Wall Jokes
197 wall jokes and hilarious wall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a break from the everyday grind? Check out this hilarious collection of off-the-wall jokes about cell walls, Berlin Walls, bathroom walls, and fences. Read on to laugh yourself yuge with these brick wall jokes.
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Funniest Wall Short Jokes
Short wall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wall humour may include short floor jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall - So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
- We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
- Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
- What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
(I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough) - My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"
- Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
- The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degree. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
- A girl I was dating invited me over to her place. When I went into her room, she had a Soviet banner draped on her wall. I left immediately. It was a big red flag.
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Wall One Liners
Which wall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wall? I can suggest the ones about wand and brick.
- Mexico called. They are willing to pay for the wall now.
- Wall Street execs to redditors: "This isn't a game. Stop!"
- A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
- I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall It was a little condescending
- Guys, I just figured out how to walk thorough walls! Doors
- What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall? Dam.
- What do you call an Irishman who bounces off of walls? Rick O'Shea.
- After yesterday's events Mexico has agreed to pay for the wall and Canada wants one too.
- A fish swimming in a river hits into a wall and yells Dam.
- How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
- What do Pink Floyd and princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.
- Beer doesn't make you fat It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.
- The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall. It's a catastrophe!
- Although we may never see Trump Wall... ... we all just got to see Trump Cave.
- How does a cop hang a picture? "...UP AGAINST THE WALL!"
Trump Wall Jokes
Here is a list of funny trump wall jokes and even better trump wall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Trump throw so many plate against the wall like a baby? He wanted to seem tough on china.
- Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!
- Trump's wall will be useless since it doesn't extend into the oceans..... Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.
- Donald Trump has cancelled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and fear of Muslims. My work there is done."
- I had a joke about Trumps border wall But it doesn't hold up over time.
- What's the difference between Trump and a single cell organism? l. Single cell organisms have a wall
- What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt all have in common? The wall.
- What do Donald Trump & the Kool-Aid Man have in common? They are both loud, artifically colored, and obsessed with walls.
- If you factor in Trumps ancestry, his policies make perfect sense. The German side says "Build a wall!"
The Scottish side says "Well im not paying for it!" - If Trump continues his anti climate change campaign and the provocation towards North Korea the only wall we will be building will be... Wall-E
Wall Sit Jokes
Here is a list of funny wall sit jokes and even better wall sit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know
- Found On A Bathroom Wall Here I sit
taking a dump,
Giving birth
to another Trump - Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall?
A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd!
Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall?
A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up! - What's the difference between a jail and Facebook? Basically none.
You sit, waste your time and write on the wall. - How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped? Wall-sits.
- Written on the Bathroom Wall... *Here I sit
Broken-hearted
Tried to rhyme
Couldn't even get the meter right.* - A child asks her dad... "Dad, what should I do if I get cold?"
"You sit next to a wall."- the dad answers
"Why is that?"- the daughter is confused
"Because it's 90 degrees there." - What's brown and sits on a wall? Humpty Dump
- Elvis Presley, Tupac Shakur, and Kim Kong Un go into a bar. Elvis order a Peach Brandy, Tupac ordered a Hennessy. They just placed Kim Jong Un sitting up against a wall because he's really dead.
Wall Street Jokes
Here is a list of funny wall street jokes and even better wall street puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So the wolf of Wall Street has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand
- What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune
- i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires "reddit?"
no i said i HEARD it - Where is Wall Street? Between Mexico and the US.
- "Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
- For my cake day, a joke I read recently. The irony of Wall Street:
The dealer, not the customer, is called broker. - What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common? Goldman Sachs
- What do you call a street on the Mexican border? Wall Street
- What do you call a Wall Street marionette? A stock puppet.
- Did you hear about the tennis factory that opened on Wall Street? They heard it was easy to make a racket there.
Border Wall Jokes
Here is a list of funny border wall jokes and even better border wall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is... a Mexican stand off.
- How will a border wall keep us safe... If it keeps Americans IN?
- The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side. Trump agreed.
...but Mexicans refused. - Did you guys hear this joke about Trumps Mexican border wall? It's hilarious. I'm still trying to get over it.
- What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies!
I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness. - The wall Why trump wants to build a wall around the us mexico border?
To defeat china by building a larger wall. - Donald Trump pulls out of Paris Climate Arrangement after alleged threats to interfere with the U.S. Mexico border wall. He heard "Climb-it" deal, and flipped out
- Donald Trump figured out how to get Mexico to pay for the border wall. He promised monthly diplomatic visits to Mexico by motorcade.
- Chuck Schumer is totally for border security As long as you don't try to put up a wall.
- Instead of a wall on the Mexican border, Trump could build a dome over the continental U.S. They'll call it: The Freedome.
Off The Wall Jokes
Here is a list of funny off the wall jokes and even better off the wall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall... ... to keep Dora from exploring.
- I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.
- My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to use the chair lift to go upstairs. It is driving him up the wall.
- I have a feeling that I'll be fired from my job at the graffiti removal company. The writing is on the wall.
- Today I saw a dwarf laughing as he climbed down a prison wall And I thought, "That's a little condescending"
- The world is so politically correct these days. You used to be able to say "black paint." Now it has to be "Jamal can you please paint my wall?"
- Guys, I used to date a stripper, and let me tell you something... this lady could get the paint off your walls in no time
- What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.
- How do you get Batman into the Marvel Universe? Hang him on the wall. Now he's a Bruce Banner.
- I hate that you cant say "black paint" anymore You have to say
"George can you please paint the wall?"
Amusing & Witty Wall Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about wall you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ward jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wall pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...
She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
A Kinect game made me angry enough to throw the controller at a wall...
I've been in the hospital for 2 days now.
Drunk in confession booth.
A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are in a waiting room while their wives are giving birth...
The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins!" "That's funny," he said," I work for Double Tree. Later on the nurse came out again and said to the second father, saying, "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets!" The man responded, "That's funny, I work for 3M. The third man started b**... his head against the wall, yelling. When they asked him what was wrong, he responded, "I work for 7 Up!"
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
Observation
There was a man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch the guy do this day after day for months.
Finally the doctor decided to see what this man was listening to, so one day he approached the wall and put his own ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
He turned the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything!"
The mental patient replied, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.
St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions.
The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man.
St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.
The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.
The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall
As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably r**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to confess after 25 years
So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child.
So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of p**... n**... calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigars next to it, and he thinks to himself "Wow, this place has really improved over the years"
But then the Father opens the door and yells "Get out! that's my booth!"
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything's racist these days.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore.
You have to say "Tyrone, paint that wall".
Three apprentice vampire bats
Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.
Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.
Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican with a r**... e**... walks into a wall. What part hits the wall first?
The lawnmower.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking past a lunatic asylum
Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
I'll see your 7 year old joke and I'll raise you my own. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam.
You see that wall?
A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!"
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!"
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"
So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago...
...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man walks into a gun store in Texas.
"I would like to see that glock on the display wall"
"I am sorry sir we are out of stock for those" replied the salesman.
"Ok, show me the one beside it, the rifle"
"We are out of those, as well"
Suspecting the salesman is a racist he goes to a lawyer.
When the lawyer, who is white, walks into the store and asks, "what have you got against b**......" when he is interrupted.
"Well we have handguns, rifles, shotguns..."
A man takes his wife out to dinner
A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, "I want you to treat me like a princess." The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scotsman moves to London
How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.
42! 42! 42!
A man Is walking past a mental health building, he can hear the patients in a yard shouting " ", not being able to see over the high walls, he finds a hole in the wall, as he looks through, a Finger pokes his eye. "43! 43! 43!" The yard shouts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents wanted to name me Odysseus
because I, too, broke through the t**... wall.
Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity
For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall.
I thought of having them.
Nails always come in handy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand why ...
I don't understand why Mexicans are so upset that Trump is going to build a wall.
They should just get over it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are they going to use to build the wall?
The bricks that were s**... by people when Trump became president.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
Depression in Mexico
There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!
A man dies and goes to heaven...
He goes up to the gates of heaven and sees a wall of clocks. He asks an angel, "what are all those clocks" the angel tells him that they are lie clocks. Everybody has one, and every time you lie it ticks one notch over. The angel points to a clock labeled "Abraham Lincoln" which has 3 lies. The man asks the angel "Where is Donald Trump's clock?" The angel replies "Its in Jesus's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."
A man goes to jail.
A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal
"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked
"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"
Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing
The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."
A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
Apparently saying "Black paint" is racist...
Now I have to say "Please paint the wall DeMarcus".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a prison break was happening...
And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.
The Great Wall Of China Is Famous
Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They should build the wall with Hillary's emails
Because nobody can get over them.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess.
So I put her into the back of my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
Netherland police found a little hole in the wall of women's changing rooms
Policemen are looking into it now.
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago
...and they still don't have any i**... Mexicans.
A Pokemon Go player walks into a bar.
And a tree. And a wall. And into a lake.
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station
The detectives are looking into it
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.
He asked St Peter what is with all the clocks?
St Peter responded, These are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.
The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked.
St Peter said that was Mother Teresa. She never told a lie.
Whose is that? Abe Lincoln's. It moved two ticks. Showing he lied twice.
Understanding the system, he asked, Where's Donald Trump's clock?
St. Peter responded It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
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What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?
Running into a wall while e**... and breaking your nose.
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I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall
Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbour
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I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.
He said, Eh. I'll get over it.
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Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...
People will eventually get over it.
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I know now why Trump wants to build a wall
It's been years since he managed to e**... anything
