Waking Coma Jokes
56 waking coma jokes and hilarious waking coma puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about waking coma that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Waking Coma Short Jokes
Short waking coma jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The waking coma humour may include short waking jokes also.
- Harry Potter wakes up in hospital. "Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years" says the doctor.
"What happened?" asked Harry
"You ran face first into a wall." - I was in a coma... Doctor: he might never wake up from his coma.
Wife: He says he left all his ligma for you in his will
Doctor: what is ligma
*My body starts convulsing* - What is it called when a person wakes up from a coma and tells you about their experience? Veggietales.
- A man wake up from a coma and see that Trump is president... ... he says "Wow this is a really elaborate April fool's joke".
- John Cena wakes up in a hospital John Cena wakes up in a hospital after a 6-month coma
John:"Where...where am I?"
Nurse:"ICU Sir"
John:"No...no you cannot" - I owe my life to Justin Beiber. I was in coma for two years, until one of the nurses played one of his songs on the radio in my room.
I had to wake up to turn it off. - So John cena wakes up from a coma... He asks the doctor "where am I?"
The doctor says "ICU"
And John cena says "no you don't" - If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for 10 years We're trying a new technique.
We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we're hoping we got through
PLEASE WAKE UP - If I'm ever on life support in an ICU and don't wake up from a coma, please turn the system off. And then back on and see if that works.
- A man wakes up after 12 years in coma Patient- I can't wait to explore the world.Thank You ma'am for -
Nurse- did you just assume my gender?
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Waking Coma One Liners
Which waking coma one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with waking coma? I can suggest the ones about hospital coma and fell coma.
- John Cena wakes up from a coma. JC: Where am I?
Nurse: ICU.
JC: No you don't. - A black guy wakes up from a coma He asks what happened. The nurse says "You blacked out"
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Waking Coma Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about waking coma you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean awake jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make waking coma pranks.
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a r**...!"
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
A man's wife is in a coma in the hospital
The man, exhausted, sleeps in the waiting room as the nurse gives his wife a towel bath. As the nurse does this, she notices a slight movement from the comatose woman as she runs the washcloth over the woman's private parts.
The nurse gently wakes the man up, and as he rubs sleep from his eyes, she tells him, "I noticed something when bathing your wife, and it makes me think she might respond to o**... s**...."
The man thinks a moment, then says, "OK, I'll give it a try." He goes into the room while the nurse watches the woman's vital signs from the monitor at the nurse's station.
Suddenly, the heart monitor goes flat with a loud "BEEEEP". The nurse charges off and almost crashes into the man as he exits the door of the woman's room. "What happened!?" she shouts.
"She choked."
An Irish woman is 3 months pregnant...
She gets into a car accident and falls into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are grand. Luckily your brother named them!"
"Oh no, not my brother, he's a feckin eejit!" she says.
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
"That's not so bad, what's the boy's name?" she asks the doctor.
"Denephew."
An old favorite for this festive day
A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident. She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks him, Where is my son? He was really good at soccer, and had a long career ahead of him."
The doctor replies, I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg. He won't be able to kick a soccer ball any more.
The woman asks about her daughter. Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at the US Open.
The doctor says, Sorry but in the accident she lost her arm and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more.
She begins to cry.
Doctor, asks the woman, how long have I been in this coma?
The doctor replies, Six months.
So what's the date? asks the woman.
April 1st, says the doctor.
The woman begins to laugh So you were joking then, were you?
Doctor: YES… they both died on impact.
My old man (a doctor)'s Favorite.
A man waits patiently in the lobby of the ICU to see his wife, who has been in a coma for over a month, when a nurse runs out and says that he is needed right away.
Standing outside the room, the nurse tells the husband, "This morning we were giving your wife a sponge bath and we noticed something amazing!"
"What is it?!? the husband asked
The nurse explained, "Well, while we were giving her the sponge bath, we noticed that when we would touch her...uh....v**...... her vitals would spike on the monitor!"
Confused, the husband asked, "Well what do you need me for?"
The nurse responded, "Well we need you to go in there and perform o**... s**... on her, to see if that won't wake her up."
The man immediately agreed and closed the curtains as he entered the room.
5 minutes later the alarms sounded as the woman flat lined.
"Shes dead!" proclaimed the nurse, "What did you do?"
The man replied, "... I think I choked her..."
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident...
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident...
...and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother - he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident.
She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks, "Where's my son? He's really good at soccer and has a long career ahead of him."
The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry- in the accident he lost his leg. He will not be able to kick a soccer ball any more."
Getting anxious, the woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She's a tennis prodigy, and will likely win the US Open one day!"
The doctor says, "Sorry, but in the accident she lost her arm and will not be able to pick up a racket ever again."
The woman begins to cry.
"Doctor, how long have I been in this coma?"
"About a month," he replies.
"So what's the date?" asks the woman.
"April 1st," the doctor says, grinning.
The woman begins to laugh. "Ha, so you were joking all along, weren't you?"
Chuckling, the doctor says, "Yep! They both died on impact!"
The realistic magician
A magician is winding down to the end of a performance, and in preparation for his final trick, he asks for a volunteer from the audience. A man comes up, and the magician says, "Okay, now I'm going to lay my head down on this block, and when I say 'abra-cadabra', I want you to s**... the side of my head with this sledgehammer." The magician kneels carefully, positions his head on the block, and says, "Abra-cadabra!" And the guy from the audience winds up and smacks him on the side of the head with the hammer. The magician crumples to the stage, unconscious, and goes into a deep coma.
Ten years later, he wakes up in the hospital, looks at the nurse, and says, "TA - DAA!!!"
A heavily pregnant Women and her husband are in a car c**...
They both fall into a coma and her twins are removed from the Mother's w**... by c-section.
5 months later the Mother wakes up from the coma and sees her brother by her bedside.
Immediately she remembers her pregnancy, 'are my babies ok?' She asks her brother.
'Yes they're absolutely fine, you had a boy and a girl and I have been caring for them' he exclaims.
'Have you named them?' the mother asks,
'Yes the girls name is Denise'
'And the boys?'
'Denephew'
A guy wakes up from a coma.
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
A pregnant woman goes into a coma...
She wakes up from her coma to a doctor standing over her bed.
He says, "There's good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
She thinks for a minute then says, "the good news, please."
"You gave birth to boy and girl twins while you were in a coma. But the bad news is that your brother named them."
"What did he name them?" The doctor replies, "the first one, a girl, he named Denise." The woman was relieved and sighed. "What's the boy's name then?"
The doctors pauses, then replies, "Denephew."
How Men Think...
A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
The Doctor grew excited, and called the womans husband. He explained what had happened, and said "I think it's worth trying for you to try o**... s**... with her, and that might be enough to wake her up."
So the husband agreed, and came over to the hospital, where they left him alone with his wife to get going....
a few minutes later, however, the alarms began to ring, and the Doctor found the woman to be dead.
He turned to the husband and asked him "What happened? Didn't you try o**... with her?"
"Yeah... I guess she must have choked on it."
A woman goes into a coma...
A woman goes into a coma while pregnant with twins. Her husband dies in the car accident. A few months into the coma, she successfully gives birth to a boy and a girl. Shortly afterward, she wakes up.
"Where are my children? Are they alright?"
The doctor pats her shoulder reassuringly. "Yes, you delivered fine. You gave birth to a healthy boy and girl."
The woman sighs in relief. "Oh thank God. Who named them?"
The doctor frowns. "Your... brother, ma'am."
She lunged from the bed, grabbing him by the collar. "Oh no. He's an idiot. Tell me, WHAT DID HE NAME THEM?!"
"Deniece, he named the girl Deniece," he gasped.
She released her grip. "Oh... that's not too bad. And the boy?"
The doctor shamefully looked at the ground. "Denephew."
*Credit goes to my friend
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
A pregnant woman
A pregnant woman from Washington D.C., gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins: a boy and a girl! Your brother from Maryland came in and named them"
The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother! He's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise." replied the doctor.
"Wow that's not a bad name. I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
A woman goes into labor with twins.
She all alone, no husband, but excited to meet her son and daughter. Unfortunately, she has a massive s**... during delivery and falls into a coma*.
She wakes up, miraculously, five years later! She has a million questions: are her babies ok? Who has them? How long has it been?! When she learns her brother took guardianship of her children, she's instantly worried. Her brother is an IDIOT! What kind of mess has he made with them?! God, what did he even name them?!
They bring in her kids. She tentatively asks the little girl, "What's your name?"
"Denise." The little girl offers. The woman is relieved. That's not so bad. It's actually kind of lovely. "And you?" she asks the boy.
"Denephew."
A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma
When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.
Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?
Doctor: ....Denephew
So an Australian wakes up from his coma in a hospital after a brutal car c**......
...and the first thing he sees is a beautiful nurse!
So he asks her, "Did I come here to die?"
The nurse replies, "Nope, you came here yesterday."
:D
A magician calls a man onstage...
and he gives the man a sledgehammer, and he says, "I want you to take this sledgehammer and hit me as hard as you can in the head." The guy says, "Alright." The magician puts his head down on a block a wood and the guy hauls back and BAM! Pops this magician in the temple. Ten years later, the magician wakes up out of a coma in the hospital and goes, "TADAAA!"
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
A woman gives birth to a girl and a boy but falls into a coma for a few months.
After she wakes up the doctor says "stay calm. You fell into a coma after having twins. Your brother came to pick them up and even name them."
The mother is worried "Oh no my Brother is terrible with names!"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
The mother looks relieved "well that's not so bad. What did he name the boy?"
"Denephew"
A man wakes up from a five year coma...
Doctor: Sir you've been out for a long time and I'm afraid I have some terrible news.
Patient: Oh I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo
Waking up from a coma...
**DOCTOR**: I have bad news...
**MAN WHO JUST WOKE UP FROM A 5 YEAR COMA**: I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla from the Cincinnati Zoo.
A pregnant woman goes into a coma
A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."
A businessman wakes up from a coma
"What happened?" The businessman asks the nurse who was in his room.
"Sir, you have been in a coma ever since the September 1, 1939. Your whole family has been dead for many years, your company has filed for bankruptcy and now you have no money left in the bank"
"Ah, that's okay as long as I can still see my favorite 6 million jews!"
A man wakes up from a coma
"Sir, you have been in a coma since the year AD 32" the nurse tells him
"That's fine with me as long as I get to see my favorite son of GOD!"
My wife was in a coma. The doctor says to me, "There's one way to wake her up, but its a little unconventional. You go in there and you have o**... s**... with her"
I said "By God".
He says "I've seen it work"
So i go in there, I'm in there about five minutes and i come out.
I say, "Doc, shes choking"
My wife was in a coma for 6 months and the doctor told me that although it's unconventional that I could try o**... to wake her up so I decided to give it a try but after 5 minutes I gave up and the doctor asked what happened...
She just kept choking.
Coma victim...
A man wakes up after being in a coma for 20 years. Immediately he calls his bank to see how his savings have grown with interest over the last two decades and is told he has $144,833,411, 19 in his account.
Whooo- Hoo! I'm a multi-millionaire!
He hobbles down the hallway giggling to himself at his good fortune. I'm gonna celebrate!
At the end of the hallway is a Coca-Cola Machine.
Ahhh! That'll taste good after all these years!
He fishes in his pocket and comes out with a dollar bill and inserts it. He can't wait!
Suddenly, a voice comes from the vending machine:
Please add an additional, $47, 499 dollars.
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident.
The impact is so bad, the woman goes into a coma for 6 months. When she wakes up in the hospital, her first thought is, "oh, God, where are my babies?" This is the first thing she asks the doctor when he comes to see her.
"Oh, your babies are just fine," the doctor tells her assuredly. "One's a boy, one's a girl. But since you were unconscious when you had them, your brother named them for you."
The woman becomes slightly nervous, knowing her brother is a bit of a showoff, a little out there. "So, what did he name them?"
"Well, he named the girl Denise."
Denise. Not a bad name. Good going, bro. "And the boy? What did he name the boy?", she asks.
"Denephew."
A pregnant woman is hit by a private car....!
She is sent into a coma for 2 years. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"
The doctor replies, "Calm down, Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."
She says,"My brother? That guy is a m**...! Why would you do that?"
"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."
"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"
"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.
"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"
To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "
A man ends up in a 30-year coma.
After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.
He hears: "Dear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your savings portfolio is $950 billion."
The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon as he can.
When he comes to the bar, he says "I'd like a coffee, please.".
The cashier tells him "That'd be $30 billion.".
A Palestinian wakes up from a coma and is discovers he's been sleeping for decades.
He goes to the first person he sees and asks them Are the stories true? Is it real?
The man responds, Yes my friend, I'm afraid it Israel.
A pregnant lady went into a coma
Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant
"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"
"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked
"Denise"
"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"
"Denephew"
A man goes to visit his wife who is in a coma.
One of the nurses pulls him aside and tells him that she's heard that occasionally o**... s**... will cause the person in a coma to wake up. The stimulation could literally jar the person awake. With a sly wink she leaves the hubby alone with his wife. A few minutes later alarm bells are ringing and he's screaming for help. The nurse rushes in to find the hubby pulling up his pants screaming, "I did what you said, but I think she choked."
An American tourist is hit by a car in downtown Sydney, AU.
He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.
"Did I come here to die?" he asks.
The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.
After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...
A Woman gives birth.
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she wakes and asks the doctor about her baby, Doctor says you had twins a boy and a girl, your brother has named them. Oh no he is an idiot! what did he name the girl? "Denise", Oh that's not so bad says the woman, and the boy?.
Denephew.
A woman wakes up from coma...
Doctor: You've been in coma for the past 3 months
Woman: Oh no! Is the baby ok?
Doctor: Yes everything is fine, you had twins! A boy and a girl. And your brother got to name them :)
Woman: Nooo my brother is an idiot! What did he name them??
Doctor: He named the girl Deniece.
Woman: Oh.. That's actually not a bad name. Maybe my brother isn't an idiot after all. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: ...Denephew.