Vows Jokes

34 vows jokes and hilarious vows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your wedding reception fun and unique by adding vows jokes to the special day! This guide features some hilarious jokes that are sure to make your loved ones laugh. Renewing your vows in a chapel? Try a joke about chastity! Looking for a good chuckle for Agnes? We've got you covered.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Vows Short Jokes

Short vows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vows humour may include short swore jokes also.

  1. "It's a boy!" ...he screamed, "it's a boy!".
    Tears rolling down his face, and he vowed to never go back to Thailand.
  2. A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows... "Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"
  3. After last night, I took a solemn vow to give up drinking for good From now on, I will only drink in the name of evil.
  4. I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it. He'll come round eventually.
  5. The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier... "Currently we got a 24 month wait list"
  6. A man lost both his hands in an industrial accident. Determined to still live a full life, and vowing to be more careful, he declared, "I will never be defeated!"
  7. This year I vow to be twice the husband and father that I have been I'm gonna spend equal time with my secret family in Connecticut
  8. In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off... With rapidly detiorating mental health.
  9. DId you hear about the two antennas They met on the roof fell in love and got married the vows were terrible but the reception was perfect
  10. A good way to tell If someone is getting married for the third or fourth time... Their vows begin with, OK look...

Share These Vows Jokes With Friends

Vows One Liners

Which vows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vows? I can suggest the ones about pledge and swear.

  1. When I was 20 I took a vow of celibacy... My wife however called them "wedding vows"
  2. For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution.
  3. Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows? TL;DR
  4. I vowed I would never wear a seatbelt. But under lots of pressure, I buckled.
  5. I'll never forget my aunt Lucy's last words. "Ok, I'm starting my vow of silence now."
  6. I vowed to quit drinking for 2017 Today my journey begins with success
  7. I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
  8. The son of a statistician was murdered. His son vowed to one day approximate revenge.
  9. 20 years ago I made a vow... And all these years later she's ensuring I remain celibate.
  10. How did the 20th Century Fox producer say his wedding vows?
  11. I still remember the last words my grandfather told me "I'm taking a vow of silence"
  12. Ask me about my vow of silence.
  13. A guy walks into a bar. Face first. He vows to stop texting while walking.
  14. I always leave an escape clause in my wedding vows Until death do we part.
  15. Did you hear about the opera singing monk? He took a vow of Pavarotti.

Renewing Vows Jokes

Here is a list of funny renewing vows jokes and even better renewing vows puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my wife if she wanted to renew our wedding vows for our anniversary. She said "two wrongs don't make a right."
Vows joke, I asked my wife if she wanted to renew our wedding vows for our anniversary.

Amusing Vows Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about vows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean commandments jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vows pranks.

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Four nuns about to take their vows..

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.
Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."
Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.
The Mother Superior said, "I am so honored you want to share this experience with us. May I ask why you came?"
"We're from the groom's family."

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was too s**... to be a doctor

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

A nun joins a monastery...

She vows to say only two words every year.
After the first year she approaches the mother and says "bed hard". The mother nods and sends her away.
After the second year she approaches the mother and says "food bad". The mother nods and sends her away.
After the third year she approaches the mother and says "I quit".
The mother replies "Good! Because all you've done is b**... since you got here"

A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".

# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."

Marriage Vows

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one.
After a while, the husband said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."
His bride replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in
front of all those people."

Their ones was a very old monk...

who took a while to get anywhere he was going because he was afraid that he would fall and break something. Everywhere he went he would walk in his bare feet because he had forsworn shoes as part of his vows. His breath was so bad that people claimed that they could smell it from the other room. They called him the Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis.

There's a banquet filled with Catholic Bishops

There's a banquet filled with Catholic Bishops. One of the waiters goes up to the Bishop and asks him how to become a Priest.
The Bishop tells him about the vows of poverty.
The waiter says 'if this is your idea of poverty I'd love to see your idea of chastity. :

A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all untill he returns!

Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport.
After they get in a car the wife asks:
"Whats wrong? You haven't spoken a word since you came"
and the husband replies:
"I'm waiting for you to f**... so I can catch some air"
It was pretty funny when I was s kid!

When Catholic priests and nuns take their vows, do they throw a party?

We should call that celibating.

Vows joke, How did the 20th Century Fox producer say his wedding vows?