The Best 88 Waiter Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Waiter jokes. There are some waiter sirloin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these waiter waiter waiter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Waiter Jokes and Puns

My boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -

'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.

'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

Waiter joke, The Mathematician and the Waiter

I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me".

Headlines in the local newspaper next day read: "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."


Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

A waiter walks up to a group of Jewish women and asks...

"Is anything alright?"

Waiter joke, A waiter walks up to a group of Jewish women and asks...

The hearing-aid

A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.

Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.

Waiter: What?

4 Jewish women go out for dinner

When the waiter checks on them during their meal he asks "is anything okay?"

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

You can explore waiter steakhouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean waiter menu dad jokes. There are also waiter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...

Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?

Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?

Man: Will you just try the soup.

Waiter: Is it too hot?

Man: Will you just try the soup

Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?

Man: Will you just try the damned soup son

Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...

Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!

Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.

Man: Exactly.

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.

"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"

The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter escort the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank fΓΌr die guten abend"

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

A man orders a pizza

A man orders a pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want your pizza cut in six or eight Pieces?" The man replies: "Six, i dont think i can eat eight"

Three logicians go to a bar

The waiter asks if they would all like a drink

The first responds "I don't know"

The second responds "I don't know"

And the third responds "Yes, why thank you"

Waiter joke, Three logicians go to a bar

A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining

And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

A man spits out his coffee

"This tastes like mud!" he said.
"Well of course. It was just ground this morning" replied the waiter.


You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water?

In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"

Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter?

Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler

"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

The waiter came up to our table.

He said, "Can I take your order?"

I said, "Sure."

He said, "Thanks, I'm just really hungry."

A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and

A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and asks what happened. The man replies: My wife told me that she wouldn't talk to me for a month. The waiter replies, Oh no, that's horrible! Man: Yes!!! (Sobs) Today that month is over.

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table.

A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that rapist is looking at your cookie."

Two terrorists in a bar

Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"

Terrorist: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."

Waiter: "Why a goat?"

The first terrorist says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."

Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table...

The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"

They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."

WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it."

WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."

CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"

WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Today's special menu

The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"

"Yes please," I smiled.

"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.

At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food...

I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. How long will my spaghetti be?

The waiter said: I don't know. We never measure it.

Jesus and the 12 apostles walk into a restaurant

and Jesus says to the waiter:

-- Table for 26 please.

-- But there's only 13 of you?

-- Yeah, but we wanna sit all on one side.

"What makes you qualified to be a waiter"

I feel like I bring a lot to the table

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.

On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

A bear walked into a bar...

Waiter: What will it be pal?
Bear: Gin.....
....
....
and tonic
Waiter: Why the big pause?
Bear: I don't know. My dad had them too.

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant....

a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

After my mother's funeral, we all went for lunch at an Indian restaurant. When the waiter came to check that we had everything on our order he noticed my daughter crying.

He asked me what was wrong, I told him she was just missing her nan.

A panda walks into a bar.

He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.

I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked...

"How would you like your steak, sir?" "The same way I like my sex," I replied. He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

Restaurant signboard

A signboard outside a restaurant read "eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the bill"... A man entered the restaurant and ate as much as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill. He laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "my grandchildren will pay" The waiter replied, "This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's bill".

He got the order wrong

Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?

Wife: I am having an affair

Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well.

Interviewer: So what makes you think you'd be a good waiter here?

Octopus: I just really feel like I could bring a lot to the table.

Guy orders a steak at a restaurant.

The waiter brings it out and its rare.

"Excuse me, I said well done." says the guy

"Oh sorry, I didn't hear you", says the waiter, "Thanks very much!"

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.

The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."

I was at a restaurant last night...

and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."

I wnet to an Indian restaurant and ordered biryani...

The waiter said, sorry sir, I don't know what a birlaurel is.

A waiter served me some rare steak

But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".

I was at the cannibal restaurant the other day and ordered some legs.

"Sorry," said the waiter, "they've just run out."

Dad at breakfast:

Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!

The waiter says: Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.

A superluminal particle walks into a bar.

I really hate my job as a waiter

But it puts food on the table

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"

The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job

but at least it puts food on the table

Me: Yeah I'll probably die alone

Waiter: No I said will you be dining alone?



Me: Oh

Putin and Medvedev go into a restaurant

"What would you gentlemen like to have?" asks the waiter.

"I'll have the steak", says Putin.

"Excellent choice, sir. What about the accompanying vegetable?" asks the waiter.

"He'll also have the steak", says Putin.

I went to a restaurant and the waiter asked, Would you like to hear today's special? I said, Yes please.

The waiter smiled and replied, "Sure thing. Today is special."

Two Karens are out having dinner

The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"

A alien walks into a bar

He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your balls off!" Alien responds "I don't have any balls". The waiter says "Then how do you have sex?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"

Say what you want about waiters

But I think they bring a lot to the table

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person.

Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter

Two Karens are having lunch together

The waiter stops by and asks "Is anything okay?"

After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.



"Certainly," he replied.



I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.



"That's the manager." said the waiter.

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn't say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?

The man replies, No, I haven't.

The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.

The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.

Waiter! These potatoes taste powdery.

Yes sir. We use only the finest ingredients.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Just went to a BBQ place..

Me: I'll have 6 ribs please

Waiter: We only serve those in quantities of 3, 5, 7, or 13.



Turns out it was prime rib.

a roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter,

five beers, please

Waiter: And how would you like your steak prepared?

Me: Guess

Waiter: Medium rare?

Me: Well done

Waiter: Uhhh..

What did the waiter say to the table full of Karens?

Is anything all right?

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow

Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.

me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table

**waiter:** white or red?

**me, trying to impress my date:** whichever onion the chef prefers

People say being a waiter is a bad job...

... but, hey, it puts food on the table.

An individual walks into a restaurants, orders and eats his meal

"That'll be $13.45." says the waiter.

The individual pulls out a $50 bill.

"Sorry, we've had issues with counterfeit money lately. Do you have any smaller bills?" asks the waiter.

"Sure, no problem.." The individual pulls out a $25 bill, pays with it and leaves.

Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.

I said yeah

He said, today is special.

I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.

The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.





**EDIT**

Thank you for the awards!!

A waiter checks on a table of Jewish mothers and asks:

Is anything ok?

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Me: Waiter! My soup is cold!

Waiter: Sir, it's gazpacho

Me: sigh….Fine. Gazpacho, my soup is cold.

A customer asks the waiter what the soup of the day is

The waiter replies, sage and onion.
So then the customer says genonion

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.

The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.

Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.

He said well take these drinks to table. 5.

I was waitering the other day and a nice old man asked me for a little spoon

so I gently lay him down and hugged him from behind

Face only a mother could love

A lady walks into a restaurant with her child. The waiter, showing her to her seat, says "Ma'am, that has got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Upset and shaken, the woman turns to the group at the table beside her and asks what they would do after being so insulted. The gentleman speaks up and says "You should speak with the owner right away! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."



Not the best joke, but it's not one I've seen here before.

A waiter walks up to a man and asks..

Waiter: "Sir, are you ready to order?"

Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."

Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"

Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant for the Last Supper.

Jesus: "Table for 26 please"
waiter: "But there are only 13 of you"
Jesus:"Yes but we all want to sit on the same side!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the waiter bartend jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working waiter mixologist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes