Following is our collection of Wanted jokes which are very funny. There are some wanted did jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wanted today puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
Nobody's laughing now.
She always wanted a girl :(
I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet
They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
So I got her nothing
well no ones laughing now.
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left nipple.
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
You can explore wanted hoped reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wanted valentines dad jokes. There are also wanted puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
so I had to pull some strings.
and she wanted me to drive
They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.
So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
So I took a photo of her hair!
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
But I couldn't find a manual.
Sorry, wrong thread
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.
They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
But she screamed when I brought her one.
I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.
"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
I wanted my first time to be special.
Well they're not laughing now!
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
At his funeral, we placed a lifejacket on his coffin.
It's what he would have wanted...
He's wanted dead and alive
They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
...we took a cake shaped like a life raft.
After all...It's what he would have wanted.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
She always wanted a girl.
So I dumped her.
I declined because I have Stranger Things to watch.
But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents
But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
Wow, your dad's a millionaire?
No, but he always wanted to be.
So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
Well, no one is laughing now.
Just wanted to make that clear.
Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.
But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! I'm your dietitian..."
If I wanted a woman to take my money and frustrate me sexually, I would've stayed home with my wife
I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France
She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.
I think she really wanted a girl.
...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.
So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
..And all he wanted to do was sit in his wheelchair and cry.
I told him I'd be down with that.
She could scream all she wanted, I was not giving her the umbrella.
So that's what she gave me.
Nothing.
so he bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. I suppose now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread , said the wife. Why? asked the husband, Don't we have a vase?
Oink-ment
(My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)
They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself
He just wanted to be transparent with me
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
He wanted to have a manta-man talk
(I'm so sorry)
At his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebuoy. It's what he would've wanted.
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
I replied "piece of cake"
Luckily, his boyfriend talked him out of it
He should have just hired her!
... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
...but you guys didn't like it.
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.
-A man fell in a mud puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.
He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.
to be able to post this in a different sub.
He only wanted to get into her pants.
This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your nipple". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.
But then she told me that visiting hours are over and asked me to get out of the bedroom immediately.
She indeed is a genius...
They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.
Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"
He was fired because the correct terminology in the funeral home business is cremation or burial.
When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.
Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping? The other woman laughed.
No, the woman answered But I asked my husband if he wanted to help me shop and he said no, I asked him if I could take the car and he replied that as long as I left him the TV, I could take whatever I wanted and get out of the house.
So I turned to the fashion channel and told him he had nothing to worry about.
And When I was a girl they wanted me to see a psychiatrist
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wanted gave jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working wanted want piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.