Wander Jokes

What are some Wander jokes?

how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

Two nuns go out for a bike ride

They wander through the old part of town.

One nun says, "I've never come this way before."

The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."

Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

Three men walk into a store

The first is a black man, the second is a white man, and the third is an Asian man. They wander the aisles for a few minutes browsing, and quickly noticed the shop keepers keeping a careful eye on the black and Asian men. Later when they left they began complaining

"I can't believe they did!"

Said the black man

"I know! How terrible!"

Said the Asian man. Then the white man said

"Don't worry, I stole enough for all of us"

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?

Because one of them dropped a nickel.

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness are lost..

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn, and they are sacred to me."

"No problem," says the Rabbi, and he goes to the barn. Again though, he returns and knocks. "There is also a pig in there, and that is against our teachings."

"I will go then, friends," says the Jehovah's Witness, and he proceeds to the barn. A few moments later, there is a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.

Three friends decide to go on a hiking trip...

But they get lost in the wilderness and wander around for hours.

They stumble upon some strange tracks in the forest. The first friend says,

"These are moose tracks!" The second friend says, "No, these are clearly bear tracks!"

The third friend however did not get a chance to say anything as he is run over by a train.

An Australian man decides to visit New York City...

An Australian man decides to visit New York City one day. After the long flight, he decides that he wants to wander around and see the sites. As he is crossing a busy street however, traffic picks up all around him, and he is stuck in the middle of the road. Several police officers notice his dilemma and halt traffic to help him out. One of the officers walks up to him angrily and asks "What's the matter?! Did you come here to die?"

The Australian man simply replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

My dad told me today that we're distantly related to the Fugarwii Tribe of Native Americans.

This tribe was nomadic, and would wander all over the continental US. Unfortunately, as a tribe, they had a terrible sense of direction and would often get horribly lost.
The Fugarwii had scouts who's soul purpose was to remedy this: they would scout about, find the tallest mountain they could, and scale the mountain to its peak.
Once there, they would look about with their hand over their eyes like a visor. Then, the lead scout would turn to face the others and say "where the Fugarwii"

After the flood, Noah tells the animals from the Arc to "go forth and multiply."

After a few months, Noah figures he better wander around and see how the animals are doing. Everybody is happy until he comes across a couple of snakes - they are quite downcast and not very happy. Noah asks what wrong, and they say "We are Adders, so we can't multiply!"

Noah rubs his chin for a few moments, and then goes into the forest, cuts down a couple of trees, and makes a table out of them.

Then he puts the snakes up on the platform he has made, and says "Now you should be happy. Everybody knows that adders can multiply with log tables!"

Bear and Rabbit

A bear and a rabbit both live in the woods. The two have been friends for as long as they can remember; they go everywhere with each other and do everything together.

One day, as they wander the woods, they find a magic genie lamp. They eagerly rub the lamp and out comes a genie. He says in a deep voice, "I am the all-powerful genie, and I can grant anything you desire. Unfortunately, I am only allowed to grant three wishes."

The bear immediately decides that he gets two of the wishes, and the rabbit, being the smaller and weaker of the two, is left with only one.

The bear first says, "I wish all of the female bears in the world loved me," to which the genie says, "It is done." He then states, "I wish I was the only male bear in all the forest," to which the genie once again replies, "It is done."

The rabbit who has been sitting on the side the whole time has been getting angry with his old friend the bear. When the genie asks him his wish, he refuses to be outdone.

He says, "For my wish, I wish the bear was gay."

Seamus and Patrick were building a house.

Seamus was hammering the cladding onto the walls on one side of the house, while Patrick was doing the same on the other side.

After a wee while Seamus begins to notice that Patrick was swearing away a good deal more than he usually did, so he decided to wander over to the other side of the house to see what was wrong.

"Hey, Patrick, what's troubling you so mightily?" asked Seamus.

"Well, you see, it's these nails," said Patrick, gesturing towards the bucket of nails sitting beside him. "A lot of them are faulty. When I pull one out, half the time it's facing the wrong way."

"You idiot, Patrick!" said Seamus. "They're for my side of the house."

Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years?

Someone dropped a quarter.

This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke.

This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke. he pulls into a small town and leaves his car with the local mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will be done in about 3 hours and he should go wander the town for a while. So the penguin wanders around, checking a few stores, and then getting ice cream. He checks his watch and realizes it had been 3 hours already. When he gets back, the mechanic tells him "Looks like you just blew a seal". The penguin quickly wiped his beak, embarrassed and replied "No no, I swear it's just ice cream!"

While wandering through the woods....

I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.

Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Priest are lost. They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn, says the Farm Owner.
The Hindu immediately volunteers. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn, and they are sacred to me.

No problem, says the Rabbi, and he goes to the barn. Again though, he returns and knocks. There is also a pig in there, and that is against our teachings.

I will go then, friends, says the Priest, and he proceeds to the barn. A few moments later, there is a knock at the door. It's the cow and the pig.

A woman was on holiday..

A woman was on holiday in Europe and decided to go on a tour of a cathedral. When she arrived she found out that the next tour didn't start for another 45 minutes, so she decided to wander about. As she walked around upstairs she saw a sign for a belfry and wanted to have a look but she wasn't taking much care and walked head first into one of the churches bells before falling. People started to gather around her and as the minister came over they asked if he knew who she was?

"I have no idea. But her face rings a bell."

After wandering for 10 years in the Desert, a man finally stumbles upon a remote brothel.

This was his return to syphilisation.

Death or Buki?

Three men are marooned on a desert island. They wander the island looking for food and are captured by some hostile natives.

They are brought before the chief who says "You decide. Death or Buki?"

The first man replies "uhh...Buki I think." He is immediately taken by the crowd and sodomized.

The second man horrified says. "Oh God...Buki." He also is taken by the crowd and suffers the same fate.

Finally the third man says. "Death!" the chief raises an eyebrow and says. "Death it is...but first a little Buki!"

That's my beaver.

Little Johnny happened to wander into the guest bathroom one morning and noticed his grandmother taking a shower. After a moment of peering through the glass shower door, Johnny asked, "Grandma, what's that?" Startled, his grandmother replied, "That's my beaver. Now, run along and give me some privacy." Satisfied with her answer, Johnny ran off to play elsewhere. Several days later, Johnny wandered into his parents' bathroom where he witnessed his mother showering this time. Johnny pointed at his mother's crotch and declared, "Mommy, I know what that is!" His mother decided to humor the young lad. "Oh really, Johnny? What do you think it is?" "That's your beaver, mommy. Grandma has one too but hers is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

So there's a rock band playing a concert...

And they're almost at the end of their set and exhausted, and their minds start to wander. The guitarist looks out into the crowd and thinks to himself "gee, that girl in the front row is pretty cute, I should see if I can get her to come backstage after the show". The drummer thinks to himself "gee, after this gig I'll be able to afford a new high hat!" All the while, the bassist is up there thinkin "gee....D....F...."

How to make Wander jokes?

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