Wages Jokes
53 wages jokes and hilarious wages puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wages that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Wages Short Jokes
Short wages jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wages humour may include short salary jokes also.
- So I heard that the hacker "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
- My girlfriend was telling me all about the gender wage gap... It was really informative. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents.
- TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.
- My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living. The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
- The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
- What did spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds? With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.
- Pay me what I'm worth! I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law." - If my wife had a dollar for every joke she made about the wage gap... She would have 77 cents
- I got a job at the circus. I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.
- The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes... ... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.
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Wages One Liners
Which wages one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wages? I can suggest the ones about wage gap and hourly wage.
- If a parsley farmer is sued... can they garnish his wages?
- What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage? A bench can support a family.
- How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid? Mini-mom wage.
- How to fix the wage gap. Wagegap
- I've got some good news for small mothers... They're raising the mini mum wage next year!
- People really should stop tipping cows. They deserve a decent hourly wage!
- Why did the employee's paycheck smell like parsley? Their boss had garnished their wages
- Where does Santa send the elves' wages? To the snow bank.
- The recent rise in minimum wage is a bit sexist... What about the mini dads?
- Echidnas are like minimum-wage wait staff. They work four tips.
- What do you call forfeiting a game of monopoly? Wage quitting
- What time do wage slaves wake up for work? Poor thirty
- What is the secret to staying thin? Minimum wage.
- Being an Uber driver is the best... ...way of working below minimum wage...
- The wage gap. For every dollar a man earns, a woman spends 89 cents.
Higher Wages Jokes
Here is a list of funny higher wages jokes and even better higher wages puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say firefighters deserve higher wages but apparently a poll was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
Delightful Fun Wages Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about wages you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean labor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wages pranks.
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
Minimum Wage
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards got an anonymous tip that a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help. They immediately sent an official agent out to investigate him.
GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $350 a week plus free room and board.
GOVT AGENT: Well, those payments and conditions are within the law. Anybody else work here?
RANCHER: Well, I wasn't going to say. But there's also a mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work on the ranch. He makes about $10 per week, sometimes less. He pays his own room and board. I do buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life, but then sometimes he tries to make love to my wife.
GOVT AGENT: Okay, yes, then THAT's the guy I heard about, and need to talk to -- the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
Strength vs. Intelligence
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...
Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''
Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
The Tax Office
The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch."
Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch.
Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 16 hours a day and does about 80% of the work. I can't pay him very much cause the boat expenses are high, and some times we don't catch anything. Every now and then I'll buy him a bottle of r**... and he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.
AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?
A man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.
The wages of sin is death
But hey, at least I got a job.
The IRS is going to start garnishing my wages.
I think I'll enjoy getting a sprig of parsley in my paycheck.
IRS Inquiry
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deck hand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the
mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi r**... and a dozen
Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to
sleep with my wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
[Christian humour] What is the wages of procrastination?
D/E/F
The Half-Wit
A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
A woman asked me "What is your opinion on women making 75% of a man's wages for the same job?"
I said "Congratulations!!!"
Dairy farmers are always complaining about the wages they get paid...
To be honest, I think they're milking it
The wages of sin is death, but...
...by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Job Security
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked Joe.
"About $5,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"
My uncle works on a parsley farm and is constantly late to work.
Is it legal for them to garnish his wages?
My friend Ricky works at the circus.
His job is circumcising elephants. Although he likes it, the wages are low but the tips are huge.
An oregano farmer recently lost a high profile court case and was ordered to pay 20 million dollars. However the spices industry had been on a steady decline so he didn't have that kind of money on hand.
Needless to say his wages were garnished
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
The Baker
A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.
He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his bakery and moves to Canada to fulfill his dreams.
Unfortunately it doesn't go as planned. He is making even less money than before. After a while he fears he will not have enough money to feed himself.
He goes to a bar to drown his sorrows, and explains this all to a man at the bar. The Baker asks him what he should do.
I he man says, "if at furs you don't succeed, try rye again."
How many feminist does it take to change a bulb?
1 but she will complain about how women are given more burden of work without equal wages.
A guy I work with was fired for stealing parsley..
They didn't fire him exactly, but they did garnish his wages.
We should maga
Let's start with:
-affordable healthcare
-reasonable gun laws
-liveable minimum wages
Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife
and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
An IRS agent walks into a s**... club.
An IRS agent walks into a s**... club.
After settling down near the stage with his drink, he pulls out a bunch of parsley and tries to stuff a few sprigs into the dancer's garter.
The dancer yells at him, "What the h**... are you doing?!?"
The agent responds, "I'm here to garnish your wages."
My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?"
I said, "Because I'm allergic to peanuts."
Told my Grandpa's favorite joke at his f**... and it helped cheer some sad eyes..... What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?
They're wages were garnished.
In the old days when everyone got paid in cash for their work, Frank was walking to the pub to meet up with his friends when he found an envelope with someone's payslip and entire wages for the week.
His face was angry when he got inside the pub. His friends asked him what was wrong.
What's wrong? He exclaimed. What's wrong is that I just found an entire pay packet.
s**... for them, but good for you. What wrong with that, though?
Look at how much tax they had to pay.
In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery.
