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Want Jokes

141 want jokes and hilarious want puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about want that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Want Short Jokes

Short want jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The want humour may include short jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
  3. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  4. Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
  5. Trump might finally get what he wants the most He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
  6. The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers? I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
    I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
  7. My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  8. When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody's laughing now.
  9. A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".
  10. Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
    Batman doesn't want to get shot.

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Want One Liners

Which want one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with want? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. My mother used to tuck me in every night She always wanted a girl :(
  2. My friend wanted t know how I got all my karma I replied "piece of cake"
  3. Dear Satan, for christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
  4. What do we want? Low flying airplane noises!
    When do we want them?
    NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW
  5. As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
  6. Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
  7. Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
  8. Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"? Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
  9. Virginity is like a car Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either
  10. The furniture store keeps calling me back..... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
  11. My wife and I have decided we don't want children We plan on telling them after supper
  12. If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up... He should have just hired her!
  13. "Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up" "Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
  14. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  15. At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind

What I Want In A Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny what i want in a man jokes and even better what i want in a man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
  • Why did God make man before He made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
  • My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
    I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
  • A homeless man asked me for money I had 20 dollars in my pocket and didn't want it to just go towards crack and alcohol So I gave it to the homeless man
  • A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
  • Why did the stingray have a chat with the scuba diver? He wanted to have a manta-man talk
    (I'm so sorry)
  • My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
  • What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key!
    This is one of the oldest jokes ever recorded. It was found in a 10th century book of Anglo Saxon poetry.
  • A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?
    Joe: I want to be rich.
    Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?
    Rich: I want lots of money.
  • After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear. "Who was that?"

I Want To Read Jokes

Here is a list of funny i want to read jokes and even better i want to read puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
  • Say what you want about Floyd Mayweather He can't read it anyway
  • I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters. If you want, I can samurais it for you.
  • My wife thinks I don't respect her boundaries I was so shocked, I didn't want to read her diary anymore.
  • My friend wants to read the Dune books because he heard they're really good. I heard they're a little dry.
  • "Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?" "Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."
  • I want my tombstone to read.. When I said I wanted to be buried under an apple tree, I meant AFTER I was dead!
  • I wanted to read more Now I watch game of thrones with the subtitles on
  • Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
  • When I want to read fiction, I go to the library. When I want to read nonfiction, I go to the truthbrary.

Eat What You Want Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny eat what you want day jokes and even better eat what you want day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.
  • we know that 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. but why did 7 eat 9? he wanted to have 3 squared meals a day
  • I cut my birthday cake in half and ate both sides. I wanted to halve my cake and eat it too
    Today is my cake day
  • Depression... Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—
    My dog: oh my God, I have depression

Do You Want To Go To Heaven Jokes

Here is a list of funny do you want to go to heaven jokes and even better do you want to go to heaven puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An elderly man has urinary incontinence. Why does he drink holy water before going to bed on Christmas Eve? He wanted to sleep in heavenly pees.
  • If you want to go to heaven, make sure your sin count is divisible by 360. Because sin(360)=sin(0).
  • Can you imagine getting 72 v**... when you go to heaven? The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about want can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of want puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Want Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about want you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make want prank.

Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client.

Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.
You know where to apply.

I wanted to make a lame pun thread about fish.

But its not the right time or plaice.

I wanted to be a banker

But then I lost interest.

I've always wanted to be a comedian...

But I have a tremendous fear of being laughed at.

I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season...

So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan.

I wanted to have s**... with my girlfriend, but she was on her period...

so I had to pull some strings.

I wanted to move to Australia for a new job

The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.

Nobody wanted to see the n**... banana . . .

it just lacked appeal

I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester.

I was so close I could taste it.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.

My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole.

I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?

"I wanted to lose 10 lbs. this year....

only 13 lbs. to go!"

I wanted to have a t**.....

..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find a manual.

I've always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...

It's just something I can see myself doing.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook

So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.
Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist

I wanted to make my racing snail faster..

So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...

...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss...

"What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
I'm not coming in this morning.
(I got some time off now)

I've always wanted to own a f**... home....

With the slogan, "We love it when business is dead."

I wanted to go on a date with a h**...

so I asked her, "When are you free?"

I wanted to tell you all about a color I made up.....

but, as it turns out, it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I wanted to buy some literature on DIY shelving

Sounds easy, but try going into a book store and asking if they have "any books on shelves"

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I've always wanted my dad to be proud of me... It finally happened today.

I started serving at a steak house and my parents came in to see me at work. When I asked my dad how he wanted his steak, he said "Well done, son".

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

So, i wanted to know what my weight was.

'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said.
But how am i supposed to see the numbers?

I always wanted a skateboard.

So one day I asked my mom for a skateboard. She said no as it was too expensive. So I came up with an idea to resolve my problem - I grabbed a plank of wood and some nails.
And beat her to death.

I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now.

Actually, don't.

Always Wanted to get Married

My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.
So we converted to Islam.

I wanted to go out for Valentine's day, but my relationship is complex

I'm real, she's imaginary.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,

I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..

I have often wanted to drown my sorrows...

I just can't convince my wife to go swimming.

If I wanted to kill myself...

I'd jump from your ego to your IQ.

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

I've always wanted to work in a mirror factory

It's the only thing I could see myself doing

Wanted: Buddhist Monk

Enquire within.

I wanted to die, but then I got a job.

Now I *really* want to die.

I wanted to see if I could become invisible to others

So I stood in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity tin.

I've always wanted to be a mirror salesman

It's just something I could see myself doing

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid,

but my mom told me the sky is the limit.

I've always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it's always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

I wanted to help my pet snail.

He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.

I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's f**.... Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister..

I got off on the wrong foot.

I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk...

...but I never got the chants.

I always wanted to be an abstract painter.

I won't go into detail.

I always wanted to be an exorcist

So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.

I wanted to make the best joke in the world - something short that everyone would laugh at.

Then I looked in the mirror and realized my dad already did it.

I've always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday...

But no one ever drowns

I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.

I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"

I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with me while I figured out the meaning of many

It means a lot

I always wanted my life to be a meme.

Dead in a week

I really wanted to become a pornstar but I had heard that all the popular ones were circumcised.

I guess I just wasn't cut out for it.

I wanted to post a joke about sodium, but I was like...

Na, people won't like it.

I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad

now she is my mom

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

I wanted to make a joke to my buddy about Indian food...

But he was having naan of it

I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills

You could say I improved bit by bit

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker...

But when I got home, all the signs were there....

I wanted to see if this Hindi joke still works in English

My son.
Nope, still useless.

WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs

… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.

My ex gf wanted to embarrass me, and attempted to do so by loudly proclaiming in front of her friends how bad I was in bed.

You should have seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.

Wanted: A man has been stealing toilet seats from all the police precincts.

Currently the police have nothing to go on

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown

but the punch line is too long.

I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was to uncommon...

... I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.

I wanted to get a personalized bust

But my wife told me not to get ahead of myself.

I wanted to make a joke about people that do drugs

But that's where I draw the line

I wanted to get a reaction by make a joke about sodium.

But then I thought: Na.

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game

But good players are hard to find

WANTED: A mysterious man keeps waking me up whenever I'm about to sleep!

25,000 dollar reward for information if it leads to a rest.

I wanted to make a joke about time travel...

...but you guys didn't like it.

I always wanted to be a multimillionaire, just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.

I wanted an Australian Visa. They asked if I had a criminal record.

Didn't know you still need it.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail

But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.

But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.

Have you ever wanted to catch up with first person you had s**... with to show them how much better you are at it now?

I tried, but have no idea which parish he's serving in now.

I wanted to join the Yakuza, but I got it mixed it up with Jacuzzi .

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.

Thing is, I couldn't find a manual.

I really wanted to watch the International Origami Championships tonight.

Sadly, it's only on paper view.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these want jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.