The Best 63 Wait Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wait jokes. There are some wait expect jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wait linger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Wait Jokes and Puns

My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.

My wife left me because I am insecure

No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

jokes about wait

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.

A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Wait joke, Mother's Day

I have a bumper sticker that says...

"Honk if you think I'm sexy."

Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"

T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"

S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy got

You can explore wait expectancy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wait impatiently dad jokes. There are also wait puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining

And says "ladies, is anything ok?"

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."

Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

fight club

I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meetingο»Ώ

Wait joke, fight club

Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid...

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

why would you be a suicide bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.

These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon

Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

My girlfriend left me because I'm too insecure...

Oh wait, she's back. She just went to the bathroom.

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate."

I told her, "Oh yea... Just you wait."

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

Then I wait for the next bus

Wait joke, Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society...

If you ever miss 4:20 just wait untill 4:22 because...

4:22 is 4:20 too.

Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles.

I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.

I put the sexy in dyslexic

Oh wait

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

My wife just told me that in 9 months, I'm in for a big surprise...

I can't wait for Santa to come now!!

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?

People would wait days in line for a single piece

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job

but at least it puts food on the table

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree

The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .

Cannot wait to become a proud American!

I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.

The f in orphan stands for family

wait

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."

"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

**

a man is chopping down a tree

the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree

the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?

He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?

Very good, she replies.

And what happened to my present?

Which present? she asks.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl!

Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.

Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".

Genie: Wait, what? Why?

Man: It's for a joke, trust me.

Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?

Man: Yes.

Burger King: Have it your way.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good," she replies.

"And did you bring something home for me?"

"Something, did I forget?" she asks.

"The Italian girl I asked for," he replies jokingly.

"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

My girlfriend left me because I'm insecure.

Oh wait, she's back. I guess she just went to the grocery store.

My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back. She just went out to bring me a cake.

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.

People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."

My wife left me because she said I'm insecure.

No, no. Wait. Here she comes. She just went to the bathroom.

One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation.

After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.

A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move

"This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."

I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

My girlfriend said, I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.

I said, Wait! I can change.

I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Death: Jack! Your time is up. I'll take you now.

Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do.

Death: Oh no, you're the first on the list to die.

Jack: Alright, I'll finish what I'm doing first. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. And after I'm done, we can leave.

(Jack put sleeping pills in the coffee and when Death fell asleep, Jack erased his name and placed it at the end of the list)

Death: Woah! My friend, I slept well. You're a good person Jack, you treated me very well. Because of that, I'll just start with the last one on the list.

Giving Birth, or Getting Kicked in the Nuts!

Which Hurts More?






Obviously it's getting kicked in the nuts.
Why? Well you don't get kicked in the Nuts, wait a year and decide, I'll try that again.

Game-Over on that debate!

Lindsey Graham gets new suit

On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.

Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants.

He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?"

"Well, senator, I guess you're not as big up here."

Scene (and heard) at the Confessional...

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I am 67 years old and I am dating a 22 year old.

Priest: Wait! I know that voice! Mr. Singh, is that you?

Man: Yes, father.

Priest: But you're not Catholic. Why are you telling me?

Man: I'm telling everyone.

Nurse: "Please wait 5 minutes for me to deliver your baby".

Patient: "No thanks, I'd like my baby to keep her liver".

A man has a vision of God

God says to the man "You may ask three questions of me."

The man thinks hard, and says "God, the universe is so old...how do you keep track of it?"

God says "My child, to me a million years is only one second."

The man thinks again, and says "God, why do so many rich people forget about you?"

God says, "My child, to me a million dollars is like one cent."

The man thinks again, and says "In that case, God, will you grant me one cent?"

God says "Of course, my child. Just wait a second."

A old man passes away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness

His wife calls the county to come pick up his body.

The county operator answers "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"

"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."

"Can you spell that for me?"

"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no, no that's not right...Tell you what, I'll just drag him over to Oak Street and you can pick him up there."

if Elon Musk had a dollar for every racial slur & sexist slur on Twitter...

Oh, wait- he does.

Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?

Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wait sit puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wait minute piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes