Vote Jokes

What are some Vote jokes?

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Is your refrigerator running?

Because I'd vote for it.

La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture

But Moonlight won the popular vote

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts...

...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

I voted for Jill Stein

Finally I'm part of the 1%

I think I'll vote the NSA for president...

...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.

What do chinese people do when they have an erection?

they vote

What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

They vote.

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

Why did the Jew vote for Obama?

Because he promised change.

Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote,

Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.

Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict :

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium

The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is

......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

In Russia, you don't vote for Putin...

Putin votes FOR you.

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump.

They've both given it a lot of thought.

I told a man I was voting third party

He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"

"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

I vote Gabe Newell for president.

There will never be a World War 3.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

This was once voted the UK's funniest joke...

A woman and her baby gets on a bus. The driver stops her at the door and says:"you have the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".the woman storms to the back of the bus, fuming. She sits down next to a stranger and says:"that bus driver just insulted me" The stranger then says:" That is absolutely not on! You go and sort him out and I will hold your monkey for you!"

Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie

The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Why did Moses vote for Al Gore?

Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.

Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll.

To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner.

They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway.

What's the difference between North Koreans and Americans?

The Americans had a chance to vote.

What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?

Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?
A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.

Why Didn't Monica Lewinsky Vote For Hilary Clinton?

Because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Putin's top official comes to him after the election...

"You won with 99% of the vote! Only 1% if Russia voted against you! What more could you want?" The officer said overjoyed.

Putin stared at him. "Their names."

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.

But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb

Five. One to say they'll do it a second to try to change the law so you have to do it, a third to go on an expensive campaign to find out why it doesn't get done and two more to vote against it so it never happens.

so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change.

Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!

An 18 year old in America is allowed to buy an AR-15, vote, enlist in the army, buy cigarettes, get a lottery ticket, and die for their country...

...but god FORBID they try to rent a car.

Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation.

Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.

My brain made a vote today

Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.

A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.

The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.

So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.

A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose

Soon, reporters are on the scene.

"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"

"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"

"What do you do for fun"

"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"

"Who'd you vote for in the last election"

"Trump."

The next day, the headline reads:

*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*

A vegan, a bitcoin trader, and someone who didn't vote in 2016 election all walk into a bar

Who tells you about it first?

A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ...

... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.

One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."

"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

A third-party vote walks out of a bar...

He says "Wow, I'm wasted."

Politican sees the scottish barber

A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".

A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."


Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."

Trump keeps talking about restoring "law and order."

I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly.

Why can't horses vote?

'Cause their answer is always 'nay'.

I'm sorry, I'll leave...

Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor.

Nobody should be able to vote in both.

In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.

A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.

He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.

It was a Thai.

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to rape.

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton...

She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

How to make Vote jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Vote to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Vote? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Vote pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes