Warning Signs Jokes
27 warning signs jokes and hilarious warning signs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about warning signs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Warning Signs Short Jokes
Short warning signs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The warning signs humour may include short signs jokes also.
- "Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..." "THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"
"April Fools....sign here." - Someone asked me to sign their cast. So I wrote, "Last warning. You have a week to get the rest of the money together. Next time we won't be so nice."
- warning sign on children's alphabet blocks Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
- Warning, Do not join any of the new super market dating services, I signed up. And ended up with a bag for life.
- Whenever I see a sign saying Fine Jewelry I think to myself, it's probably had enough warnings, why not just arrest it.
- So they have warning signs for drivers to look out for pedestrians on their cell phone now. Put up warning signs for pedestrians that the driver might be looking at their cellphone. Problem solved
- The police almost arrested a man for w**... to a caution sign. But he got off with a warning.
- A man is busted by his boss while having s**... with a "Wet Floor" sign... He got off with a warning.
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Warning Signs One Liners
Which warning signs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with warning signs? I can suggest the ones about bad signs and traffic signs.
- I like my women like I like my trucks With warning signs.
- Girls follow the tide warning signs when I ask them out "When in doubt, don't go out"
Howlingly Hilarious Warning Signs Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about warning signs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean red flags jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make warning signs pranks.
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
"I'm not a fool..."
An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..
A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.
They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"
Eat the watermelons
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! "
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
A driver gets pulled over . . .
A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"
There was a farmer who grew watermelons...
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
The watermelon patch.
A farmer has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been stealing some regularly. He comes and up with an idea to stop the menace so he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later feeling pretty smug and discovers that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO! "
A n old farmer grows watermelons
However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"
You've been warned
A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
John comes home and notices his wife n**.
.. in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
2 Mexican brothers crossed the border and need money
(Slightly Racist - You have been warned)
Jose and Juan, 2 brothers, crossed the border to USA and had no cash. Their plan was to beg on the streets for some money. So the two brothers both got cardboard and made their own signs. Juan says "Lets split up, you go up the street, I do down, we meet here at night."
Jose agrees to the plan and heads up the street with his sign begging for money at a busy intersection. Juan feeling good about his plan goes down the street at another intersection and begs also.
By the end of the day, the 2 brothers meet where they started with all their money. Juan, still feeling good about his plan, shows his younger brother he made $40! While Juan is laughing, his younger brother pulls out $200 from his pockets.
Juan shocked ask his brother, "How did you make so much money?" His brother responded, "Read my sign." Jose's sign reads "Need $20 to go back to Mexico"
(My dad told me this joke when I was 10, I live in LA area)
Rabbi and A King
A rabbi and a king are traveling the countryside together, talking to people in the area and generally getting to know them better. Before crossing a bridge to the other part of the country, night falls, and they decide to stay at a nearby hotel. They wake up the next morning and head to the bridge a short time later.
Before crossing, a man walks up to them and asks if they are planning to cross the bridge. They reply yes, and the man warns them that a troll lives under the bridge, and kills people by tripping them, resulting in people falling off the bridge and dying. The king and rabbi thank the man and continue on.
They reach the bridge and look across. They do not see any sign of a troll and begin to cross. Halfway across, they see a flash before their eyes, and the king suddenly yells as the troll has begun to trip him.
The rabbi yells, "Wait spare him, trip me instead!" The troll looks back at him, and smiles saying "Silly rabbi, trips are for kings!"
Topical Jokes for 6/20
(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night personality)
In Maryland, two teenagers have won a marbles championship. The winning teens quickly said thank you, then boarded their time machine, to return to the year 1937.
In Illinois, a university is offering a scholarship for students who play video games. The school was then forced to suspend the program when a student found out you could get unlimited scholarships, by pressing up up, down down, left right, left right, and B, A.
The Governor of Florida signed a law today making it legal to fire a warning shot at an attacker. The legalization of warning shots is important in Florida, because that's how people greet each other.
Starbucks is increasing the price of it drinks and bagged coffee. To protest the price hikes, customers vowed to boycott Starbucks, and go across the street — to a *different* Starbucks.
A police officer is patrolling the highway...
He sees a speeding car on I95. He pulls the car over and is surprised to see a nun at the wheel. He asks her if she knows why he pulled her over. She says that she had no idea. The officer said she was driving almost 100 mph. She said " No I was driving 95 just like the sign says" He looks in the back seat and sees two more nuns holding each-other and shaking. He says that they don't have to worry, he is just going to issue a warning because of the clear misunderstanding. They respond, "We are not worried about the fine, we just got off of highway 128."