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Voting Jokes

113 voting jokes and hilarious voting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about voting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your election day an enjoyable one with these funny voting jokes! From jokes about the voting process to jokes about the different candidates, these jokes are sure to make you smile. From polls to nominations and ballots, you'll find a joke that's perfect for the occasion.

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Funniest Voting Short Jokes

Short voting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The voting humour may include short election vote jokes also.

  1. COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
  2. Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being russian is? Getting to vote in American elections.
  3. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  4. The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections. Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
  5. Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  6. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
  7. Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
  8. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  9. Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
  10. I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

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Voting One Liners

Which voting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with voting? I can suggest the ones about voters and election.

  1. is your refrigerator running? If so, I may vote for it.
  2. Why do dads tell jokes here? For the groan up votes.
  3. Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.
  4. La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture But Moonlight won the popular vote
  5. I changed my name to Trump in Among Us No one has voted me since
  6. What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback
    Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion
  7. I think there should be a vote recount. It'll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
  8. What's a horse's primary concern when voting? A stable economy.
  9. I tried to argue Skyrim was the best game ..but I was down voted to oblivion.
  10. I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1%
  11. What's a horse's number one priority when voting? The stable economy!
  12. Why did homeless people vote for Obama? Because he said he'd bring change.
  13. What do Japanese men do when they have erections? They vote.
  14. Why did the Jew vote for Obama? Because he promised change.
  15. Why isn't energy made of atoms? It doesn't matter
    (go ahead and down vote :P)

Voting Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny voting day jokes and even better voting day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for... Coronavirus for president!
  • My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died. Ever since then, she's voted Democrat.
  • My friend Glados said there is cake on my cake day But all I see is praise and up votes. I'm starting to think the cake is a lie.
    Boy it's hot in here too.
  • Women gained the right to vote 100 years ago to the day... yet they still can't cast a vote on what they want for dinner
  • On Election Day, here's a little tip that I learned in high school civics class: Vote for option C every time, and you'll get at least 75% correct.
  • I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 2 years. It's not like I have 2020 vision. This is the only day you can up vote this.
  • Back in my day, people used to wait for 4 hours to get their turn at the voting booth They still do
  • How can you tell a republican from a democrat on voting day? *millennial sigh*
  • Happy treason day you ungrateful colonials. How's voting in your own leaders working out for you?
  • At the end of the day, no one needs to worried about the_donald's large scale of support None of them are old enough to vote anyway.

Voting Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny voting rights jokes and even better voting rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Parliament vote on Picasso painting: Eyes to the left: 2
    Nose to the right: 1
  • Why are so many online nerds voting far-right? They are terrible at socializing.
  • I care about gay and transgender rights, but not enough to vote or do anything about it. I'm passive progressive.
  • A woman walks into a bar A woman walks into a bar and orders an Old Fashioned. So the bartender took away her voting rights.
  • I can't believe they're considering an all mail election... ...females worked so hard to get voting rights
  • Hillary got 60% of the black's votes in Alabama That's right, not a single vote for Bernie.
  • Women are like babies because before 1920, they didn't have the right to vote.
    babies still don't.
    #fetalpower
  • If driving a disabled friend to the polls in order to jump the line is wrong, I don't want to be right. And if leaving her there after I found out who she was voting for is wrong, then wrong be I.
  • Archaeologists in Athens have unearthed the crypt of the man many believe was responsible for denying women the right to vote in the ancient democracy. That man's name? Misogynes.
  • Why do conservative gay men vote conservatively? They want to keep the right to bear arms.
Voting joke, Why do conservative gay men vote conservatively?

Voting Machine Jokes

Here is a list of funny voting machine jokes and even better voting machine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary! His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.
  • My voting machine broke in my voting booth today... I guess you could say it had electile dysfunction.
  • The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion... who cares if Putin voted for him.
  • How do you count your vote on a broken machine? Use Twitter. as of 2016, It will win every election.
  • Bush cheated using voting machines in Florida during the 2000 election He s**... with the Al Gore rhythm.
Voting joke, Bush cheated using voting machines in Florida during the 2000 election

Amusing Voting Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about voting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean popular vote jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make voting pranks.

Did you hear about the Italian that wanted to cheat the Broadway award voting?

He wanted to rig a Tony.

Rather than voting...

Which UK party will the sleeping pigs be voting for in May?

The Lay-Boar Party.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky is voting Republican

The Democrats must've left a bad taste in her mouth
(Shamefully stolen from facebook sorry if it's a repost)

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...

He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"
I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."

Death changes a man

My entire life my father voted straight Republican, since his death he has been voting straight Democrat.

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

People who feel the Bern but don't like the sensation have been voting instead for Hillary....

... or as they like to call her, Preparation H

I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because...

According to Bill, she doesn't s**....

Yo mama is so fat that she is voting for Sanders

COLONEL SANDERS

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump.

They've both given it a lot of thought.

Raise your hand if you're voting for Hillary

Now slap yourself.

Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before s**....

If they say "yes" you know they are too young.

Monica Lewinski released a statement that said she would be voting for Donald Trump

the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Through voting, users determine what posts rise to the top of community pages and, by extension, the public home page of the site

...until the mods wake up.

The England team won't be voting in the referendum

They can never find the box let alone put a cross in it.

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

I'm surprised that the UK left the EU by voting.

Most of the time they leave on penalty kicks.

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Would you be offended if I said...

Would you be offended if I said that I'm not voting for that white, elitist, pompous, corrupt, egomaniac that's going to ruin our country?

...or would you even know which candidate I'm talking about?

Monica said she wasn't voting for Hilary...

because the last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth

I told my family I'm voting for Hillary, she can't blow it!

If she did Monica wouldn't have to.

Voting is just like driving.

To go forward, choose D.
To go backwards, choose R.

You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health?

I'm voting for the dying one.

I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America...

Racism can't exist if everybody's white.

Voting this year will be like going to the dentist...

No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good.

I told a man I was voting third party

He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."

Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary?

The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

Of course Republicans would never tamper with voting computers...

Computers are complex and logical

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring h**... as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Felons would be a really valuable voting base...

After all, we know they have conviction.

If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...

Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"

Voting is a lot like driving

You wanna go forward put it in D you wanna go backwards put it in R

I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria

That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.

Raising your hand is the worst way for voting

Hands Down

A joke I told to my feminist girlfriend

Me: What lies between the kitchen and the bedroom?
Her: I don't know, tell me.
Me: Not a voting booth.

I'm voting for a computer in 2020.

I think a computer can delete alt control.

I dont want to denigrate any brexiters for voting brexit...

And to any brexiters, denigrate means to put down.

Just remember, voting is like driving!

D to go forward, R to go in reverse.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .


They picked pizza.
So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

It was just announced that President Putin won the election with 75% of people voting for him;

I voted for Hillary, so don't blame me.

Recent study shows Asian Americans aren't voting.

They are all at the doctor because erections aren't supposed to last more than 4 hours.

A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.

He had friends in high places

What's a horse's top priority when voting?

A stable economy.

You know your voting in San Francisco when...

The voting booth has a glory hole.

There's been a lot of talk about voting this past week...

Was American idol back on or something?

I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with r**... allegations this year for president.

But I'm still not sure which one to pick.

The problem with voting based on your beliefs rather than your situation in life

Left wing girls won't date me because they don't like my views
Right wing girls won't date me because I don't have a job
Wait, I just checked with the left wing girls
They said they wouldn't date a guy with no job either

My girlfriend thinks Hawaii is sexist.

I told her we had all-mail voting.

Why I won't be voting for Trump or Biden

I'm Indian

Just a quick note to my American cousins. Voting is like driving a car....

'D' to go forward.
'R' to go reverse.

What's common between owning a cat and voting?

Checking a box for a p**....

Voting results have just been certified at my house

My wife will remain in charge for another four years

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.?

Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line

Why are voting results inaccurate in Afghanistan?

It's because of the tally ban.

Ok I got one,

What is a horses top priority when voting?
A stable economy

Two schoolgirls are talking about who to vote for Class President.

"I'm voting for Mark. He's so dreamy!"
"I'm not voting for that big h**.... Every time he sees me he gets turned on. He tries to act like it's not happening, but it's pretty obvious."
"So?"
"I'm not voting for an e**... denier."

Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese

He wanted to Make America Grate again.

I got a voting booth to decorate my house today

it really polls the room together

Voting joke, I got a voting booth to decorate my house today

jokes about voting