Walkin Jokes

What are some Walkin jokes?

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

I was walking around town the other day...

I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"

Anyways, they arrested me.

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.

I was walking down the street with my wife..

And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.

I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

I was walking past the graveyard late at night

and a couple of girls said to me "Is it all right if we walk with you? Walking through here at this time of night really freaks us out!"

I said, "Sure, I'm fine with that. It used to freak me out too, back when I was alive."

And you never saw anyone run so fast.

I was walking down the High Street with my wife...

... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed

"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"

I turned to her and said

"Nah. I think 6's enough."

What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?

All their Walkers are dead

I was walking with my wife and we came across her mother being beaten up by six guys.

My wife said aren't you going to help?
I said nah, six should be enough.

I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony.

I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

I was walking through Times Square the other day when a black guy came up to me and asked if the Yankees had won...

...So I said, "Yeah! You're free!!"

What is the opposite of Christopher Walkin?

Christopher Reeve.

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl...

So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs.

I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.

I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.

As I was walking home I passed a woman with one breast hanging out of her shirt..

So as to spare her any further embarrassment, I quietly pointed out her chestal indiscretion as I passed.

She looks down and screams "OH MY GOD!! I left the baby on the bus!!!"

So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...

when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.

I was walking down the road when I saw 4 guys beating one other guy, so by natural instinct I decided to help

Haha, he couldn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

I was walking in the park...

..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having sex.

God do I love my new taser.

I was walking across a bridge...

and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

I said, "Well there's so much to live for."

"Like what?"

"Well, are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"

"Baptist."

"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" as I pushed him off the bridge.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips

So, I was out walking at night

In front of me was a woman.

She looked behind her back, the started to run faster,

I got a little spooked so I started walking faster too.

she began to walk even faster.

I was really scared so I began walking even faster too.

suddenly she began to run.

I began running too.

She then began screaming, so did i.

I don't know what was behind us, but it was the scariest night of my life.

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"...

I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Walking past a lunatic asylum

Walking past a lunatic asylum , and I could hear the inmates shouting 13, 13, 13, 13, curiosity got the better of me but the walls were too tall to see over .all the time they kept on shouting 13, 13, 13, finally I found a hole in the wall so I took a peep and some fool poked me in the eye with a stick and then they started shouting 14, 14, 14, 14,

I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...

I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.

An elderly woman visits a walk-in clinic...

...where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about three minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him what happened. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was and demanded, What's the matter with you? That woman is 84 years old, and you told her she was pregnant?

The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without even looking up, asked, Does she still have the hiccups?

I was walking down the street with my wife.

And there down an alley we saw five men beating up my mother-in-law.

My wife screamed: "Aren't you going to help?!"

I said: "No, five seems like enough."

I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone.

I shouted "Morning!"

He replied "No, just pooping."

I was walking down the street, when I glanced up and saw this arab guy on the balcony furiously shaking a rug..

So I yelled out to him, "what's the matter, Omar? Won't it start?"

I was walking down the street one day in New York City when I was approached by a black guy. He asked me "Did the Yankees Win?"

I said "Well yeah, you're free"

I was walking down the street with my wife...

... when I saw my mother-in-law being beaten up by six men.

My wife said, "Aren't you going to help?"

I said, "Six should be enough."

*(Copyright Les Dawson, as retold by Jimmy Carr on QI.)*

Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

I was walking through the park this morning, when I saw a man, standing on a tree branch, with a rope around his neck...

I asked him what was happening and he screamed, "After I jump, everyone will dearly miss me when they recall that I hung myself!"

I immediately assured him that that would not be the case, even if he jumped, right there, in front of my very eyes, that's not what people will say!!

Tears welling in his eyes, he jumped.

As he was jumping, I said, "After you jump, everyone will dearly miss you when they recall that you *hanged* yourself!!"

I was walking down the road...

...when the guy in front of me turned around and started throwing milk, eggs, yoghurt and butter at me.

I thought, "How dairy!".

I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for a few dollars for food.

I pull $10 from my wallet and ask the man "if i give you this money will you buy beer with it?"

"No i had to give up drinking years ago" the man replied

"Will you use it to fish instead of buying food?" I asked

"No i dont waste time fishing" he replied " I have to use my time to try and stay alive"

"Will you use it to buy hunting equiptment i asked?"

"Are you NUTS? I havent been hunting in twenty years!!"

"Well" i said " instead of giving you the money im going to take you home and give you a nice hot bath, and a amazing dinner cooked by my wife"

The man, astounded asked " wont your wife be furious?"

I replied "dont worry about that. It's important for her to see what happens to a man when he stops hunting, fishing and drinking."

I was walking through the woods and found a suitcase containing a fox and four cubs...

I immediately called the RSPCA and told the lady on the other end.

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."

I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me.

At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude

He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

I was walking down the street one day when I heard someone playing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia on the didgeridoo.

That's Abba-rigonal

I was walking home late at night along a dark street. There was a young woman walking a few steps in front of me.

She crossed over to the other side of the road; I crossed over too.

She quickened her pace a little; I quickened my pace too.

She broke into a run; I broke into a run too.

She panicked and began to scream and run hell-for-leather; I panicked and began to scream and run hell-for-leather too.

Whatever it was, I was damned if it was going to catch me first.

P.S. It's an old one, but I doubt the original used semi-colons, so give me that.

Walking home from the bar, a man walked by me with only one shoe on...

I assumed he was wasted and hadn't yet realized, so I said to him "hey buddy, you lost a shoe!"

He said "no I didn't, I found one".

I was walking by a car filled with black kids when I heard a "click" as they locked the doors and I felt like such a bad-ass...

...until I realized it was my car...

I was walking by a mental institution on my way to work

And in the yard behind the fence, I heard people shouting "four, four, four...". I was curious so I peeked through the wood planks to see what was happening. Someone jabbed a stick in my eye and then everyone started shouting "five, five, five...".

As I'm walking in to work this morning my boss told me to "Have a good day"

Who am i to argue? Thanked him and came straight back home

I was walking my dogs when a stranger approached me.

"Are they Jack Russell's?"
"Nah mate, they're mine" I replied.

Two Grandma's Are Walking Down The Street...

One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. The other one replies 'That's because you're standing on your left titty.'.

So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me.

How dairy.

On The Walking Dead, Glenn said "I will find you."

I guess he's gonna keep an eye out for her.

I was walking down the street when I saw my mother in law getting beaten up by 7 people...

Someone said "shouldn't you help?" and I replied "nah, 7 should be enough."

I was walking down thenstreet and saw a homeless man

Being the generous person I am, I gave him a dollar

I walked a little further and found a homeless woman. Being the generous person I am, I gave her 76 cents.

I was walking home when I saw two guys beating up a kid in an alley

I immediately jumped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

I was walking in the park the other day, when

I suddenly saw the girl of my dreams. Our eyes locked and there was this instant spark between us and she instantly went weak at the knees and fell before me.

As we lay on the grass making love, I thought to myself. These stun guns are well worth the money.

Walking the Dog... Who says dads can't think on their feet? And the innocence of little kids ...

A little girl asked her Mom,
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies,
"No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
Being old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little
gasoline, and dabbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,
"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go
one time round the block."
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no
dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down
the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book.

She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.

Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

walking down the beach when I saw a guy

Guy: HELP! SHARK! SHARK! HELP ME!

Me: (laughs) that sharks not gonna help him

Walking through the park one morning, I saw an old man feeding the birds. After a few minutes of watching him, I began to wonder...

...how long has he been dead?

I was walking though a forest

With a young girl the other night and she said "I'm scared"

I said "Your scared, I've gotta walk back on my own"

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

I was walking today when i saw a man writing something on top of a lamp post

So i asked: "what are ye writing, mate?"

"Climb up here and read" - he answered

So i climbed up, read it and really shocked. It really said "climb up here and read"

I was walking through a graveyard in Europe...

When I heard some strange music coming from one of the graves. Turns out, it was coming from Beethoven's grave. I took out my phone and recorded it, then took it to a friend of mine to identify.

"This is really strange...", he said. "This sounds like one of Beethoven's Symphonies, but it's backwards."

"Well, that makes sense", I said. "He's decomposing."

I was walking down a street in Hollywood and ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, I piy the fool!

I said, Hey, you missed a T!

As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.

I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.

Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"

The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."

What do you do?

So, you are walking around in a forest and see a girl lying on the floor, half naked and clothes tattered. She is weeping heavily, and you can tell she has just been raped.

What do you do?

You check your map, because you have been walking in a circle.

I was walking home today...

...and a group of boys in a car drove past me and threw something out the window that just narrowly missed my head, I look down to find a block of cheese on the ground, and I just thought to myself... That's not very mature.

I was walking along when I saw a sign on a door that said 'Pet Shop'.

So I gave it a little stroke and carried on walking.

Walking home drunk

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.

I was walking down the street one day..

and I saw a man taking a gate. I was going to say something but I thought he might take offence.

I was walking downtown, and I saw a sign advocating veganism, that showed a pig and a dog.

It said, "why love one and eat the other?"

I thought to myself, "that is a good point. I should start eating dogs."

I was walking down the street in New York yesterday, when a black guy asked me if the Yankees won...

I replied, "Yeah man, you're free."

When I was walking home

When I was walking home, I saw a child riding a bike. It looked remarkably like mine, so I hurried home to make sure. When I got there, I saw it was still chained up in my garage asking for food

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

I was walking down the street, and some guy came up to me and shaved off my mustache!

He stole it from right under my nose!

As I was walking along a city street, a man pulled a knife and tried to jump me. "I'll have you know, I've beaten off two men at once," I warned him. "I take on all comers!"

Anyway, we're dating now.

I was walking by a house the other day that was being worked on and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo.

In Morse Code.

A pirate's walking down the beach....

...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, "Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??" The pirate responds, "tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet

I was gonna keep it rather than return it.

But I thought: "Well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?"

And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.













PS:- This was a joke cracked by Emo Philips way back in the 80s - I really loved it and wanted to share it here

I was walking home and someone threw a block of cheese out of their window hit me on the head

I turned and shouted that wasn't very mature was it

I was walking down the road..

I was walking down the road and saw a beautiful woman, A spark flew off between us. We had passionate, amazing sex.

Amazing what tasers can do these days.

A zero and an eight are walking in a desert...

and the zero asks the eight "aren't you too hot with that belt on?"

So I was walking home from work....

And I saw this black guy carrying a tv and I thought it was mine but then I ran home and mine was still there shining my shoes.

Walking inside a Nike store would be the worst place to contemplate suicide.

Everything is saying Just Do It.

I was walking behind a lady

The lady walking in front of me sped up, so I sped up too.

She started walking even faster, so I did too.

She started running, so I started running too!

She started screaming, so I started screaming too!!

I have no idea what we were running from, but I was terrified!

I was walking my dog when a man approached me.

He said, "My car's just broken down. Could you give me a push?"

"Of course," I said.

Then he fell into the bush.

How to make Walkin jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Walkin to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Walkin? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Walkin pick up lines to share with friends.

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