Waist Jokes

Following is our collection of crotch humor and torso one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Waist puns for adults, dirty silk jokes or clean thigh gags for kids.

There is an abundance of belt jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on waist. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any belly witze you can hear about waist.

The Best jokes about Waist

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?

A waist of time.

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.

Bad joke. Only three stars.

I once tied all my watches to my belt

Until I realised it was just a waist of time


Catholic

Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

The other day I joined all my watches together to make a belt...

...but then I realised it was a waist of time.

How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?

By the Rolex around his waist.

I once made a belt out of $100 bills

Turns out it was just a waist of money

A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece

He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.

The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"

The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"


At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade

What do you call a belt made of dollar bills?

A waist of money.

I spent all morning gluing watches together to make a belt...

It was a complete waist of time.

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches?

He said it was a waist of time.

(as told to me last night by my 10 year old).

I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt...

I'll admit it was a waist of time.

I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together.

It was a big waist of time.

Bread is a lot like the sun..

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.


Grandpa's Rocking Chair

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

I spent the afternoon making a belt out of herbs;

What a waist of thyme.

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches...

...but then I realized it would be a waist of time

Stiff....

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"

What do you call a cardboard belt?

A waist of paper.

--

^(Cr

A cardboard belt

is a waist of paper.

Why the different branches of the military can't work together:

The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.

A man and wife are in bed, when...

...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...

Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"

Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"

Why God?

One day it began to rain very hard. It rained for hours. There was a man standing outside his house in the rain praying.

When the rain was up to his knees a canoe came by. The people in the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."

When the rain was up to his waist a small boat came by. The people in the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."

When the water was up to his neck a larger boat came by. The people on the boat told him to get on board before he drowned. The man replied "don't worry God will save me."

Eventually the water went over his head and he drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God why God didn't save him. God then responded "What are you talking about, I sent a canoe, a small boat, and a large boat to save you."

A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane when suddenly the engine brakes down

There are no parachutes on the plane, so the men must rely on their faith to save them from death.

The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off the plane and survives the fall, but dies later in a hospital.

The Jew says a prayer jumps off the plane, and survives the fall, but injures his spinal cord and is paralyzed from the waist down.

The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off the plane, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand.

The Buddhist, relieved to have been caught, says, "Thank God," and the hand drops him.

Blonde attempts Suicide

One day she comes home and says "Today is the day I will hang myself." She leaves behind a suicide note for her husband on the table which read "I'm sorry honey, I cannot go on any longer." The husband comes home and sees the note and runs outside in a panic. He sees his wife hanging from a tree. "Honey, what are you doing? Come down from there!" With which she replied "No! I'm hanging myself!" The husband says "Why is the rope around your waist? It's supposed to go around your neck!" To which she replies "I tried that! I couldn't breathe!"

I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks

But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time

I've always dreamed of making a belt out of watches...

but everyone always tells me it'd just be a waist of time.

After a horrible accident, I woke up in the hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She explained to me sympatheticly, You may not feel anything from the waist down. I nodded and groaned, "I understand."

So I felt her breasts…

The snake and the skunk

A man and his wife are coming to America with their pet snake and pet skunk. As they are walking up to the gate, about to board the airplane, they read a sign that says no pets allowed through customs. The wife gets a little distressed and asks the husband, "What are we going to do?" After thinking for a few minutes he comes up with the solution that he'll wrap the snake around his waist and act like it's a snake skin belt. She nods her head in approval. Then the husband says, "You hide the skunk up your skirt". Worried, she says, "Well what about the smell?" He says "It doesn't matter if it dies"

A child ask his mother: "Did you know our maid was an angel?"

Mom: Why do you say that?

Child: Well yesterday she was in the kitchen with both her hands in the air and she was screaming : "Oh my God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

If dad wasn't there to hold her waist, she would have gone straight to heaven!

What do you call a belt made of paper?

A waist of paper. *knee slap*

Northeast Weather

I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

I tried to make belt out of watches...

...but it was just a waist of time.

Orion's belt is a big waist of space

Okay, I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. Only three stars.

I bought a belt with a clock as a buckle.

When I put it on I couldn't read it.

What a waist of time!!!!

Two Blonde Genies

A guy finds a lamp and rubs it. Out pop two blonde genies. They thank him and offer him 3 wishes. He thinks for a minute, and *poof*...

He's in a vast room filled with $100 bills to his waist. He looks across the room and sees a door. He makes his way through the money to the door and opens it...

Now he is in another room filled with beautiful, naked women. He looks across the room and sees another door. He fondles his way across the room to that door and opens it...

Where he finds the two blonde genies who drag him to a tree and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

As they are walking away the one turns to the other and says, "I understand why he wanted wealth beyond his wildest dreams. I understand why he wanted to be surrounded by beautiful, naked women. By, why in the world did he want to be hung like a black man?"

How do you recognize a rich Ethiopian?

He wears a Rolex around his waist.

My overweight uncle spend months making a belt out of used pocket watches.

When he finished it, he realized it was a huge waist of time.

I tried to get an hourglass figure...

...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time.

Ever wondered why bread is just like the sun?

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I attached all my watches together into a belt today.

It's a complete waist of time.

So a priest is taking a bath late at night

So a priest is taking a bath late at night when he remembered that he forgot his soap in his room, he figured it's late and no one will be up so he rushed to his room without a towel around his waist, he got the soap but on his way back he heard two nuns walking by so he stands by the wall like a statue. The two nuns walk up to him and one of them says to the other "Look, it's that soap dispenser they said they were gonna bring" and she pulls his dong, he quickly drops his soap. The second nun says "Oh, cool! I want to that too" and she pulls his thing and nothing happens so she tries a few more times then she turns to the first nun and says "Oh! I got liquid soap!".

Yesterday I wanted to connect a couple of watches together to build a belt to hold my pants

But I figured it would be a waist of time.

"Grandpa what are you doing?"

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

When batman doesn't use his utility belt

Its just a waist of equipment

Imagine making a belt out of a bunch of $100 bills tied together

That would be a huge waist of money.

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down.

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"

The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"

They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let's check!"

He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"

The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....

The truck driver jumps out to check on her.

Are you all right? he asks.

Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.

The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?

Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time

*door closes on way out*

I made a belt out of $20 bills.

It's a waist of money.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes