Waist Jokes
118 waist jokes and hilarious waist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about waist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the wittiest jokes about waist trainers, shirtless torsos and Rolexes. Learn why waist jokes are the height of humour and which ones will have you rolling on the floor laughing. Get ready to enjoy some of the funniest waist-related humour around.
Funniest Waist Short Jokes
Short waist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The waist humour may include short belly jokes also.
- What do you call a belt made out of lobsters? A waist of good seafood
I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share - At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
- Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches? He said it was a waist of time.
(as told to me last night by my 10 year old). - I wish my wife looked at me the way my dog does. You know, waist-high with a bone in her mouth.
- I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time
- I've always dreamed of making a belt out of watches... but everyone always tells me it'd just be a waist of time.
- Why are Scots the toughest guys in the world? They wear kilts in a country where thistles grow waist-high.
- I bought a belt with a clock as a buckle. When I put it on I couldn't read it.
What a waist of time!!!! - I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time.
- My overweight uncle spend months making a belt out of used pocket watches. When he finished it, he realized it was a huge waist of time.
Share These Waist Jokes With Friends
Waist One Liners
Which waist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with waist? I can suggest the ones about navel and wrist.
- What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.
- Orion's Belt is a waist of space. Bad pun, I know. 3 star at best.
- I once tied all my watches to my belt Until I realised it was just a waist of time
- What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
- I once made a belt out of $100 bills Turns out it was just a waist of money
- What do you call a belt made of dollar bills? A waist of money.
- Bread is a lot like the sun.. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
- My dad spent all day putting a clock on his belt It was a waist of time
- I spent the afternoon making a belt out of herb; What a waist of thyme.
- Did you know that if you tie $100 bills to your belt... it's a waist of money?
- What do you call a cardboard belt? A waist of paper.
--
^(Cr - What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*
- What do you do with a drunken tailor? Give him a belt because he's waisted
- How do you recognize a rich Ethiopian? He wears a Rolex around his waist.
- When batman doesn't use his utility belt Its just a waist of equipment
Paralyzed Waist Jokes
Here is a list of funny paralyzed waist jokes and even better paralyzed waist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
- What has arms but can't move them? A small child paralyzed from the waist up.
- My friend is paralyzed from the waist up Which is a blessing, cause he's a dancer.
- I hope you don't mind me asking Sir, but is it hard being paralyzed from the waist down? "I don't mind you asking and to answer your question, you think it might be hard, but it never is"
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Waist Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about waist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tummy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make waist pranks.
A weather report for you
I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece
He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.
The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"
The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....
The truck driver jumps out to check on her.
Are you all right? he asks.
Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.
The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?
Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!
Grandpa's Rocking Chair
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
My girlfriend is like a mermaid
She looks like a woman from the waist up and smells like a fish from the waist down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy finds his Grandfather sitting out on the porch completely n**... from the waist down.
And he says, "Grandpa, where are your pants?"
The old man replies, "It was your Grandmother's idea. Yesterday I complained about having a stiff neck after sitting out here shirtless, so she suggested I stay out here pantsless before bedtime."
Stiff....
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
If you wear a radioactive belt...
...you end up with nuclear waist.
My friend does a weekly bad joke Tuesday... Today's was quite good (Bad?)
Yesterday, I made a belt out of old watches. What a complete waist of time.
Hey baby, is your name Polio?
Because I am stiff below the waist
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time
*door closes on way out*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Animal smugglers
A man wants to smuggle a snake and a skunk through customs. The wife says to her husband "how are we going to get them through?'. Hubby replies "I'll tie the snake around my waist and you shove the skunk up your skirt". "But what about the smell?" she says to which he responds "Well if it dies, it dies…"
If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them
I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.
A man and wife are in bed, when...
...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...
Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"
Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"
Yesterday I wanted to connect a couple of watches together to build a belt to hold my pants
But I figured it would be a waist of time.
A friend of mine wanted me to make him a belt out of watches...
...I told him it would be a waist of time.
"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"
... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."
I once made a belt out of herbs.
It wasn't very useful and just ended up being a waist of thyme.
Hooking a clock on your belt
It would just be a waist of time.
So many people try to be hip
To me it is kind of a waist
How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?
He's wearing a watch around his waist.
Origami Belts
They're a waist of paper
One Day Mr. James Went To A Clothing Store And Said To The Sales Girl,
Mr. James: My Wife Needs A Pair Of Jeans. But I Don't Remember Her Waist Size.
