The Best 75 Wake Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wake jokes. There are some wake awake jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wake wake me up when september ends puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wake Jokes and Puns

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

I'm inventing an alarm clock. When it goes off, it shouts, "9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!"

That ought to wake people up.

Travelling Tip

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me.

It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,

"Why are you calling me?"

Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

Wake joke, Travelling Tip

whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

There is one less drunk at the wake

There were 3 moles living in a hole...

One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."


Waking up on a Monday morning...

On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".

Middle Earth Dreamer

A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.

"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"

The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."

Wake joke, Middle Earth Dreamer

I think i am allergic to leather.

Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.

2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Tim is out drinking one night...

He wants to go home but is extremely drunk so he decides to walk. After two steps he falls down. He stands up, walks another two steps and falls down again. This continues all the way home where he climbs up the stairs in agony but doesn't utter a single groan since he doesn't want his wife to notice and gets into bed next to her, makes sure he didn't wake her up and sleeps.
The next day, his wife tells him: "Tim, you moron! Didn't I tell you not to go out drinking??? You're a dead loss!" - "But how did you know?" - "You forgot your wheelchair at the bar, that's why!"

A man goes to the doctor...

and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.

The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"

To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."

You can explore wake unconventional reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wake hangover dad jokes. There are also wake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day-

-that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning.

Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

It's ironic that Pistorius will wake up this morning and there really will be a burglar using his toilet.

Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead.

So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic..

Sometimes I wake up moody...

The other times, i let her sleep.

Wake joke, Sometimes I wake up moody...

Three guys go on a ski trip...

...they arrive at the hotel only to find out that there is only one room available, and it has only one bed. They have a great day skiing and then go to sleep. The next day, they wake up. The guy on the left says "I had a dream that this beautiful woman was giving me the best handjob of my life!" The guy on the right says "I had the same dream!" The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing!"

A woman sees a bunch of children playing on their phones in a sandbox while their teacher is sleeping on a bench. She runs to the teacher.

The woman tries to wake up the teacher.

"Hey, get up! Your children are going to run away!"

The teacher groans and says,

"No, they don't get free Wi-Fi anywhere else."

Two friends were having a conversation...

The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."


Confucious say...

Confucious say a boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

Why do golf commentators speak softly?

To not wake the audience.

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.

Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.

A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.

After the last child is born her second husband also dies.

Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.

At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,

"At least, they're finally together."

A man standing next to the priest asks,

"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"

The priest says, "I mean her legs."

This morning I mixed redbull with coffee to help me wake up.

I got about halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

This Election Day will be like a dinner date with Bill Cosby.

When you wake up, you just know something bad happened.

Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Justin Bieber....

I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to "Justin Bieber - Baby". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it.

Some mornings I wake up bitchy...

Other mornings I let her sleep.

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

I always walk very quietly past pharmacies...

so I don't wake up the sleeping pills.

Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

I have this nagging feeling.

It starts right when I wake up, but it usually stops when she goes to bed.

Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.

You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

Did you ever wake up, give the person next to you a big kiss, and just feel glad you're alive?

I did that today, and I'm not allowed back on that airline.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?

So they don't wake up the sleeping pills.

I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

One of the best feelings in the world is to wake up with someone cuddling with you...

Unless you're in prison.

My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning

I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"

Between Coffee and Cocaine…

…it seems like the country of Colombia just wants to wake up the world.

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

Why do ballerinas dance on their toes?

So they don't wake up the audience!

I did 3 things thing morning 1.) Wake Up. 2.) Buy a mansion. 3.) Buy a Lambo

But the order they happened was 2,3,1

Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?

Drown them.

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

Avicii passed away today ...

...looks like no one's going to be able to wake him up when it's all over.

RIP.

Sex is the best thing to wake up to...

Unless you're in prison.

I didn't wake up grumpy today

I let her sleep in.

Almost every morning, I wake up grumpy...

...but sometimes, I let her sleep.

Three old men are sitting on a porch relaxing...

The first old man complains about having trouble moving his bowels.

The second old ma complains about having trouble urinating.

The third old man says, every morning at 7am I relieve myself, then at 7:15 I take a huge dump.

The other two men look at him and say what's wrong with that?

The third old man says, I don't wake up until 7:30.

I never thought I'd be the type of person to wake up at 5 in the morning to exercise.

I was right.

A man comes home drunk...

As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...

Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?

Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...

As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH

Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???

Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.

Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?

Bob: I was still wearing it

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.

The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.

Which tire was flat?

A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...

As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.

"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"

"Linda," the wife replies meekly.

"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"

"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."

Why do golf announcers whisper?

Because they don't want to wake up the people watching.

I have a nice solid bowel movement every morning at 6AM.

Problem is... I wake up at 7.

Why do riot police wake up early?

...so they can beat the crowds

A nun is walking to church.

As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"

The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"

I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts...

They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.

So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..

His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.

She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?

Son: Ok

Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.

Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

When you wake up and think life sucks.

But at least my name is not North Kardashian West

A wake for my mother-in-law

Two rural gentlemen were chatting. One says, "Say, I noticed a lot of cars at your house on Saturday night. Were you having a party or something?"

"No," responds the second man. "Tragically last week one of my mules kicked my mother in law in the head, and she died suddenly"

"Oh, No!" says the first man. "So were the people there to pay their final respects?"

"No," says the second man. "Once news started to spread about the incident, men from all over the county started coming over asking if they could borrow my mule."

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."Β 
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."Β 
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"Β 
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."Β 
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."Β 
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.

Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."

The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."

"37," came the weak reply from Edna.

My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's

And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...

Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better places..

But the look of pure joy on his face every time i tell him she's dead just makes my day and keeps me from leaving.

Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress

When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."

Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"

While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the center said, "Lucky stiffs. In my dream, I was skiing."

What did the Detroit Lions fan say when they won the super bowl?

Why, why did you wake me up? I was having such a nice dream!

Despite being in my mid-forties, every morning when I wake up, I feel like a twenty-year-old...

But there's never one available.

my favourite Norm joke as told on his first Letterman appearance

So I had this dream today, you ever have this dream, and then you wake up, right in the middle of a great dream, and then you're back in the middle of your stinkin life again?

So then you try to fall asleep - redream it. Man that never works. Always end up with some weird mutation of your original dream there, you know. Like in the first dream, I was in a pool with Christie Brinkley and we were swimming towards each other. And then I woke up. So I fell asleep again, and ended up shooting pool with David Brinkley.

2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room.

1st kid asks "What are you in here for?"

2nd kid says "Getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous."

1st kid says "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."

2nd kid asks "What are you here for?"

1st kid says "Circumcision."

"Whoa!" the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!!"

Expectant mothers of Reddit, name your child Gotham.

Then when they wake up at 3am you can roll to your Husband or Partner and say 'Gotham needs you!' and they will get up.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy

Other times I let her sleep.

Three guys were camping together

And they all had to share a tent, sleeping side by side.

They go to bed, and when they wake up, one of the guys said, I had the weirdest thing happen last night. I had my first wet dream since I was a teenager.

Shocked, another one of the campers spoke up. You know what? I also had a wet dream last night.

The last guy chimes in and says, you guys are lucky. In my dream, I was an Olympic skier.

Heard at a wake

"Here's a toast to the host, who is , at most, a ghost ".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wake woke jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wake wake up piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes