Waking Jokes

Funniest Waking Short Jokes

Short waking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The waking humour may include short awakening jokes also.

1. Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
2. When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat
3. It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.
4. A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?" "For drinking." replies the cop.
   "Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
   ​
   (credit to "Fact and Fun" on youtube)
5. Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.
6. A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
   The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
7. An alcoholic wakes up in jail He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"
   the officer replies "for drinking"
   The man replies "great, when do we start?"
8. Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing 'Don't Stop Believing'. It was an unexpected Journey.
9. An australian man wakes up in the hospital... ... he says, "Doctor, was I brought here to die?"
   The doctor replies, "No, you were brought here yester-die"
10. My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"

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Waking One Liners

Which waking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with waking? I can suggest the ones about awake and woken.

1. Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
   
2. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don't want to wake up the people watching.
3. Why do riot police wake up early? ...so they can beat the crowds
4. Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing. It was an unexpected Journey.
5. Your mama is so ugly Your dad wakes up with morning wouldn't.
6. I slept like a baby last night. Kept waking up randomly and crying myself back to sleep.
7. Why do ballerinas dance on their toes? So they don't wake up the audience!
8. Almost every morning, I wake up grumpy... ...but sometimes, I let her sleep.
9. What do you call a Dinosaur that wakes up early in the morning. An AssCrackaDon.
10. Why do golf commentators speak softly? To not wake the audience.
11. What's the hardest part about being a vegan? Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
12. Today I woke up an optimist... He thanked me for waking him up
13. What's the first thing Batman does when he wakes up? He goes to the Batroom.
14. I didn't wake up grumpy today I let her sleep in.
15. People in Athens have a hard time waking up early Because dawn is tough on grease

Waking Up Early Jokes

Here is a list of funny waking up early jokes and even better waking up early puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm Mexican and I think we should go to bed early Tomorrow we need to wake up early to go build the wall.
• Why do the citizens of Athens hate waking up early? Because Dawn is tough on Greece!
• Why did the Spanish police wake up and arrive early? So they could beat the crowd
• I have done some really bad things for money Like waking up early for work.
• As I checked into a hotel, I asked the receptionist for a wake-up call. She said, you are smoking and drinking yourself to an early death.
• My mother would wake up early every morning just to cut the crusts off my sandwiches She knew the crusts were my favourite part. She hated me so much :(
• Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery... odds are about the same.
• "Dad, can we wake up early to watch the sun rise?" "No, but you can wake up early to watch dad rise."
• "Hey dad, would you like to wake up early to see the sun rise?" "No, but wouldn't you rather wake up early to see dad rise instead?"
• Why do monks wake up so early and have such an orderly day punctuated with regular prayer times? Well they are creatures of habit after all.

Waking Coma Jokes

Here is a list of funny waking coma jokes and even better waking coma puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Harry Potter wakes up in hospital. "Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
  "What happened?" asked Harry
  "You ran face first into a wall."
• John Cena wakes up from a coma. JC: Where am I?
  Nurse: ICU.
  JC: No you don't.
• I was in a coma... Doctor: he might never wake up from his coma.
  Wife: He says he left all his ligma for you in his will
  Doctor: what is ligma
  *My body starts convulsing*
• What is it called when a person wakes up from a coma and tells you about their experience? Veggietales.
• A man wake up from a coma and see that Trump is president... ... he says "Wow this is a really elaborate April fool's joke".
• John Cena wakes up in a hospital John Cena wakes up in a hospital after a 6-month coma
  John:"Where...where am I?"
  Nurse:"ICU Sir"
  John:"No...no you cannot"
• I owe my life to Justin Beiber. I was in coma for two years, until one of the nurses played one of his songs on the radio in my room.
  I had to wake up to turn it off.
• So John cena wakes up from a coma... He asks the doctor "where am I?"
  The doctor says "ICU"
  And John cena says "no you don't"
• If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for 10 years We're trying a new technique.
  We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we're hoping we got through
  PLEASE WAKE UP
• If I'm ever on life support in an ICU and don't wake up from a coma, please turn the system off. And then back on and see if that works.

Waking Up Late Jokes

Here is a list of funny waking up late jokes and even better waking up late puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A nun wakes up late for church.... She runs out after quickly getting dressed, and asks a small boy, "Is mass out?"
  He replies, "No but your hat's on crooked."
• I've been really getting into exercise lately. First thing every morning I hit the bag for ten minutes Then she wakes up and makes breakfast
• Why is it so easy to stay up late, but waking up in the morning is an eternal struggle? Things at motion tend to stay in motion, while things at rest tend to stay at rest.
• A German wakes up late for work Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!

Waking Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny waking up jokes and even better waking up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A guy wakes up in hospital after surgery and complains he can't feel his legs "I know" said the doctor.
  "We had to amputate your arms"
• I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
• Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
• A man wakes up in a hospital bed and yells Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs! The doctor replies I know, I amputated your arms.
• Scariest thing ever The scariest thing in the world is waking up with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I was so scared I almost swerved off the road!
• What's the best thing about being Joe Biden? Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.
• I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day- -that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning.
• Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead. So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic..
• whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? There is one less drunk at the wake
• I have this nagging feeling. It starts right when I wake up, but it usually stops when she goes to bed.

Heartwarming Waking Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about waking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean awoken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make waking pranks.