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Vote Jokes

137 vote jokes and hilarious vote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about vote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the best and funniest election jokes from around the world. From "vote for me" to "vote of thanks" and "vote wisely" - we've got it all! Learn what "vote for Pedro" and "vote PE" mean and the significance of the caucus. Laugh and be informed about the importance of democracy with these great vote jokes.

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Funniest Vote Short Jokes

Short vote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The vote humour may include short poll jokes also.

  1. COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
  2. Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being russian is? Getting to vote in American elections.
  3. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
  4. Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  5. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
  6. Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
  7. Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
  8. I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.
  9. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
  10. My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year".... He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

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Vote One Liners

Which vote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with vote? I can suggest the ones about election and survey.

  1. is your refrigerator running? If so, I may vote for it.
  2. Why do dads tell jokes here? For the groan up votes.
  3. La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture But Moonlight won the popular vote
  4. I changed my name to Trump in Among Us No one has voted me since
  5. What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback
    Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion
  6. I think there should be a vote recount. It'll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.
  7. What's a horse's primary concern when voting? A stable economy.
  8. I tried to argue Skyrim was the best game ..but I was down voted to oblivion.
  9. I voted for Jill Stein Finally I'm part of the 1%
  10. What do Japanese men do when they have erections? They vote.
  11. Why isn't energy made of atoms? It doesn't matter
    (go ahead and down vote :P)
  12. Why do Chinese people love playing Among Us? It's the only place they can vote
  13. In Russia, you don't vote for Putin... Putin votes FOR you.
  14. Just remember, voting is like driving! D to go forward, R to go in reverse.
  15. I was voted Least likely to succeed by my High School class. I hate my teaching job.

Election Vote Jokes

Here is a list of funny election vote jokes and even better election vote puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I think I'll vote the NSA for president... ...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.
  • I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
  • Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote, Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
  • With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say Make America Great Britain again!
  • Why i love being Russian I get to vote in the US election
    FYI: I am actually British and never have stepped foot in Russia
  • As they say during election season in Transylvania... Every Count Votes
  • I'm nineteen and won't vote in this upcoming election. Here's why: I'm Swedish
  • Did you hear about the results of the recent Ent election? The alder statesman will remain at the elm, despite losing the poplar vote.
  • In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote. A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".
  • Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor. Nobody should be able to vote in both.

Here is a list of funny popular vote jokes and even better popular vote puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • what is in common between h.clinton and ronda rousey? they both won the popular vote
  • Today, Franklin D. Roosevelt would be even more popular as president. All anti-vaxxers would vote for him.
  • The vote for president isn't A popularity contest
  • Trump has finally been impeached. Looks like he's won the popular vote, not once, but twice!
  • Roy Moore Was Popular With White Women Voters I guess that's because once they reach voting age, they no longer feel threatened by him.
  • The patriots may have won the super bowl... But the Falcons won the popular vote

Vote Of Thanks Jokes

Here is a list of funny vote of thanks jokes and even better vote of thanks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Welcome to the first annual hunger games America. Thank you to all the married cousins that voted for president snow.
  • Theresa May Survive Non-confidence vote... ...or she may not.
    Thank you.
  • I voted for 404: page not found Thank God I voted for Hillary

Vote For Me Jokes

Here is a list of funny vote for me jokes and even better vote for me puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one.
  • Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict : Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium
  • The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is ......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
  • The year is 2077... Brexit negotiations continue.
    Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
    Cyberpunk has been delayed again.
  • If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
    I'll show myself out
  • A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.
  • Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
  • I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria... I did, and the predictions came true!
  • Why did Moses vote for Al Gore? Because the last time he took political orders from a Bush, his country went mucking around in the Middle East for forty years.
  • Why I won't be voting for Trump or Biden I'm Indian
Vote joke, Why I won't be voting for Trump or Biden

Amusing Vote Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about vote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pick jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make vote pranks.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?

Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?
A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why did the Jew vote for Obama?

Because he promised change.

Politican sees the scottish barber

A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."

In the 18th century, a hopeful Asian laborer landed in America and went straight to the employment office.

