The Best 35 Wall Street Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wall Street jokes. There are some wall street jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wall street puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wall Street Jokes and Puns

Wall Street execs to redditors:

"This isn't a game. Stop!"

Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...

...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".

So the Wolf of Wall Street has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute

That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...

So I took the laptop and left...

Left... ?? Then what ??


30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

Young Chuck

One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works on Wall Street.

Wrong queue !

This girl was a prostitute, but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and suck'em dry."

i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires


no i said i HEARD it

The Wolf of Wall Street

Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "F**k" or "F**king" 506 times. That actually beats a record set by me in 2010, trying to put an Ikea chair together.

The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times

The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA.

Where is Wall Street?

Between Mexico and the US.

"Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times

But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day

You can explore wall street reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wall street dad jokes. There are also wall street puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar...

...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes up, "Sorry, pal, I can't help you. I've got no paper over here, either."

What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common?

Goldman Sachs

What do you call a street on the Mexican border?

Wall Street

Insane Asylum

A man was walking down the street next to the Insane Aslyum.

As he was walking he heard voices over the wall chanting 21. Curiosity took over and he found a hole in the wall and looked through it.

When he looked all the sudden a stick poked him in the eye and the people behind the wall started chanting 22.

Did you hear about the tennis factory that opened on Wall Street?

They heard it was easy to make a racket there.

If you're on Wall-street, where is your nearest welfare office located?

Inside of the U.S. tax code.

Why does Wall Street call Hillary "Hillary Vuitton" instead of "Hillary Clinton" ?

Because they know she's in the bag ...

What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives?

1% milk

A hearse is driving up the street...

A hearse is driving up a very steep street and once it gets near the top, the back door opens up and the coffin comes shooting out of the hearse and rolls down the street.

People are diving out of the way, cars are swerving, it's chaos! By the time it reaches the bottom of the hill it has picked up a lot of speed and crashes into a wall surrounded by people.

The door pops open, the body sits up and says Do you have anything to stop this coughin?

Why did the panda travel to Wall Street?

To buy bamboo stalks!

So I heard Shakira wrote a screenplay

She titled it "She Wolf of Wall Street"

What is the street that dead-ends called?

Wall Street

What do you call a Wall Street marionette?

A stock puppet.

I don't trust the people on Wall Street.

Last time I invested, someone Madoff with all my savings.

Why did the woman's visit to wall street land her in the hospital?

Because the stock broker!

What's the worst gift you can get for someone that works on Wall Street?

Stocking Stuffers

What do you call weight lifting on Wall Street?

Capital gains

What did the Wall Street worker say after he divorced his wife?

I broker.

What do you call a moped that works on Wall Street?

An invespa

The Wall Street Journal tried to defend against Pewdiepie's fanbase once ...

Now they're called "The Street Journal"

Did you know that Lombard street in San fransisco is the second most crooked street in the United States?

The most crooked street in the United States is Wall Street!

Pink Floyd is planning a reunion close to the Mexican border next year

Word on the street says they're gonna play a few hits from The Wall

How come I was wide awake while watching the Wall Street sewuel


I wish I could be like Wall Street

Seems to be in bed with a lot of people these days!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wall street jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wall street piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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