warm Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious warm puns

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

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The creator of Mad Libs died this week.

His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

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After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

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Give a man a jacket

He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.

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Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

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Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

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I like my women like I like my microwaves...

Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them.

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Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

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Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day.

Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.

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What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

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Our first born is 9 months old and I got to make my first Dad Joke

Wife: Have you noticed he feels a little warm?

Me: Yes, but he is teething, so that is to be expected. He seems to be feeling ok.

Wife: Well I took his temperature just now.

Me: Did you give it back?

Wife: ...

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Whats the internal temperature of a taun taun?

Luke warm

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Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

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Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear

Because it keeps their ankles warm

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I woke up to a warm, luscious blowjob today...

That's the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open...

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An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.

She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."

"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.

"But what about the smell?" she asks.

The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

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A man comes home and calls out to his wife, "Honey, pack your things. I've just won the lottery!" Excited, she responds "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"

"I don't care - just get the fuck out!"

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Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day...

SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.

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I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, because it was warm.

He turned to me and asked, how warm?
I looked at him excitedly and said, Luke warm.

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Got Drunk

Went out with some friends last night and tied one on.
Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before.

I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising

as I have never driven a bus before.

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The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.

Wife: Windows frozen.
Husband: Pour some warm water over them.
Wife: Computer completely screwed up now.

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What kind of moron invented the fire blanket

Surely fire is warm enough already?

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What's the warmest organ in a dead body?

My dick

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A warm toilet seat is just like a prostitute...

It feels good, but you know someone was just there.

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A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my drowning dog...

After he climbed out of the water, he handed me my dog and said here is ze dog. Keep him warm, and he vill be fine.

I asked him Are you a vet?

He replied Vet? I'm fucking soaking!

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A man wins the lottery..

And comes home and says to his wife, "Hey I won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

And his wife replies, "That's great! Should I pack for warm weather or cold weather?

The man replies, "I don't care, just get the hell out!"

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Give a man a jacket

And he'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.

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What's the worst part about pissing outside in the winter?

Getting a 2 inch dick out of 3 inches of clothing.

Stay warm out there!

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If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours.

If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Fords coming out with heated tailgates.

So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.

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The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"

He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."

She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"

"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."

"Well, what about the smell?"

"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"

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Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

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Why was Han solo so suspicious after sticking his dick in Princess Leia for the first time?

...it was Luke warm.

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Two bananas are sunbathing by the side of the a river...

... as they're just starting to relax, a lump of poo floats by. The poo, notices the bananas staring at him in disgust and decides he should try and be polite and make friends. The lump of poo shouts,
Come in, the water is lovely and warm!
The two bananas look at each other for a moment and one banana turns to the other and says,
Do you believe that shit?

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So, I hit the lottery for two million dollars.....

The first thing I did was to call my wife. I tell her I hit the lottery for two million dollars, pack your bags. She asks me "should I pack for cold weather or warm".
I told her that I didn't care, just be out by the time I get home.

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What are the most funny Warm jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Warm? Well, here are the best Warm dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Warm pick up lines to share with friends.

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