Waiting For Christmas Jokes
31 waiting for christmas jokes and hilarious waiting for christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about waiting for christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Waiting For Christmas Short Jokes
Short waiting for christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The waiting for christmas humour may include short celebrating christmas jokes also.
- I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
- Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up.
- I have bought my wife a refrigerator for Christmas I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- I remember as a child, lying awake at night on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come... ...then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
- Cinderella was waiting for her christmas photos to be sent in the mail. Even though they were very late she stayed positive, thinking: 'One day my prints will come'.
- I can't wait to be a parent Can't wait to be a parent and surprise my kids with a puppy for Christmas cause they asked for one, but jokes on them it's actually for me
- We had a trans friend come over for Christmas this year He said he can't wait to eat, drink and be Mary
- My son thinks it's unfair that he has to wait 24 more days until Christmas... I told him "yeah? Try waiting for the Avengers 4 trailer then..."
- Christmas would be way easier if instead of giving everyone presents at one time, we divided up who received them, by say, the month of the year they were born. Oh wait
- My kids keep making fun of my Alzheimer's Wait till they wake up Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire!
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Waiting For Christmas One Liners
Which waiting for christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with waiting for christmas? I can suggest the ones about christmas holiday and santa christmas.
- What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? A Barbecue.
- I got a reversible jacket for Christmas. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
- What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve? Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning
- Welcome to Christmas, we've got gold and frankincense... But wait, there's myrrh!
Waiting For Christmas Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about waiting for christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean happy christmas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make waiting for christmas pranks.
I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I s**... indentify as Mistletoe..
I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
Cultural Diversity--True Story
When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."
That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.
In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"
We never went back.
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve
They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a c**..., so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'
I made an IRL dad joke a few weeks back...
and it may be my crowning achievement.
We did a delayed Christmas at the in-laws a few weekends back (COVID happened) and my FIL is the kind of jokester that does things like wrap one boot in one present for his wife and the other boot in another.
Mom-in-Law says, "look at him, stretching one gift into two...."
Father-in-law then opens a gift from her and it's a winter vest. Without missing a beat I say, "look who's stretching gifts now, where's the box with the sleeves!?"
I never post so I had to build karma before sharing but hopefully it was worth the wait!
Who knows where Jesus is?
A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
This year is going by quickly
Oh wait, that's just the idiots playing p**... Christmas music.
I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy.
This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me
How long should you wait to regift a Christmas present?
Last Christmas, this girl gave me her heart, and the very next day I gave it away. I haven't heard the end of it since.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The Shiny Watch of Jimmy
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. Did you get that for your birthday? – asked Johnny.
Nope. – replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then?
Again Jimmy said Nope. You didn't steal it, did you? – asked Johnny.
No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**....
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.
Christmas
His teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmastime?
Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...and begin to sing: What A Friend We Have in Jesus. Then we all go to the Bahamas .
You want what?
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.
"Nope." replied Jimmy.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".
Again Jimmy says "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**.... Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."