Walks Into A Bar Jokes
144 walks into a bar jokes and hilarious walks into a bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about walks into a bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Walks Into A Bar Short Jokes
Short walks into a bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The walks into a bar humour may include short a woman walks into a bar jokes also.
- A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot." - A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
- A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
- Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says... bear with me...
- A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
- A boomer, a millennial and a zoomer walk into a bar That's right- Gen X just got ignored again.
- A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
Credit to u/DrDerpberg - C and C++ walk into a bar... After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
- Three logicians walk into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"
The first one answers: "I don't know."
The second one answers: "I don't know."
The third one answers: "Yes!"
Share These Walks Into A Bar Jokes With Friends
Walks Into A Bar One Liners
Which walks into a bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with walks into a bar? I can suggest the ones about enters a bar and man walks into a pub.
- Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .
- Cardi B and bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don't remember the rest.
- A horse walked into a bar
Bartender: Hey
horse: Yes please - 12 atoms of sodium walk into a bar. Followed by Batman.
- An irish guy walks out of a bar.... It could happen.
- A Jake Paul fan walked into a bar and got kicked out for being 10.
- The director of EA walks into a bar *Download the punchline for only 4.99*
- Snake walks into a bar. And the bartender says ''How did you do that?''
- An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.
- So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified.
- A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
- A feminist and a Muslim walk into a bar. - comedy removed due to complaints -
- An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"
- Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
- Two blondes walk into a bar You'd think the second one would have ducked
A Woman Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny a woman walks into a bar jokes and even better a woman walks into a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A beautiful woman walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" asks the bartender. "I'll have a double entendre," she said... So he gave it to her.
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
- A horse walks into a bar Oh, sorry it was a woman. Let me start over.
A horse walks into a woman. - A woman walks into a bar Bartender says, "That's funny, I was expecting a guy"
- A gay woman, a working class white guy, an old Jewish lady, a disabled man and a young black lady all walk into a bar. What a wonderful example of a well-integrated community.
- A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink called "Innuendo". So the barkeeper gives it to her.
- A mailman, a boy, and a unicorn walk into a bar. The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.
- An oak tree walks into a bar. Nuts on a woman, barks something inappropriate, and leaves.
- A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm Nice pig says the bartender. It's a duck she says. I was talking to the duck says the bartender.
- A man walks into a bar Within minutes, a beautiful woman asks him Hey, would you like to get out of here?
Sure he replies.
When they are outside, she says And stay out! and goes back inside.
A Priest Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny a priest walks into a bar jokes and even better a priest walks into a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect . - A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street." - A racist, a sexist and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey Bill, drinking alone tonight?"
- A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.
The bartender says "that'll be 2020" - A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, a joke?!"
- A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
- A peadophile, a conman and a priest walk into a bar. What can I get for you father? Asks the barman.
- A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar. Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
- A Catholic priest walks into a bar He didn't realize his cell was so small
- A priest and an imam walk into a bar... the rabbi ducks.
A Horse Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny a horse walks into a bar jokes and even better a horse walks into a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- A horse walks into a bar. Hey," says the bartender.
The horse neighs excitedly and says, My friend, you read my mind!" - A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please" The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already"
- A White Horse Walks Into a Bar A white horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a cocktail named after you!". "What?", says the horse, "Steve?".
\-heard from Alan Davies on Q.I. - A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family." - A horse walks into a bar and orders a glass of coke. The bartender asks: "Would you like a straw"
"Yeah, straw, lots of straw". - A Centaur walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him "So, why the long face?" I'm half horse...the wrong half.
- A young horse walks into a bar Bartender says, Can I get you a drink? Horse replies, Neigh, I'm foal.
- A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, Are you singing karoake tonight?
Horse replies, Neigh, I don't like being the centaur of attention. - A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" "Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."
An Irishman Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny an irishman walks into a bar jokes and even better an irishman walks into a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar... An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave. - An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Northern Irishman walk into a bar The Englishman wants to leave, so they all have to.
- An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.
- I have an Irish joke to tell. An Irishman walks out of a bar
- An Irishman walks out of a bar Nah, just kidding
- An Irishman walks into a bar .... An Irishman walks into a bar full of Englishmen. Looks around, and then says:
"Right, this looks like a fair fight." - An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk in to a bar... Those were the days.
- An Irishman walks past the bar That's it.
- A group of people walk into a bar... An Irishman, a rabbi, a Japanese man, a blind man and a boat captain walk into a bar. The bartender asks "is this some kind of a joke?"
- An Irishman walks into a bar. An Irishman walks into a bar. The bartender says "Where you from?"
Irishman says "Dublin"
Bartender: "oh really?"
Irishman: "No, O'Reilly."
Comical Walks Into A Bar Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about walks into a bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean animal walks into a bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make walks into a bar pranks.
A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"
A man walks into a bar and says I'm here to drink my troubles away!
Well you've come to the right place. says the bartender, What'll it be?
The man replies One water please
Just a water??
Yeah, I have kidney stones.
A software tester walks into a bar
Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.
A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and downs three shots of whiskey.
The man loudly proclaims, "All lawyers are a**...!"
A big, burly man next to him at the bar turns around and says, "Take that back."
"Why? Are you a lawyer?"
"No, I'm an a**...."
A Guy walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
a Scottish man walks into a bar in canada
He noticed there is an animal's head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it
"A moose" replied the bartender
"Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the scot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar
He walks up to the bartender and asks
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No, and if you ask again, I'll nail your beak to the bar!"
"Got any nails?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
A horse walks into a bar...
and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
So a guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.
The bartender asks, "What's less?" The guy says "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."
A 60 year old billionaire walks into a bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife
Friend: How did she marry you?
Billionaire: I lied about my age
Friend: You said 45?
Billionaire: No! I said 90!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman
Have you got any bread
Barman: no sorry
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: no
Duck: have you got any bread
Barman: look I haven't got any bread and if you ask again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar
Duck: got any nails?
Barman: no
Duck: got any bread?
A man walks into a bar and it's empty – it's just him and the bartender.
He sits down and orders a drink.
After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, Pssst… I like your tie.
The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.
Pssst… that color looks nice on you.
He asks the bartender, Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts… they're complimentary.
So the CEO of EA walks into a bar..
"I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.
"That'll be $1" answers the barman.
"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"
"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
A man walks into a bar and asks for the bill
The bartender looks confused and tells the man he didn't order anything.
The man says I know, but I own the zoo down the street. I heard about the time a grizzly bear, elephant, monkey, tiger, alligator,... walked into a bar. I'm here to pay for the damages.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...
... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"
Bartender: "Water."
Ramsay: "Fresh?"
Bartender: "No, frozen."
Ramsay: "Oh for f**...'s sake."
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.
The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?
And the man replies Because he's my newt!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples...
"Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
A man walks into a bar
... and stays there my entire childhood.
A person with an art degree walks into a bar.
They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."
So a man walks into a bar...
and never comes back for my entire childhood.
Where are you dad?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York s**... dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
———
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
A deaf guy walks into a bar
The bartender says
Wine
A gal walks into a bar and orders a bottle of wine. After she downs most of the bottle she tries to get the bartender's attention. "I used to be grapes!" she announces loudly. "What?" the confused bartender asks. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "That must have been the wine talking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girls from England?
A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
A German walks into a bar
and says, "can I have a martini please?"
"Dry?"
"No, just one."
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
A Chinese guy walks into a bar...
A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :
• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?
• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?
• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.
The barman says Why the non-linear structure?
Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.
A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink
The bartender responds: "For you, no charge"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A libertarian walks into a bar. . .
The barman serves him t**... alcohol because there are no regulations.
He dies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar...
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No mate, this is a bar
Duck: Got any bread ?
Barman: No I've told you, we don't have bread here!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: Look, if you ask me that again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: No.
Duck: Got any bread?
A Buzzfeed writer walks into a bar...
You won't BELIEVE what they asked for!
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
Pick a super power
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and starts chatting the bartender up. "If you could have any superpower which one would you want?" he asks the bartender. "Cold war Russia, I guess," the bartender replies.
A dog walks into a bar
The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
But is it m**...?
A h**... detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a m**...?" "Well you can't be sure that's a m**...," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Donald Trump walks into a bar
......
and set it lower
A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
A panda walks into a bar...
And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'
A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
...and the bartender said: we don't serve hypothetical faster-than-light particles here!
A tachyon walks into a bar...
f(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favourite lawyer joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all
lawyers are a**....'
A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'
'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.
'No I'm an a**...!'
A hamburger walks into a bar..
The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."
Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar
The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What hurts the worst?
A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. "Did you know that childbirth isn't nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the b**...?" the bartender asks the woman. "What?" The woman exclaims. "How can you say that? You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." "Pure logic," the bartender replies. "You never see a man deciding two years later to go out and get kicked in the b**... again ..."
A man with dementia walks into a bar
He spots a pretty lady, sits next to her and asks, "So, do I come here often?"
A Horse Walks into a Bar...
He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.
As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.
"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"
"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."
The bartender tells him, "I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!" The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.
The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."
The bartender asks him, "It didn't work, huh?"
The guy says, "N-n-nope. B-but y-your h-h-house is r-r-really n-n-nice."
A man walks into a bar...
...and loses the international limbo championship.
(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)
A horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the man immediately downs them one after another. The bartender says " are you ok, I've never seen anyone drink like that." The man replied "if you had what I have you would drink like that too." The bartender asks "that's rough, what do you have?"
The man replies "about $.50".
A black man walks into a bar...
A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"
"Africa," replied the parrot.
A gymnast walks into a bar...
She is then deducted five points.
A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing."
"Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says.
"But why?" the bartender asks.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
A Man Walks Into A Bar...
And orders 3 shots for himself. The bartender asks why 3 shots? The man says that he has two brothers overseas and that whenever they drink, they all drink for each other as well.
A few weeks later, the same man comes in again and orders 2 shots for himself. The bartender asks the man if something happened to one of his brothers. The man replies "Nah, I've just stopped drinking."
A horse walks into a bar
And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:
- That'll be $25.
The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:
- You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here.
To which the horse replies:
- With prices like these, I'm not surprised.
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here.
The superconductor left without resistance.
A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?"
The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
An authoritarian walks into a bar
An authoritarian walks into a bar and orders everyone around
