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Ward Jokes

127 ward jokes and hilarious ward puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ward that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Ward jokes are the delightful and sometimes crass humor found in the wards of hospitals. Whether it's the psych ward, maternity ward or psychiatric ward, ward clerks, nurses, and other personnel know how to lighten up a room with a good joke. From the ridiculousness of visits to the cringeworthiness of crotches, all will be revealed in this article!

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Funniest Ward Short Jokes

Short ward jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ward humour may include short wick jokes also.

  1. The wife just gave me a massive bollocking for throwing a snowball at our son. To top it off, I've been banned from the maternity ward
  2. Did you hear about the cannibal who visited the ICU ward? His doctor told him to eat more vegetables.
  3. Two babys at the birth ward... ...one baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on"
  4. A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward. There's a small medium at large.
  5. My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son. On top of it, I am permanently banned from the maternity ward.
  6. Did you hear about the farmer who left her sheep out in the blizzard? She had to take them to the Icy Ewe ward.
  7. A homicidal and a suicidal patent are put in the same room in a psych ward. The suicidal person says "well that makes 2 people that want me dead."
  8. I woke up this morning next to a woman whose name I don't even know. I guess that's what it's like when you're in a hospital ward.
  9. They say that laughter is the best medicine. Then, why was I kicked out the cancer ward for laughing at the patients?
  10. My mom always said you've got to commit yourself to make it in this life. Now I'm posting from the psychiatric ward. Tell momma I made it!

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Ward One Liners

Which ward one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ward? I can suggest the ones about wright and wand.

  1. Four men are waiting for their wives in a marital ward.
  2. I used to date a girl called Anna Ward She was a trophy girlfriend.
  3. What's the best thing about being a cannibal in a coma ward? Fresh vegetables.
  4. I was kicked out of the COVID ward... because I told them to stay positive.
  5. What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital? ICU
  6. What do you call a ward full of coma patients A vegetable garden.
  7. Why was a man kicked out of the Amputee ward? He was armed.
  8. I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction. They put me in the Squid ward.
  9. The cow says "Moo." The pig says "Oink." The dog says Ed..ward.
  10. Where is the worst place to be on Opposite Day? The maternity ward
  11. My school did a performance called League of Legends. It was a play on wards.
  12. Why did the psych ward escapee never get married? He had a fear of commitment
  13. Where do cannibals get their vegetables from? the coma ward.
  14. Where do they have the best fruits and vegetables? A 1950's psych ward
  15. Which hospital ward is the best place to play peek-a-boo? I.C.U

Maternity Ward Jokes

Here is a list of funny maternity ward jokes and even better maternity ward puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sources say Amazon to invest in maternity wards in hopes of expanding their delivery services.
  • A maternity ward was overflowing one national holiday It was Labor day
  • In a maternity ward, a new father is worried that his wife might have been unfaithful... "Do you think he even looks like me?" he asks the nurse.
    "Yeah, but it's OK. At least he's healthy."
  • What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food? Delivery.
  • Why did the cannibals go to the maternity ward? They felt like having something delivered for dinner.
  • At the maternity ward a new father, worried, asks the midwife "Do you think my son looks like me ?"
    "Yes, but don't worry, the important thing is that he is in good health"
  • I was spawn camping the other day... In the maternity ward.
  • You know how they serve guacamole at restaurants but some places will come to the table and show you how it's made? They should do that at maternity wards.
  • How do you call a t**... in a maternity ward? A baby boom.

Psych Ward Jokes

Here is a list of funny psych ward jokes and even better psych ward puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Suicidal person and a Homicidal person are roomed together in a psyche ward The homicidal person says "we share a common interest"
  • i once met a guy in a psyche ward who told people he was a jar of peanut butter. I was told he was pretty nutty
  • Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward? Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.
  • There was a woman in psych ward who escaped and stole all of Wal-Marts shopping carts. It's clear, she's a basket case.
  • Why did Ginger go to the psych ward? Ginger snaps
  • I work at a psych ward and let me tell ya things are so PC these days its getting ridiculous We have to call the psychopaths "empathetically challenged"
  • What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common? They both contain locked up loonies!
  • What do you call a philanthropist in a psyche ward? A good sanitarium!
  • Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a w**... and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabbiest woman. They say he had a loose screw.
Ward joke, Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a w**... and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabb

Psychiatric Ward Jokes

Here is a list of funny psychiatric ward jokes and even better psychiatric ward puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • At a psychiatric ward: Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6? He believes he's a wolf.
    -
    Doctor: Whatever you do, don't let his grandmother visit!
  • As a guy, it's not that I have anything against psychiatric wards... I'm just afraid of commitment.
  • I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ... and he did it ! The absolute madman!
  • What food do they serve at the cannibal psychiatric ward? Vegetables.
Ward joke, What food do they serve at the cannibal psychiatric ward?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ward can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ward puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Ward Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about ward you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean walker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ward prank.

Nostalgia: What did June Cleaver say to her husband, Ward, in the morning?

Don't you think you were a little rough on the b**... last night?

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.

He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.
No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.

Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital...

Former Olympic skier Pickabo Street donated money to a local hospital. In gratitude, the hospital named their emergency ward after her-- it's now the Picabo ICU.

maternity ward

A woman and her husband are in the maternity ward where the woman is giving birth. As soon as the baby comes out the doctor grabs it and starts flailing it around beating it on the table and walls. 10 seconds later as couple is freaking out he stops and says "Haha, Just kidding. It was already dead."

The Entertainment

A charitable man decided to visit a sick ward at a hospital to cheer up the patients. He took along a keyboard and played humorous songs and told jokes at many a bedside. After finishing his final performance for an old man he said, "I hope you get better." The old man smiled vaguely at the performer and replied, "I hope you do too."

A little Harry Potter humour...

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?
You-knew-who

the papal visit

the pope visited Glasgow during his visit he went to the Royal infirmary. He went to the ward where seriously ill patients were cared for. The first patient could not walk, the pope blessed him and he got up and walked, the second patient could not see after the blessing his sight was restored, the third patient shrunk back in horror. He shouted get back don't touch me I'm on motability.

"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....

"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,

How many perverts does it take to insert a light bulb?

Only one; However, it takes an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.

What is the most uncomfortable place in the veterinary hospital?

The Auk Ward.

June was sore.

She scolded Ward Cleaver.
"You were awfully hard on the b**... last night Ward!!"

I got kicked out of the cancer ward at my hospital today.

Apparently laughter isn't the best medicine.

Michael Jackson's latest autopsy report states that he didn't actually die at home.

He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a s**....

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

Whats the most deserted place on fathers day?

The visitation ward.

What do you call a hospital room specifically for scared cows?

A cow ward.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a maternity ward, waiting to give birth.

The brunette says, "I think I'm having a boy because when we conceived, my husband was on top".
The redhead smiles and says, "in that case, I'm having a girl. I'm always on top!"
At this, the blonde starts crying hysterically. The other two calm her down and ask her what's wrong.
"I'm having puppies!" she sobs

Wife and I were watching a re-run of ALF.

There's a kid in the oncology ward and a couple of people talking in the hallway outside his room. One says to the other "What do you tell a kid who won't live until Christmas?"
My wife says "Shop early!"
Yep, that's why I married her.

A good nurse always carries a pen

A nurse was walking the ward when she noticed a r**... thermometer in her shirt pocket. "Some a**... has my pen", she muttered to herself.

I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's f**....

I said, "What shall I wear?"
"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."
It's not easy being a necrophiliac.

What does uranium have in common with a mental ward patient?

They're both unstable.

A man visits a mental hospital.

He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"
He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's  behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.
The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting
"Julie !! Julie !!"
The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Julie"

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian man were all in the maternity ward of a hospital ready to collect their babies.

When a midwife comes over to them and explains, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but there's been a mix-up with the babies and we no longer know whose is whose."
The Englishman immediately goes over to the brown baby and picks it up.
The midwife asks, "are you sure that's your baby, sir?"
"No" says the Englishman, "but there's no way I'm going home with a french one!"

A man was in a psych ward for thinking he was a piece of corn.

He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."
Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."
Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"

The wardens at my University were always so nice.

They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

Two friends are in a psych ward....

....when one pulls out a strong flashlight and points it at the ceiling, flicking it on and off in their dark room. The man says to his friend, Hey, why don't you try climbing the light?
The friend goes, Do you think I'm an idiot? You'll just flick it off when I'm halfway up.
-My grandma last night

Asked my mom why i wasn't aborted.

