Vote Jokes
138 vote jokes and hilarious vote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best and funniest election jokes from around the world. From "vote for me" to "vote of thanks" and "vote wisely" - we've got it all! Learn what "vote for Pedro" and "vote PE" mean and the significance of the caucus. Laugh and be informed about the importance of democracy with these great vote jokes.
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Funniest Vote Short Jokes
Short vote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vote humour may include short poll jokes also.
- COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
- Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being russian is? Getting to vote in American elections.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections. Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
- Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
- Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
- Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
- I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
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Vote One Liners
Which vote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vote? I can suggest the ones about election and survey.
- is your refrigerator running? If so, I may vote for it.
- Why do dads tell jokes here? For the groan up votes.
- Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.
- La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture But Moonlight won the popular vote
- I changed my name to Trump in Among Us No one has voted me since
- What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback
Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion - I think there should be a vote recount. It'll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
- What's a horse's primary concern when voting? A stable economy.
- I tried to argue Skyrim was the best game ..but I was down voted to oblivion.
- I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1%
- What's a horse's number one priority when voting? The stable economy!
- Why did homeless people vote for Obama? Because he said he'd bring change.
- What do Japanese men do when they have erections? They vote.
- Why did the Jew vote for Obama? Because he promised change.
- Why isn't energy made of atoms? It doesn't matter
(go ahead and down vote :P)
Election Vote Jokes
Here is a list of funny election vote jokes and even better election vote puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.
- I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
- I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
- Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote, Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
- With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!
- To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner. They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.
- Why i love being Russian I get to vote in the US election
FYI: I am actually British and never have stepped foot in Russia - As they say during election season in Transylvania... Every Count Votes
- I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why: I'm Swedish
- Did you hear about the results of the recent Ent election? The alder statesman will remain at the elm, despite losing the poplar vote.
Popular Vote Jokes
Here is a list of funny popular vote jokes and even better popular vote puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what is in common between h.clinton and ronda rousey? they both won the popular vote
- Today, Franklin D. Roosevelt would be even more popular as president. All anti-vaxxers would vote for him.
- The vote for president isn't A popularity contest
- Trump has finally been impeached. Looks like he's won the popular vote, not once, but twice!
- Roy Moore Was Popular With White Women Voters I guess that's because once they reach voting age, they no longer feel threatened by him.
- The patriots may have won the super bowl... But the Falcons won the popular vote
- A hipster politician was found dead today of an apparent s**.... He won the popular vote and just couldn't handle it.
Vote Of Thanks Jokes
Here is a list of funny vote of thanks jokes and even better vote of thanks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Welcome to the first annual hunger games America. Thank you to all the married cousins that voted for president snow.
- Yo momma so poor...[original] she vote for Obama cos she want change
ahhh thank you ill be here all week - Theresa May Survive Non-confidence vote... ...or she may not.
Thank you. - I voted for 404: page not found Thank God I voted for Hillary
Vote For Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny vote for me jokes and even better vote for me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
- My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year".... He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.
- You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one.
- My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza.. .. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.
- Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict : Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium
- The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is ......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
- Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us? It's the only place they can vote
- In Russia, you don't vote for Putin... Putin votes FOR you.
- The year is 2077... Brexit negotiations continue.
Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
Cyberpunk has been delayed again. - Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote? They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.
Amusing Vote Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about vote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean voting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vote pranks.
What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?
Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?
A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb
Five. One to say they'll do it a second to try to change the law so you have to do it, a third to go on an expensive campaign to find out why it doesn't get done and two more to vote against it so it never happens.
What do Asians do during an e**...?
They vote
Politican sees the scottish barber
A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."
In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.
He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.
Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?
Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
Two opposing candidates for county office...
... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ...
... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."
How many Scots didn't turn up to vote?
One in Fife
David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote...
David: "Hi mate just checking in, u k?"
A third-party vote walks out of a bar...
He says "Wow, I'm wasted."
Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor.
Nobody should be able to vote in both.
This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...
A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"
Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton...
She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern Baptist preacher walk into a bar...
they all ask for your vote
A girl told me she loved vintage once...
So I locked her in the kitchen and told her she couldn't vote
Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie
The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.
What do chinese people do when they have an e**...?
they vote
Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."
When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...
When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?
Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation.
Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.
A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump.
They've both given it a lot of thought.
My brain made a vote today
Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.
In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.
A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".
The Worst Natural Disaster
So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.
Why can't horses vote?
'Cause their answer is always 'nay'.
I'm sorry, I'll leave...
Trump keeps talking about restoring "law and order."
I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly.
I vote Gabe Newell for president.
There will never be a World War 3.
I told a man I was voting third party
He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."
Hey, who did you vote for?...
I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!
so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change.
Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.
A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.
The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.
So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.
Why didn't the dyslexic vote?
He vetoed.
My grandfather always voted democrat...
But now that he is dead, he can vote democrat twice.
During 1900 when looking for a vote, Churchill asked a person for his support, to which the man responded:
"Vote for you? I'd rather vote for the devil."
Churchill replied: "I quite understand, but since that man is not running this time, could I count on your support?"
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
What's the difference between North Koreans and Americans?
The Americans had a chance to vote.
Women gained the right to vote 100 years ago to the day...
yet they still can't cast a vote on what they want for dinner
Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?
There will be Moore children to r**....
A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar
Who tells you about it first?
An 18 year old in America is allowed to buy an AR-15, vote, enlist in the army, buy cigarettes, get a lottery ticket, and die for their country...
...but god FORBID they try to rent a car.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .
They picked pizza.
So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.
Putin's top official comes to him after the election...
"You won with 99% of the vote! Only 1% if Russia voted against you! What more could you want?" The officer said overjoyed.
Putin stared at him. "Their names."
Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton?
Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...
....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
When you're 18 you're old enough to vote but not to drink.
But if you look at who we have to vote for, you could use a drink.
Waiting in line to vote, somebody pulls up and asks " How long have you been waiting to vote?"
Some guy in the back of the line yells "FOUR YEARS!"
Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns
Now he is an electoral college drop out
How do you deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum?
Tell him to wait until the vote count is finished
If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses
Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
I'll show myself out
Two white mice chat...
The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?"
The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"
Vote me down to oblivion but still the answer is 42!
In democracy your vote counts.
But in feudalism, your Count votes.
I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn't vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.
The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.
The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.
Why don't horse's governments ever get anything done?
Because they always vote neigh
