The Best 63 Wait Jokes

Following is our collection of Wait jokes which are very funny. There are some wait expect jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wait linger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

My wife left me because I am insecure

No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.


A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

I have a bumper sticker that says...

"Honk if you think I'm sexy."

Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"

T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"

S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

Top Wait Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore wait expectancy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wait impatiently dad jokes. There are also wait puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got

A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining

And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."

Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ

Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid...

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B


Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

why would you be a suicide bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.

Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.

These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon

Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.

As he inserted the rectal thermometer [nsfw]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision...

I can't wait to see them all.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

My girlfriend left me because I'm too insecure...

Oh wait, she's back. She just went to the bathroom.

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate."

I told her, "Oh yea... Just you wait."

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.

- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

If you ever miss 4:20 just wait untill 4:22 because...

4:22 is 4:20 too.

Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues...

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)

The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.

- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.

- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.

- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.

- Will do.

- Thank you. *hangs up*

- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

I put the sexy in dyslexic

Oh wait

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

My wife just told me that in 9 months, I'm in for a big surprise...

I can't wait for Santa to come now!!

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?

People would wait days in line for a single piece

I told my wife we had a pest problem.

But, apparently we have to wait until it's 18 years old to move out.

I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday,

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job

but at least it puts food on the table

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree

The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .

Cannot wait to become a proud American!

I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.

The f in orphan stands for family

wait

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."

"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

**

a man is chopping down a tree

the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree

the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?

He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?

Very good, she replies.

And what happened to my present?

Which present? she asks.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl!

Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.

Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".

Genie: Wait, what? Why?

Man: It's for a joke, trust me.

Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?

Man: Yes.

Burger King: Have it your way.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

What did the waiter say to the table full of Karens?

Is anything all right?

The tunnel

An Englishman, a Frenchmen, a young woman, and an old lady, are sitting together on a train when it goes through a tunnel. A loud slap is heard, and then the Frenchman is rubbing his face.

The old lady thinks 'I bet he tried to touch the young woman, and she slapped him'

The young woman thinks 'I bet he tried to touch the old lady thinking it was me, and she slapped him'

The Frenchman thinks 'I bet the Englishman tried to touch the young woman, and she thought it was me, so she slapped me'

The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can slap him again'

My wife said "I'm leaving you because your always pretending to be a transformer."

I said "no, wait! I can change."

A policeman walks by a street vendor

Policeman: What are you selling?

Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!

Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?

Vendor: They make you smarter!

Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!

Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!

Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!

A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...

The mute guy says

What are you guys having to drink?

The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him

How come you just spoke if you're mute?

The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard the supposed mute guy. He asks them,

Wait how come you just spoke when you're mute AND he just heard you when he is supposed to be deaf?!?

The bartender says,

Hey who's that drunk guy talking to?

There is an owl among us..

Friend: Who?

Me: Exactly, we have to be careful.. wait a second

Cop: I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia

Man: Wait I can explain everything

Those Who Had Sex, What Was It Like?

Oh wait, this is Reddit.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wait sit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wait minute piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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