecast in syria? bomby with a tomohawk warning in effect
Fun-Filled Warning Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about warning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean danger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make warning pranks.
Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.
Warning: This movie may contain n**....
Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my time.
Offensive NFL joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link
I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened
Question my sexuality all you want, but I'm warning you...
Guys who rub me the wrong way often find themselves in a very sticky situation.
Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)
One day during the war, h**... gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But h**..., vhy ze three hamsters". h**... smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
An accordion player goes to a bar
After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late....a 2nd accordion was already there!
What's the difference between white time and black time (Warning. Dad joke)
The size of their clock.
Eat the watermelons
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
A cowboy walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and sits down. As he's waiting, he pulls out a revolver without warning and fires at the fan standing in the corner. The bartender runs over, shocked. "What on earth do you think you're doing?!" he cries.
"Oh, you know," the cowboy drawls, "just shootin' the breeze."
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide
CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....
At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".
Did you hear about the priest who got caught kissing a nun?
He was let off with a warning not to get into the habit.
My c**... Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning
An Irish mother comes home from holiday
Mother to her son: "Where's your brother jimmy?"
Son: " Oh, He died."
Mother: "Jesus christ! Don't just come out with something like that, at least give me a warning of some sorts, like say he was on the roof and he fell off it or something!"
Son: "Oh ok, sorry mother"
Mother: "Never mind about that, where's your father?"
Son: "Well, He was on the roof..."
Why are Taylor Swift's songs always a hit? (WARNING POKEMON JOKE)
Because swift never misses.
An elderly woman rang her husband while he was driving...
He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Darling, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the freeway, please be careful!"
He replied, "There's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!"
I once saw a Mexican magician
He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.
WARNING: There's an email going round...
...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.
If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.
It's spam!
What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter
Warning: Offensive
Harry got out of the chamber.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Did you hear about the new heated children's gloves that would turn on and off without warning?
Did you hear about the new heated children's gloves that would turn on and off without warning?
They worked inter-mitten-ly
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful
My 11-year-old grandson spent
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, Someday, you're going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom's basement playing video games all day!
His reply: I can only dream.
A driver gets pulled over . . .
A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"
An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway..
An elderly man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "George, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M40. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said George. "It's hundreds of them!"
Customer feedback.
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, What was that?
The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing!
The girl slapped him soundly.
What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek.
Customer feedback.
Sure, as a white man I can't say the n word...
But I can say things like, "thanks for the warning officer" and "hey dad".
As a white man I can't say the word Ni....
But I can say "thank you for the warning officer.."
"I'm all up for s**... with handcuffs..."
"...I just think a little warning would have been nice, Officer."
One person's trigger warning...
...is another person's spoiler alert.
I may not be able to use by the "N" word...
But at least I can say things like "Hey Dad", and "Thanks for the warning Officer!".
A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop...
A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop.
The woman standing next to him says "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK..." says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"Errors are serious, warnings are nothing...".
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
Daddy, what are all those cars' horns honking for?
It's for a wedding son.
I thought the horn was supposed to be only used as a warning.
Exactly son.
Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime
The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things
Warnings about motorcycles
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.
I don't get it.
I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
A man gets pulled over for speeding...
The office saunters up to his car and he rolls down the window.
"I've heard every excuse for speeding in the book. I bet you can't give me one I haven't heard. But if you do, I'll let you off with a warning."
The man replies.
"Well you see officer, few years back my wife went and ran off with a state trooper."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, when I saw your lights turn on I was afraid you fellas was coming to give her back!"
A man is arrested for killing a condor
A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."
The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"
The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."
My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.
He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.
Warning Dad Joke: Son just asked me: "Dad, do you like almonds?"
Me: "I don't like all-monds, but I do like some monds".
Went right over his head while I giggled furiously.
Warning - Never push the number 8 over;
The ramifications can go on forever
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.
But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."
A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.
God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they'll lose their wings.
A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter's wings fall off.
The firefighter bends over to pick up his wings, and the cop's wings fall off.
My wife is planning a day of debauchery for a friend, otherwise known as a bachlorette party
. A pole dancing class is going to be part of the festivities and the warning on the website is "Classes are not suitable for pregnant women who have never poled before." My response to this being read aloud during the planning "Wait, then how did they get pregnant?"
An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.
It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!
WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!
Apparently you have to wear clothes too.
When I was young, they always told me, "Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life".
I didn't realize until now that it was a warning.
The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor
Warning.
Don't let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.
And came home with two cases of beer.
Warning: Australian joke!
What's left after your local Woolworths burned down?
Coals
PSA: Police are warning against large amounts of fake $1 bills this holiday season
Look out for hot singles in your area.
Dark humor warning: What do cannibals call children?
The snack that smiles back
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, what was that? The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing! The girl slapped him soundly. What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek. Customer feedback.
Knock, Knock. Warning.
Warning.
If you receive a knock knock email. Do not open it.
It will be Jehovah Witnesses working from home.
Tornado warning in Texas...
Everyone evacuate to the Cowboys stadium!
No chance of a touchdown there
The scariest warning that you can read in braille
"Poisonous surface, do not touch"
RoboCop: you are under arrest!
"before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them?"
**RoboCop:** I'm going to let you off with a warning
Genie of the lamp (repost warning).
Two neighbours, one rich, one poor meet at their fence.
The poor one is holding a cup of tea and a lamp : "Every morning, I rub this lamp and a genie comes out and asks : "What do you want?" . I usually ask for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour gawks, "I'll give you my car and my house in exchange for the lamp." "Wow, Ok", says the poor man.
The rich man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out : "Ask what you want my master".
Rich man laughs: "I want a very big house and a better car. The genie replies : "Sorry sir, I only serve tea and coffee ".
[Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?
Novel-tea
![Warning joke, [Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?](/images/jokes/warning-jokes-my-parents-told-me-anyone-could-become-presidentn.jpg "Warning joke, [Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?")