She said that the adoption ward can't do that on newborns.

Where did the vegetarian cannibal get caught eating his last victim?

The long term care ward

What did the warden say to the new prisoner ?

Come in-mate.

I loved watching "Leave it to b**..."

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the b**... last night"

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

A guy walks into a psychiatric ward to visit his old man.

As he sits down in the recreation room with his dad, he spots a schizophrenic kid standing on the table.
The kid starts targeting each person in the room, busting out the freshest, most incredible 'yo mama' jokes he's ever heard; true originality at its best.
"That's incredible," he says to his old man, "That kid's got an insane dis ability!"

Why didn't the warden let married couples share a cell?

She was worried that they'd finish each other's sentences

If Thanos ever had to go to a hospital

He'd be sent to the Infinity Ward

A woman wakes up in hospital after having a v**... tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.

One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears .

A psychiatrist meets a new patient

The doctor is shocked by his new ward, because the man is wearing only saran wrap, no clothes.
The patient asks his new doctor, "What do you think doc', am I crazy?!"
The doctor calmly replies, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

A doctor comes out to the maternity ward waiting room holding a newborn baby and suddenly drops him to the floor.

Seeing the father's shocked face, he laughs and says: "Haha, got you. Don't worry, he was born dead".

So I was doing a stand-up bit in the terminal ward...

I don't remember the routine I did, but it must have been pretty good- the crowd was dying.

Why did the warden cancel the prison writing contest?

There were too many cons and not enough prose

A man is talking to a psychiatrist

Man: "So what are the conditions to get admitted to your psychiatric ward?"
Psychiatrist: "We fill up a bath tub with water and put a spoon, a cup and a bucket next to it. Then we tell the person to empty it."
Man: "Ah, and a normal person would take the bucket, right?"
Psychiatrist: "A normal person would pull out the stopper. Do you want your room with or without balcony?"

I REMEMBER WHEN MICHAEL JACKSON WAS IN THE CARDIAC WARD FIGHTING HEART FAILURE.

Now they tell me he was in the children's ward having a s**....

Maternity Ward

So I was at a matetinity ward with my friend. His wife & him just had their first baby, and he told me to go buy a pizza to celebrate. I brought back a frozen Digiorno brand pizza. My friend got mad mad like what the heck this is frozen? I responded, Well your wife had a C-section so I got this because it's not delivery.

What was the dirtiest thing said on television in the 50s?

Ward, you were a little hard on the b**... last night.

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"

Got kicked out of the COVID ward today!

Don't really know why?!
I just told those guys to stay positive!

A man wakes up the mental ward

Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.
What's that?
Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.
Okay.
Now that you're awake, I'll call your wife in...
My what?

A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting all of the bed charts.

A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

A guy lost his fingers in an accident at work.

He rushed to the hospital and made his way to the emergency ward.
When he arrived the doctor came in and said, "Not to fret, Mr. Roberts, with the technology of today and advances in medicine, we can easily reattach your fingers and you'll be able to return to work in a couple of days. Now... where are the fingers?"
"I haven't got 'em." The man replied.
"Why not!?" Asked the doctor.
The man says "I couldn't pick 'em up!"

Old joke

Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"

An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man sat waiting in a maternity ward.

The nurse came into the waiting room holding 3 babies.
sorry gentlemen, there was a little mixup with who's baby is who's.
Sighed the Nurse.
The english man got to his feet and picked up an Asian baby, heading to the exit.
Hold on, that is clearly my child!
The Pakistani man exclaimed.
The English man turned and replied:
There's 2 white babies there and a 50/50 chance I pick a welsh one.

I walked into a hospital ward today looking for a mate....

No staff around so I asked a patient in bed where the staff were, he said ' Some hae meat and canna eat, and some w**... eat that want it'
So I asked the next guy, he said ' But we hae meat, and we can eat sae let the Lord be thankit'
I asked the next guy and he started singing Auld Lang Syne.
I finally found a nurse and asked if I was on the psychiatric ward....
She said no, its the Burns unit.

Ward joke, I walked into a hospital ward today looking for a mate....

jokes about ward

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ward jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.