Walk Home Jokes
54 walk home jokes and hilarious walk home puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about walk home that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Walk Home Short Jokes
Short walk home jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The walk home humour may include short returning home jokes also.
- I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
- Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- I asked this cute homeless girl if I could take her home with me. She started crying after I walked off with her cardboard box.
- I asked a homeless girl if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes! But seemed very surprised when I took her cardboard box and walked away.
- My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her. It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.
- It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bar, but an hour to walk home. The difference is staggering.
- It takes me 5 minutes to walk from my house to the bar, but 25 minutes to walk home. The difference is staggering.
- Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan. - I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl... So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.
- I asked a pretty, young, homeless girl if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. Her expression changed, however when I walked away with her cardboard box.
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Walk Home One Liners
Which walk home one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with walk home? I can suggest the ones about going home drunk and phone home.
- An empty water bottle walks into a bar... The bartender says, Go home. You're drunk.
- Who's home in Scotland can you walk into at any time? The Lock-less Monster
- The postman said he'd hold my package till I got home... it was an uncomfortable walk.
- A feminist and a gentleman went on a date They both insist on walking each other home.
- I was walking home and somebody threw a block of cheese at my head It wasn't very mature.
- The inflight movie on my trip home was Pixels. We had two walk outs.
- A German and Japanese man walk into a B.A.R They didn't come home that night.
- What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Walks home.
- Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.
- Arvin walk into home Milk truk arive 😂😂😂
- A catholic priest walks into a bar everyone was over 18
so he went home - A woman walks into a Bar and orders a Manhattan she just needed a free ride home
- Yoshke and Awreml are walking home from a minyan...
- So I was walking home when I noticed a black man carrying a big flat-screen TV.
- A Jew walks into a bank... "Honey I'm home!"
Quirky and Hilarious Walk Home Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about walk home you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stay at home jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make walk home pranks.
One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town
He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry
A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at night...
"Golly!" the boy says, "It sure is scary out here!"
"You think you're scared!" the clown replies. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone."
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home
They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'
A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door
Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the pub."
A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.
She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."
He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"
A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at 3 am...
The little boy says, "Golly! It sure is dark and scary out here!"
"You think you're scared," says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone..."
A p**... and a little boy walk into the woods....
The boy, crying and hesitantly following the p**... says "Mr, can i go home? Its dark and im scared."
The p**... looks at him in disbelief and says, "imagine how i feel, i have to walk home alone."
Husband and wife walk home silently after a strong argument.
Suddnely, they see two pigs on the side of the road.
Husband just asks: Hey, I think I've seen them already, aren't they your relatives?
The wife answes: Yes, you are correct. My parents-in-law.
My dad was driving me back home from my friend's house yesterday when he threw a piece of trash out of the car
It took me a long time to walk home
A man and a boy walk into the woods together at night
Boy: "It's dark and scary in here"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone"
Drunk needles
Two drunk needles walk out of the bar. They see an hedgehog walking by and one of them goes:
c**..., the bus is full. I guess we gotta walk home.
The walk from my house to the pub takes 5 minutes. The walk home is an unexplainable 45 minutes!
The difference is staggering
Jack the Ripper and a lovely young lady were taking a stroll through the woods together...
as it started getting darker, the lady got closer to Jack the Ripper and said, "Stay close to me, I'm scared of the dark!" Jack replied, "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk home alone!!"
It takes me 10 minutes to walk to my local but 20 minutes walk home
It's staggering really !!
Mugging
A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly
A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
"We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays."
My girlfriend came through the front door and moaned, "I had to walk home in the rain and now I'm really wet!"
I replied, "You get turned on by the weirdest s**...…"
s**... at 73.
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have
s**... at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too
far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have to cross the road!
It's only a 10 minute walk to the nearest bar, but it takes me an hour to walk home...
The difference is staggering!
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home.
” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how could you get lost ?
” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear.
Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
Just found out men can have s**... at 88.....
which is handy cos I live at 94 so it's not far to walk home after.
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.
"Now Homer", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost ?"
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear.
Homer whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
A cowboy rides his horse into town
He stops at a bar and ties his horse outside. When he is in for a drink the townspeople untie and hide his horse just to see his reaction. When the cowboy comes out, he looks around then shouts "I'm going in for another drink and if my horse isn't here by the time I get out I'm gonna have to do what I did last time!". The townspeople, scared, return his horse. The cowboy comes out, saddles up the horse, but before he leaves the bartender asked him what did you have to do last time. The cowboy stares at him and says " I had to walk home"
A cowboy walks into a bar...
He parked his horse outside and went in for a beer bottle. After finishing it up he goes to leave and his horse was stolen.
The guy walks in again, gun in the air, shoots the ceiling and shouts "you have until I finish up a second beer bottle to return my horse, or else I will have to do what I did in Texas, and I didn't like what I had to do."
He finishes his bottle and finds his horse right where it was. Before leaving, the bartender asks him "Excuse me sir, but what did you have to do in Texas?"
"I had to walk home"
A man was walking through the park..
As he is walking down the trail, he notices a tennis ball in the grass. He looks around, doesn't see anybody it might belong to, so he picks it up and puts it in his pocket to take home, thinking the neighbor's dog might enjoy it. After leaving the park to walk home, he comes to a crosswalk. While waiting to cross he see's a gorgeous blonde waiting to cross as well. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices that she is checking him out. Finally, they make eye contact and with a curious look on her face she asks, "What is that bulge in your pants?" "Tennis ball," he replied. "Oh my gosh, that has GOT to hurt" she said "I had tennis elbow once."
A boy and his mom went for a walk...
The boy sees two dogs going at it. The boy asked his mom what are they doing?
O they are just making a puppy, dear! The boy nods and they walk home. Later that night the boy hears weird noises coming from his parents room and gets up to investigate.
He opens the door and sees his dad on top of his mom and asked Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?!
We are making a baby. The boy thinks for a moment and finally says
Well, flip her over! I want a puppy!
Why do black people spend so much on their shoes?
You would to if you had such a long walk home.
Mort Goldman walks into a bar
The bartender says "mort, why are you still here? The rest of your people left days ago for Jerusalem!" "I'm not falling for that trick!" Mort replied "a place so great is sure to be a myth, it's surely just a trick to lure us all away." Mort finished his beer and left. On his walk home mort noticed all of the shops in his neighborhood closed and not a similar face in sight. Becoming concerned he decided to call his brother to see what was going on. Upon calling, his brother assured Mort that Jerusalem did indeed exist and it was better than he had ever imagined. Mort boarded the next flight still skeptical, but determined to see for himself the glory that awaited. When Mort arrived at the airport he was awestruck. He stood silent for minutes before muttering under his breath "I can't believe it, it Israel"
p**... goes to the pub...
He's drunk 16 pints of beer, and decides to walk home along the canal.
As he's walking along the canal he see's a chap who's just thrown himself in the canal, p**... reacts bravely and rescues him.
The next day the police knock on p**...'s door, they ask him did he save a bloke who jumped in the canal, p**... explains he did and that he doesn't want any special treatment or medals.
The police explain that he shouldn't of bothered, because he hung himself.
p**... replies, "No he didn't, I put him up there to dry!"
Courtesy of Dennis Taylor (UK Snooker Player)
New cowboy in town
There's this cowboy that rides into town on his horse and heads for the saloon. He ties his horse outside, walks in and starts drinking at the bar. Now the townsfolk have a thing for pulling pranks on out of towners so they hide his horse. He finishes drinking, pays his tab, walks out to see that his horse is missing, walking back inside all eyes are on him.
He says, "Now whoever took my horse, best that you return him. I don't want to do what I did in the last town. Trust me it wasn't good. Now i'm going to have one more beer and by the time i'm done with it my horse better be outside where it last was."
Now the townspeople get scared and quickly return the horse. As he's saddling up about to ride away the bartender a little curious goes outside and ask him what happened in the last town.
"I had to walk home." He replies.
Would be a million times better if i had the old western dialog in it but still one of my favorite jokes.
Three young boys are walking home from school one day...
when they decide to stop and check out the new neighbors who moved in on their block. They walk over to the tall fence surrounding the yard and the first boy looks through a hole. He finds himself staring at a beautiful, n**..., sunbathing woman. He wildly gestures for the second boy to look, and then the third boy. However, when the third boy looks through the hole, after a few seconds he screams, and runs down the street towards his house. The other two boys look at each other in bewilderment and go home very confused.
The next day, the boys stop by the house in hopes of seeing the same woman, and again find her sunbathing n**.... Yet again, once the third boy looks through the hole he screams and runs down the street. The other two boys are still extremely confused as they walk home.
The following day, they stop by the house again, and lo and behold, the woman is out sunbathing n**... again. When the third boy gets his turn and screams, the other two grab him and prevent him from running off.
The first boy says "Look! Every time you take a look at that lady, you scream and take off! What is wrong with you?!"
The third boy turns and replies "Well...my mom always told me that if I ever looked at a woman n**..., I would turn to stone...and I felt a part of me getting reeeallly hard...."
A boy does not know English...
After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
"Yes."
At the end of the day he walked home and decided to take a shortcut home. He goes down an alley and meets a gangster.
"Do you wanna get beat up?"
"Yes."
The boy comes crying home with many bruises to his brother and says "Look what happened when I said yes to a gangster!" The brother replied "Always say no." So when the time comes to walk home, the boy goes down the same alley to the same gangster.
"Have you had enough?'
"No."
An old cowboy rides into town..
He ties his horse to the post and walks into the local bar to have a drink. Once his drink is done he walks outside to see his horse is gone. The cowboy immediately walks back into the bar, pulls out his gun and shoots it in the air. He says loudly "I'm going to sit down and have another drink and my horse better be outside by the time I'm done, or else I will have to do what I did back in Texas. And I dont want to do what I did back in Texas". Once he is done with the drink he walks outside to see his horse has been returned.
As he is saddling up, the bartender walks out and asks "So what did you do in Texas?"
The cowboy stops and slowly turns to him, "I had to walk home".
A woman was walking home all alone...
It was late at night in a sketchy part of town. She notices the figure of a tall dark man about a block behind her, but thinks nothing of it and continues to walk home. A little while later she checks again and the figure is still there, but this time significantly closer to her, she quickens her pace and continues checking over her shoulder, each time the dark figure closes the gap little by little. She decides she can't take it anymore and starts running, the chase is on. In a moment of panic the woman turns down a dead end alleyway, wherein the stalker knew she was trapped. The figure, slowly approaching the dainty, defenseless victim let out a s**... but grimacing "mmmm." The woman tried to scream, but nothing came from her t**..., she was slowly accepting her fate and slumped into a corner, clinging to the wall, pleading and weeping silently to herself. The would be r**... then threw open its trench coat, revealing tight fitting clothes over a woman's body, and childishly shrieked "Orange you glad I don't have a banana?"
Tom is sitting at the bar....
and he's decides he's had enough to drink and tries to stand up to walk home and falls to the floor. he climbs back up to his bar stool and says hes gonna try it again. so he tries to stand up again and falls back to the floor. again he climbs back up on to his bar stool and says ill give it one more try and if i cant walk home ill just crawl. again right to a pile on the floor. Tom says "screw it ill just crawl home." he makes it all the way to his front porch and passes out. in the morning his wife opens the door to find her husband still passed out on the ground and says "Tom did you get drunk at the bar again?" Tom says "how did you know?" wife says "the bar called you forgot your wheelchair again!"
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
