wake Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious wake puns

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

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Do you ever just wake up and kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you are alive?

I just did and apparently I'm not allowed on this airline anymore...

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Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

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Anniversary idea

For my wife and I's first wedding anniversary, we made a bet that the first one to wake up would have to surprise the other one with oral sex. Well, when the day came I was the first to wake up, so I rolled over, pulled the bed covers back, and slooooowwwwllllyyyyy shoved my dick in her mouth.

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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive?

I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.

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It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.

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The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

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I have never understood a true dilemma..

Two men are having a drink in a bar. One says:
"You know, I've never really understood what a dilemma is..."

"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."

"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.

"To whom do you turn your back?"

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Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.

You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

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Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?

Drown them.

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What is a dilemma?

Two men are having a drink in a bar. One says: "You know, I've never really understood what a dilemma is..."

"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."

"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.

"To whom do you turn your back?"

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There were 3 moles living in a hole...

One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."

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on the eve of our anniversary....

On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.

Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...

... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

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Some mornings I wake up bitchy...

Other mornings I let her sleep.

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I filled out a job application last week...

... and under disabilities I put narcolepsy and Tourette's syndrome.
So not only will I be able to sleep at work, but if someone tries to wake me up I can tell them to fuck off.

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Two guys drinking at the bar...

Bubba: "You know, I've never understood what dilemma is.."
Jimmy: Let me give you an example. Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you.
To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."
Bubba: So where's the dilemma?"
Jimmy: To whom do you turn your back?"

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Three Old Men

Three old men are sitting on a porch discussing their old person problems

Man 1: Every day at 7:00am i wake up and i piss like a racehorse

Man 2: If you think thats bad, every day at 8:00 i wake up and i have to shit like a pig!

Man 3: You guys don't even have it that bad! Everyday at 7:00 i have to piss like a horse and then at 8:00 i have to shit like a pig, the problem is i don't wake up 'til 9!

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Two guys over a drink at the bar. Chump: You know, I've never really understood what a dilemma is..."

Chucky: Let me give you an example. Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have you, and to your right is a very horny gay man."
Chump: So where's the dilemma?"
Chucky: To whom do you turn your back?"

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This morning, I decided to wake up my girlfriend with a gentle fuck

followed by a gentle "you"

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Waking up on a Monday morning...

On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".

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Three old men talk about their problems.

The first one says,
I wake up at 7 a.m every morning with a terrible urge to pee. I go to the bathroom and I stand there for two hours and nothing.

The second one says,
I wake up at 6 a.m every morning with a terrible need to defecate. I sit there reading for four hours, and nothing.

Finally the third one says,
Don't look at me. There's no drama here, my system works like clockwork. I pee at 7 a.m, I shit at 8, and at 9, I wake up.

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Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

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A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

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On the eve of our anniversary my girlfriend and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex...

Come morning, I was up first, so I slowly pulled back the covers...

... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

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My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning

I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"

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Three guys go on a ski trip...

...they arrive at the hotel only to find out that there is only one room available, and it has only one bed. They have a great day skiing and then go to sleep. The next day, they wake up. The guy on the left says "I had a dream that this beautiful woman was giving me the best handjob of my life!" The guy on the right says "I had the same dream!" The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing!"

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I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

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Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

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Doctor! Every morning at 7 sharp, I poop

Doctor: How is that a problem?

Man: I wake up at 8

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Why do ballerinas dance on their toes?

So they don't wake up the audience!

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I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day-

-that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning.

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Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead.

So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic..

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Almost every morning, I wake up grumpy...

...but sometimes, I let her sleep.

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1st old man says "I wish I could pee with no problems", 2nd old man says "I wish I could poop easily", 3rd old man says "I easily do both by 10am...."

".... problem is, I don't wake up til noon"

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What are the most funny Wake jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wake? Well, here are the best Wake dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wake pick up lines to share with friends.

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