He didn't speak a word of English, and the men at the employment office couldn't figure out where he was from. They took a vote to see if he was Chinese or Japanese.
It was a Thai.

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ...

... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."

How many Scots didn't turn up to vote?

One in Fife

David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote...

David: "Hi mate just checking in, u k?"

Based on the Scotland vote results...

It looks like the UK didn't get off Scot-free.

An unhinged neurosurgeon, a tech CEO, and a Southern Baptist preacher walk into a bar...

they all ask for your vote

A girl told me she loved vintage once...

So I locked her in the kitchen and told her she couldn't vote

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do chinese people do when they have an e**...?

they vote

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton...

...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!

Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation.

Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Up votes are a bit like my s**... life.

It doesn't happen.

My brain made a vote today

Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

Why can't horses vote?

'Cause their answer is always 'nay'.
I'm sorry, I'll leave...

The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . .

All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

Why don't prostitutes vote?

They don't care who gets in

Trump keeps talking about restoring "law and order."

I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly.

A politician is trying to get a horse's vote.

So he promises the horse a stable economy.
But it wasn't good enough so the horse said nay.
So the politician promises the horse that he won't bale out the banks anymore.
The horse still said nay.
"What more do you want from me" said the politician
and horse said "I don't know how to end a joke"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A hipster politician was found dead today of an apparent s**....

He won the popular vote and just couldn't handle it.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I told a man I was voting third party

He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"
"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

We now finally have proof that o**... Bin Laden is dead

He just registered to vote in Chicago

No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president..

there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..

Hey, who did you vote for?...

I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!

PSA: Don't let anyone tell you how to vote. You should vote for the candidate you believe will be most beneficial for the Country.

Whomever she happens to be.

so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change.

Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"

They don't help him.

A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.

The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.
So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.

Why didn't the dyslexic vote?

He vetoed.

My grandfather always voted democrat...

But now that he is dead, he can vote democrat twice.

During 1900 when looking for a vote, Churchill asked a person for his support, to which the man responded:

"Vote for you? I'd rather vote for the devil."
Churchill replied: "I quite understand, but since that man is not running this time, could I count on your support?"

Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll.

Hillary Clinton's New Book Is Already A Bestseller, And It Isn't Even Out Yet

Kinda like how she had won all those primaries before anyone got to cast a vote!

What's the difference between North Koreans and Americans?

The Americans had a chance to vote.

Women gained the right to vote 100 years ago to the day...

yet they still can't cast a vote on what they want for dinner

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to r**....

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC, and we're doing a story on people who solicit teenagers for s**.... If you have anything you'd like to add to this conversation, go ahead. Otherwise you're free to go.

Yeah, actually, if you could vote for me in the Alabama senate race that would be awesome.

Why can't Horses work in Congress?

Because they only ever vote, NEEEEIIIIGGGGHHH

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

An 18 year old in America is allowed to buy an AR-15, vote, enlist in the army, buy cigarettes, get a lottery ticket, and die for their country...

...but god FORBID they try to rent a car.

Putin's top official comes to him after the election...

"You won with 99% of the vote! Only 1% if Russia voted against you! What more could you want?" The officer said overjoyed.
Putin stared at him. "Their names."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I never understand why people say that the United States is the most patriotic country in the world

In Russia they manage to get out and vote even after committing s**...!

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......
0% interest

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election

One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."

Parliament vote on Picasso painting:

Eyes to the left: 2
Nose to the right: 1

When you're 18 you're old enough to vote but not to drink.

But if you look at who we have to vote for, you could use a drink.

Waiting in line to vote, somebody pulls up and asks " How long have you been waiting to vote?"

Some guy in the back of the line yells "FOUR YEARS!"

Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns

Now he is an electoral college drop out

How do you deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum?

Tell him to wait until the vote count is finished

Two white mice chat...

The first one asks: "Did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?"
The second replies: "Hey, I am not crazy they didn't yet finish the tests on humans!"


Vote me down to oblivion but still the answer is 42!

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn't vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.
The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

Vote joke, I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn't vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

jokes about vote