Vow Jokes
35 vow jokes and hilarious vow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Vow Short Jokes
Short vow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vow humour may include short holiness jokes also.
- "It's a boy!" ...he screamed, "it's a boy!".
Tears rolling down his face, and he vowed to never go back to Thailand. - A couple getting married are standing at the altar saying their vows... "Do you, Linda, take David the optometrist for better or worse. Better.... Or worse? Better.... Or worse?"
- After last night, I took a solemn vow to give up drinking for good From now on, I will only drink in the name of evil.
- I once debated with a flat earther, he got so mad he vowed to walk to the edge of the to prove it. He'll come round eventually.
- The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier... "Currently we got a 24 month wait list"
- A man lost both his hands in an industrial accident. Determined to still live a full life, and vowing to be more careful, he declared, "I will never be defeated!"
- This year I vow to be twice the husband and father that I have been I'm gonna spend equal time with my secret family in Connecticut
- In a bid to entice republicans, Biden vows to pick up right where Reagan left off... With rapidly detiorating mental health.
- DId you hear about the two antennas They met on the roof fell in love and got married the vows were terrible but the reception was perfect
- A good way to tell If someone is getting married for the third or fourth time... Their vows begin with, OK look...
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Vow One Liners
Which vow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vow? I can suggest the ones about sworn and solemnly.
- When I was 20 I took a vow of celibacy... My wife however called them "wedding vows"
- For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution.
- Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows? TL;DR
- I vowed I would never wear a seatbelt. But under lots of pressure, I buckled.
- I'll never forget my aunt Lucy's last words. "Ok, I'm starting my vow of silence now."
- I vowed to quit drinking for 2017 Today my journey begins with success
- I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
- The son of a statistician was murdered. His son vowed to one day approximate revenge.
- 20 years ago I made a vow... And all these years later she's ensuring I remain celibate.
- How did the 20th Century Fox producer say his wedding vows?
- I still remember the last words my grandfather told me "I'm taking a vow of silence"
- Ask me about my vow of silence.
- A guy walks into a bar. Face first. He vows to stop texting while walking.
- I always leave an escape clause in my wedding vows Until death do we part.
- Did you hear about the opera singing monk? He took a vow of Pavarotti.
Playful Vow Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about vow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chastity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vow pranks.
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Vow of Silence
Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."
The whiny monk
A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He can only say two words every five years.
After five years, Father Donald says to him, "Brother John, what do you have to say?"
He replies, "Bed hard."
Five more years go by and Father Donald asks him again.
He replies, "Food bad."
Another five years go by and Father Donald asks him again.
This time he replies, "I quit" at which point, Father Donald says, "Good! You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"
Nun takes a vow of silence
A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.
Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new mattress and she goes back to her prayers.
Ten more years go by and the woman says, "I quit." The head nun says, "Fine by me. All you've done since you got here is complain."
A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence
He is told by the abbot that on the anniversary of his vow, he can speak one sentence. A year goes by and on the first anniversary, the monk says: "My bed is uncomfortable."
Another years goes by. On the anniversary, the monk tells the abbot: "The food is cold."
Yet another year goes by, and this time the monk says: "It's drafty in my cell."
The abbot throws up his hands. "b**..., b**..., b**..., is that all you can do?!"
Three monks shared a cave…
... each under a vow of silence. One day a goat walked into the cave, looked around, and walked back out. He was never seen again.
A week later the guy on the left says Black goat.
A month later the guy on the right says Grey goat.
A year later the guy in the middle says If you two are going to sit around arguing all the time, I'm moving out.
A lesson from my life as a monk
I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.
One thing that surprised me was how rough and scratchy the dye made the material over many years.
Old habits dye hard.
Authorities fear 'affluenza' teen may have fled the country, but vow: 'We're going to find you'
... and give you a stern talking-to.
I think the police are setting up a Sting on me
Every breath I take, Every move I make, Every bond I break, Every step I take, They are watching me.
Every single day, Every word I say, Every game I play, Every night I stay, They are watching me.
Every move I make, Every vow I break, Every smile I fake, Every claim I stake, They are watching me.
Every move I make, Every vow I break, Every smile I fake, Every claim I stake, They are watching me.
Two Words Every Three Years
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, What are your two words?
Food cold! the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said What are your two words?
Robe dirty! the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, What are your two words?
I quit! said the man.
Well, the head monk replied, I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!
A man wanted to became a monk...
So he spoke to the Abbot.
He was told he must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.
The man agreed and after the first three years the Abbot asked him what his two words were.
"Food's cold" he replied.
3 years went by and the Abbot asked him again what his two words were.
"Dirty rooms" he replied.
3 more years went by in the Abbot ask him what his words were.
"I quit!" He replied
The Abbot responded "Well, I'm not surprised. All you've done is complain since you got here."
A man seeks enlightenment as a Buddhist monk
So he joins a Tibetan monastry and takes a vow of silence whereby he is only permitted to say two words every five years.
After five years he appears before the elders and they ask him what he wishes to say. He says, "Food's cold."
Ten years later he appears before them again. The elders ask him what he wishes to say and he says, "Bed's hard."
After fifteen years he appears before them again. When asked for his two words, he says, "I'm leaving."
"About time," says the head monk, "All you've done since you arrived is complain!"