Voting Jokes
Following is our collection of ballot humor and presidency one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Voting puns for adults, dirty referendum jokes or clean election gags for kids.
There is an abundance of candidates jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 75 funniest jokes on voting. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any voter witze you can hear about voting.
The Best jokes about Voting
Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
What's a horse's primary concern when voting?
A stable economy.
I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.
But I'm still not sure which one to pick.
I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria
That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health?
I'm voting for the dying one.
Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?
They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.
Just a quick note to my American cousins. Voting is like driving a car....
'D' to go forward.
'R' to go reverse.
Just remember, voting is like driving!
D to go forward, R to go in reverse.
A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump.
They've both given it a lot of thought.
I told a man I was voting third party
He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."
Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary...
because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth
Would you be offended if I said...
Would you be offended if I said that I'm not voting for that white, elitist, pompous, corrupt, egomaniac that's going to ruin our country?
...or would you even know which candidate I'm talking about?
Why I won't be voting for Trump or Biden
I'm Indian
I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...
According to Bill, she doesn't suck.
George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary!
His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.
I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...
Racism can't exist if everybody's white.
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...
Coronavirus for president!
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
Timbuktu
The chief poet of the town dies, so they have to elect a new one. The voting whittles the candidates down to two. The town holds a feast to choose the winner. The mayor stands up and declares that the winner shall be decided by voting on the poem the candidates can come up with on the spot based on a subject of his choosing. The mayor announces the subject will be "Timbuktu."
The first candidate stands up, thinks for a moment, and recites:
It came across a stormy gale
Broad of beam and wide of sail
Its keel was white, its hull was blue
Its destination: Timbuktu
The crowd erupts, they're cheering for the first candidate. The mayor calms the crowd, chiding them to remember they still must hear the other candidate's poem. The second candidate stands up, considers the crowd with utter solemnity, and says:
A-hiking Tim and I went,
When we came upon three girls in a tent
Since they were three and we but two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two
Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary?
The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.
My voting machine broke in my voting booth today...
I guess you could say it had electile dysfunction.
What's a horse's top priority when voting?
A stable economy.
Monica Lewinski released a statement that said she would be voting for Donald Trump
the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before sex.
If they say "yes" you know they are too young.
The England team won't be voting in the referendum
They can never find the box let alone put a cross in it.
Voting is just like driving.
To go forward, choose D.
To go backwards, choose R.
Raising your hand is the worst way for voting
Hands Down
Democracy
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .
They picked pizza.
So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.
(Blatant copy from another joke)
My girlfriend thinks Hawaii is sexist.
I told her we had all-mail voting.
Yo mama is so fat that she is voting for Sanders
COLONEL SANDERS
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump
Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Through voting, users determine what posts rise to the top of community pages and, by extension, the public home page of the site
...until the mods wake up.
Why are so many online nerds voting far-right?
They are terrible at socializing.
Voting is a lot like driving
You wanna go forward put it in D you wanna go backwards put it in R
People who feel the Bern but don't like the sensation have been voting instead for Hillary....
... or as they like to call her, Preparation H
Felons would be a really valuable voting base...
After all, we know they have conviction.
Voting this year will be like going to the dentist...
No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good.
Raise your hand if you're voting for Hillary
Now slap yourself.
If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...
Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"
I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...
He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"
I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."
Recent study shows Asian Americans aren't voting.
They are all at the doctor because erections aren't supposed to last more than 4 hours.
I'm surprised that the UK left the EU by voting.
Most of the time they leave on penalty kicks.
I dont want to denigrate any brexiters for voting brexit...
And to any brexiters, denigrate means to put down.
Did you hear about the Italian that wanted to cheat the Broadway award voting?
He wanted to rig a Tony.
A woman walks into a bar
A woman walks into a bar and orders an Old Fashioned. So the bartender took away her voting rights.
I told my family I'm voting for Hillary, she can't blow it!
If she did Monica wouldn't have to.
I can't believe they're considering an all mail election...
...females worked so hard to get voting rights
What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?
When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"
Apparently Monica Lewinsky is voting Republican
The Democrats must've left a bad taste in her mouth
(Shamefully stolen from facebook sorry if it's a repost)
Rather than voting...
A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.
He had friends in high places
The problem with voting based on your beliefs rather than your situation in life
Left wing girls won't date me because they don't like my views
Right wing girls won't date me because I don't have a job
Wait, I just checked with the left wing girls
They said they wouldn't date a guy with no job either
A joke I told to my feminist girlfriend
Me: What lies between the kitchen and the bedroom?
Her: I don't know, tell me.
Me: Not a voting booth.
It was just announced that President Putin won the election with 75% of people voting for him;
I voted for Hillary, so don't blame me.
The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion...
who cares if Putin voted for him.
Death changes a man
My entire life my father voted straight Republican, since his death he has been voting straight Democrat.
Which UK party will the sleeping pigs be voting for in May?
The Lay-Boar Party.
I'm voting for a computer in 2020.
I think a computer can delete alt control.
American Voting is a city bus accident
There are more claims than seats on the bus
There's been a lot of talk about voting this past week...
Was American idol back on or something?
You know your voting in San Francisco when...
The voting booth has a glory hole.
Back in my day, people used to wait for 4 hours to get their turn at the voting booth
They still do
If driving a disabled friend to the polls in order to jump the line is wrong, I don't want to be right.
And if leaving her there after I found out who she was voting for is wrong, then wrong be I.
With so many posts online telling me to vote, I kinda feel bad for not voting today
And I'm not even an American.
How can you tell a republican from a democrat on voting day?
*millennial sigh*
Most rides to the voting stations are free today so that means
Rides to most parent teacher conferences are free today too. Show up for your kid if your are going to show up to vote, Todd.
What's the difference between voting in an election and finding a girlfriend?
When you're voting, you pick the politician that sucks the least
Happy treason day you ungrateful colonials. How's voting in your own leaders working out for you?
Did you hear that Russia is going to legalize voting while drunk?
The government is saying: "What difference will it make if they are drunk or not?".
Why do libertarians never win elections?
Most of the people who would vote for them aren't of legal voting age
Scientists in Mississippi have invented a chamber that turns people into racists while they're inside.
They're calling it a "voting booth".
What's the most important thing for a horse when voting?
A stable economy
Florida voting recount has finally been completed.
Turns out the winner was actually Al Gore.
Why do the put fences around graveyards?
To keep the dead from voting
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.