Warm Jokes

173 warm jokes and hilarious warm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about warm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Beat the chill with these warm, comforting jokes! Whether it's winter or a muggy summer night, it's easy to get into a warm and cozy mood with these hilarious jokes. Keep you and your friends warm and laughing with these punchlines about heaters, warm weather, and more!

Quick Jump To

Short Warm Jokes
Warm One Liners
Keep You Warm Jokes
Keeping Warm Jokes
Keep Warm Jokes
Staying Warm Jokes
Warm Weather Jokes
More Warm Jokes

Funniest Warm Short Jokes

Short warm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The warm humour may include short heat jokes also.

Justice is a dish best served cold because... ...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I know global warming is bad but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat
The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.
Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.
I like my women like I like my microwave... Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them.
The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Share These Warm Jokes With Friends

Warm One Liners

Which warm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with warm? I can suggest the ones about cold and pleasant.

When I moved into my igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party Now I'm homeless
How warm is a janitor's closet? Broom Temperature.
What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke Warm.
May the 4th Be With You!
Whats the internal temperature of a taun taun? Luke warm
Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear Because it keeps their ankles warm
Why did the Cold War end? Global warming started.
Global warming can reduce terrorism because the isis melting.
Justice is a dish best served cold If it were served warm it would be justwater.
Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism? The ISIS melting.
I lost my home because I threw a house warming party. I miss my igloo.
Why is it so warm in Linus Torvalds' office? Because he doesn't have Windows.
If you meet a woman, start talking about global warming. It's a real icebreaker.
How do snowmen keep their heads warm during the winter solstice? They wear "ice" caps!
What's comforting and scary at the same time? A warm toilet seat.
How do you keep warm in cold room? You go to the corner, cause it's always 90 degrees

Keep You Warm Jokes

Here is a list of funny keep you warm jokes and even better keep you warm puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
I love throwing house warming parties But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.
Why do ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers? To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it
How does the winter solstice keep warm at night? It curls up with a cozy cloud blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. She asked how warm is it inside. I replied Lukewarm.
Give a man fire... ...keep him warm for a day
Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Why do Yugo's have heated rear windows? To keep the owner's hands warm when they are pushing it!
Why did the sorority girl wear underwear? To keep her ankles warm.
How do you always keep yourself warm? Go to the corner - it's always 90 degrees!
A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm... That's just a blanket statement.

Keeping Warm Jokes

Here is a list of funny keeping warm jokes and even better keeping warm puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm.
How do you keep paint warm? Put on a second coat
What do Mexican people use to keep warm? Faheaters.
The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate. That way you can keep your hands warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.
How do teenage boys keep warm? Jackit
My buddy takes his date's jacket to keep warm if it's cold... And they say shivering is dead.
Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach? To keep their nuts warm.
How to keep warm in a cold room? Go to the corner. It is always 90 degrees
How do snowmen keep warm With a snow blanket!

Keep Warm Jokes

Here is a list of funny keep warm jokes and even better keep warm puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What did the canadian dino wear to keep warm? A Jurassic Parka
I wish Ford installed heated bumpers. Would keep my hands warm while I'm pushing it to the side of the freeway.
Speaking words of wisdom Build a man a fire and keep him warm for the night.
Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
How does a Mexican keep warm ? They use chicken for heaters
If you give a man fire you keep him... ...warm for a day. If you set him on fire, you will keep him warm for the rest of his life
My job title is "Thermal Generation Engineer for Recumbent Structural Apparatus." I keep a chair warm.
Give a native American a blanket and keep him warm for the winter. Give him a Smallpox blanket and keep him warm the rest of his life.
What brand of chips both satisfy your hunger and keep your feet warm? Tostitos
Why do blondes wear pants? To keep their ankles warm
Why does Bill Clinton wear underpants? - To keep his ankles warm of course!

Staying Warm Jokes

Here is a list of funny staying warm jokes and even better staying warm puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day... SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
Fords coming out with heated tailgates. So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.
Two Eskimos light a fire in their boat in an attempt to stay warm. However, the fire burns through the boat and it sinks, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
It's cold outside. Give a man a jacket and he will stay warm for a day.
Teach a man to jacket and he will never leave his house.
How do painters stay warm? They add another coat.
How do you stay warm in any room? Go into the corner, it's 90 degrees
Yo mama is so fat She stays really warm in the cold. So she usually lends me her jackets in the winter.
What a nice person :)
When I was a kid we were so poor! We were so poor that in the winter time we had to gather around our sickest sibling just to stay warm.
How do you stay warm outside in the winter? You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.
Give a man a jacket and he'll stay warm all winter Teach a man to jacket and he'll stay warm his whole life

Warm Weather Jokes

Here is a list of funny warm weather jokes and even better warm weather puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
(I thought of this, hope it's original)
Did you hear about the boy who turned up to school with only 1 glove? He said the weather man said it's going to be cold, but on the other hand it might be warm.
Did you know it's cheaper to buy pies in warm weather climates? Cherry pie in Jamaica - $4.25
Blueberry pie in Cuba - $3.50
Those are some of the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
The weather in Canada is like a dubstep It's so nice and warm, but all of a sudden it it d-d-d-drops the tempº
Jewish Joke About Warm Weather אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.
Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism.
Warm, sunny day here in the mountains with lots of melting starting. I think the Icelandic have a word for this weather Dogturdsarethawen
Yo mama's so fat that when she puts on a jumper it's known as global warming.
Why doesn't bread like warm weather? Things get toasty!
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Global warming is the result of Chuck Norris getting mad.

Laughable Warm Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about warm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean temperature jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make warm pranks.

If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours.

If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

At this time of the year....

....there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
And that's why I'm no longer a fireman...

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."

I like my women like I like my toasters...

Two warm holes and never leaves the kitchen.

What am I?

I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!

Girls on GoneWild

Q: Why do girls on gonewild wear p**...?
A: So that their ankles would keep warm

The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"
He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."
She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"
"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."
"Well, what about the smell?"
"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing

One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"

How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb?

Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm.

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.

Wife: Windows frozen.
Husband: Pour some warm water over them.
Wife: Computer completely s**... up now.

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

Teach a man joke

Light a fire for a man, and he is warm for the night.
Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....

The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.

Why do blondes were p**...?

To keep their ankles warm.

My wife texted me at lunch

"Window's frozen"
"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.
Ten minutes later, she called back.
"We need a new computer now".

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"

Got Drunk

Went out with some friends last night and tied one on.
Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before.
I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising
as I have never driven a bus before.

Two Women Talking in Heaven

1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm.
^^im ^^sorry

If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.

If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

It's hard dating a snowman...

His parents will never warm up to you.

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few minutes

Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I like my women like Hawaii...

Warm, wet, and Asian.

Jim and Sarah were driving around the countryside

when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Sarah. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, the skunk will get used to it."

A British vampire walks inside a bar...

The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."

Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day.

Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

What kind of m**... invented the fire blanket

Surely fire is warm enough already?

Lottery

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"

Adam and God discus women

Adam says to God, God, why did you make women so soft? God says, "So that you will like them. Adam says, "God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly? God says, So that you will like them. "Adam says to God, But, God, why did you make them so s**...? God says, So that they will like you.

Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.

Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.

How warm is the inside of a Tauntaun?

Lukewarm.

Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day

Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.

Our first born is 9 months old and I got to make my first Dad Joke

Wife: Have you noticed he feels a little warm?
Me: Yes, but he is teething, so that is to be expected. He seems to be feeling ok.
Wife: Well I took his temperature just now.
Me: Did you give it back?
Wife: ...

Give a man a fire...

And he will be warm for a night
Teach a man to fire and he'll be my ex-boss

Bartering with Beer

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"

s**... in a sleeping bag is horrible

It's really cramped, sweaty, too warm and then to top it all off you have the scout masters grubby hand over your mouth

A warm toilet seat is just like a p**......

It feels good, but you know someone was just there.

Make a man a fire he will be warm for a night...

Set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter

Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!

So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese

One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:
-I want buy dog food.
-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.
-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.
Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.
The next day he came again and said:
-I want buy cat food.
-I won't sell you cat food unless you come with a cat.
-But I not want to come to shop with cat.
Later he came with his cat and got his cat food.
The next day he came with a paper bag:
-Put hand inside.
-Why?
-Just put hand inside.
-OK.
-Warm?
-Yes.
-Soft?
-Yes.
-I want buy toilet paper.

I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, because it was warm.

He turned to me and asked, how warm?
I looked at him excitedly and said, Luke warm.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things!

I just won the Lottery!'
Martha shouts back, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
The man replies, 'I don't care, just as long as you're out of the house by noon!'

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I'll kill it.

Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..

I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.
Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.

Give a man a jacket..

and he'll be warm outside. Teach him to jacket and he won't ever leave the house

A woman gets a call from kidnappers.

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.
"I don't have a son," says the woman.
"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"
"Oh, God you have my husband!"

My girlfriend this morning: "Men were made to be heaters. Warm me up"

"Why do you think man discovered fire? So we can get out of these responsibilities"

What's the difference between a warm yam and a thrown pig?

One is a heated yam, the other is a yeeted ham.

Why is justice best served cold?

Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.

Light a man a fire, he'll be warm for ten minutes.

Light a man *on* fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.
But I'm a college graduate! the young man replied indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how...

Wifes are like hurricanes

When they come they're warm and wet and when they go they take your house with them

Build a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day.

Set a man on fire, you'll warm him for the rest of his life.

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; wow! It's warm in here!
The other replies Argh!!! A talking egg!

A guy goes to a New Year's Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.

A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes go by, he realizes he is not in the food line at all. He asks his friend about if this is the right line. Oh, no, the friend said...
This is the punchline.

Iceberg

A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.
One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns to Antarctica. His best friend immediately takes notice of the amount of weight his friend lost while on vacation.
He says "you look amazing my friend, you really slimmed down! Was vacation everything you thawed it would be?"

Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night...

...Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.