Sales Girl: You Can Touch My Waist And Try To Calculate.
Mr. James: Oh I Forgot. She Also Needs A Bra.
A spice belt for chefs
Might be a waist of thyme
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of ten years is in bed
They haven't had s**... in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.
"Found the remote!"
Why the different branches of the military can't work together:
The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.
What do you call a pile of blessed black waist sashes?
A Benedictine Cumberbatch.
I met a girl yesterday...
She was a dwarf and she was just shy of waist high. I was nuts over her.
I tried to make a belt by attaching all of my old wristwatches together.
It was a waist of time.
Catholic
Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."
If you don't eat that, it will go to waste.
If you *do* eat it, it will go to waist.
Trump, Putin, and Kim Jong Un are walking through the jungle
They all trip and fall into a pit of quicksand. A sign next to the pit reads, "the more you lie, the faster you sink." Kim Jong Un is up to his neck, and Putin is at his waist. Trump appears to be perfectly calm and not sinking at all. Putin asks how this is possible. Trump replies, "I'll be alright. I'm standing on Sean Spicer."
Looking back at belts...
They're a real waist of cows.
What starts with H, ends with S, and can be found below my waist and above my legs?
Handcuffs.
Recent studies show that 100% of people disabled from the waist down are diagnosed with a mental disorder
Crippling Depression
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you spot a rich Ethiopian?
By the Rolex around his waist.
Did you hear about the man who made a belt out of clocks for a giant?
It took him 2 years to make and looked terrible when worn.
It was a huge waist of time.
There's only one part of me that's big and black and it's below my waist
My shadow
This weekend I bought a belt buckle that was also a functional face clock...
I threw it out. It was a waist of time.
The Heavy Weight World Champion belt will no longer be fashioned to look like a large watch.
They realized it was just a huge waist of time.
The thinner you are, the less you contribute to pollution.
Because less waist.
My brother has been working on a belt with a built in digital clock.
Talk about a waist of time.
Crop tops are very efficient.
They don't let anything go to waist.
A man walks into a psychologist's office...
And he was wearing absolutely nothing but a piece of Saran wrap around his waist. The shrink looks at him and says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
My CVS receipt was so long, I could tie it around my waist...
It was a waist of paper.
I woke up this morning and was shocked to see my body below my waist was horse like...
Now, I am the centaur of attraction.
A child ask his mother: "Did you know our maid was an angel?"
Mom: Why do you say that?
Child: Well yesterday she was in the kitchen with both her hands in the air and she was screaming : "Oh my God, I'm coming, I'm coming!"
If dad wasn't there to hold her waist, she would have gone straight to heaven!
I met this beautiful woman at the bar last night. She had an hourglass figure
It didn't work out in the end. Guess it was a complete waist of time.
I thought about getting myself a watch so long I could wear it as a belt
But I guess it'd be such a waist of time
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a normal guy m**... is called "beating his meat"...
...does it mean when a guy paralyzed from waist down m**..., he's "beating his veggies"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read in the news that Americans are sending old clothes to poor African countries ,thats useless
Cause no one in Africa has a 52 waist!
A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?
Vegetables
Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West..........
............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.
A man returns to his home town after a long journey to find all the floors and buildings have become human abdomens...
'this place has become a waist land' he thought to himself.
They make wrist watches, and pocket watches. I finally figured out why they don't make belt buckle watches:
It's a waist of time.
A man was helping his friend clean out his garage.
He noticed an amazing looking belt in the garbage can. It was black, with numerous stars and galaxies etched into it in intricate detail.
"Why are you throwing this out?" He asked.
His friend replied, "It is just such a waist of space."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is a waist called a waist?
Another pair of b**... could have easily fit there
Imagine making a belt out of a bunch of $100 bills tied together
That would be a huge waist of money.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a horrible accident, I woke up in the hospital with a s**... nurse standing over me. She explained to me sympatheticly, You may not feel anything from the waist down. I nodded and groaned, "I understand."
So I felt her b**...…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man in bed with his wife... Slides his hand slowly across her shoulders... across her waist.. under her neck... below her neck... under her back.. & suddenly STOPS! Wife: (in a romantic voice) "Why did you stop?"
Man: "Got the remote, you can go back to sleep."
Beer is just like the suns journey.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
Why dont people wear watches on their belts?
Because it would be a waist of time.
