Waiter Jokes

Are you looking for a laugh in the kitchen? Check out this collection of waiter jokes to brighten your day! Featuring some of the most outrageous dishes and delicacies that have been served in a steakhouse, these waiter jokes are sure to have you in stitches!

Hilarious Waiter Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

My boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me".

Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".

jokes about waiter

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

The hearing-aid

A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.

Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.

Waiter: What?

Waiter joke, The hearing-aid

4 Jewish women go out for dinner

When the waiter checks on them during their meal he asks "is anything okay?"

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?

Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?

Man: Will you just try the soup.

Waiter: Is it too hot?

Man: Will you just try the soup

Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?

Man: Will you just try the damned soup son

Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...

Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!

Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.

Man: Exactly.

You can explore waiter steakhouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean waiter menu dad jokes. There are also waiter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.

"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"

The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter escort the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank fΓΌr die guten abend"

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

A man orders a pizza

A man orders a pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want your pizza cut in six or eight Pieces?" The man replies: "Six, i dont think i can eat eight"

Three logicians go to a bar

The waiter asks if they would all like a drink

The first responds "I don't know"

The second responds "I don't know"

And the third responds "Yes, why thank you"

A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining

And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

Waiter joke, A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

A man spits out his coffee

"This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter.

You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water?

In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"

Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter?

Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler

"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

The waiter came up to our table.

He said, "Can I take your order?"

I said, "Sure."

He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."

A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and

A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and asks what happened. The man replies: My wife told me that she wouldn't talk to me for a month. The waiter replies, Oh no, that's horrible! Man: Yes!!! (Sobs) Today that month is over.

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that rapist is looking at your cookie."

Two terrorists in a bar

Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"

Terrorist: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."

Waiter: "Why a goat?"

The first terrorist says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table...

The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"

They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

Waiter joke, Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table...

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."

WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"

WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food...

I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. How long will my spaghetti be?

The waiter said: I don't know. We never measure it.

Jesus and the 12 apostles walk into a restaurant

and Jesus says to the waiter:

-- Table for 26 please.

-- But there's only 13 of you?

-- Yeah, but we wanna sit all on one side.

"What makes you qualified to be a waiter"

I feel like I bring a lot to the table

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.

On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant....

a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

After my mother's funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying.

He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked...

"How would you like your steak, sir?" "The same way I like my sex," I replied. He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

He got the order wrong

Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?

Wife: I am having an affair

Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well.

Interviewer: So what makes you think you'd be a good waiter here?

Octopus: I just really feel like I could bring a lot to the table.

Guy orders a steak at a restaurant.

The waiter brings it out and its rare.

"Excuse me, I said well done." says the guy

"Oh sorry, I didn't hear you", says the waiter, "Thanks very much!"

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."

I was at a restaurant last night...

and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."

I wnet to an Indian restaurant and ordered biryani...

The waiter said, sorry sir, I don't know what a birlaurel is.

A waiter served me some rare steak

But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".

Dad at breakfast:

Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!

The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

I really hate my job as a waiter

But it puts food on the table

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"

The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job

but at least it puts food on the table

Me: Yeah I'll probably die alone

Waiter: No I said will you be dining alone?

​

Me: Oh

Putin and Medvedev go into a restaurant

"What would you gentlemen like to have?" asks the waiter.

"I'll have the steak", says Putin.

"Excellent choice, sir. What about the accompanying vegetable?" asks the waiter.

"He'll also have the steak", says Putin.

I went to a restaurant and the waiter asked, Would you like to hear today's special? I said, Yes please.

The waiter smiled and replied, "Sure thing. Today is special."

Two Karens are out having dinner

The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"

Say what you want about waiters

But I think they bring a lot to the table

Two Karens are having lunch together

The waiter stops by and asks "Is anything okay?"

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

​

"Certainly," he replied.

​

I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.

​

"That's the manager." said the waiter.

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn't say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?

The man replies, No, I haven't.

The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.

The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.

Waiter! These potatoes taste powdery.

Yes sir. We use only the finest ingredients.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Just went to a BBQ place..

Me: I'll have 6 ribs please

Waiter: We only serve those in quantities of 3, 5, 7, or 13.

​

Turns out it was prime rib.

a roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter,

five beers, please

Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared?

Me: Guess

Waiter: Medium rare?

Me: Well done

Waiter: Uhhh..

What did the waiter say to the table full of Karens?

Is anything all right?

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow

Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.

me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table

**waiter:** white or red?

**me, trying to impress my date:** whichever onion the chef prefers

People say being a waiter is a bad job...

... but, hey, it puts food on the table.

An individual walks into a restaurants, orders and eats his meal

"That'll be $13.45." says the waiter.

The individual pulls out a $50 bill.

"Sorry, we've had issues with counterfeit money lately. Do you have any smaller bills?" asks the waiter.

"Sure, no problem.." The individual pulls out a $25 bill, pays with it and leaves.

Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.

I said yeah

He said, today is special.

I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.

The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.





**EDIT**

Thank you for the awards!!

A waiter checks on a table of Jewish mothers and asks:

Is anything ok?

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.

The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.

Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.

He said well take these drinks to table. 5.

A waiter walks up to a man and asks..

Waiter: "Sir, are you ready to order?"

Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."

Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"

Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant for the Last Supper.

Jesus: "Table for 26 please"
waiter: "But there are only 13 of you"
Jesus:"Yes but we all want to sit on the same side!"

Four old Jewish women are around a table at a restaurant

The waiter comes up and asks, Is ANYTHING okay?

Presidential

Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same.

A group of Karens are sitting at a restaurant together.

A waiter approaches and asks, Is anything OK?

Me: Waiter, My soup is cold

Waiter: It's Borscht

Me: Borscht, My soup is cold

A man at a table in a restaurant suddenly starts to cry. The worried waiter asks, Why are you crying?

Man: My wife said she won't talk with me for a month.

Waiter : That's terrible.

Man: Yes, the month ends today.

I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Restaurant patron: Waiter, I'd like a bottle of wine.

Waiter: What year, sir?

Patron: Well, I'd like it right now.

(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.

When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.

Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve Negroes".

Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my damn cheeseburger".

The Monkees visit a bar every Tuesday...

Each time they visit, they never finish their drinks, leaving them for the waiter to tidy up.

One night, the waiter approaches Micky Dolenz:

"Excuse me sir, you waste $30 on drinks every Tuesday that just get thrown down the drain. Why do you do it?"

Micky turns to the waiter and smiles. "Haven't you heard? I'm a beer leaver."

A "large" man is seated at a restaurant and the waiter brings an enormous steak.

​

A friend of the man walks by and says "Surely you're not going to eat that monstrosity alone!"

The man says, "Of course not! I also ordered mashed potatoes."

A man goes into a restaurant.

He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter, 'Waiter, come taste the soup.'

Waiter says, 'Is there something wrong with the soup?'

He says, 'Taste the soup.'

Waiter says, 'Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?'

The man says, 'Will you taste the soup?'

'What's wrong? Is the soup too cold?'

'Will you just taste the soup?'

'All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?'

'Ah-ha!'"

A man sat down in a restaurant and the waiter came over to the table.

​

The man says, "I'd like tomato juice, scrambled eggs with spinach, and some cherry pie."

"But you haven't looked at the menu yet," said the waiter.

"No, but I've looked at the tablecloth," replies the man.

A doctor is sitting at a restaurant.

He sees a waiter that is walking a bit too slow for his liking and asks him.

"Sorry... but do you maybe have hemorrhoids?"

The waiter responds.

"I am not sure, I will ask the chef."

​

Manager: Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?

Me: I bring a lot to the table.

Two Story Restaurant Waiter~

So I got this job at a restaurant that was 2 stories tall. I worked for 3 days hulking trays full of food and drinks and then dirty dishes up and down the stairs. And then I noticed some of the other waiters pointing and laughing at me. At first I though something had fallen off my tray. Then this the manager took me aside and explained that they have a little elevator that takes the food trays from the kitchen upstairs to the seating area downstairs. And I had been slaving with trays using the stairs the whole time. Boy, was I a dumbwaiter.

Me and wife went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.

The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.

Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.

He said well take these drinks to table. 4.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the waiter mixologist puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working waiter waiter fly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes